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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28815438">Ivy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/morganofthewildfire/pseuds/morganofthewildfire'>morganofthewildfire</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Arranged Marriage, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, F/M, Set in the 1880s</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:15:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>131,939</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28815438</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/morganofthewildfire/pseuds/morganofthewildfire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the Taylor Swift song “Ivy”</p><p>Orynth, 1885</p><p>““I think it is the only choice.”</p><p>The words sounded so definite, so final, and it was then she stopped listening, a single tear pooling in her eye.</p><p>Aelin never thought it would be this soon. She thought she’d have a bit more freedom before she was tied down, a bit more time to live life. But it seemed to not be the case.</p><p>She always knew her wedding license would be signed like a business deal, but that didn’t mean it would hurt any less to watch the ink dry.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aedion Ashryver/Lysandra, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien &amp; Rowan Whitethorn, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Arobynn Hamel, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn, Dorian Havilliard/Sorscha, Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre, Evalin Ashryver Galathynius/Rhoe Galathynius</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>144</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have eight chapters finished and posted on tumblr, so I’ll probably post once a day on here until I’m caught up! I don’t have a specific posting schedule, but I’ve been writing pretty consistently.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1885</strong>
</p>
<p><br/>Aelin Galathynius had grown up without a care in the world. She was called a wild child, a menace, a pest that needed to learn her place in the world.</p>
<p>She knew her place in the world, she just never came across a situation where she had to care.</p>
<p>Why worry about your reputation and your social standing when men would be falling at your feet to marry you?</p>
<p>Aelin was only 19, but she knew she was beautiful. She knew she was rich. And she knew that those two qualities made her very desirable.</p>
<p>And in the elite circles of Orynth, her last name meant power, which meant that she would never know what it was to feel like nothing.</p>
<p>And that thought kept her happy, it kept her giddy, it kept her innocent and wild and free, never to be locked into the trap of social propriety, squeezed into that life like a corset squeezing into her chest.</p>
<p>Her past was a fond memory, her present a blissful existence, and her future beared no plans besides ones she already knew.</p>
<p>So when her whole world came crashing down, Aelin didn’t know how to react.  Didn’t know how to adapt to being thrust out into cruel, unforgiving reality.</p>
<p>She wasn’t supposed to overhear the conversation.</p>
<p>But on her way back inside, heading toward the library to drop off her book, she noticed her father’s office doors were shut, her parents’ muffled voices just barely audible, but not fearing any consequences, she pressed her ear up against the wood, listening to the panicked discussion within.</p>
<p><em> “What are we supposed to do, Evalin?” </em> Her father’s deep voice resonated. <em> “It’s never been this bad before.” </em></p>
<p><em> “I don’t know, Rhoe, how did we even get to this point?” </em>Her mother’s normally calm voice was frantic and stressed and Aelin felt her stomach drop.</p>
<p><em> “Everyone said it was a good investment. That the company was </em> strong. <em> That it would not fail.” </em> Her body protested at the uncomfortable position and she shifted slightly, unfortunately pulling her ear away for a second. “... <em> promised that it absolutely would not fail.” </em></p>
<p>Aelin cursed herself for missing the name. But it was unlikely she would know it anyway, she wasn’t very clued in to the company that was her inheritance. It would go to her husband when her parents died, not to her, but she still had a claim to it.</p>
<p>Maybe she’d ask Rowan about the unnamed man. He may know who her father would be working with.</p>
<p>Her lips curled into a small smile at the thought of him, at the thought of their sprouting romance, founded on secretive looks and “accidental” run ins on the street and dances at private balls.</p>
<p>It wasn’t much yet, and she was unlikely to get much of a say in the matter when it came down to it, but she cared more about him than she’d cared about any fledgling relationship she’d ever had.</p>
<p>So much so that she often found herself toying with the name Mrs. Aelin Whitethorn in her daydreams, wondering what it would be like to don a pretty white dress and walk down the aisle toward him, to have her hand placed in his by her father, willingly giving her away to be happy with this man by her side.</p>
<p><em> “...about Aelin?” </em> At the sound of her name she listened back in, curious to hear what they were saying about her. <em> “She has several offers on the table already.” </em></p>
<p>She froze.</p>
<p><em> “Will they still be there when word gets out that Galathynius Industries is bankrupt?” </em>She sucked in a sharp breath, eyes widening. That was something she thought she would never hear.</p>
<p>Aelin heard her father’s deep, tired sigh. <em> “What else are we supposed to do? She seems like our only hope at the moment.” </em></p>
<p><em> “Gods, can we do that to her though?” </em>It was the most despondent she’d heard her mother.</p>
<p>
  <em> “I think it is the only choice.” </em>
</p>
<p>The words sounded so definite, so <em> final </em>, and it was then she stopped listening, a single tear pooling in her eye.</p>
<p>Aelin never thought it would be this soon. She thought she’d have a bit more freedom before she was tied down, a bit more time to live life. But it seemed to not be the case.</p>
<p>She always knew her wedding license would be signed like a business deal, but that didn’t mean it would hurt any less to watch the ink dry.</p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>Despite the evidence she heard with her own ears, Aelin pretended that everything was fine. Her chewed up bottom lip the only sign that something was going on in the back of her mind.</p>
<p>But she never indicated she had eavesdropped on anything, and she was able to convince her parents to let her go out to lunch, with Marion of course. They still didn’t trust her to go out into society without a chaperone, and she knew it was more so now that they were attempting to marry her off, and her reputationless world was coming to an end.</p>
<p>Young ladies of marriageable age were not supposed to be out in public alone, the impropriety of it all could be construed as a sign of bad fortune, that they were not a good prospect, no matter the wealth or the beauty.</p>
<p>So it was with Marion she pranced into the dining hall down on Main Street, it was with Marion she breathed in the delightful smell of the pastries, reveling in the wonder of it all. And it was with Marion that she “coincidentally” saw Rowan at the same restaurant, like it wasn’t the plan all along to meet him there.</p>
<p>Aelin grinned at him as she made eye contact, frowning teasingly at the nonchalant nod he gave her way, wary of her chaperone next to her.</p>
<p>He looked very handsome, if you asked for her opinion. His silvery hair was tousled in just the right way, his black jacket contrasting his tan skin and perfectly green eyes.</p>
<p>She looked good too, her long blonde hair pulled up in a fancy style, her deep blue dress showing off her body while still maintaining the modesty that the style called for. Rowan agreed that she looked good too. She could tell by the faint blush coating his cheeks.</p>
<p>He was alone, which was not unusual, as he was a 22 year old bachelor, already having inherited his family fortune after his parents death.</p>
<p>22 and 19, a perfectly good combination in her eyes, better than whatever stuffy 30 something year old her parents may try to set her up with.</p>
<p>Because while Rowan was upper class, his wealth did not nearly rival some of the other men striving for her affection, and it would not be enough to shore up her own finances, if what she had overheard was to be taken literally and not as an exaggeration.</p>
<p>Gods, she hoped it was an exaggeration.</p>
<p>Aelin didn’t know how she made it through lunch, how she delicately ate her food, and made light conversation with Marion, making her laugh despite herself, all while feeling Rowan’s burning gaze.</p>
<p>So when the check was ordered, and Marion was waiting to pay, she excused herself to the powder room, smoothly walking to the back. But instead of entering the Ladies room, she snuck out the back exit, entering the alleyway behind the building.</p>
<p>It was a secluded enough spot, not really any reason for people to venture back there unless they were going there with a specific purpose in mind. Which she was.</p>
<p>And was soon proven right a few moments later when the door opened once again and Rowan’s form appeared.</p>
<p>Without saying any words they were on each other, arms wrapping desperately around the other’s body, lips clashing together as he pushed her back against the wall, the impact of the bustle of her skirt making her giggle.</p>
<p>That made him laugh too, and he nipped at her nose before retreating, resting his arms on either side of her to stay close, the pine and snow scent of him soothing. </p>
<p>“Hi,” Aelin said, grinning happily at him.</p>
<p>“Hi,” he whispered back, face just as bright.</p>
<p>“How’ve you been?” She asked, reaching out and twirling a small piece of his hair.</p>
<p>“I’m the best that I’ve been all week right now.” She scoffed at his sappiness, but didn’t fight as he pressed another kiss to her lips, quickly devolving into something deeper and all consuming, the heat of his mouth on hers making it hard for her to think.</p>
<p>Her lips parted automatically for him as he slipped his tongue inside, brushing against hers in a way that made her want to combust.</p>
<p>And the feel of his body against hers made her crave more, but not here, not now.</p>
<p>It seemed Rowan had the same idea, because he pulled back gently, leaning his forehead against hers.</p>
<p>He ran a thumb over her abused bottom lip, brows furrowed as he took it in.</p>
<p>“What’s got you so worried?” He asked, his breath hot against her face.</p>
<p>Aelin hesitated for a moment, considering telling him what she learned. She trusted him above everyone else in the world, sometimes even over her family, but saying the words out loud would mean admitting they were true.</p>
<p>So she just shook her head and smiled slightly.</p>
<p>“Nothing,” she lied, “it’s just a habit I picked up, chewing on my lip.”</p>
<p>He frowned at her, clearly not convinced.</p>
<p>“Don’t look like that,” she mockingly chastised, “the dry weather hasn’t helped either.”</p>
<p>Rowan conceded a nod, unsure, but smiled when she brushed his cheek with her hand, feeling the smooth skin beneath her palm.</p>
<p>He pressed a kiss to it with such softness that it made her blush, and she pressed a kiss of her own to his other cheek before muttering “I have to go unfortunately, I’ve been in the Ladies room for quite a long time.” Both fortunately and unfortunately they’d used all their time kissing, not leaving much room for conversation.</p>
<p>They both chuckled, but he held her hand when she went to leave.</p>
<p>“When can I see you again?” He asked breathlessly, and she smirked.</p>
<p>“I’ll leave a note in our spot when I get the chance, letting you know.” He nodded in confirmation. “And there’s also the Moonbeams’ ball in a fortnight that I’ll see you at.”</p>
<p>They both grinned at the thought of being able to dance, her especially. She liked the freedom, the movement, the joy of being one with the music. He liked having her in his arms.</p>
<p>They kissed gently one more time before Aelin whispered a soft goodbye, and slipped back inside as if nothing happened.</p>
<p>~~~~~</p>
<p>The next few days went by dreadfully uneventfully, nothing to pull her out of the bad mood she had slipped into.</p>
<p>There was no time for her to escape from a companion and go leave Rowan the note, so she was horridly alone, her heart aching for him, no matter how dramatic that seemed.</p>
<p>There also was the lingering presence of the news her parents were sure to deliver, and the anxiety of that kept her chewing on her lip and almost crying every time they said they wanted to talk about something.</p>
<p>It really was not fun.</p>
<p>Her cousin Aedion tried to help her out, attempting to goad her into fighting with him by stealing her books whenever he visited. He lived in his own townhouse, only a few years older than her, but she would be living with her parents until she was married.</p>
<p>Which may be sooner than Aelin was planning.</p>
<p>His method didn’t work, as he just earned a malicious grin and a rude gesture every time he bothered her.</p>
<p>Marion claimed she was acting like a child, and she had said she was only 19, and had asked if her playfulness was supposed to have died when she became an adult.</p>
<p>Her governess/aunt just gave her a <em> look, </em>but laughed despite herself.</p>
<p>It almost put her back into her usual spirits, but the work was reversed when her parents finally pulled her into the study, serious looks on their faces.</p>
<p>“We wanted to talk to you, Aelin.” Her mother’s voice was calm, but her stomach still dropped.  This was it, this was the moment. “I know you’re aware of the expectations placed on young women like you, especially only children standing to inherit large assets.”</p>
<p>Aelin focused on the detailing of her mother’s dress, tracing the elaborate embroidery with her eyes.</p>
<p>“We’ve been talking,” she gestured between herself and her husband, “and we think it’s time that you got married.”</p>
<p>She remained silent.</p>
<p>“You’re of age now, over a year past actually, and your father and I think it would be beneficial for you.”</p>
<p>So they weren’t even going to tell her the truth. It made her heart sink and anger spill in her veins. Such a large demand they were asking of her, and they didn’t even have the decency to tell her the real reason why.</p>
<p>Aelin considered confronting them, questioning them about what she had heard, but decided against it, letting them speak instead.</p>
<p>“There’s many good options,” her father chimed in, and the look she gave him could’ve scorched the very earth they were standing on. Her parents both looked surprised at the gesture, and froze as she replied.</p>
<p>“What if I have already chosen?” Aelin asked, a bite in her tone.</p>
<p>“Then I would recommend changing it,” her mother replied, the same amount of bite in her voice. “Because based on our lack of knowledge of this, I’m assuming it is someone who we would disapprove of.”</p>
<p>Aelin looked down, not responding, and let them drone on when they were satisfied with her silence, taking it as acceptance.</p>
<p>Little did they know it was anything but that.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1885</strong>
</p><p><br/>Her corset was suffocating, her dress too tight and too heavy, the flimsy fan in her hand doing nothing to stave off the heat. Whoever decided that a crowded ballroom in the middle of the summer season was a good idea was fooling themselves.</p><p>Although, Aelin would never turn down the opportunity to dance, and this event was one of the few chances she got.</p><p>So she put up with the confining, modest dress, the tittering of the ladies and the awkward stares of the men if she got to enjoy being free out on the dance floor.</p><p>Only half an hour into the event and her dance card was already practically full, only a few scattered spots available, only proving her point that it didn’t matter how she acted, only how she looked and where she came from.</p><p>These men only cared about the cut of her dress and the honey pouring out of her lips. <em> Of course I’ll dance with you….Oh I’d love to!....You’re such a charmer, Mr. Blah blah blah. </em></p><p>Despite what Evalin Galathynius liked to think, Aelin was perfectly aware of how to perform for the public.</p><p>She performed for Rowan too, eyes darting to his across the room every chance she had. She would be spinning across the floor, holding the clammy hands of some nervous gentleman, and she’d send a smile his way, full well knowing his gaze was on her from his own spot, disregarding his partner as equally as she was.</p><p>The music was enthralling her, the shining lights and the twirl of gowns and the brightness of the jewels drew her in, whirling her around until she was lost in the excitement of it all.</p><p>Or maybe it was her partner whirling her around, following the steps of the dance until she laughed joyously.</p><p>But she longed to be with Rowan, and when it was his turn, she couldn’t keep the grin off of her face.</p><p>“Hello,” she said teasingly as he came over to claim her hand.</p><p>“How do you do this fine evening?” Rowan asked, wearing a crooked smile as he led her out to the floor. The orchestra was starting a waltz, the violinists beginning to play the delicate tune, and when they took their place, she rested one hand on his arm and the other in his hand as they set up their position.</p><p>But instead of tilting her head to the left like the dance called for, she stared right at him, meeting his green eyes with her own.</p><p>“Well enough I suppose,” Aelin said flippantly, giggling at the expression on his face, “although I’m <em> starving. </em> I’ve been so busy dancing I haven’t had any time to eat.”</p><p>Rowan chuckled a little bit as they danced, maneuvering easily around the other couples.</p><p>“You’ve been in high demand I guess.” The tone was supposed to be teasing, but it just made her think of what her parents had told her, what they were now expecting from her. Yes, she <em> was </em>in high demand. Her grin faltered and his brows furrowed. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Aelin shook it off and smiled again. “Yes, I’m just sweltering from the heat in here, I have no idea how your hands are so cold.” It was a deflection, but it was true. His hands felt like ice.</p><p>“I haven’t been dancing nearly as much as you,” he admitted, “there are more men here than ladies so I’m not required to dance every single one thank gods. I don’t want to dance with anyone but you.”</p><p>Her smile turned real again at that and she scooted a little closer to him than the waltz dictated, and he tightened his hold on her too, the contact both thrilling and soothing.</p><p>The song was fairly long, and they used that time to talk, to catch each other up on their lives (an abridged version for her), and to simply enjoy the other’s presence.</p><p>Their time together was always quite limited, due to circumstances out of either of their control, but Aelin knew her feelings for him went deep. Deeper than she really wanted to admit. Especially now, it would be too painful for them both.</p><p>Too soon, the dance was over, and after Rowan kissed her hand in goodbye, she was able to escape to the refreshments before her mother spotted her and made her go socialize.</p><p>Gods, she just needed a drink.</p><p>So when she was interrupted, Aelin almost snapped and yelled at the intruder, hoping for just a moment's peace.</p><p>But she contained herself and turned to greet the stranger with a smile. A smile that quickly faltered at the sight before her.</p><p>“Good evening, Miss Galathynius,” crooned the slimy voice of Lord Arobynn Hamel. Aelin didn’t know him personally, had only ever met and talked to him briefly at dinner parties or on the street in passing, but he always left her feeling grimy, like she needed to wash off the stink of his gaze.</p><p>She curtsied very succinctly, knowing that despite how much of a bad taste it left in her mouth, he ranked higher than her and he was the type to demand respect and recognition for that fact.</p><p>“Good evening, Lord Hamel,” Aelin replied curtly. He smiled sardonically down at her, making something in her gut protest. She’d heard many ladies rave about his handsomeness, about his wealth and his charm, but Aelin didn’t know who they were talking about because she saw none of that when she looked at him.</p><p>Sure, maybe he was objectively attractive, as much as she could say for a man fifteen years her senior, but the auburn hair and the steely gray eyes reminded her too much of blood and metal, like a razor sharp knife carving demandingly into skin.</p><p>He had never held any interest in her eyes or in her heart.</p><p>But it would be rude to tell him that so she was forced to pretend otherwise.</p><p>“May I have this next dance?” Arobynn asked, holding out a hand to her, pretending to ask for her permission even though he knew she had to accept regardless.</p><p>“Of course,” Aelin said demurely, bracing herself for the contact of their hands. Where Rowan’s felt cold, like a brisk winter wind, Arobynn’s felt blank, like nothing dared to emanate from him besides arrogance and entitlement.</p><p>The next dance was a quadrille, which was of some relief to her. A quadrille was more group focused, and you ended up switching partners more than you stayed with your own. It wasn’t like the intimacy of the waltz, where you were in contact with one person and only that person the entire time.</p><p>But when they got in position, the weight of his hand on her waist made her cringe, barely hiding it beneath the required smile.</p><p>Aelin conversed with the other guests, making silly comments to each partner she passed between, but conversation with her partner was unavoidable in certain cases, unfortunately.</p><p>“Has the party been to your...satisfaction, Miss Galathynius?” Arobynn asked her when they were back to each other.</p><p>“Most certainly,” she replied stiffly, “the Moonbeams are gracious hosts.” Aelin had danced with both of them earlier in the evening, a slower piece with Connall, who made polite conversation, and a lively, upbeat one with Fenrys, who kept her laughing the whole time.</p><p>“They are,” he agreed, “I have certainly enjoyed my time.” The words, paired with the gaze toward the neckline of her gown made her feel sick, but she ignored the underlying implication.</p><p>Instead, Aelin directed a weak smile toward him, and praised the gods when the song ended.</p><p>——-</p><p>“So when are you going to pick out a wedding dress?” Aelin glanced over to her cousin Elide, walking next to her on the sidewalk.</p><p>Their arms were linked as they traveled, stopping and popping in different shops as they passed.</p><p>“I think I need to pick out a husband first,” she laughed a bit hollowly. And she glanced away at Elide’s furrowed brows. Being family, her other cousin knew her parents’ plans, but being Aelin’s best friend, she had immediately gone to her for a distraction, so this reminder wasn’t exactly welcome.</p><p>“And how do you feel about that?” Her inquisitiveness was showing and Aelin almost snapped at her, but let the cold freeze back over instead.</p><p>“I knew it would be happening at some point.” <em> Just not this soon. </em> She didn’t even sound like herself, her voice almost empty, too monotone.</p><p>Luckily, Elide didn’t comment after that, probably not sure what to say. There was nothing she could say.</p><p>“Enough about me,” Aelin added, trying to sound more cheery, “what’s going on in the thrilling life of Elide Lochan, hmm?”</p><p>She blushed, a color almost as rosy as her dress. And Aelin smirked.</p><p>“Is there going to be another high society wedding soon?” She bumped her hip against Elide’s slightly, and when she didn’t respond, Aelin smiled wider. “Who is it, Elide?”</p><p>“There’s no one,” she muttered, and Aelin decided to let it go, with a pursed lip of course.</p><p>“Whatever you say.” She laughed and turned back to the front, eyes traveling over everyone else on the Main Street.</p><p>She got several smiles and nods directed her way, most people knowing her and her parents in some way shape or form, and she returned them with as much grace as she could muster.</p><p>Until her eyes met a pair of green ones, making a genuine smile curl her lips.  Rowan tipped his hat to them in acknowledgement, a nice, respectful greeting to two ladies he didn’t know.  </p><p>She couldn’t help the gaze she flicked up and down his body, which he noticed and smirked at.</p><p>But neither of them said anything as they passed, a shiver going down her arm at the almost touch.</p><p>And when Aelin looked back at Elide, her lingering smile faded at her cousin’s knowing look.</p><p>“What was that?” She asked, her tone revealing she already knew. “Were you checking out Rowan Whitethorn?”</p><p>Aelin stuck her tongue out at her, making Elide laugh.</p><p>“He’s very attractive,” Aelin replied nonchalantly, and Elide rolled her eyes teasingly.</p><p>“Then why not marry him?” Her words were innocent and genuine, but it made Aelin frown.</p><p>“He’s been designated as not an option.” Her voice was bitter and her eyes dropped to the pavement as Elide opened her mouth to respond, but she thankfully shut it before saying anything.</p><p>“Do you have any idea of who your parents will recommend to you?” Aelin shook her head, pursing her lips.</p><p>“I’ll just have to wait and see, I suppose.”</p><p>——-</p><p>Turns out, she didn’t have to wait long, because a few days later, her parents were calling her into the drawing room, both of them looking at her expectantly, with a bit of sadness in her father’s eyes.</p><p>“Fireheart, we have big news,” her mother said when Aelin sat down on the plush couch across from them. “We’re having a guest tonight and I need you to be on your best behavior, no more of your silliness or your lack of focus or lack of propriety. This is an important opportunity available to us and I don’t want you spoiling it.”</p><p>She pursed her lips but nodded her head.</p><p>“I saw you dancing with him at the ball last week, and I’m very glad you are already acquainted.” Aelin raised her eyebrows in mock curiosity.</p><p>It was strange how similar she looked to her mother, with the golden blonde hair, the aristocratic bone structure and the turquoise eyes. They truly were look alikes, but their personalities were anything but the same.</p><p>Evalin Galathynius was refined, and dignified, and calm, the perfect picture of a high class lady and a former socialite.</p><p>And Aelin found other ways of approaching life more appealing.</p><p>“What your mother is trying to say,” her father interceded with a sigh, “is we have invited Lord Arobynn Hamel over for dinner, and we would like you two to get to know each other better.”</p><p>She froze.</p><p>He sounded resigned and apologetic, but Aelin was too blinded by the red seeping into her vision to feel anything but anger. She knew what he really meant. What he was implying with those words. And she was incredulous. <em> Arobynn Hamel. </em>They might as well be throwing her to the wolves.</p><p>“Are you kidding me?” Aelin seethed. Her father looked down in shame while her mother clenched her jaw. “Of all of the options.”</p><p>“Aelin..” her mother interjected but she cut her off.</p><p>“He’s fifteen years older than me! And he’s a sleaze!” Her voice was too loud, but she couldn’t find it in herself to quiet down.</p><p>“He’s been perfectly gentlemanly every time we’ve talked to him, and he’s very well established in society.” Her mother looked put out and Aelin sneered.</p><p>“Is that all you care about?” She looked at her father, who remained silent.</p><p>“It’s what <em> you </em>should care about,” Evalin hissed.</p><p>“And if I don’t?” She cocked her head.</p><p>“Then you must learn to.” Aelin turned her head to her father, pleading with her eyes.</p><p>“Father?” He looked away, and she felt her lips tremble and her eyes get blurry.</p><p>“He’s very wealthy, Aelin,” he finally said, and there it was. Hearing it through the door and having it said to her face were two different things. She was being sold into marriage to bail out her parents’ failure.</p><p>“I see,” she replied, with a tightness building in her throat.</p><p>But she took a deep breath, and it made her relax a little bit. Maybe she was being too harsh on them. It was a tough situation, and they were probably just doing the only thing they could.</p><p>Her knee jerk reaction wasn't helpful for anyone.</p><p>So when Aelin nodded slightly, and saw her mother’s relieved expression, her heart twinged.</p><p>“He’ll be here at half past six.” Two hours from then.</p><p>She murmured “okay”, and without offering an explanation for her sudden change of mind, she turned and left.</p><p>Having it be Arobynn wasn’t ideal, but like she told Elide, she knew she would be married off at some point. Better for it to be now and be able to save her parents than later simply to maintain a social standing.</p><p>At least this way she was useful.</p><p>But when she got back to her room later, the thought of Rowan made her tears finally spill.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1885</strong>
</p><p><br/>As easy as it was to convince her parents to let her go pick up the new dress she ordered before their dinner with Arobynn, it was even easier to slip away from Aedion out on the street.</p><p>All Aelin had to do was say she had to take care of some feminine problems, and then Aedion’s face would pale and he would let her go wherever she wanted to.</p><p>She would have at least ten minutes before he started getting suspicious, and she always used that time wisely.</p><p>Today, Aelin used her precious moments to deliver a letter she had written.</p><p>The dress store was conveniently close to her destination, so as Aedion waited for her in the men’s hat store next door, Aelin waltzed her way down the street, nodding to the few passersby she saw at this odd hour, making her way to one of the many mailboxes attached to lampposts on the residential street.</p><p>The one in particular she was looking for was in need of repair, the black painted metal was all scratched up and the hinges of the door looked close to falling apart, but nobody was going to fix it because no one owned the house it corresponded to.</p><p>Aelin was sure of that, checked that fact regularly to make sure it was still free. Because her and Rowan used this mailbox, and sometimes the apartment itself. It was the only way they could correspond regularly without questions asked, and it was close enough to both of their houses to make it an easy point of reference.</p><p>So she dropped the letter into the box, and tilted the flag all the way to the back. If it was upright, the mail person might think someone was actually trying to send something, but all the way back was an indicator to Rowan and Rowan alone.</p><p>The letter Aelin left today purposefully left out any mention of her parents’ plan, she wasn’t quite ready to talk about that, to utter the words to him that would change their current situation. She was much too happy running around with him to want to disrupt it. So it was just a fluff letter, full of random details about her week, about how she missed him, asking him if he was going to the dinner party organized by the Havilliards the week after next. Nothing that got too close to hitting the nail on the head.</p><p>And she was back to Aedion in just over five minutes, raising no suspicion from him either.</p><p>————</p><p>“Welcome, Lord Hamel,” her father greeted as the man himself walked through the front door into the main entryway, giving a polite head nod to each family member. Aelin simply curtsied back, not making eye contact with the man who was likely to become her husband. “Thank you for accepting our invitation.”</p><p>“Thank you for the offer to visit your lovely home and your lovely family.” Arobynn paired the words with a simple smile, and she felt his eyes bore into the top of her head as she looked down at her shoes. The light brown contrasted with the dark wood of the floor, so polished to perfection she could almost see her reflection.</p><p>The entryway to their townhouse was designed to be stunning, to show pride and manifest praise from their guests. It was as pretentious as it was expensive, and it lacked the warm feeling that Aelin wanted in her own future home.</p><p>“Of course,” her mother crooned, and Aelin barely held back her snort. “We hope you enjoy the dinner we’ve prepared, it’s one of Aelin’s favorite meals.”</p><p>She internally glared at her mother, knowing the line was to force her into saying something to him.</p><p>“Yes, the roasted chicken our cook makes is divine,” Aelin conceded, finally deigning to look up. Arobynn’s eyes were already on her, and the steel gray held hers in place.</p><p>“Well I very much look forward to having it.” His voice was silky smooth and his words sounded proper, but the way his gaze dipped down was not.</p><p>He smiled salaciously at her and she darted her gaze toward her parents, but they were both conversing with the butler who had walked in, ready to lead them into the dining room.</p><p>When they looked back, Arobynn was back to a politely interested look on his face, and she felt tears creep into her eyes, which she immediately blinked away.</p><p>And at the dining table, there was no escape because her seat was placed next to his, and across from her parents.</p><p>They really were not holding back on what they hoped would result from this.</p><p>Aelin smoothed back her new cream colored dress as she sat down in her chair, crossing her ankles and sitting up straight in the pose of a perfect little lady.</p><p>But her food held more of her interest than the full conversation did, so she poked at the chicken with her fork, tuning out the business talk and the empty compliments and the observations about the weather, until it was turned to her once again.</p><p>“Miss Galathynius.” She looked up to see the whole party looking at her, with Arobynn addressing her directly. “Are you attending the Havilliard’s dinner next week with your parents?”</p><p>Aelin set her fork down gently and wiped her hands on her napkin before replying.</p><p>“Oh yes,” she feigned excitement, “and I am greatly looking forward to it. They always host such nice events.”</p><p>Her mother nodded her head in an indication to keep talking, so Aelin started rambling a little bit.</p><p>“Mrs. Havilliard is always fun to talk to, and their son Dorian’s fiancée is so sweet and lovely to be around.” She tried to look convincing, adding a smile to her words, but it didn’t seem like anyone bought it. Her mother frowned slightly, her father still looked sad, and Arobynn’s smile was just a facade covering all but his cruel eyes.</p><p>“I’ll look forward to seeing you there,” he added, and Aelin nodded.</p><p>“Of course.” She turned back to her food and he turned back to her parents, back to whatever conversation they were having, and back to being away from her.</p><p>———-</p><p>Aelin should’ve expected to be cornered by her mother after Arobynn left. It was only natural for her to pry into Aelin’s business, wanting to know what she thought and offering advice on what to improve upon.</p><p>She knew she meant well, but it irritated her, and when she was already in a foul mood the attempt just made her snap.</p><p>“So, Aelin honey, didn’t you think Lord Hamel was very nice and polite tonight?” Evalin Galathynius asked when she found Aelin in the library. Aelin always went there to hide from what was bothering her, and unfortunately, her mother knew that.</p><p>She made a noncommittal noise and her mother frowned.</p><p>“You can’t deny that his manners are excellent.” Aelin sighed.</p><p>“Yes, he <em> seemed </em>very proprietary,” she muttered, leaning further into the arm of her chair.</p><p>“What are you referring to?” Her mother pressed, and instead of fighting, Aelin just murmured “nothing” and looked back out the window.</p><p>“Aelin, you can’t act like this.” The force of the words made her turn back in surprise, meeting Evalin Galathynius’ angry eyes. “You barely spoke all of dinner and don’t act like we didn’t know the words you did speak were forced.”</p><p>“What did you want me to say? He’s fifteen years older than me, he has much more in common with you two instead of me.” Aelin pursed her lips. “I contributed to the conversation when it was something that I knew, when it was something I understood instead of talk that means nothing to me.”</p><p>Her mother scoffed.</p><p>“It was blindly obvious that you weren’t interested in anything going on at all. And I don’t think Lord Hamel appreciated the insult.” It was Aelin’s turn to scoff.</p><p>“I don’t think he cares if I speak at all.” Her hands grasped at the soft velvet of the chair, grappling with something to ground herself with. Her mother just slid gracefully into the seat across from her and glared, forcing Aelin to meet her own eyes and not cower.</p><p>“Regardless of his actions, it is not your place to act so unseemingly toward a guest, and a potential future partner.” The words were pointed, and Aelin cursed the hope that rose at the word potential. None of this was potential, and she had to bat down the part of her whispering Rowan’s name instead.</p><p>“Is it potential? I thought I was already being tied up in a wedding dress and tossed down the aisle.” Her eyebrows rose as she spoke, and Evalin rolled her eyes. “I know the desperate circumstances I am supposed to be the savior of, I heard your little conversation the other week. And while I don’t resent helping our family out of a tough spot doing a duty I always knew was going to come, I resent being lied to.”</p><p>The velvet began to tear under her harsh grip.</p><p>“I resent this <em> charade.”   </em>She threw the words, making her mother’s eyes narrow.</p><p>“Fine. I’ll just tell you if that’s what you desire.” Her voice was venom, spitting at her with the force of a snake.</p><p>“Please do.” Aelin’s flattened out into a dangerous monotonous tone.</p><p>“Lord Hamel has offered a substantial investment into Galathynius Industries in exchange for your hand. Your father and I have already accepted and your engagement is going to be announced in a fortnight’s time.” Her mother’s lip were trembling with unspent anger, her face pale with what seemed like a weird mix of frustration and fear, and her hands were wringing themselves tightly, fingernails digging into delicate skin.</p><p>Aelin herself just sat there unmoving, taking in the words. The words that sounded like the final stamp on a letter, sent without the subject’s approval, delivered without consent, written with ink made from crushed dreams and a broken heart.</p><p>“Well that’s that,” she said, her voice empty. She needed to get out of here. She needed <em> Rowan. </em>“If I may be excused.” Aelin didn’t wait for a dismissal, just standing up and leaving despite her mother’s exasperated look.</p><p>“<em> Aelin </em>,” Evalin called harshly, but she just sped up, throwing open the heavy wooden doors to the main hallway, her footsteps scrambling on the marble floor as she managed to make it to the front entryway, the very one she had stood so pleasantly in a few hours earlier.</p><p>The air outside the house was cool, with a brisk chill that attempted to calm the roaring inside of her as she stormed down the street, ignoring the late hour and the darkness as she made her way to her destination.</p><p>Too many thoughts were swirling around Aelin’s head for her to identify, but she managed to focus on one.</p><p>
  <em> She would be married to Arobynn Hamel.  </em>
</p><p>Despite her weak attempt at accepting it when the news was broken to her a few hours ago - Gods, it felt like years since then - it had taken sitting down next to him, across from her parents, eating dinner and conversing, to understand what her new reality was going to entail.</p><p>Belittlement was her future, objectification and mortification inevitable as she sold herself to shore up her family’s hope. And it didn’t seem fair. Aelin had no part in the bankruptcy, had no part in any sort of investments or finances of any sort, but was expected to atone for the mistakes of those who were.</p><p>She had been raised with the knowledge that her match would be advantageous, that as an only daughter she would be expected to marry someone who would bring status and wealth to their name. But in a situation like this, her duty felt worthless. It felt weak.</p><p>But Aelin just ran. Ran away from that thought because it would lead her nowhere that wasn’t dangerous or painful, ignoring the fact that she was running straight into Rowan’s arms.</p><p>A little less than ten minutes, Aelin arrived at his street, out of breath and sweaty in her tight dress. The heavy fabric was hard to move in, but she had barely noticed as she flew down the pavement.</p><p>After a quick glance to check if anyone was around - her eye catching on something in the shadows she thought could be a figure but decided wasn’t - she slipped up to his door quietly and knocked rapidly, knowing he would still be awake.</p><p>And in contrast to the plethora of servants at her own townhouse and estate in the country, Rowan himself opened the door, not hiring anyone other than a maid and a cook to upkeep his house.</p><p>Aelin immediately threw herself into him, wrapping her arms around his chest as she pressed her face into his white shirt.</p><p>He stumbled back at the shock of her, but quickly pulled her in and shut the door, knowing the secrecy was important despite the lack of propriety displayed by her being alone with him.</p><p>She sighed as Rowan’s arms came up to hug her closer, his warmth and his scent the most comforting thing in the world.</p><p>“What’s wrong, love?” He asked, whispering into her unkempt hair, messy from her run. Aelin shook her head and pressed further into him, staying silent as he held her. Rowan sighed and gradually worked his way toward leading her to the couch, managing to get her seated on the cushion despite how much she was still leaning into him.</p><p>“Aelin?” He asked softly, smoothing her hair with a hand. “What happened princess?” Aelin tucked her feet under her on the couch, getting her feet tangled in her skirt, and nuzzled her face into him.</p><p>“Nothing,” she managed to murmur. The words weren’t necessary at the moment, the truth would spill inevitably at some point and moments like this would become impossible. Why spoil them now?</p><p>“I haven’t had a chance to get your letter yet, did I miss something in it?” Rowan sounded a bit desperate, trying to figure out what made her come here like this. Aelin knew where he lived like she knew where most people lived, but she had never taken it upon herself to go visit him beyond normal social callings with her family. So this was abnormal, and he didn’t know why.</p><p>“No,” she whispered, “just hold me.” So he did.</p><p>Rowan pulled her into his lap, gently adjusting her dress so it didn’t get caught on anything. His dinner jacket had been divulged earlier in the evening apparently because he just had his dress shirt on, rolled up to his elbows, allowing her to feel a fraction of his warm skin on hers where the short sleeves of her dress stopped.</p><p>She let her head dip down into the crook of his neck, taking deep breaths as he ran a hand soothingly up and down her back. The other hand was holding one of hers, gently stroking her palm with his thumb. Aelin’s eyes pressed closed as she let herself calm down in his presence, putting everything else out of her mind and focusing on the way he made her feel.</p><p>She felt safe, she felt at home, she felt <em> free. </em></p><p>“I love you.” The words slipped out before she could stop them, her eyes darting open a little too late. Aelin didn’t dare look up to see Rowan’s face, couldn’t bear scaring him away. But it was true. She did love him, despite the consequences of that love.</p><p>To her surprise, Rowan didn’t pause at all, or flinch away or anything of the sort, he simply kept holding her close, as if protecting her from whatever demons were trying to pull her away from him.</p><p>“I love you, too,” he murmured, making her heart stutter and a smile flicker to her lips. And it was very easy to reach up and kiss him with those lips, unspoken words and crushing heartbreak filling the gentle contact.</p><p>It was soft and it was slow, and when he pulled back they stayed close together, breathing in the same air and staring at each other with longing eyes.</p><p>A single tear slid down her cheeks, the saltiness brushing over her mouth as she let it fall, so different from the sweetness she had just tasted.</p><p>Rowan reached out a finger to brush it away, caressing her smooth skin as she leaned into his hand.</p><p>“Everything will be fine,” he said softly, reassuring her when he didn’t even know what was wrong. It wouldn’t be fine, but she sniffled and nodded, pretending for a few minutes that she wasn’t already being taken by those devils he was trying so hard to hide her from.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1885</strong>
</p><p><br/>Unlike before, it was Aedion by her side as she made her way to the upscale restaurant for lunch. Arobynn had asked her to meet him for a meal, and instead of Marion, her parents felt it suitable that a male member of her family accompany her instead.</p><p>Either way, it wouldn’t affect anything. Although she would enjoy Aedion’s subtle glares toward the other man, as he was not at all thrilled with the arrangement either.</p><p>So when they made it to the place, a waiter leading them toward the table already reserved for them, she couldn’t help but grin at the thought. At least someone was on her side.</p><p>Arobynn was already there, seated in a chair and drinking a glass of wine, and he smiled coldly at them when they arrived, sitting down in their own designated spots. Aelin smoothed out her pale green dress and kept her hands on her lap, not wanting to disturb the pristine white tablecloth or the delicate china that looked to be one small tap away from shattering.</p><p>“Hello, darling,” he crooned and she gave a small smile back, “Mr. Ashryver,” he said more solemnly, with a nod of greeting that Aedion stiffly returned. “It’s lovely to see you looking so well.” The words were directed back at her, Arobynn’s attention already gone from Aedion past the moment it took to say hello.</p><p>“Thank you,” Aelin managed to say, “this dress is one of my favorites.”</p><p>“I can see why,” he said, “it looks very nice on you.” She murmured another thank you, fidgeting in her seat and looking down at the table. The anger in Aedion was practically palpable, and she kicked him subtly to stop him from looking like he was about to punch the man in front of them. Aelin couldn’t imagine what her mother would have to say about <em> that. </em></p><p>When the silence began turning tense, her cousin came to the rescue.</p><p>“So Lord Hamel,” Aedion began, “how has your company been managing the strikes? I’ve heard they’re bad in the steel industry right now.” A subtle jab, with a facade of interest but an undercurrent of hate that reveled in the tight expression that came over Arobynn’s face.</p><p>“These little displays will die down soon enough, our finances are much more secure than what those disruptors are attempting to do.” He smiled sardonically and turned back to her, essentially dismissing Aedion. In order to quell the rage that was about to come out of his mouth, Aelin jumped into the conversation.</p><p>“How is the steel business?” She didn’t care at all, but it was better than whatever her cousin was going to say. “I don’t know anything about it, but it seems pretty lucrative.” The Galathynius’ were old money, the wealth stretching back much longer than her parents’ generation. But Arobynn was new money, all earned from the business he started himself. It would’ve been admirable, except for the rumored horrible conditions of his factories, and the sliminess of the man running it all.</p><p>“It is definitely a very successful field, I have amassed a lot of wealth from it.” Arobynn glanced down at her dress and back up, and she tightened her grip on her hands, trying to keep herself from scratching his eyes so he couldn’t look at her like that ever again. “I can certainly afford lots of pretty dresses. As many as your heart desires.”</p><p>Aelin faked a smile toward him, nodding graciously as he smirked slightly. But she didn’t know exactly how to respond to that, so the table fell back into silence until the waiter came and their order was taken.</p><p>She couldn’t help but compare the situation to when she was with Rowan. Even if you excluded the awkwardness of the unspoken proposal, it was never this uncomfortable. Even when her and Rowan didn’t have anything to say, or didn’t have time to say anything, there was a peacefulness in their quiet. It was soothing. This silence pressed down on her like a heavy weight, trying to coerce her into saying something just to get rid of it, even though she didn’t have any words, and she didn’t want to talk to him in the first place.</p><p>Was this silence going to be her life? Aelin didn’t want to feel like this every day, the discomfort crawling under her skin, begging her to get away. Away from this feeling and away from this man who looked at her like she was a commodity. Another thing to buy to show off to others who dreamed for a fraction of what he had.</p><p>She <em> was </em> being bought really, with a price tag disguised as an investment, as generous help in a time of need when the man paying the bill didn’t care about charity at all.</p><p>It was a twisted view of the situation, a little cynical, but Aelin wasn’t exactly feeling optimistic about being kept away from the man she really loved, so she let herself think of it however she wanted. As long as Arobynn didn’t find out.</p><p>He was the type of person to always demand respect, even when his actions displayed the opposite, so even though their whole relationship was a facade, he wouldn’t stand for her negative opinions.</p><p>Aelin vaguely heard Arobynn say something about the food, complimenting her choice of entree, so she smiled again and made it look more convincing than before.</p><p>Best to start the show now.</p><p>——-</p><p>“He’s <em> insufferable </em>,” Aedion ranted as they began their walk back to her house. Normally, they would ride in her carriage, but it was a nice day out, so Aelin decided they should enjoy the fresh air instead of sitting in the small, stuffy space, with a driver who was too slow and a horse that smelled unpleasantly. And instead of dropping Aedion off at his house on the way, he was going back to the townhouse with her, having been all but ordered by her parents to stay for dinner.</p><p>Aedion’s mother was Aelin’s mother’s sister, but she had died giving birth to him, leaving him under his father’s care. But, unfortunately, Gavriel had passed away fairly soon after that, when Aedion was only 5, so he was raised with Aelin, becoming an honorary Galathynius. He was more of her brother than cousin really.</p><p>When he came of age, he moved into the house left to him in Gavriel’s will, and was an essential part of the running of her father’s company. Aelin wasn’t quite sure what the company did a few generations ago, but recently they had been big in the railroad industry, as far as she could pick up. They were mainly an investment business, taking the wealth they already had and turning it into more wealth by choosing the best performing industries to put money into. And railroads were one of the biggest growing fields. At least she thought so. Her parents chose not to tell her a lot about it, but she was observant. That was why they were associated with Arobynn more than the average person would be. Railroads need steel.</p><p>“I agree Aedion, don’t ever believe that I don’t.” She eyed him steadily, making sure he was looking at her. “But we have to be careful.”</p><p>Aedion scoffed and turned back to gaze forward, walking on and ignoring her. Aelin lifted her skirt slightly to move faster and match his speed, the heavy fabric limited her steps more than she would like.</p><p>“Did you see the way he was acting?” He threw up a hand in frustration, almost knocking into a young couple walking past them. Aelin muttered an apology to them and grabbed her cousin’s arm, pulling him away. There weren’t too many other pedestrians out, they had gone to a relatively late lunch so traffic wasn’t busy, but it was still a fair amount.</p><p>And they were conveniently going to pass the mailbox, where a letter from Rowan would be waiting. She would distract Aedion somehow and grab it while he was looking away. Not too solid of a plan, but she wouldn’t be able to get away from him when he was in this state.</p><p>“<em> Yes, </em>I did.” She glared. “But you cannot scream at him for it, it’ll either just make him mad or it’ll amuse him, and neither situation is one we want.” He huffed and yanked off his hat to drag his fingers through his hair in frustration.</p><p>“But..” he started, but she cut him off.</p><p>“I get you’re frustrated, Aedion.” Aelin sighed. “I am too. But doing this now is only going to make it worse for me later on.”</p><p>He stopped walking and froze in place, as if considering something before dropping his hand and hugging her, much to her surprise.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Aelin,” he said into her hair, “I’m sorry that this is happening to you.” Tears pricked her eyes as he pulled back, keeping his hands on her shoulders as they looked at each other.</p><p>Aelin shrugged, trying hard for nonchalance. “Not much to do about it now.” Aedion shook his head and let her go, and they kept walking down the sidewalk. “Unless you have a fortune to give to my parents.”</p><p>He made an indignant noise. “Who even knows about that? It can’t be too many people right?” No it wasn’t too many people, that knowledge was kept under wraps to make sure no one lost faith and pulled out their current investments, and to make sure they were not looked down upon socially for losing all of the money that had accumulated over time.</p><p>“Umm,” Aelin started, counting in her head, “obviously my parents and you, and I know Elide knows, so most likely Marion and Cal too. And that’s it.” She looked over at him again.</p><p>Just like Aedion was practically her brother, Elide was practically her cousin. So much so that she thought of her as a cousin, and Marion and Cal as an aunt and uncle. Marion and Cal Lochan were extremely close with the Galathynius’, going way back. Marion had been Aelin’s governess and Evalin’s closest friend, so she had grown up with Elide always around. When they were little, Elide wouldn’t play with her, a little too shy for her and Aedion’s rambunctious behavior, but now they were very close, best friends really. So it was natural that they knew when Aelin was getting engaged to save the family. Because they were a part of that family.</p><p>“And Arobynn,” Aedion added unhelpfully and she looked down at her hands, muttering a quick yes. “You know,” he continued, “I always thought that we would each get married the normal way.”</p><p>Aelin snorted, “And what is the normal way?”</p><p>“We’d find people we liked, introduce them to our parents, dance with them at balls and sit next to them at dinners, maybe go out to eat a few times,” he rambled on and she lifted an eyebrow, “I always thought it would be natural, with feelings involved. I’d have to listen to you frown on about whatever guy you were in love with and you’d have to help me plan out how to propose to whoever I decided I liked. But here we are, I’m unmarried and you’re about to be … you know.”</p><p>She felt a tear slip down her face at the simple and innocent picture he was describing. If only it was actually like that.</p><p>“That’s not normal, Aedion,” Aelin spoke honestly, “I’ve always known something like this would happen for me, even if I desperately wished it wouldn’t.” Aedion furrowed his brows at her. “Even if there was someone I loved with my whole heart, I wouldn’t be able to choose him if it was not socially advantageous.” The words hit close to home and her chest twinged with pain.</p><p>“Your parents..” he started, most likely about to try and convince her against the truth she was stating.</p><p>“My parents may say they want me to be happy and to make my own choices, but even if the situation were not this desperate I truly believe they would do the exact same thing.” Maybe it was a little harsh, the words leaving a bitter taste on her tongue, but it felt good to spit it out. “Maybe my father would feel bad about it, I think he does now, but I think the money would be too enticing in the end.” Aelin met his stunned gaze. “So no, I don’t get the happy ending you described.”</p><p>———</p><p>A few days later, Aelin was once again faced with a social interaction with Arobynn. He had mentioned going to the Havilliard’s dinner party, and true to his word he was there. She tried to avoid him as much as possible.</p><p>The Havilliard’s had truly outdone themselves this time, though, which gave her something else to focus on. The food smelled absolutely divine, the decorations beautiful, and there were even musicians in the sitting room whose sound was bleeding at a perfect volume into the dining room.</p><p>Rowan was around somewhere too. She had seen him a few times since she arrived, never getting a chance to talk to him but still enjoying being able to look at him. His letter the other day had been lovely, full of witty answers to the teasing questions she had written him, plus compliments and declarations of love that she kept close to her heart. It seemed once they admitted their true feelings it was impossible to stop.</p><p>“Aelin!” She heard called out, drawing her attention to Dorian Havilliard walking toward her with his fiancée Sorscha on his arm. Dinner hadn’t been announced yet, so it was “mingling time” as her mother would call it.</p><p>“Dorian! Hi!” Aelin smiled genuinely for the first time that evening. “And hello Sorscha, your dress is beautiful!” Sorscha blushed and murmured a soft thank you, which had Dorian smiling fondly.</p><p>Normally she wouldn’t be this familiar with people, addressing them by their first names, but Dorian and Sorscha were good friends of hers. He was the only one of his family she could really stand, and because the Galathynius’ and Havilliards ran in the same social circles, they’d been friends since a young age. And when he got engaged to Sorscha, they became close too. She was truthful when talking to Arobynn at dinner the week prior, she was a very sweet person and very enjoyable to talk to.</p><p>“How’ve you been?” Dorian asked, making her smile fade. They hadn’t been able to talk in a while, both too busy with their own lives, so his question was perfectly acceptable. Her truthful answer would just not be what he wanted to hear.</p><p>“Oh I’ve been fine, same boring life as always.” The lie spilled from her tongue easily, with a little chuckle to sell the story.</p><p>“Is your life ever boring Aelin Galathynius?” He chuckled too, and she scoffed at his response. Most of the time her life <em> was </em>incredibly boring. She was of age, but unmarried, which meant she couldn’t play around and do whatever she wanted, and she was also on the hunt of a husband, which meant constant social events and drab conversations. Aelin liked being out and about and talking to others, but when the people she talked to were uptight and restrained like most of the upper class, it was way more draining than entertaining. But at least she was done fishing for a man though, she had already caught one, even if the fish on the hook was rotten.</p><p>“Dreadfully so,” she answered teasingly, “what about you Dorian Havilliard?” He rolled his eyes at her copying the usage of her full name, no doubt knowing she was mocking him.</p><p>“We’ve been good.” He looked down at Sorscha, who smiled and nodded. “Wedding planning keeps us busy, but we’re both very excited.”</p><p>“I’m so happy for you guys,” she gushed, “I cannot wait for the day you two get married.”</p><p>“We can’t wait either,” Sorscha chimed in, making her smile again. Aelin was opening her mouth to say something else when another voice cut them off. A voice she knew very well.</p><p>“Dorian,” Rowan said, in a warm tone that sent a shiver down her spine as he came up to stand by her side, a respectful distance away of course, “it’s good to see you.” He reached out and shook Dorian’s hand with a charming smile on his face. “And Miss Fenharrow of course, hello.” He nodded to Sorscha, using the polite address for the lady. He was always such a gentleman.</p><p>Despite not being as wealthy, Rowan was fairly well connected, and got invited to a lot of events because he was young and single and from a good family. Not as good as others, but decent enough to make a good husband. Just not hers unfortunately.</p><p>Aelin raised her eyebrows at him, a smile teasing the edges of her lips as he turned to her.</p><p>“Hello to you too, Miss Galathynius.” Rowan placed a delicate kiss to her gloved hand, holding her fingers so gently it made her heart melt. “This is a wonderful party so far,” he continued, looking back over at Dorian and Sorscha.</p><p>“You can thank my mother for that,” Dorian chuckled incredulously.</p><p>“What can you thank me for?” Mrs. Havilliard interrupted, floating over to them with the question obvious on her face. Aelin didn’t know how she moved in all of her finery. The material of her dress looked very heavy, and the draping over the bustle in the back was extensive, as well as the jewelry she was wearing that looked about ready to fall off.</p><p>“Mr. Whitethorn was just complimenting your hostess skills, mother,” Dorian explained, an exasperated look on his face that he tried to hide. It was no secret to Aelin that he didn’t really get along very well with either of his parents. They had distinct differences in how they lived their lives, and they clashed quite a bit.</p><p>“Oh!” She exclaimed, probably hoping to catch him into saying something not nice. “Well thank you, Mr. Whitethorn, I appreciate it very much.”</p><p>Rowan nodded his head again. “Of course.” Mrs. Havilliard didn’t seem to have anything else to say to him, but opened her mouth when her eyes landed on Aelin.</p><p>“Oh, Miss Galathynius!” She said, voice a little shrill. “I was hoping you would be here tonight, I wanted to talk to you.” Aelin was slightly shocked. Dorian’s mother was never that much of a fan of her, she was always afraid Aelin would corrupt him, thought she was too wild for her own good. “I just heard the news the other day, and I’m so excited!”</p><p>Aelin froze.</p><p>“I know it hasn’t been announced yet, but Lord Hamel visited the other day, and the word slipped out!” Aelin didn’t dare look at Rowan, didn’t dare move even, stuck in her fake smile as she stared at Mrs. Havilliard. “You two are such a smart match, I’m so happy that your parents agreed to it. And the wedding will be so divine! All the money in it will be exceptional.”</p><p>She continued blabbing on about wedding plans, comparing it to Dorian and Sorscha, talking about their families and how they made perfect sense together, etc. Aelin wasn’t really listening. It was like the world was blurring out, her ears hearing nothing but white noise as she subtly turned to look at Rowan’s face. She was waiting to tell him until, honestly she didn’t know when, but this was not the way she would’ve chosen. And his expression proved that.</p><p>It was painfully blank, like a carefully designed mask over his normal features. Not much emotion was visible, but Aelin knew him well, and could pick out the hint of anger and sadness in his green eyes. Her heart clenched, and she opened her mouth to say something, anything, but he was already turning away.</p><p>“If you would excuse me,” he said quietly to Mes. Havilliard, who barely heard him over her own voice. Aelin was frozen in her spot, her legs not caught up to the little movement she was making, so she just stared helplessly as Rowan quickly maneuvered his way through the crowd. And, despite the party still being in its early stages, he slipped out the front door, back out onto the street, and away from her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1885</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <span><br/>The next few hours were absolute torture, a nightmare filled with barely held back tears and forced conversations. Aelin had to act like nothing was wrong when in reality, her entire life felt like it was being ripped to shreds.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she couldn’t leave and chase after Rowan, so here she was, sitting through the dinner party wishing she could be anywhere else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her food was picked over, barely any making it from her plate to her mouth. Aelin didn’t exactly have an appetite anymore, so she resorted to moving her fork around to give the appearance of eating. It would be rude to leave her dinner untouched after all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was hounded by questions from the other guests, who all managed to know of the engagement despite it being unannounced. Aelin was sure Arobynn had something to do with that. After all, she couldn’t turn back now that everyone was eagerly waiting for the union.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorian shot her weird looks from time to time, sitting across the table from her, as if he knew her heart was breaking despite not knowing why. Maybe he figured it was because of Arobynn, when in reality it was because of Rowan. Sure, Arobynn was the cause of that distress, but in that moment she cared much more about Rowan and his unhappiness than her future wedding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So much so that she was shaking with the anxiety, made worse when Arobynn cornered her after the meal, trapping her into their first talk of the night.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Miss Galathynius, did you enjoy the meal? I thought it was quite delicious.” Aelin was so distressed she barely noticed him until he spoke, and even then she was barely paying attention.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was very good,” she muttered, her throat tight. She just needed to get out of here, needed to get out into the air and go find Rowan. She needed to </span>
  <em>
    <span>explain. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her eyes kept darting around, away from Arobynn in front of her as she looked for her parents, hoping they were giving signs of leaving soon, but they were deep into a conversation with Mr. Havilliard and Duke Perrington, who was visiting from Morath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll have to try and hire their chef when we’re married, and host our own dinner parties.” Aelin only vaguely heard the words, not caring enough to respond beyond a muttered “of course”. Her chest was tightening, her breaths were coming in too short, tears were starting to blur her vision more and more, and she just needed to get away from this crowd. It was too many people, too many voices and conversations, too much </span>
  <em>
    <span>chaos.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She just kept seeing Rowan’s hurt face in her mind, the pain disguised beneath the stone that he used to protect himself. And that pain became her pain, like a string between their souls and a bridge between their hearts. And right now, that bridge was crumbling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Are you even listening to me?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” The harsh tone and the accompanying arm grab made her eyes snap to his, turquoise meeting gray. And for the first time, Aelin was actually afraid of the anger she saw there. Not just uncomfortable, not annoyed or disgusted, </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared. </span>
  </em>
  <span>His hold on her arm was strong, she could feel his fingers digging into her skin, and the look on his face made her’s pale.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And combined with the panic she was already feeling, it pushed her over the edge. Her world started spinning, fading in and out as her whole body shook, and then her knees gave out, sending her falling forward, unfortunately into Arobynn’s arms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin vaguely felt him catch her, felt him pick her up, the oily touch of his arms around her making her panic worse. Her breath got even shorter, her lungs not taking enough air in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Come set her down here,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>she heard someone say, as if she were out the bottom of a lake and they were on the surface, the words murky and distorted and barely audible to her drowned ears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Is she okay?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>A cool hand was placed against her forehead and she leaned into the feeling, relishing the touch against her burning skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin knew she was being carried, the swaying motion proving movement, and she could feel the hands on her skin. It was too much, the contact, and she shied away from it as much as she could, but the arms tightened around her, holding her too close to whoever was lifting her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The hand around her ribs climbed indecently high, stroking against the side of her chest as she was set down on a soft surface, and the slimy touch slid against her skin slowly as she was let go. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In her haze she registered that she never wanted those hands to touch her again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she opened her eyes and tried to look around her, her blurry vision allowed her to see only the fuzzy outlines of the crowd. There were too many people, too much heat, not enough space.  She felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>trapped.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Should we get her some water?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>She tried to murmur a no, but the words didn’t make it past her throat. She didn’t need water, she needed </span>
  <em>
    <span>air.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her chest rose up and down rapidly, as her body tried to bring in more oxygen, but black was slowly creeping into her vision, and her world went dark before she had a chance to breathe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>———-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Peeling her eyes open took more energy than she was expecting, her heavy eyelids protesting against the movement. And when she finally managed to, Aelin found herself in her bed, in her room, at her house, far away from where she had been before losing consciousness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was still in her velvet green dress from the party, and there was no light streaming through the curtains, meaning it was still the same night. Blinking a few times, Aelin tried to remember what happened. She remembered getting to the Havilliards’ house, talking to Dorian, talking to Rowan - </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rowan. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oh gods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan knew. Mrs. Havilliard spilled the truth about her engagement and now there was no taking it back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She had to go talk to him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>That was all that ran through her head as she shot up in bed. He had run out, distress clear on his face. She needed to explain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin stood up on unsteady feet, quickly sliding into the shoes placed neatly on the floor. She was quiet when she opened the door, revealing a dark hallway that proved that everyone was asleep.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had no recollection of knowledge of how long she’d been unconscious, but apparently enough time had passed to where her family was in bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After thinking about it, Aelin pulled off her shoes again to tiptoe quietly down the stairs and toward the front door. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She needed to get to Rowan.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The whole house was dark, so she figured no one saw her when she snuck out the door, breathing in the fresh air that greeted her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her head ached a little, a lingering effect from her episode earlier, but she ignored it as she walked efficiently down the street.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was quiet, the world lit up only by the stars and some streetlights as she moved quickly to Rowan’s house. The time made it convenient to avoid being seen by anyone, as she was already risking going to his house twice in a matter of weeks, but it also made it more dangerous. In a large dress made of obvious finery with her hair still done up, it made her a target for whatever criminals were out and about.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luckily Rowan lived close to her, so the walk took no real time at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If her parents woke up to find her missing, she would sell the lie of being at Aedion’s house. They had believed it last time, and Aelin figured it would work again. They would get mad at her for trekking the way by herself, but that would be nothing compared to the wrath of her mother if they found out she had gone to see a man in the middle of the night.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The similarity between the two occasions was not lost on her, but this was more of a purposeful march than the desperate run from before. She had a mission, a conversation that was pressing on her mind. She wasn’t escaping to safety, she was pressing on to a necessary quest, her words ready in her traveling pack to be wielded as her weapon when the time was right.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A loud clanging noise made her jump, but she didn’t turn back, ignoring all of the things that could be hiding in the shadows.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The darkness pressed in on her, bringing back an inkling of the panic from earlier, like a spider creeping along the edges of her mind, but she persisted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually she made it to his street, the solitary light in his house giving her a bit of hope that he was awake. Rowan liked to stew in his problems for a while, most likely with a glass of bourbon, so it wasn’t exactly a surprise to Aelin that he was still up at this hour.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But his front door, black in the absence of light, was locked, so she resorted to knocking on it, hoping he would come let her in. It wasn’t like he could be angry with her right? They both knew this day would come, and it wasn’t like it was her decision. He wouldn’t lash out, hopefully.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The doubt still lingered in her mind and made her chew on her bottom lip, the habit still strong, when Rowan opened the door slowly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked wrecked: his silver hair hanging in front of his eyes, which were bloodshot with dark circles, his white shirt was rumpled and his tie askew like he had tried to take it off but gave up halfway through, and the glass of dark liquid in his hand proved her earlier suspicions. But when he saw her, he opened the door more, gesturing for her to enter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The movement almost gave off an air of sarcasm if not for the heavy layer of tiredness that pressed down on both of them. Tiredness that resulted from the heartbreak that had finally arrived.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin gnawed on her lip as she walked into the house. The few times she’s been there she’s admired it. Rowan’s house wasn’t as grand as hers, but the lighter wood and the simple furniture drew her in more than her own home. There was just something comforting and welcoming about it that made her smile. But maybe that was because of the owner.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her feet failed in the middle of the living room and she slowed to a stop, not making it the few extra steps to the couch. Aelin heard him walk up behind her and she turned around to face him, looking up into his green eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>Rowan slid one hand around her waist and used the other to gently free her lip from the cruel grasp of her teeth; she closed her eyes at the contact.</p>
<p>
  <span>“Say something,” she murmured when he brought that hand to rest on her waist too, holding her but not hugging like she craved. Rowan sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hate that I can’t be there for you,” he said quietly, and her eyes snapped open as her brows furrowed. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Arobynn Hamel,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he shook his head, “I know his reputation, and I hate that I can’t help.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re...you’re not mad?” She looked up at him hesitantly, seeing a confused expression flutter across his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mad?” His tone was incredulous. “Why would I be mad?” He stroked a thumb across her cheek and she leaned into the touch. “This isn't your fault.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin shrugged, the action small as her gaze met his chest instead of his face. “I’m getting married.” Her lips started trembling at the weak words and tears burned in her eyes. Rowan finally pulled her close and she buried her head into his warm skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry Aelin, I’m so sorry.” He repeated the words over and over while she cried, running a smooth hand over her still styled hair to try and comfort her. He eventually started picking the pins out, letting them drop to the floor until her golden hair was finally unbound, spilling down her shoulders in loose waves.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her tears started slowing as Rowan stroked her back and combed gently through her hair. Aelin reached a hand up to her face and attempted to wipe her eyes, but he grabbed it and kissed the back of it softly before linking their fingers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I can’t protect you,” he whispered, tears of his own forming in his eyes. Aelin thought of the roaming hands from earlier, the ones she now knew belonged to Arobynn, her memory returned with her clarity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault,” she said, repeating his words from earlier. Aelin ran her fingers up his arms, coming to connect around his neck while she pressed further into him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just can’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>stand</span>
  </em>
  <span> the thought of him touching you.” His voice was harsh and upset and she rested her chin on his chest to look up at his face. “I can’t stand the fact that your parents agreed to this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, well,” Aelin scoffed sadly, “it’s their only option apparently.” Rowan furrowed his brows and looked down at her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” She sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re bankrupt,” she muttered, a hint of tension in her words, “and Arobynn has offered a ‘generous investment’ in exchange for </span>
  <em>
    <span>me.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He sucked in a sharp breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s horrible,” he murmured, and she could hear the sincerity in his voice. It made her eyes start to water again and she pulled back to sniffle and wipe them to keep from crying for the hundredth time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan didn’t let her get too far, sliding his hands down to grasp hers when she was done wiping her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You should never be treated like that,” he spat, “like some sort of thank you present.” He leaned down and placed a slow gentle kiss to her lips, the soft contact making her sigh. They lingered as they parted, staying close until the last possible second, and then Rowan breathed “you’re worth so much more than that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin felt a rush of affection for him, quickly turning into desire at the look of love in his green eyes. So much so that she pulled him back down and kissed him harder, sparking a fire that burned into passion between them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She crushed his lips against hers, immediately nipping at the bottom one to gain access to his mouth and he opened willingly, pulling hers open too. He grappled at her waist, his fingers scrunching the delicate velvet as her hands grasped his hair, keeping him as close as physically possible.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She moaned at the first brush of his tongue, and Rowan just kissed her deeper, making heat rush through her. Aelin had never felt like this before, had never felt this </span>
  <em>
    <span>longing, </span>
  </em>
  <span>this kind of </span>
  <em>
    <span>need.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He eventually released her mouth, pressing warm kisses across her jaw and down her throat, earning a breathy “oh” from her as he continued his path, eventually landing in the junction between her shoulder and neck, nipping and sucking at the flushed skin before soothing it with his tongue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gods, you’re worth everything,” Rowan muttered, drawing out another moan from her. Aelin used the grip on his hair to pull him back up to her face, kissing him hard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When his hands slowly inched upward, climbing up the bodice of her dress, heat pooled in her core and she began reaching for his shirt, loosening and throwing his tie before grazing across the top of the white fabric, undoing the first few buttons on her way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s when Rowan stopped, pulling her hands away from him and looking down at her, his heaving chest and dark eyes giving away his arousal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aelin…” he muttered cautiously, but she removed her hands from his grasp and returned them to his shirt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want you, Rowan,” she said clearly, hoping he saw the sincerity in her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’ll find out,” he warned, and she shook her head at the reminder of Arobynn.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t care,” Aelin answered, finding that it was true. In that moment, nothing else mattered but Rowan. He clenched his jaw in conflict, his mind fighting between his desire to protect her and his desire </span>
  <em>
    <span>for</span>
  </em>
  <span> her. So she shook her head again and pleaded with her gaze, “don’t let him take this from me too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The right to be cherished, the right to be held and kissed by someone who loved you as much as you loved them. She didn’t want that stolen away by his entitled hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He released a breath, and hesitated before nodding softly. Aelin smiled weakly, grateful for the existence of the man in front of her, but suddenly felt nervous too. She’d never done this before, and it was overwhelming on top of her already distraught emotions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her grip on his shirt faltered, and she bit her lip, shying away from his gaze.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sensing her apprehension, Rowan stroked her cheek before turning her around slowly and hugging her waist from behind. Aelin relaxed back into him, closing her eyes and focusing on the way his touch felt against her stomach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He made small circles with his fingers on the velvet before dragging one hand upward, making her breath hitch as it came into contact with the underside of her breast. Instead of continuing the journey like she so desperately wished, Rowan lingered there, playing with the ties holding the front of her dress closed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Most styles didn’t call for the laces in the front, especially with the way most designers draped the fabric over the bustle in the back, but Aelin had seen this one and was immediately obsessed. It was a bold choice, but she certainly wasn’t upset about it now, with the way Rowan was slowly pulling the bow undone while still holding her in his arms. He pressed a warm kiss to the sensitive skin behind her ear as he loosened the laces, and her chest was heaving as he smoothly pulled her sleeves off her shoulders, bringing the bodice down to her waist and leaving her in just her corset and chemise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The heat in her core was even more prominent now, especially when he slid his hands down her sides to her hips, grabbing her dress and removing it the rest of the way, taking the bustle with it. Her jewelry was next, the cool metal of her necklace falling off her skin as he opened the clasp.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was when Aelin turned back around and connected her lips with his once again, moving against him softly as she took charge and undid the rest of the buttons on his shirt. After pulling it over his shoulders and down her arms, she leant back and tucked her bottom lip behind her teeth as she admired the expanse of skin before her. She’d never seen his bare chest, had never been in a situation to, and gods was she missing out. Tan skin stretched over smooth muscle, the strong arms that held her so delicately finally free for her to see.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her mouth went dry and she glanced up to meet his eyes, the desire in them clear. Aelin brushed a hand down his abdomen, smirking slightly at the way he leaned into her touch, but he grabbed it before she reached the waist of his pants.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She relented and dropped her arms, letting him run his fingers up them slowly, goosebumps forming in the trail he left behind. Rowan’s hands skated over her shoulders and down her back to the laces of her corset, and the restrictive garment suddenly felt like even more of a burden, too much of a separation between her body and his, so she just brought her hands to the nape of his neck and held him as he undid those laces too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His movements were slow, designed to savor and to tease, and she held her breath as he loosened the strings just enough to remove that barrier. As he slid it off her body, his hands lingered, and she was reminded of how thin her chemise was when she felt the warmth of him through the material.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was the most exposed she’d ever been in front of a man, and she couldn’t help the blush that overtook her face. Rowan just kissed both her cheeks gently before bringing his mouth back to hers, kissing her with the same passion from earlier. Aelin opened her lips almost immediately and she felt his tongue right after that. She couldn’t get enough of him, the burning in her stomach making her ache for his body against hers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They clutched each desperately, her hands grasping at his hair as his slid back down to her waist, and then suddenly he was picking her up. She wrapped her legs around him as he moved quickly down the hallway and to his bedroom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin didn’t even have time to register the new space before she was being set down on a soft comforter, Rowan climbing onto the bed above her. She pulled him in again, lips finding each other automatically as his hands moved to her shoulders, finding the thin straps of her chemise and sliding them down her arms and off her body, taking her drawers with it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was too dazed to be embarrassed this time, too lost in a haze of desire to be concerned with her bareness, and when he sat back and murmured “beautiful”, she just pulled on his arms until he was moving back over her. The weight of his body was heaven, and she thought she could stay in this moment forever.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her problems seemed like nothing, the troubles of the world nonexistent when he was there with her. And Aelin let herself sink away from everything, pulling Rowan with her willingly, side by side like they should always be.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1885</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <span><br/>Despite the company surrounding her, Aelin couldn’t fight the grin and the blush that was overtaking her face. Luckily, it could be passed off as the result of the engagement that this party was in celebration of, even though it was green eyes on her mind instead of silver.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>News of the wedding had been published in the Orynth Times almost two weeks ago, and Aelin had been privy to many congratulations and well wishes. She was now subjected to calls from all of their “friends” and even spur of the moment chats out on the street, all of which she was dreadfully tired of.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But the memory of that night with Rowan, and of several occasions after that, were still prevalent in her mind, and she couldn’t fight off the smile if she tried.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thinking about him, and how she felt with him kept her up late into the night, too much heat in her to settle down enough to fall asleep. Like that one time, the week prior, when they’d “accidentally” met at the bookstore and conveniently ventured back to the unsupervised and unoccupied storeroom at the same time. The memory still made her blood boil. The feel of his hands digging into her hips, his heat behind her and </span>
  <em>
    <span>inside </span>
  </em>
  <span>her, the way he had groaned </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fireheart </span>
  </em>
  <span>into her ear…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was getting distracted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin was lucky that Aedion owed her a favor, because that first night, she had fallen asleep at Rowan’s house, in Rowan’s bed, in Rowan’s arms, not in her room like she was supposed to be. It was definitely quite the difficult trip to Aedion’s house from the safe haven she had found herself in, but it had been necessary.</span>
</p>
<p><span>The lie had easily spilled out of her mouth to her mother about how she had woken up in the middle of the night still a little overwhelmed, and had needed comfort from someone. And, </span><em><span>of</span></em> <em><span>course</span></em><span>, she didn’t want to wake up her parents, and Aedion stayed up until ungodly hours anyway, so it was much more likely he would be awake.</span></p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin, like she had predicted, had received the equivalent of a verbal slapping from Evalin for running out in the dark, but she couldn’t fault her anymore than that, when her mother knew the reason she had felt so panicky was because of the very situation she had forced her into.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aedion, because of the favor, quite a big one if you asked her, had willingly covered for her, under the promise of hearing the truth later on. Aelin had never specified when </span>
  <em>
    <span>later </span>
  </em>
  <span>was, so she had no intention of telling him anytime soon. But her cousin didn’t need to know that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aelin, love,” Arobynn crooned, and she blinked, being thrust back into the present. Her smile turned weak, hating the way her name sounded on his tongue. Apparently now that they were engaged, he didn’t have to be so formal, and she found herself missing the days he could barely even speak to her without a chaperone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?” Aelin asked, forcing herself to meet his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I asked if you were feeling okay, you looked lost for a second there.” His expression was of faux concern, but she made sure to nod politely.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine, thank you for asking.” Aelin avoided cringing when Arobynn grabbed her hand, squeezing it like a show of affection.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, dear,” he looked over at their guests, all paying rampant attention to him, “just a little scatterbrained I guess, too much excitement.” He said it with a wink and a chuckle, and all of the tittering socialites laughed along. Aelin hoped the insincerity of hers would be covered by the noise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t begrudge them their amusement, she just didn’t find the joke funny. Especially when it was made at her expense, by her future husband, when all they were doing was selling a fairytale.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He, a prominent and wealthy businessman and  Lord, her, the heir to a family that stretched back generations, her last name itself power. They seemed like the perfect pair, both objectively good looking with a lot of social influence. It seemed like they were getting their happy ending, a cushy life with a spouse at the same level as them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a secret that the Galathynius name no longer held any money, so the real reason behind the marriage was strictly kept under lock and key.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Arobynn had proposed they act besotted in public in order to keep the secret intact. Arranged marriages weren’t taboo at all, they were quite common, but Aelin knew his stake in the situation was his appearance, and trapping a 19 year old girl into marriage wouldn’t really help his reputation.</span>
</p>
<p>Not that she would be nineteen for much longer, her birthday was coming up soon and it was slated to be the worst one so far. No doubt there were more bad ones in her future, all of them were likely to be dismal from now on, but this was the first one where she wouldn’t be doing exactly what she wanted.</p>
<p>
  <span>Once Arobynn had heard the date, he had asked her to a celebratory dinner, just the two of them. It would be horrific, but there was nothing she could do besides accept the invitation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Miss Galathynius.” Aelin turned to face the vapid woman who addressed her, Clarisse, if she remembered correctly. They all blurred together in her head. “Have you set a date yet?” </span>
</p>
<p>She froze for a second, heart beating a little too fast. She took a deep breath and opened her mouth to respond, but Arobynn swooped in and answered for her.</p>
<p>
  <span>“The end of May,” he said with sugary sweetness. It almost made her gag. “It can’t come soon enough, right darling?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked at her and she forced a simpering smile. “I can’t wait.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The other ladies made cooing sounds, congratulating them and saying how precious they were. She tried to look gracious, but inside she was dying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The wedding was only a month away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her smile was fully gone now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>———</span>
</p>
<p>The engagement party dragged on at a snail's pace, and Aelin soon found herself observing the room just to have something to do. It was to be her future house after all.</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn had </span>
  <em>
    <span>generously</span>
  </em>
  <span> hosted the party in his own expansive drawing room, obviously wanting to show off his wealth. And his money was entirely evident in every piece of the decor, although she found it all quite gauche.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was like a painted facade, every stroke purposefully putting on show. Everyone in attendance was doing the same thing, the powder on the ladies’ faces and the shiny cufflinks on the gentlemen’s jackets like actors’ costumes on a stage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s what Aelin hated most about the elitist culture she was born into. Everyone tried so hard to act like the epitome of class, like they were better than others just because of the money they inherited.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like she knew for a fact none of the people currently sprawled out daintily around the room were as proprietary as they liked to think.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Clarisse DuVency for example, the lady who had spoken earlier, sat primly in the armchair across from them, sipping on a cup of tea as if she had no cares in the world when Aelin knew that she had been clawing after Arobynn hard before the engagement was announced. If it was for his looks or his money, she didn’t know, but she did remember snorting at the desperate way Clarisse had tried to fling herself at him just a few weeks ago.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Archer Finn, standing over on the other side of the room conversing with a business partner of Arobynn’s had an unseemly reputation of working his way through women, drawing them in and discarding them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lord Berrick’s wife was currently sleeping with another man. The same one Lord Berrick was sleeping with too if Aelin’s information was correct.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rolfe was a raging alcoholic, Ren Allsbrook had a drug problem, and Ravi of Suria had a penchant for gambling away his father’s hard earned money.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Remelle Fleur, who was forcing an exaggerated chuckle at Rolfe’s joke, had a reputation of her own too. Maybe just in Aelin’s eyes though. A few months prior she and Rowan had had a good laugh over Remelle’s attempts to get Rowan into her bed. It obviously hadn’t worked, and Aelin had delighted in his description of her indignant face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like anything else to drink?” Aelin turned to look at Arobynn, who had reappeared at her side after going off for a while to talk to his acquaintances.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, please,” she replied, nodding her head civilly, “and a piece of the cake too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiled coldly before leaving again, and Aelin went back to her silence. There was plenty of conversation going on around her, with plenty of people she and her family knew. Her parents were actually nearby, accepting congratulations with gratitude, altogether looking more happy and relieved than Aelin could ever pretend to be. </span>
</p>
<p>But she didn’t want to talk to anyone here. Didn’t want to participate in their theater.</p>
<p>
  <span>So like always, her eyes drifted over to Rowan, who was far away, conversing easily with Fenrys and Connall. It made her heart swell to see him so happy, the same glow on his face that had been on hers. When he looked over and met her gaze, his smile brightened and he winked before turning back and quelling any suspicion. Aelin blushed and the corners of her lips turned up in a small grin.</span>
</p>
<p>Gods it was so easy for him to make her smile, just the slightest eye contact making her love for him almost too much to contain.</p>
<p>
  <span>She watched as Aedion went over and joined them, familiar with the three of them from whatever gentlemen did with their time. Aelin hadn’t quite reached a level of boredom to ask her cousin about what he liked to do, not exactly eager to sit and listen to a long winded monologue about rugby and horse racing and whatever other sports he followed. And she didn’t spend her limited time with Rowan talking about that either.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She vaguely knew they were friends, but it was still weird seeing them together. Like two separate sides of her world meeting when they should stay far apart. Not that Aedion knew anything, or suspected anything. If he did, he wouldn’t be talking so cordially to the man who “defiled” his baby cousin. He was way too overprotective in that regard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here you go, darling.” Arobynn handed her a cup of tea as he slid back down next to her on the couch, but she frowned when he produced no thin slice of dessert like she asked for. Sensing what she was thinking, he smirked and tilted his head. “I decided you don’t need cake, I wouldn't want it ruining your figure.” The words were accompanied by a salacious perusal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin blinked at the statement.  Then she pursed her lips, anger flaring in indignation. What right did he have to comment on her body like that? No matter what he thought, he didn’t own her. And they weren’t married. Not yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine,” she muttered tightly, standing up and smoothing down her dress, “I’ll just have to go get it myself then.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn grabbed her wrist roughly, pulling her back toward him, but Aelin shook him off and stormed away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If they were alone she knew he would’ve come after her, if not for the belligerency of her response than for her daring to try and escape from his grip. But they were in a public setting and that would be too much of a scene.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin dodged people as she made her way over to the refreshments stand, grabbing a slice of cake from the table and shoveling it down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a good cake, an expensive one, and it could be tasted in the way the layers flowed together, the different flavors complementing each other well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And with a scowl still framing her face, she picked up another piece, her knuckles white where she was gripping the plate too hard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Gods damned bastard.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she stabbed the fork into the dessert she looked up and made eye contact with Rowan again, who had an eyebrow raised in question.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Are you okay? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He seemed to say, and she nodded softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Just proving a point. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Aelin rolled her eyes to accompany her unspoken words and he chuckled, the sound warming her chest from across the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Well if you need help with anything, let me know. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>The look he gave her was very sincere and she smiled at the thought. Rowan was always willing to jump into the fray and defend her, without even knowing what was wrong.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Territorial bastard, </span>
  </em>
  <span>her eyes danced as he saw the words and smiled slightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Only for you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Aelin blushed again and bit her bottom lip to contain her grin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Well, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she raised her brows, </span>
  <em>
    <span>there actually is something you can help me with. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She made the words as suggestive as possible, knowing that he would pick up from her expression what she meant.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh? </span>
  </em>
  <span>The smirk on his face made heat rush through her, and she nodded mischievously. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And what would that be?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I guess you’ll just have to find out. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Aelin tilted her head in a gesture toward the hallway, and took the glint in Rowan’s eyes to mean he understood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She set down her plate as she saw him make his excuses to his group. He walked quickly out the open doors, turning toward where she knew a bathroom would be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin’s heart fluttered in excitement and she waited a decent time before also exiting, making sure not to garner any suspicion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t notice Arobynn’s grey eyes tracking her as she left.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>——-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Elide Lochan!” Aelin announced as she waltzed into the Lochan family’s parlor. Two days after the party and she was back riding on the high of being in love. Maybe it was with the wrong person, but her and Rowan had just been ignoring it. If they didn’t talk about her getting married, then it wasn’t actually happening. Right?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The other girl looked up from her needlepoint and laughed at Aelin’s eager face as she continued. “We don’t see each other </span>
  <em>
    <span>nearly</span>
  </em>
  <span> enough.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can agree with that,” Elide conceded as Aelin sat down in the armchair across from her. “We’ve all been pretty busy lately.” She glanced down at Aelin’s hand, where her new engagement ring lied.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin clenched that hand into a fist before relaxing it and resting it against her knee.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Indeed.” Her voice was too melancholy, and she forced a bright smile. “But that talk is not what I’m here for.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Elide raised her brows in question.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need you to distract me with drama that doesn’t include me.” Aelin collapsed back into the chair, feigning dramatics and earning another laugh. “I'm the hot topic right now, but I’m much more boring than people assume.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not a very Aelin Galathynius phrase,” the dark haired girl teased and Aelin scoffed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I call my life boring all the time.” She rolled her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe your life, but never yourself.” Elide looked at her pointedly, and Aelin refrained from responding. She was too much of a mess to vent about right now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was times like these she found herself missing her simple childhood, when she would be able to joyfully run around here, carefree. When she would have tea parties with Elide and Marion, dressed up in their finest gowns and sipping the most sugary tea they could make. Aelin loved the Lochan’s house, always had. It made her sad to realize she wouldn’t be able to spend as much time here anymore. Best not to think about it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well what about you, Elide?” Aelin hummed. “Would you call your life boring?” Her question was purposefully directed, and she grinned when Elide hesitated. “There is something isn’t there!” She laughed triumphantly. “I knew you were holding out on me. So spill.” She leaned forward onto her elbow and pressed her chin on her hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“About a month and a half ago, I went with my mother out shopping down on Main Street.” Elide smiled shyly, a blush forming. “And I met someone.” Aelin was happy to see the joy in her closest friend’s eyes. She could already tell this guy was special. “He was at the market too, and he helped us with one of our bags.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s his name?” Aelin prompted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lorcan Salvaterre,” she answered, “he just finished a term in the military and moved back here to Orynth where he was raised.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ooh, a soldier. How scandalous.” Aelin waggled her eyebrows in jest and Elide scoffed teasingly. They both knew it wasn’t scandalous at all. Elide’s family was well off, but her rank was nowhere near Aelin’s and would therefore not be expected to make as much of an advantageous match. Soldiers were usually considered good prospects, and Aelin knew Marion and Cal would be perfectly happy to bless the union.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Especially now, they were probably eager to get her married. Elide’s father worked for Aelin’s father, so the health of the business affected their finances too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Which meant they were also relying on her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something in her chest clenched, and she took deep breaths when she felt her throat begin to tighten.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I wish you every single piece of happiness you can find.” Aelin smiled. “Just make sure I’m invited to the wedding.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Elide laughed, her face still glowing with joy. But then her eyes turned concerned at the words, a hint of sadness in them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, Aelin,” she reached over and grabbed Aelin’s hand, the one with the ring, “we haven’t talked about this yet.” It was clear what she was referring to, and Aelin stiffened. “I’m here if you ever want to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin nodded in gratitude, deflecting the concern with a weak smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about me, Elide. I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If only that were true.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1885</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <span><br/>Out of her immediate family, Aelin knew she had the closest relationship with her father. Things with her mother were… complicated, but she’d always gotten along with Rhoe.</span>
</p>
<p>He was a fairly quiet man, and let his wife fulfill the social requirements of their position.</p>
<p>
  <span>Whenever he was forced to go somewhere, he would make quiet jokes to Aelin the whole time, disparaging their company. It was one of her favorite things about him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he’d been acting differently. Ever since that damned conversation she’d overheard. Now, instead of ridiculing the elite, her father was forcing himself into the role of one, and was trying to fit her into it too. All while ignoring her in the process.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It hurt more than her mother’s betrayal simply for the fact that she never saw it coming. </span>
</p>
<p>Therefore, when her father asked to go on a walk with her that morning, Aelin was tempted to decline.</p>
<p>She didn’t want to spend the stroll through the gardens hidden beneath a facade. Sure, she wasn’t making it a secret to her parents that she was displeased, but outright disrespect would get her nowhere.</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe she could appeal to him somehow. Beg him to find another way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a ridiculous hope, a last ditch effort considering the proximity to the wedding, but she could </span>
  <em>
    <span>try</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>Her father would be more willing than her mother to listen to her pleas, to understand that Aelin’s heart and soul were both breaking at the thought of being bound to someone who wasn’t her love.</p>
<p>
  <span>Especially when that someone would treat her like an object for his amusement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe her father would see that and see what trapping her into this would do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So that was what Aelin resolved to do, to simply ask him how he felt about it all. She could tell in his eyes that he was unhappy with what they were doing to her, and was much more regretful than her mother.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And as he was the head of the household </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> of the business, he could put an end to it and find another way to get money.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a fool’s chance, but it could just maybe work.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin had convinced herself of that so thoroughly that by the time her father came downstairs, she was almost giddy with anticipation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He would listen to her. He would hear her out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Rhoe Galathynius finally made his way into the drawing room, smiling warily at his daughter, Aelin was already ready to go, jumping out of her seat to meet him at the exit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Happy birthday, Aelin,” he greeted, making her falter. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Right. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was her twentieth birthday. She’d honestly forgotten amongst all of the pre wedding dread. Twenty didn’t feel much different from nineteen, besides the fact that it meant her dinner with Arobynn was tonight. That thought was almost enough to distract her from her more pressing issue. Almost but not quite.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she replied, making sure to smile back.  He nodded and Aelin came up by his side to exit into the gardens in the back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Despite their house being located in the town, they had quite an extensive garden, which was taken care of meticulously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Especially now, in May, most of the flowers were blooming, so it made a very pleasant walking destination. The green of the grass and the various shrubs provided a nice backdrop for the explosions of color. A fountain in the middle of it all made a nice ambiance, and everything just smelled fresh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Outside of the library, the garden was Aelin’s favorite place to go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And her father’s too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They walked for a few minutes in silence, awkwardness stretching between them as they both searched for how to start.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So…” Rhoe began after a bit, and she looked over at him as they walked along the path. He looked a little odd, almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>nervous. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Although Aelin didn’t know what he would be nervous about. Her parents had gotten what they wanted. “Your mother wanted me to talk to you about this, she figured it would be better coming from me.” He sighed, and Aelin frowned at him, unsure of what he was going to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We need you to show a bit more enthusiasm for your engagement,” he finally said, as if forcing the words out. Her steps halted, her feet not working as she stared at him. He looked guilty, but didn’t retract the words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” She breathed, almost hissing the words. That was not at all what she was expecting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can tell Arobynn is displeased,” he continued, “you know he doesn’t want anyone to know it’s arranged.” Aelin couldn’t believe it. She blinked a few times before letting the rage bubbling inside of her out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of all of the things to say to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you want from me? Because I keep </span>
  <em>
    <span>trying</span>
  </em>
  <span> and </span>
  <em>
    <span>trying</span>
  </em>
  <span> and I still don’t understand.” Aelin couldn’t remember the last time she had spoken so harshly to him, but she couldn’t stop it. “You can’t blame me for this mess, and I know I’m still bearing the punishment for it, but you still have the audacity to tell me I’m not doing a good enough job?” She laughed humorlessly and stormed down the path, not caring if he followed. He did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Aelin.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>She ignored him, continuing her trail. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was going to ask you to reconsider,” she called out without turning around, “I was going to ask you if there was another way because I figured you would be more understanding than mother, but I see you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> the same.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We have no other choice!” Rhoe exclaimed, finally catching up when she stopped to let him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really?” Aelin scoffed. “We’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>disgustingly</span>
  </em>
  <span> rich, we’ve never had a problem like this before. So please explain to me how this is any different than you and mother gambling for more influence with me as the prize.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re going to lose everything Aelin.” He sounded resigned, and terribly sad. It made her anger falter as the words registered in her ears. “We’ll lose our status, we’ll lose our power, we’ll lose all of our finery, we’ll lose our </span>
  <em>
    <span>house</span>
  </em>
  <span>…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about..” she hesitated, “we can go to our house in the country.” He shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s already gone. It was sold a few weeks ago.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll find somewhere new,” she insisted, “someplace smaller.” But her father just looked down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is our only hope, Aelin. We’re ruined. And all because of me and my </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span> trust in that man.”  His own frustration came across in his words, both with himself and the situation he was forcing her into. Aelin didn’t know what man he was talking about, but she knew enough to see he was guilty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But when he sniffled, she was still shocked to see him crying, and it was enough to make that tiny remaining flicker of hope inside of her die. The little flame that was assuring her things weren’t as bad as it seemed, that they could bounce back from it all, that this wasn’t the end. It was gone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But..” she didn’t know what to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And it’s not just us too,” her father continued without waiting for her, “it’ll be the Lochans too, and the Allsbrooks, and Weylan, and Quinn, and everyone who relies on us and our business to survive.” He put a hand over his eyes. “I’m so dreadfully sorry, Aelin, but we need this. We need</span>
  <em>
    <span> him</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He finally looked over at her, and the expression on his face made tears of her own spill out over her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t even bother saying anything, because she knew nothing would help.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because it seemed to save everyone else, she wouldn’t be able to save herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>——</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His hand made languid strokes up and down her back, his callouses brushing delightfully against her smooth skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her leg was thrown over his waist, her golden hair spilling down his shoulder as her face pressed against his neck, breathing in his comforting scent. </span>
</p>
<p>Her hand rested on his bare chest, and she drew little circles as they laid there in silence.</p>
<p>
  <span>There wasn’t much to say. Nothing to discuss when words wouldn’t change the inevitable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their time was running out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t like either of them had uttered the words other than that one night where he had learned the truth. Aelin would be in another man’s bed soon enough, and Rowan would be pressured to find a companion of his own that wasn’t already given away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’d avoided the topic, enjoying the peacefulness of each other’s company, and Aelin truly didn’t know what would happen when she was married. Would they continue on like this? Through deception and lies? Or would they cut ties in order to do what was best for everyone else?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After the talk with her father, it seemed to be leaning more toward the second, if only to save her family the shame and embarrassment and all of the others the fear of how to support themselves.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because even though Rowan would marry her in a heartbeat, regardless of her lack of wealth, he wouldn’t be able to take up the mantle of her family and create livelihoods for the entirety of the company’s list of employees.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin would only be protecting herself and her parents. No one else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And with another, more prudent solution available, it didn’t sit right with her to abandon them all for her own sake.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even if the way Rowan’s skin felt against hers made her want to give in to that selfishness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you ever find out what was going on with Miss Lochan?” His voice rumbled through his chest. Aelin scoffed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just call her Elide, Rowan,” she teased. “I’m positive she would not object. She’s always said a friend of mine was a friend of hers, and I think we’re a little past that point anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin rested her chin on his chest to look up at him, a smile on her face. Rowan leaned up to press a quick kiss on her lips and then laid back down, setting one arm behind his head and twirling a piece of her hair with the other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know her well enough to be so informal.” He grinned at her. “You, on the other hand, I can call whatever name I please.” His tone was purposefully lofty and she couldn’t help her snort.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh? Like what?” Aelin giggled as Rowan pretended to consider the question.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well…” he pulled her hips until she was fully on top of him, practically straddling his waist when she sat up. “I call you Aelin of course.” He pinched her side at her eye roll and she laughed again. “And Fireheart too, but only when you aren’t teasing me.” A pointed look accompanied the words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Which, let's be honest, is never,” Aelin added, grinning down at him. She reached out to run her fingers through his hair, but Rowan caught it and pressed a kiss to the open palm of her hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then there’s princess,” his hands skated up her sides, “and menace,” his teasing smile and the glint in his green eyes made her breath catch, “and birthday girl,” she didn’t hesitate as he pulled her gently down to him. Rowan’s gaze flickered to her mouth, and his voice turned quieter, his breath on her lips. “And the love of my life.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The tension between them held for a few seconds until Aelin closed the inches of space, kissing him fervently with a passion he immediately returned. The arms around her back tightened, and suddenly they were flipped, Rowan’s body pressing hers further into his mattress. She moaned when she felt the first hint of his tongue, her mouth opening for him automatically.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her legs came up to wrap around him, and his hands crawled back down her sides, getting closer to where she craved them.</span>
</p>
<p>But, she couldn’t fight the urge to mess with him, so she pulled back, breaking the kiss.</p>
<p>
  <span>“To answer your question, yes.” Aelin said, laughing at his disgruntled expression, “I did find out what’s going on with Elide.” Rowan pouted adorably at the change in topic, but relented, rolling off of her but keeping her in his arms. “She met a man,” she continued in a sing-songy voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who?” His brows furrowed. He liked to act like he didn’t care about society and its gossip, but he was always way too interested to hold up the ruse very well.</span>
</p>
<p>“Some guy named Lorcan, according to her. I haven’t met him yet.” Aelin shrugged, not sure what to say about the man.</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lorcan Salvaterre?” Rowan asked, and she nodded. “I’ve known him since I was a kid, back in Doranelle.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmhm, he was one of my closest friends. He lived nearby so we would always hang out.” Aelin hummed in acknowledgement and relaxed into him. It was rare to hear Rowan talk about his childhood. He always said his life was meaningless before she waltzed in, so he didn’t like to dwell on it. Aelin would always scoff, but he deflected every question. “He sent me a letter the other week, but I guess I forgot he was in town.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He lifted his head to look over at her, his brows furrowed in confusion this time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is he serious about her? Do you know?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I haven’t had another chance to pry information from her,” Aelin explained, “but Elide seemed pretty happy. Why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing really,” he shook his head, “but in his letter he asked me if..” he trailed off, shaking his head again, “it’s not important.” Aelin frowned at him, but he smiled and kissed the frown away. “What </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>would like to know is how you managed to find time to come spend with me, especially on your birthday. I’d have figured you’d be whisked away to some party by now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin chuckled mischievously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m having dinner with Arobynn tonight,” she tried not to gag at his name, “but my parents are under the impression that it started almost an hour ago. I bribed the coach driver to bring me here and not tell anyone.” Rowan snorted incredulously and pressed his lips to her hair. </span>
</p>
<p>“How much time do you have?” He asked, and she twisted her body to look at the clock on his side table. The truth on it made her stomach drop.</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>she cursed, immediately sitting up, “I lost track of time. I have to be there in less than fifteen minutes.” Rowan’s gaze shot to her, alarmed, and didn’t try to stop her when she darted out of bed. Instead, he stood up himself, sliding on his pants and moving to help her collect her things.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She slid on her drawers and her chemise, picking up her corset. After wrangling it around her body, Rowan stood behind her and helped her tighten it, pulling at the laces before tying it at the bottom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She then pulled on her camisole over the corset, before sliding on her light blue dress.  Rowan helped tie the laces on that too, over the bustle in the back, and she bit her lip at the domestic scene.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her hair was a rats nest, but she tried to wrangle it into some form of a style, mostly covering it with her hat.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was only when Rowan stood in front of her, holding her engagement ring out on his palm for her to grab, that the dam of her emotions threatened to break.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she took a deep breath and grabbed the ostentatious piece of jewelry from him. It was quite an expensive ring, but Aelin could tell Arobynn had wanted everyone to </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>it was expensive, and therefore had gone for the most over the top style possible. </span>
</p>
<p>It wasn’t ugly per se, but not at all what she would’ve wanted. The piece centered around a large oval diamond, with several smaller ones surrounding it, all connected to the middle gem with thick strands of gold.</p>
<p>
  <span>It was made to grab attention, just like Arobynn himself was. </span>
</p>
<p>If Aelin had any choice in the matter, she would’ve picked something simpler, with some smaller diamonds and maybe an emerald as the focus instead. Rowan knew that, and she had no doubt he would’ve gotten her one exactly like she wanted. But now was not the time to dwell on that. Especially when any possible thought of that had been crushed by her father just that morning.</p>
<p>She slid it on without any more hesitation, clenching her hand into a fist before dropping it to her side.</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan came back behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her into his chest, and she didn’t resist, falling into the warmth of him.</span>
</p>
<p>“I love you,” he whispered, and Aelin almost melted.</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she had to leave.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1885</strong>
</p>
<p><br/>It took quite a bit of effort on her part to lift the knocker on the front door, her body protesting against the movement. But when her coach driver left, satisfied with delivering her, she had no choice but to knock. And the door opened quite quickly, her arrival expected. She had made it right on time, barely.</p>
<p>“Come in, darling,” Arobynn simpered, and she took a deep breath as she entered the house.  The grand entryway was meticulously cleaned, with what seemed like fresh flowers lining the hall.</p>
<p>She didn’t bother to respond as he led her to the dining room and she sat down across from him, the white linen tablecloth and the small centerpiece all that were separating them.</p>
<p>Aelin fiddled with the silverware, smiling genuinely for once at the servants who brought in the food. It seemed it would be a long dinner, as the dish set in front of her was soup, which was often the first of many courses.</p>
<p>She had hoped they would have the main meal and then she could leave, but she also should’ve known Arobynn would drag it out as long as possible. So she gripped her wine glass and took a well sized sip, gearing up for the torture.</p>
<p>“I hope you enjoy the food the chef prepared, Aelin,” Arobynn said, forcing her to look up at him, “I wanted it to be special for your birthday.”</p>
<p>She avoided replying by taking a spoonful of her soup, ignoring his oily gaze.</p>
<p>“I figured we could use this time to get to know each other better,” he continued, not even waiting for a response, “it seems silly that we’re getting married and I don’t even know what you’re favorite color is.” The words weren’t sincere, the intonation forced, but the maliciousness she would face if she refused would not be faked.</p>
<p>“It’s red,” she muttered quietly, but then remembered what her father said and perked up, lifting her head and pasting a pleasant smile on her face. “My favorite color is red,” she repeated with more gumption. Arobynn nodded, a satisfied look on his face as if he was applauding her performance.</p>
<p>“Just like your fiery heart,” he added, and she didn’t know what to say so she just took another spoonful of soup, which she almost spit out when he said “that’s what your family calls you right? Fireheart?”</p>
<p>Aelin didn’t know how he knew that, all she could focus on was the way the affectionate term sounded coming out of his mouth, comparing it to the way it poured out of Rowan less than an hour previously.</p>
<p>“Yes,” she said tensely, “my mother coined the name.” Arobynn nodded while taking his own sip.</p>
<p>“I’d say it suits you, with all of your youthful vitality and life.” He said the words with a flourish, and she thanked him awkwardly. “But twenty is a big milestone, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>“Indeed,” she agreed succinctly, and he smiled sardonically.</p>
<p>“Well you’ve only grown more beautiful with time.” Aelin knew the comment was made purposefully to make her uncomfortable, and she fell into the trap, pursing her lips and tightening her jaw.</p>
<p>“I appreciate the compliment,” she said through clenched teeth. Arobynn looked pleased at her compliance, but then his eyes lit up dangerously as he seemingly noticed something.</p>
<p>“Aelin, Aelin, Aelin,” he tsked, shaking his head. A pit of nerves settled in her stomach. “Your hair is looking quite scraggly today.” A look of fake concern settled on his face. “Is your maid not up to standards?” His tone was mocking. “Because we can hire you a new one.”</p>
<p>Aelin kept her face neutral, selecting only specific parts of the truth. “I lost track of time, so I couldn’t get my hair looking like it normally does. My maid is not to blame, it was a simple mistake.”</p>
<p>“Is that the case?” Aelin flickered her gaze down, but then steeled her jaw. From his expression, she could tell he already knew the answer. Maybe had an inkling of a suspicion of the truth. He couldn’t know the <em> actual </em>truth, that would be impossible. But she had to assert some sort of power for herself in the situation; she didn’t know if she would make it a lifetime of put downs and helplessness, but she would still never throw Rowan to the wolves by admitting the nature of their relationship</p>
<p>“And what if it’s not?” She glanced up, meeting his cold eyes. So icy and gray. It was almost laughable how the color silver was so familiar and so foreign at the same time.</p>
<p>“Is it not?” His face turned blank, “Because if not, then I’ll have to do something about that, won’t I?”</p>
<p>She opened her mouth to refute, but damn her, she just couldn’t do it.</p>
<p>“No, it’s the truth,” she said quietly, mentally kicking herself. “I’m sorry I don’t look my best tonight.”</p>
<p>Despite her resolve, Aelin couldn’t help but be scared of this man, and she hated herself for it.</p>
<p>Arobynn looked slightly gratified, and she relaxed a little bit. He waited to respond until the servants were gone, having entered to replace the delicate bowls of soup with more substantial plates of ham and vegetables. “It’s no problem this time, dear, but don’t make a habit of it. I won’t have you looking like that by my side out in public.”</p>
<p>Her mouth twisted in distaste, and he chuckled humorlessly.</p>
<p>“Don’t look like that, Aelin, we are going to be married.”</p>
<p>As if she needed the reminder. But she didn’t voice her objection, instead she just stabbed at her food, focusing on that in lieu of him.</p>
<p>He started rambling on about wedding plans, and she nodded in all of the right places, smiled when she knew he wanted a reaction from her, but her mind was far away from that dining room, in a comforting bedroom instead, with a man who looked and acted nothing like the one in front of her.</p>
<p>Would it be possible to keep seeing Rowan after she was married? She couldn’t fathom saying goodbye to him. And Arobynn hadn’t given much indication of knowing anything about it. So there was no <em> real </em>reason to stop. It probably wouldn’t be much different than her circumstances now. She lied to her parents all the time, she could lie to Arobynn too.</p>
<p>——-</p>
<p>On the way home, she struggled not to fall asleep, the motion of the carriage tempting to lull her away from the waking world.</p>
<p>Aelin was tired. Dreadfully tired. The day had been taxing and all she wanted to do was go to sleep. So when the coach driver pulled up to her estate, she trudged up the drive and opened the unlocked front door, eyes and steps heavy as she walked through the entryway.  Aelin vaguely heard voices from the parlor, the soothing sounds of Marion bleeding through. The Lochans must have visited for dinner.</p>
<p>Tears sprang to her eyes at her exhaustion, and she didn’t even bother going to say hello before climbing up the stairs slowly to her room.  Every step felt like a mile, every minute she wasn’t in bed a year.</p>
<p>She barely noticed when her maid helped her out of her dress and into her nightgown, pulling her hair out of its pins and brushing it, cleaning off the rouge on her face.  She was in a sleepy haze, drained from all of the emotions. From her crying talk with her father that morning, to the comforting but painful time with Rowan, to the belittlement of her dinner with Arobynn, it was just all too much.  She was right when predicting it would be her worst birthday yet, and she was just ready for it to be over.</p>
<p>So Aelin was quickly falling off the precipice into sleep when a knock on her door sounded.</p>
<p>“Can I come in?” Marion asked softly through the wood.  Aelin made a small sound of confirmation, and her former governess entered the room.  Marion was more of a mother figure to Aelin than her own; she’d always been Aelin’s mentor, her role model, and Aelin always went to her for comfort over her mother.  It wasn’t as if Evalin was a <em> bad </em>mother, but she was so socially minded that sometimes her daughter came second.</p>
<p>Aelin was curled up under her comfortable white sheets, the soft comforter wrapped around her shoulders like when she was a kid.  Marion sighed and came to sit on the bed next to her. It amazed her how much Elide looked like her sometimes. They had the same thick dark hair, and warm brown eyes that seemed to know you better than you knew yourself.  Just like now.</p>
<p>“Are you feeling okay, sweetheart?” Marion asked, her hand coming to brush down Aelin’s hair.  </p>
<p>“Yes,” Aelin answered weakly, sitting up to lean her head against Marion’s shoulder. The older woman sighed again, showing that she didn’t believe her. Marion had been with Aelin through every phase of her life. From her misbehaving years as a young child, to her stubbornness and rebellion as a teenager.  It had been a long time since Aelin could hide something from her.</p>
<p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Her hand came back up to wrap around her shoulder, her head resting against Aelin’s. Aelin hesitated for a second, unsure of what to say.  But this was <em> Marion, </em> she could trust her.  She could trust her with anything. So Aelin found herself opening up, spilling her emotions to someone besides Rowan for the first time.</p>
<p>“I don’t know if I can do it,” she said, whispering the words into the quiet room.  Marion stayed silent, taking in the small admission. “I don’t know <em> how </em>to do it.”  Aelin lifted her head, meeting those inquisitive brown eyes.  “How do I give myself away like this when I’m in love with someone else?”</p>
<p>And there it was.</p>
<p>She froze, her breath still in the aftermath of the words.  It was the only time she’d said them out loud to someone besides the subject of the pain.</p>
<p>Fortunately, Marion didn’t question who the person was, didn’t push Aelin to say something she wasn’t willing to say.  She just hugged Aelin closer. The blonde felt tears prick in her eyes yet again, the crying becoming far too much of a norm.  She didn’t used to cry like this, but her life was spiraling out of her control and she couldn’t get a grasp on it. The future that her younger self had dreamed of was gone far too quickly, and it didn’t seem like there was anyway to get it back.</p>
<p>So Aelin cried into Marion’s shoulder, letting the understanding woman hold her while she spilled out her pain.</p>
<p>“I promise everything will turn out okay,” Marion said, her voice choked.  </p>
<p>“How can it be okay?” Aelin managed to say. “How am I supposed to find any happiness?”</p>
<p>
  <em> Rowan. </em>
</p>
<p>That was the answer in her heart.  She could find happiness with him. But Marion didn’t say that.</p>
<p>“You’ll find happiness in the small things in life,” she said, “you’ll enjoy having your own house to run, you’ll enjoy being free of the debutante duties you always complained about.” That managed to make Aelin chuckle. “You’ll enjoy pouring yourself into raising any children you may have.” That made her smile falter, the thought of having kids with Arobynn.  “And it’s not like you’re gone forever. We’ll all still be here. Your family.”</p>
<p>Marion lifted Aelin’s chin, looking into her eyes determinedly.</p>
<p>“And I will always be here for you too.” Her voice was strong, the conviction in it making Aelin believe her.  “If you <em> ever </em> want to come talk, or vent, or ask for advice, or just want some company, don’t hesitate.  And if you ever have a problem with <em> that man </em>, then come let me know and I’ll raise hell.”</p>
<p>Aelin smiled, a real smile.  “Thank you. That means a lot.”  And it was true.</p>
<p>Marion just kissed her forehead gently before sliding off the bed.</p>
<p>“Of course, sweetheart. Now get some sleep.” Aelin sniffled and nodded, settling back down under the blanket, her head pressing into the soft pillows.</p>
<p>Yes, she was an adult now, but that didn’t mean she needed a mother any less.</p>
<p>——-</p>
<p>Despite how much she didn’t want to get married, Aelin had to admit the dress was quite beautiful. Of course, she expected nothing less with how much money Arobynn had poured into all of the planning. He wanted an impressive wedding, and it was clear he wouldn’t settle for anything less.</p>
<p>She’d seen him a few times in the past couple of weeks since her birthday, each time less pleasant than the one before.  And he’d used that time to fill her in on what the ceremony and party afterward was to look like, ignoring the fact that Aelin didn’t care.</p>
<p>It was to take place at the local temple, of course.  Even though she knew Arobynn was not religious, and did not pray to the gods like every other respectable family, she also knew he would never admit that fact.  It was custom to be wed in front of the altar, and he would fulfill that custom to avoid being the subject of any malicious talk.</p>
<p>Apparently, they were to have a mix of delicate white flowers and orange blossoms as the main decoration, the plants supposed to add a dash of life to the affair.  It was May after all, so a hint of spring would be expected.</p>
<p>And Arobynn was anything but fine with not meeting expectations.</p>
<p>A successful career, a large house, a beautiful wife, and an expensive wedding.</p>
<p>What more could anyone want?</p>
<p>Aelin sighed as the tailor, Phillipa, came back from the store room carrying more pins. The dress was practically completed, but some adjustments still had to be made.</p>
<p>So she stood there, as Phillipa fussed around, finding extra fabric and pinning it to remind herself to change the stitching later on. Aelin had no idea how the woman created dresses so extraordinary. She came to her for her whole wardrobe, every garment designed by this store.</p>
<p>In fact, most of the town came here, everyone who could afford the hefty price that is. Dresses like this couldn’t be cheap.</p>
<p>And that’s why Arobynn was paying for it. Her parents couldn’t shell out the money, so he had offered to buy it, just like everything else. According to her father, they were one step away from losing their house, so it wasn’t like they could afford to pay for such an extravagant gown.</p>
<p>And it <em> was </em>extravagant.</p>
<p>The fabric was a creamy, soft sort of white, not pure white but not ivory. It was a very warm color, and Aelin much preferred it to any other option.</p>
<p>Very detailed embroidery filled the corset-like bodice and extended down the long sleeves. The top was cut in a V shape, with the bottom of it coming to a gentle point and the top sloping down to reveal a bit of her chest, with tulle there to keep it from being immodest.</p>
<p>The skirt was made of silk, and quite dramatic, with the fabric draped across her front and over the bustle to come to a swoop around her side. A petticoat was necessary under it to make sure it laid right, and somehow Phillipa had made the heavy material comfortable instead of itchy.</p>
<p>And because of how large the skirt was, she had to wear booted heels as well, the lacy white material and white laces matching the style of the dress.</p>
<p>Delicate gloves and a long veil completed the look, and Aelin couldn’t help but admire it when it was altogether, every individual part joining to create this masterpiece.</p>
<p>“Do you like it, dear?” Phillipa asked, clearly nervous at what she would think.</p>
<p>“I love it,” she breathed, assuaging any of the designer’s fears. “It’s breathtaking.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad you think so.” The woman smiled and had Aelin spin around before announcing, “I think it’s done.”</p>
<p>Just then, the bell on the shop’s door rang, drawing both of the occupants’ attention. And Aelin frowned at the arrival.</p>
<p>“You look absolutely beautiful, darling,” came Arobynn’s slimy voice. Apparently he’d decided to forgo the tradition of not seeing the dress before the wedding day. He probably wanted to make sure it was suitable enough, never one to leave that up to chance.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she murmured, turning back to look into the mirror.</p>
<p>“But I think we can take in the waist a bit more, don’t you?” He directed the question toward Philippa, whose eyebrows shot up.</p>
<p>“It’s already as small as is advisable, Lord Hamel,” she said, and looked to Aelin, who gave her a tight lipped nod.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, Phillipa, I think there’s a little bit of room.” There wasn’t really, but maybe her maid could get her corset a little tighter. That was a better alternative to Arobynn’s frustration.</p>
<p>Philippa gave her a look before walking back into the storeroom to get something to mark the change.</p>
<p>That left Aelin and Arobynn alone. The latter began walking in a circle around her, like a predator stalking prey, a dangerous glint in his eyes. She tracked him as he moved, breath frozen as she waited for the shoe to drop.</p>
<p>He stopped in front of her, meeting her gaze.</p>
<p>“I wonder, darling,” his voice was malicious, “do you truly think I’m unobservant? Or are you just naive enough to think I would never find out?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m splitting this fic into two parts, with a small time jump in the middle, and this chapter makes the end of the part 1! I hope you enjoy it (as much as you can) and then part 2 will get started once I finish chapter ten.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Orynth, 1885</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span><br/>Time was frozen. The earth halted in its spin. And Aelin couldn’t move as she stared at Arobynn with wide eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her heart was beating too fast and her hands were beginning to shake to the point where she had to clench them into fists, if only to hide her anxiety from him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she tried, steeling her resolve to make her words more convincing. Arobynn just tilted his head and lifted his brows, a smirk playing at his lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh?” He said, voice full of sarcasm. “Would you like me to remind you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin clenched her jaw and looked away, not wanting to see the vindictiveness in his gaze. She knew where this was going.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like me to tell you what scandalous stories I’ve learned about my future wife?” He stepped closer, and she recoiled at the invasion of personal space. His warmth was soaking into her, his smell clogging up her nose as he stared down at her. “Would you like me to call you a filthy whore? Or a good for nothing slut? Or would </span>
  <em>
    <span>ruined</span>
  </em>
  <span> be a better word to use?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He grabbed her chin roughly, yanking her face up so she was forced to meet his eyes. “Because, darling, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you would be ruined for this</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Would be. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Not was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn pushed away from her, backing up a few steps and giving her some space to finally take a breath.  But the rage in his eyes remained the same.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rowan Whitethorn is an interesting choice I have to say,” he composed himself, going back to walking around her. Aelin couldn’t keep her eyes on him this way and it made her uneasy. “I never thought you would associate with the rabble.” His lip curled in disgust, and anger rushed through her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you dare insult him,” she hissed before she could think twice. Arobynn’s face lit up with malice and delight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My dear,” he said, with a tone of fake surprise, “is this a </span>
  <em>
    <span>love </span>
  </em>
  <span>match?” His words were mocking. “It’s not just release you’re searching for, but love?” He gasped, theatrically placing a hand over his chest, and then his face melted into a sardonic smile. “I knew you were reckless, but I never pegged you for a fool.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin glanced away again, a mixture of frustration, embarrassment, and fear roiling in her stomach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How did you find out?” She asked, her voice tense.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Trust me, Aelin,” Arobynn reached out and grabbed her veil, running it loosely through his hand, “you didn’t make it very difficult.  From sneaking out in the middle of the night, to those precious letters you would leave in the mailbox, to </span>
  <em>
    <span>bribing </span>
  </em>
  <span>your driver to keep it a secret.” He shook his head and tsked.  “It’s like you </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>everyone to know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t respond, didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t implicate her further.  So she just stood there like a statue as he crucified her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you think that coach driver was loyal to you?” He asked, fake pity in his voice. “Did you trust him to keep your rendezvous quiet?” He let the veil fall back to the floor.  “Or did you know he would run to me for money in exchange for the information almost immediately after he took you there?” Aelin’s eyes widened, and he chuckled humorlessly at her shock.  “Don’t be surprised, darling. I would’ve known regardless. You act as if I haven’t had someone trailing you from the moment I began negotiations with your parents.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>bastard.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” She whipped her head around to glare at him, but he wasn’t fazed.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m </span>
  </em>
  <span>the bastard huh?” Arobynn leaned in again. “Are you sure you don’t have one of those cooking in here?” He reached out and patted her stomach, and she reared back at the touch.  “I doubt you do, though. With your mother’s trouble conceiving and all.” She narrowed her eyes at the statements, both the layered criticism of her family and the outright disrespect toward herself.  “Don’t act so serious, love. I had to make sure you weren’t doing anything that would harm my reputation.” </span>
</p>
<p>“And this didn’t meet the criteria?” Aelin muttered sarcastically, and his eyes lit up with amusement.</p>
<p>
  <span>“You fucking Rowan Whitethorn can be covered up quite easily,” he clarified, coming to a stop in front of her, “but a gambling addiction, for example, well I couldn’t have that. I protect my finances dutifully and I wouldn’t want you spending it.” She rolled her eyes. “And a love for alcohol wouldn’t be much of a bother at home, but if you were to appear drunk while out with me, that would just look bad.” He scrunched his eyebrows and shook his head dramatically. “And, gods forbid, if you were to secretly work in a brothel to fulfill some need for excitement, just think of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>scandal</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He huffed, but then smirked. “Although I suppose that couldn’t be the case. I would’ve recognized you there a long time ago.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin wrinkled her nose in disgust at the implication, but he just laughed.  Philippa hadn’t come back yet, she probably could hear snippets of the conversation and had decided to stay away. Smart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe that would’ve been ideal, though,” Arobynn grabbed her hand, pulling her glove off slowly and delicately, “we could’ve gotten some practice before the big day.” He ran his fingers down her exposed skin and she yanked her arm away, nausea forming in her stomach at the feeling. “I certainly would’ve been better than Whitethorn.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that was enough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin clenched her jaw in determination and got off of the platform she was standing on, making her way to the door, not caring about the wedding dress she was wearing. She just needed to get away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Arobynn had other ideas, because he snatched her arm, pulling her back toward him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where do you think you’re going?” He hissed, all signs of amusement turned into anger. “I haven’t finished yet, darling.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He squeezed her arm tightly, keeping her from pulling away like before. And he leaned closer, his face far too close to hers, his breath hot on her skin. Aelin tried to move back, but he wouldn’t let her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don't you understand how </span>
  <em>
    <span>generous </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’m being here?” He spit the words to her. “I just found out my betrothed was sullying herself with some other man, and I’m still willing to marry you.” She stilled, waiting for him to continue. “You need me much more than I need you, so be grateful that I’m still giving you a chance.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin rolled her eyes, and he just yanked her closer at the disrespect. “It would be so easy for me to just leak this little bit of information, you know that right?” His eyes were darkened with rage. “Just like that, and then you would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>ruined</span>
  </em>
  <span>. No man would </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare </span>
  </em>
  <span>come near you for the fear that your incompetence and disregard for all of society’s rules would reflect poorly on them.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her arms started to shake, but she was stuck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And not just you either, love,” he continued, “your precious family too. Your parents would be broke and heralded as failures for their business and for raising a child like </span>
  <em>
    <span>you.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Tears pricked her eyes and she quickly blinked them away. “And I’m sure your cousin wouldn’t come out unscathed either, not to mention the Lochans and everyone else associated with you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn stroked a finger down her cheek, making her shudder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And don’t forget about your little lover, Mr. Whitethorn,” he said. “He would be ostracized, wouldn’t he, if he was viewed as taking advantage of you. I don’t think he would be accepted anywhere in town at all.” He breathed the words harshly, inching closer and closer until his nose was inches away from her own. “Would you be able to do that to him?”</span>
</p>
<p>Her lip started trembling and all she longed for was to be away from this place, from this man.</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure you were dreaming of some way to ditch me and be with him, weren’t you?” Arobynn narrowed his eyes, “but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>beg</span>
  </em>
  <span> you dear,” he got close enough to where they were breathing the same air, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>think of the consequences</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then she was free. He released her arm, stepping back and giving her some space. Aelin gulped in a large breath of air, but kept her eyes on his imposing figure as he made his way to the front door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But halfway through exiting the store, he turned around and smiled. “Oh, and Aelin,” he called out in a mock cheery voice, “if I ever find you hanging around him again, let’s just say, you won’t like what happens next.” He gave a small wave. “Have a nice day.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then he was gone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin stared at the door for a while, watching as it fell closed. Her head felt so empty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The street was visible through the windows, and she vaguely wondered how everything could look so normal when it felt so wrong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A quiet but insistent ringing noise pounded in her ears, and that was all she could hear as she made her way back to the platform in front of the mirror.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Apparently Philippa decided it was safe, because she emerged from the back room, a guarded look of concern on her face. Aelin felt like she should say something, apologize for their behavior maybe, or beg her to keep silent about what she heard, but her mouth wouldn’t work. It was useless anyway. Nothing she could do or say would change anything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was hopeless.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Philippa began disassembling the outfit, undoing the veil and beginning to unpin the dress, but Aelin just stared at the singular glove discarded on the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s presence was mocking her, the pristine white silk lying on the wood with no care for its cleanliness. She could already see the dust and dirt creeping onto the fabric, making a permanent mark that ruined the purity of the look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Ruined.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was an ugly word, an insult thrown with only the utmost of contempt. Arobynn had hurled it with every intention of calling out her relationship with Rowan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yet Aelin couldn’t help but think that the blame of her ruination would lie solely with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>——</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The ringing stayed in her ears the entire drive to the Lochans house, her requested destination. Unfortunately the carriage driver was her betrayer, but he had the good sense not to look her in the eye.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin barely remembered the drive, her mind so far away from the streets she was passing. It had been two weeks since her crying conversation with Marion, and though she was not yet married, she was going to make good on the offer Marion had made.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Marion had promised to be there for whatever Aelin needed, and right now, she needed a favor. She needed a messenger.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And when she arrived at their house, she dismissed her driver. She didn’t need him knowing what she was doing or where she was going to go after this, since he was so inclined to give her location away to Arobynn.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But it was Cal who opened the door, not Marion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aelin,” he said, his brows furrowed but with a smile on his face, “we weren’t expecting you today, didn’t you have a dress fitting?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin didn’t bother answering the question, she couldn’t waste the breath to explain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I speak to Marion please? In private?” The words were much calmer than she was expecting, the cool tone of her voice contrasting with the storm inside of her. Cal looked confused, but opened the door wider to let her in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course,” he confirmed, “I’ll go get her. You can wait in the library if you would like, there’s no one in there right now.” Aelin nodded and smiled in gratitude, and trekked her way back there as Cal assumedly went to go find his wife.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sat herself down delicately on one of the comfortable armchairs, the anxiety inside of her not allowing her to relax.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her heart was beating too rapidly, but her head was still blank as Marion entered the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay, Aelin?” Her worry was evident in her tone and her expression, and Aelin barely saw Cal closing the door quietly before turning to the woman.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I ask you something?” She said, and Marion nodded as she sat down across from her, leaning forward to show she was listening intently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, sweetheart. Whatever you want.” She sounded so confident and self assured that Aelin didn’t hesitate.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I let something slip when I spoke to you that day,” Aelin looked down, her lip beginning to tremble again. “About … love.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Marion just sighed and grabbed one of Aelin’s hands, comforting her and confirming that she remembered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think you could deliver a message for me?” She looked back up to meet Marion’s eyes. “To ask him to meet me somewhere?” Aelin poured every ounce of argument she had into her gaze. “I’d go to his house myself but I really can’t be seen there. Especially now.” Her stomach dropped. “And I really need to talk to him as soon as possible.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Marion paused, her mouth tight lipped as she considered. But when she saw Aelin’s pleading gaze, she relented.</span>
</p>
<p>“Where would you like me to tell him to go?” Marion asked softly, and Aelin wiped away a stray tear before answering.</p>
<p>“The Florine River, by the old swing.” It wasn’t a common place, but it was special for the two of them. It was where they first met, ages ago when Rowan’s family had visited from Doranelle. It was years before they ever noticed each other in any other way, but they’d been innocent childhood friends for those few minutes at the swing. “Oh, and can I borrow your carriage? I can’t use mine for this.”</p>
<p>Marion nodded and Aelin stood up, sighing in relief. She made to go to the door, when Marion stopped her.</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aelin,” she said, “I need to know who I’m telling.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin’s stomach curled in dread, but she took a deep breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rowan Whitethorn.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>——</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fortunately, the weather was nice by the river as Aelin waited for Rowan to arrive. There was a nice breeze, and the sun was out. It wasn’t too hot, and there were birds chirping from the nearby woods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was very picturesque. Maybe it would make the conversation she was about to have easier.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was doubtful though. Aelin didn’t think there was anything that could ease the pain of what needed to happen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She chewed on her lip as she sat on the swing, rocking back and forth without paying too much attention. The river was a little ways out of town, so she didn’t have to worry about anyone else showing up. She’d dismissed the coach driver, not needing him nearby during this, and now all she had to do was wait.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But luckily her wait was over fairly quickly, the sound of a horse drawing her attention.  Aelin snapped her head in that direction, smiling faintly when she saw Rowan. It was quite common for him to go places by himself, so seeing him riding over on horseback was unsurprising.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her smile quickly dropped at his grave expression, and she looked away as he dismounted and walked over to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay, Aelin?” Rowan asked, his voice a little panicky. He knelt in front of her, his green eyes searching her face for what was wrong. “Mrs. Lochan told me I needed to get here as quick as I could, but she didn’t tell me why.” He grabbed both of her hands gently, rubbing his thumbs soothingly over the back of her palms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No I’m not okay,” she whispered. He stayed quiet, waiting for her to explain. “Arobynn knows.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan pursed his lips, looking away and nodding. “Okay … </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit, </span>
  </em>
  <span>okay.”  She didn’t blame him for his reaction, this was the worst possible situation to occur. Anyone else knowing could be worked around, but the spite and malice that lived in Arobynn would never allow their relationship to survive. He looked back at her. “How do you know?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes darkened. “I was at my dress fitting this afternoon, and he came into the store and </span>
  <em>
    <span>confronted</span>
  </em>
  <span> me about it.” Aelin’s voice shook a little as she finished the sentence, and Rowan caught it, his brows narrowing in anger.</span>
</p>
<p>“He better not have laid a single finger on you,” he hissed, aggression for the other man clear. Aelin shook her head.</p>
<p>
  <span>“He didn’t.” She wasn’t sure why she lied, but for some reason she knew that telling him the truth would just make the situation worse. He didn’t need to know about the fear she had felt when Arobynn had gotten so close to her, the helplessness when he had a hold on her arm, and how easily he could’ve just not let her go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But he did threaten me,” she admitted. “Threatened </span>
  <em>
    <span>us.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her gaze hooked on a leaf falling down from a tree in the breeze. “He’s not the type to let a slight like this go by. You know he’s not.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan leaned forward, pressing his forehead against hers.  They both took a deep breath, and Aelin closed her eyes, reveling in his presence for just a few moments.  After all, it may be the last time she would ever see him like this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you want to do about it?” Rowan asked calmly, and she opened her eyes to meet his green ones, full of love and compassion and worry.  And it made her throat tighten, tears threatening to spill.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” she said, her voice small.  She sounded like a child admitting they’d done something wrong.  “I don’t want to lose you. I don’t think I </span>
  <em>
    <span>can.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>A single tear fell down her cheek.  “But I also can’t be the cause of everyone’s suffering.” Rowan sighed.  “He’s threatened to tell the town about us, and by connection implicate not only us, but my entire family.  And everyone associated with my parents’ business will lose their livelihoods and any security they have once Arobynn pulls out his investment.” Another tear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan reached a hand up to brush her cheek.  Aelin rested her hands on his shoulders, keeping him close.  She didn’t know what she would do without him. He was the one thing that kept her sane, who kept her from losing her ground in the world that was so desperate to knock her down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s run away,” she whispered, pouring the remains of her depleted hope into the statement. “Let’s just leave everything here behind.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t answer, and all she heard were the birds, chirping joyfully as if her entire life didn’t hinge on this response.  And when it came, it was so quiet she almost didn’t hear it over the sounds of the river.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can’t,” he murmured, and Aelin knew he was right.  “As much as I want to, we can’t.” She nodded in reluctant agreement, a choked sob coming out of her.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you,” she managed to croak, tears now running in rivulets down her skin.  Rowan pulled back a little bit, still keeping his face close to hers. Aelin ran her eyes over him.  Over the silvery hair, the tan skin, the strong jaw and sharp cheekbones, the green eyes that always saw into her soul.  She memorized it all, memorized what he looked like, how she felt when she was with him, how they </span>
  <em>
    <span>belonged </span>
  </em>
  <span>together.  </span>
</p>
<p>“I love you too, Fireheart,” Rowan said softly, and she was surprised to see tears of his own on his face.  He smiled heartbreakingly, and it made her sob harder. “At least we’ll always have that, right?”</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin launched herself from the swing into his arms, falling into his lap.  He held her close, pressing her face into his chest as she cried.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll have our love, and our letters, and all of the memories we’ve made,” he whispered into her hair.  “No matter how bleak everything seems, at least we have that.” She nodded into his shirt, and he stroked a hand down her back.  It didn’t matter to her that they were on the ground, grass and dirt most likely getting all over her dress. She just needed to be close to him.  “And even though we can’t be together anymore, I’ll always be there for you. Don’t ever doubt it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want to let you go,” she cried, and Rowan lifted her chin gently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t either,” he admitted through his tears, “but we have to.” He pressed a kiss gently to Aelin’s lips, and she relished in it, not wanting it to end.  But it did. “I have an idea,” Rowan said, and she raised a brow in a weak attempt at curiosity. He reached into his jacket and pulled out his pocket knife, the one she knew he always had with him.  It had been his father’s and he carried it dutifully wherever he went. Rowan leaned forward, still holding her with one arm, and held the knife out toward the swing. “Close your eyes,” he murmured, and Aelin followed suit.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a few minutes, she began to feel restless, and was about to open them when Rowan told her he was done.  Aelin cracked her eyes and looked at what he had carved, a smile actually forming on her face while a new wave of tears spilled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It meant more to her than any words she could possibly use to express the feeling, so she reached up and kissed him again, pouring all of her emotions into the movement.  He reciprocated, pulling her as close as possible. The kiss held everything they had ever whispered to each other, every promise of love or talks of the future, every confession or truth, every hidden desire or fear.  They knew each other’s souls, and this kiss was a reflection of that. And she would never feel anything like it again.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Part 1 Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am such an idiot omg. I totally forgot to post the epilogue I had for part one. It was supposed to be before chapter ten, and legit I can’t believe I forgot it. Agh! Well, here you go now. I’ll reorder the chapters soon so this is before chapter ten.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>Aelin</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Putting on her wedding dress again was not quite the same experience as before.  Instead of marveling at the intricacy of the design, Aelin was trying not to ruin it with her tears.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both her maid and her mother’s maid bustled around her, fixing her dress and fixing her.  She’d been crying herself to sleep for the past couple of weeks, ever since that godsdamned day, and it showed.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes were puffy, her complexion drawn, and she just looked tired.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>So </span>
  </em>
  <span>tired.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the maids were tasked with covering that up. After all, no bride should look like that on their wedding day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Aelin let them fuss, dabbing rouge on her face and brushing her hair and smoothing it into its style.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe she was dying inside, but she didn’t have to look like it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet tears were pricking at her eyes again when her mother came to stand in front her, a small smile on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look beautiful, Aelin,” she said, but Aelin didn’t move her face from its seemingly permanent frown.  And she didn’t bother to respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her mother reached for the necklace resting on her dresser, the family diamonds sparkling in the morning light. Evalin lifted it around Aelin’s neck, clasping it behind her head before letting go and stepping back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for doing this,” her mother murmured quietly before leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin stared at herself in the mirror, gazing into empty turquoise eyes. She didn’t even recognize who stared back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she just turned away, walking out of her childhood bedroom for the last time.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Rowan</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rowan Whitethorn couldn’t pick out the moment when his life became so fucked up. Maybe it was when he decided to fall for Aelin Galathynius, a girl so far out of his league it was almost laughable. Or maybe it was when his parents died, and he was expected to take up his father’s mantle at the tender age of sixteen. Or maybe it was long before that, when eight year old him spotted that little blonde girl laughing while swinging on the wooden swing by the river, and he decided he wanted to be the one to make her smile like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Either way, his life was definitely spiraling in the wrong direction, made clear by the empty glass of bourbon in his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the armchair. Alcohol was the only way he knew how to stop himself from hurting, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>gods</span>
  </em>
  <span> was he hurting right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan had never experienced this type of pain, where your soul felt like it was being ripped in two.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed heavily and stared out the window onto the darkened street, before grabbing the newspaper from that morning in an attempt to distract himself.  But he knew that was a bad decision right when he turned to the social page. Because there, in large block letters, was the headline</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Arobynn Hamel and Aelin Galathynius Wed Today in Large, Public Ceremony</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan cursed and crumpled the page, throwing it across the room.  He needed it out of his sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He threw his glass too for good measure, breathing heavily as he watched it shatter on the wooden floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one was bothered by the noise, no one came to investigate what it was or came to clean it up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that was the only reason he’d been able to say no to Aelin’s offer to run away. He couldn’t even afford to keep a godsdamned servant overnight, there’s no way he’d be able to afford the sort of wealth they’d need to not care about society’s opinion. He couldn’t provide for her family, or for everyone she cared about. Because his love had a big heart, and she couldn’t bear to see anyone around her suffering when it could be avoided. Aelin would come to resent him, and Rowan would never be able to survive that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she deserved a life with everything she wanted, to never have to fear for how she would put food on the table or how she would buy new clothes or new books. She deserved not to be an outcast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He despised the fact that it would be Arobynn by her side now, but at least he could provide her with a comfortable life, free of ostracization and shame. Rowan couldn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He never should’ve let their relationship get this far, never should’ve agreed that night. Maybe they wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t. But deep in his heart he knew he wou8ldn’t change anything. It was a few months of paradise, even though it was over now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought of the carving he made on that swing, what he’d promised her every time she ran to him for comfort, every whispered word they’d ever shared, but it wouldn’t change anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Rowan took a deep breath and grabbed a piece of parchment, jotting down Lorcan’s address on the front.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then all he wrote was</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I changed my mind. </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This starts part two! The timeline for this half starts a year after the end of chapter nine.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1886 - <em>One Year Later</em></strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was strange coming back to Orynth to see that nothing had changed. The street full of little shops and restaurants was as bustling as ever, the same sound of horses and carriages filling the air. His bleeding heart wasn’t reflected in the appearance of the city, although Rowan wasn’t surprised.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Life had moved on over the year he’d been gone, and everyone else along with it. He’d tried to move on too, which was the very reason he’d agreed to go with Lorcan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d initially turned down the offer, wanting to stay in Orynth, but when those circumstances changed, Rowan found himself wanting to run.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And a nine month long trip around the world followed by three months back in Doranelle seemed like a great idea to get away from everything, even though Rowan knew his problems would likely follow him wherever he went. And he conveniently had a newly freed stash of money to spend on the trip. He’d been saving up for months for… well it wasn’t important now. He didn’t need to revisit the fact that the money was linked with the very reason for the excursion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nevertheless, it was a suitable enough distraction, especially the time back at home. Though that stop had brought consequences of its own, another weight on his heart caused by the very person he had tried to escape from.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he wasn’t moving back to Doranelle, couldn’t move back there, so he was stuck in Orynth trying to outrun any notice of the love of his life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan wondered how Aelin had been doing for the past year. He had thought about her every single day he was gone, his brain evading his desire to forget.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hoped she was doing better than him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hoped when he saw her it didn’t feel like his chest was splitting open and his heart crumbling to dust.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And he hoped to gods that Arobynn Hamel had changed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he knew two of those were unlikely, so he was just aiming for the first.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the back of his mind, a small part that he had been trying to ignore, Rowan also hoped that she didn’t hate him. He had left quite suddenly, without a word of warning to anyone, returning with two new people, one of which would be hard to explain to Aelin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not that he really had anything to explain, it was perfectly within his rights, but he felt like he was betraying everything he had promised her. Because he was, wasn’t he?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan huffed a sigh as he crossed the street, only looking to make sure he wasn’t going to be hit by a passing carriage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was something he’d noticed about Orynth when looking at it with an outside view. It was constantly moving, constantly full of noise and people, a constant powder keg ready to blow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenharrow had looked practically abandoned, Rifthold was a ghost town, and Orynth easily eclipsed them both.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few people nodded at him as he walked down the sidewalk, hands in his pockets.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was his first day back in town, and all he wanted was a danish from Faliq’s Bakery. In the entirety of Erilea, nothing had matched up to the deliciousness that was that bakery.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Rowan had set out the moment he unpacked, craving some bit of normalcy when everything else was unfamiliar.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The light blue awning was a welcome sight as he reached the bakery, dodging people on the way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin loved this place. She always used to rave about it to him, praising the delicacies with the skill of the most experienced critic. In fact, it was probably a mistake to come here given how often she frequented it. But at the same time, that drew him to the building even more, if only for the fact that it was a little piece of her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan remembered one day, when they’d been talking on stolen time. She’d been complaining that he never ate any chocolate from the bakery, saying that they were way better than whatever bullshit he ordered, all with a gorgeous grin on her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had just smiled softly and said that she was the only sweet thing he wanted. Her expression had turned shy, and he had placed a gentle kiss to her cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a different time, a </span>
  <em>
    <span>simpler </span>
  </em>
  <span>time, and Rowan wished he could go back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he could only go forward. So he opened the door and stepped inside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Only to run smack into someone he wasn’t expecting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the he-, oh Rowan!” He looked up into the face of Aedion Ashryver. “I didn’t know you were back!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan smiled awkwardly, eyes darting away. Aedion was blocking the doorway, so there wasn’t much he could see besides him. “Yeah I just got home this morning.” He didn’t want to look into those turquoise eyes that so resembled Aedion’s cousin’s.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How was your trip?” He continued, “I haven’t heard anything about since your first letter.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan smiled, tightening his lips slightly. “It was good. Nice to get out of Orynth for a little while.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aedion sighed. “Yeah, I bet. I would love going to the country, away from the city for a bit.” He rested a hand on the doorframe and Rowan raised a brow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah right,” a snarky voice added from behind Aedion, “only if you can take Lysandra with you.” A small dark haired frame popped out from behind him, nudging the blonde man until he stepped outside. “Hi Rowan,” she continued, and Rowan smiled a greeting at Elide.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello, Miss Lochan,” he replied, “it’s good to see you.” She nodded at him before turning to Aedion, who was scowling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t look at me like that,” Elide said with a snort, “you know it’s true.” She stepped out onto the sidewalk, joining both of them and letting the bakery door fall shut behind her dark blue dress. Rowan just wanted to go inside, but it seemed he wouldn’t be able to yet.  It’s not like he wasn’t glad to see his friends, but on his first day back in this hellhole of memories it was a little much.</span>
</p>
<p><span>“Whatever,” Aedion muttered while he fixed his hat, which had gotten jostled by Elide’s shove.</span>“Where’s Aelin?”</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan froze.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She should be coming,” Elide added, neither of them noticing his paling face, “But she insisted on buying another piece of hazelnut cake, and she’s waiting on Nesryn to package it up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aedion rolled his eyes and muttered a good natured “of course” under his breath. Then he looked back over at Rowan. “I know you just got home, but I’m throwing a dinner party the night after tomorrow, and I’ll have space for you if you want to come.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan loosed a breath and nodded. “Is it okay if I bring someone with me?” What better way to start those introductions? Aedion and Elide both looked surprised, but he nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure, bring as many people as you want,” he added flippantly, with a big smile on his face, “it’s going to be a huge event so feel free.” Elide muttered something he didn’t quite catch, his attention focused on the door to the bakery that was beginning to open.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was like time slowed down, the planet’s revolution coming to a halt as that wooden door moved.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan stared as a rose colored dress met his eyes, matching boots peeking out from beneath the hem as the figure took a step. His breath halted as Aelin appeared from behind the door, and his heart completely cracked at what he saw.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not at the hate in her gaze. No, there was none of that. But he almost found himself wishing there was, because anything would be better than those turquoise pools of light being filled with </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Those empty eyes widened as they locked onto his, her sure steps faltering at the sight of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then time sped back up to normal, as if it were spinning extra to make up for the lost time, the whole world tilting out of control as she looked away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan felt cold, all warmth seeped away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you get enough cake?” Aedion teased, earning a lackluster smile from Aelin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is there such a thing?” He nearly passed out at the sound of her voice, it’s musical timbre striking him right in the chest. But he could also hear past the bravado, see past the fake look of indignancy on her face. Could see that she wasn’t okay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It made him want to yell, it made him want to punch the wall, it made him want to strangle Arobynn Hamel.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin looked back at Rowan for a second before darting her eyes away. Those empty eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think so,” Elide said, breaking the quiet tension that had settled over the group, “I for one can never get enough of Faliq’s.” Aedion chuckled, and Rowan would have if not for the crushing weight pressing down on him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s true, I suppose,” Aedion replied, with a small shrug. “Better than the bakery down the street.” Elide wrinkled her nose.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think anywhere is better than there.” She exaggerated a shudder, and Aedion snorted as Rowan just stood there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aedion,” Aelin cut in in a low voice, still not looking at him, “we </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> have to go.” Her gaze stayed firmly focused on her cousin. “I told him an hour, and we’re already almost past.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re the one holding up the show,” Aedion joked, but Rowan caught the way his face stiffened at her words, at the likely identity of </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Aelin didn’t respond, Aedion sighed and gestured to the sidewalk. She stepped delicately in front of him, and Rowan got a whiff of her perfume as she passed, the floral scent just as enthralling as before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll see you the day after tomorrow, right?” Aedion pointed at him as he started walking, Elide and Aelin on either side. Rowan managed an “of course” before all words failed him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The dark haired woman popped open her parasol, protecting against the sun, and the trio walked off down the street, leaving Rowan alone to process what just happened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To process that his one hope of Aelin being happy was well and truly crushed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>——</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin lightly tapped the keys of the pianoforte as she warmed up her wrists, getting ready to play. She’d sat down at the instrument almost the minute she’d reached home, needing the calming music to distract her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To distract her from Rowan, and the feeling of seeing him for the first time in almost a year.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sighed before plunging into the piece, a lively loud tune with lots of difficult technique that ensured she was focused on that instead of stewing in her own thoughts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin never predicted that she’d feel so conflicted over this. She’d imagined he’d come back from wherever he was and she’d want to fall in his arms and weep with joy. Instead, she’d been cold, avoiding his piercing gaze and pretending that nothing was wrong. </span>
</p>
<p>It was such a disconnect between writing to him on a piece of paper and having to actually open her mouth and speak to him while looking him in the eye. In a letter she could ignore the time and the distance, she could pretend they were still the same they’d been a year ago, when she would curl up against him and tell him everything, when he would brush a hand down her hair and whisper declarations of love into her ear.</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin had passed off a letter to Emrys only two hours before seeing Rowan, and the difference between the two occasions was laughable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She still didn’t know how to feel about him leaving. For the whole year he’d been gone she’d been puzzling over it in her mind. She had no claim on him anymore, no rights to demand he stay, but his sudden departure had shaken her. She was married, yes, but a smile while passing on the street, a nod from across the room at a ball, maybe a letter every now and then, would’ve all been infinitely more comforting than him being thousands of miles away. And she thought he knew that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin’s hands faltered on a chord, her finger slipping and striking the wrong key, making the song sound dissonant. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, calming the rising panic inside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In and out. In and out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a momentary pause, she began playing again, setting off into another melody. She didn’t used to play the piano, didn’t used to find peace in it’s musical tone. But she’d learned to, as a point of consistency in her life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you ever going to stop that racket?” Aelin let the tune hang, stopping her movements as she turned around to glance at her husband’s annoyed face. His grey eyes were expressionless, like they always were if they weren’t staring at her with maliciousness or lust.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyebrows raised automatically at the comment, but she tempered them in order to prevent any sort of reaction.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Am I bothering you?” Aelin asked, trying to keep all snark out of her voice, albeit unsuccessfully.  Arobynn set his newspaper down, leaning back against the cushion of the drawing room couch. She held her breath as she waited for the reply that she knew would not be kind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The noise you call music certainly isn’t my favorite sound in the world.” His tone was haughty. “But what about you? Does the return of a certain gentleman bother </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” He continued, smirking sardonically. “Although I suppose gentleman is too kind of a word to use.” Aelin clenched her jaw and turned back to the piano, setting her hands on the keys and preparing to play, despite whatever he thought of it.  “You know,” Arobynn continued, but she refused to turn around, “I was surprised to find that so many people were talking about it. I never thought anyone would be so interested in that trash.” She focused on her breathing again. In and out. In and out. “But I guess when an established member of society comes back with two new people, it causes quite a stir. Especially when one of them is a woman.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin froze.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And apparently that gave her away, because Arobynn chuckled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” he said, with mock surprise, “you didn’t know?” She stared at the sheet music in front of her, ignoring the emotions roiling through her. “Apparently he visited his hometown and brought back some old friends. One of them a female, who is seemingly staying long term, as she brought her guardian with her.” Aelin clenched her hands into fists, abandoning any attempt to play. Even without looking at him, she could hear the humor in his voice. “I wonder what that could mean?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her hands began to shake slightly, and she swung around to finally look at him. “Does it matter?” He smirked again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know, does it?” He tilted his head and looked at her with a fake curious expression.  He was mocking her, she knew that, but Aelin couldn’t stop herself from giving him the reaction he was seeking. She pursed her lips and looked down, avoiding his gaze. “I would hope it doesn’t,” Arobynn continued, his voice turning a little more serious, a little more threatening.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course you would,” she said under her breath, turning away once again.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like to repeat what you just muttered?” Arobynn challenged, with his brows raised. Aelin stayed silent. “I don’t think there’s any need for sass. Don’t you agree, darling?” She squeezed her eyes shut at the name. She hated how he turned the sweet pet name into something sour, twisting it until it was a signal of condescension instead of love. He didn’t love her, and he certainly didn’t respect her either.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she still didn’t respond, he huffed a sigh, and then the room became so quiet all she could hear was her breath in her ears, until the sound of him standing up filled them, the sound of the couch moving, the newspaper crinkling, the carefully measured footsteps making their way over to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She kept her eyes on the piano until she could feel him leaning over her, one hand pressed on the seat next to her leg, the other resting on the wood of the instrument.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His presence seemed to suck up all the air, while simultaneously weighing down on her. But Aelin kept her gaze forward, refusing to look at him even though he was only inches away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The delicate hairs by her ear moved as he hissed “just don’t say I didn’t warn you.” His hot breath made her shudder, and her skin crawled as he pressed a slow kiss to her cheek, making her desperate to push him away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she just sat there, unmoving, thanking the gods when he pulled back. And she remained unmoving as he walked away, snatching up the newspaper and exiting the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin stayed still for another moment, the sheet music in front of her blurring. And then she set her hands back on the keys and started playing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like nothing had happened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>——</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan would’ve liked to say he felt bad about being so distracted, but he couldn’t. Because he couldn’t take the time or the brain space to even think about the fact that he wasn’t paying attention.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew his company was talking, knew his tea was getting cold, but all he could focus on was Aelin. He kept turning his mind to the image of her wide eyes looking at him, the usual golden flame dimmed to almost nothing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan knew it was a sight that would haunt him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If he wasn’t murdered by Maeve Rosela first.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew she didn’t like him. Despite being Lyria’s guardian, the woman had never changed her mind. He didn’t particularly care. He’d never liked her either, even though he should be acting more welcoming toward the woman who’d raised his likely future wife.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The thought shot unbidden pain through his heart, and it was an effort not to grimace.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was being purely practical. Without the hope for a marriage of love, he was aiming for a marriage of convenience. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he needed a wife. He was the sole descendant of his family, and he needed to carry on the name sooner rather than later.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And he already knew Lyria. They’d practically grown up together, them two, Lorcan, and Vaughan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So it would be easy. They were friends. It didn’t have to be anything more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not that they’d even confirmed anything yet, but Rowan needed a wife and Lyria needed a husband, and the situation just worked. It became understood when Rowan was in Doranelle that that was what was going to happen. And when Lyria heard that Lorcan and Vaughan were both coming back with him to Orynth, there was little he could do to stop her tagging along.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rowan”, Maeve snapped, and he darted his head up, “are you even listening?” He met her dark eyes from across the table, the annoyance in them clear. He glanced to the side to see Lyria sitting next to her, her posture demure compared to the anger of her guardian.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan still didn’t know how she’d turned out so nice and sweet when raised by Maeve. Lyria had been young when her parents died, passing her into the care of their beloved friend. Which didn’t make sense either. He didn’t know how Maeve could be considered anyone’s friend at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course I am,” he replied, trying to keep the indignancy hidden. “You were talking about the dress that Miss Willow is going to wear to Mr. Ashryver’s dinner party.” Maeve pursed her lips but couldn’t argue, because he was right.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan thought it a bit ridiculous to use Lyria’s formal name, as he’d known her for so long, but Maeve was a stickler for manners.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unlike Aelin, who scoffed at him every time he tried to use someone’s last name instead of their first. It was always in jest, but the sentiment behind it was true.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gods, he needed to get himself together and stop thinking about her all of the time. Even though he knew it was unlikely he would ever be free of her lurking in his mind. And to be honest, he didn’t even want that day to come. He didn’t want to go a full day without thinking of her, and the love he had for her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What would life be worth without that little piece of joy?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I’m very excited for the party, Mr. Whitethorn,” Lyria added, a pretty smile on her face, “I can’t wait to meet all of your friends here in Orynth.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He forced a smile in agreement. It would be difficult to explain her presence, he wasn’t sure the words would come smoothly out of his mouth even though he knew everyone would be happy for him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He would just have to find it in himself to be happy too.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1886</strong>
</p><p><br/>Aelin wished that her cousin had decided to use that famous stupidity of his when planning out the guest list for his dinner party.  Not that he was dimwitted, in fact he was extremely smart, but he just forgot to apply himself quite often. But unfortunately, this time was not one of those occasions.  </p><p>Because Arobynn was at her side as she walked up to Aedion’s front door.</p><p>Aedion had seemingly recognized the hell that would’ve been raised if Arobynn wasn’t explicitly invited so, even though he hated the man, if he wanted Aelin there, Arobynn would have to come too.</p><p>They hadn’t spoken again about the reappearance of Rowan.  Aelin had remained quiet, letting her own thoughts stew in her head, while Arobynn had relied on his first threat to hold out as a message to her.  Even though it was unlikely she would seek him out of her own accord. She wasn’t about to open herself up to more pain before fully understanding the situation.  Was he engaged? Was he planning to be engaged? Did he even care about her anymore?</p><p>The devastated look in his eye that she saw when she briefly met his gaze the other day supported the fact that he did, but that could also be attributed to other things.  Maybe he was sad that he had even seen her in the first place. Perhaps he was embarrassed and ashamed of what they’d been to each other so long ago.</p><p>Aelin was self aware enough to admit that <em> she </em>was slightly ashamed of herself, and who she’d become.  The name Fireheart didn’t suit her anymore. But she couldn’t have a heart of flame when any attempt to burn was stifled.  All due to the man next to her, who had decided that her light was necessary to make his brighter, therefore plunging her into darkness.</p><p>It was viciously fitting that she was wearing such a dark color now, a deep red that offset her golden skin and hair.  Arobynn had gone with her to the dressmaker when she had it ordered, and he ultimately made the executive decision of the color, of the style, of how much of her chest it showed, of how intricate the detailing was, of how tight her corset needed to be to even fit into it, it was all his design.  </p><p>So of course he insisted she wear it tonight.  It was all seemingly good natured, wearing her new and expensive dress to her cousin’s party, but Aelin knew he was just staking a claim on her, if the way the dress practically matched his hair and his tie was any semblance of a symbol that they were a pair.</p><p>It didn’t help that Aelin knew Rowan would be there, if she had gauged the snippet of his and Aedion’s conversation outside the bakery with any sort of accuracy.  Maybe he would bring his future fiancee, and she could see for herself what had been interesting enough to pull him away from Orynth.</p><p>She berated herself for the bitter thought.  </p><p>“Aelin, honey,” Arobynn crooned, and she glanced over at him, standing next to her on the drive.  </p><p>“Yes?” Aelin asked distractedly, looking back to stare at the dark blue door.  He’d knocked already and they were just waiting for Aedion to let them in.</p><p>“Don’t embarrass me,” he said, his tone easily conveying the threat. She frowned at the statement.</p><p>“How would I?” She replied, “all of the guests are my friends.” He narrowed his eyes.</p><p>“Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. Better yet, <em> who </em>I’m talking about.” She rolled her eyes, quickly looking away to avoid the anger on his face.</p><p>She thanked the gods when her cousin opened the door, greeting them with a smile.</p><p>“Thank you for coming,” Aedion said, gesturing for them to walk inside.  Cool air met her bare arms as she entered the house, stepping in front of Arobynn at his direction.  His house was roomy and warm looking, the grand fireplace a feature point of the living room, empty due to the heat of the season.  </p><p>Arobynn had insisted on arriving a little bit late, to get the maximum effect of their entrance. Therefore, everyone else was already there.</p><p>Aelin smiled as she walked into the room, meeting the gazes of the Moonbeams, of Dorian and his fiancée, of Elide, of Ansel Briarcliff, and even Remelle, who probably barely managed to secure herself an invitation. There were several more people too, as well as the chaperones for all of the young women. Marion was there for Elide, Sorscha’s father was in the corner talking to Ansel’s, and several other adults were milling around the room as well. It seemed half of Orynth was here, but mostly the half that Aelin would like talking to.</p><p>She hadn’t seen most of her friends in a while, so it would be nice to catch up with them all.</p><p>It was difficult to pinpoint when exactly she’d stopped going out as much. In the beginning of her marriage, she’d still been lively, going over to Elide’s house for almost daily chats, and going out to eat with Aedion, maybe throwing in a ball or two every so often.</p><p>She’d managed, until a few months into her new life when something made it all fall to pieces.</p><p>Everything had halted because afterward, she’d barely been able to find the energy to even leave her bed. And when she’d recovered slightly, she realized how much easier it was to just stay home, how less tense things were with Arobynn when she didn’t have to explain why she was leaving, how nice it was to not have to find excuses and answers to the question “are you okay?”, she just sunk into her solitary world even more, only venturing out to a few events when Arobynn required her presence.</p><p>It had taken an enormous amount of effort just for visiting the bakery the other day, and haggling with Arobynn about whether she could go or not had almost made it not worth it. He apparently thought it was too risky for her to be in public now without him, as she was representing him and couldn’t be trusted not to do something that would make him look bad. And most of the time, she lacked the desire to fight for it.</p><p>Even now, just looking at the large crowd of people made her feel faint. And slightly nauseous.</p><p>They were all her friends, or acquaintances in certain cases, but the idea of being around that many people at once was daunting.</p><p>Especially when the crowd shifted slightly, revealing the person she was trying not to see.</p><p>Rowan was standing by the entry to the dining room, as if he was eager to sit down as quickly as possible. That didn’t surprise her, Aelin knew he hated socializing at events like these. Her heart panged at how handsome he looked, with his silvery hair that was styled yet messy, the muscular build that always held her so delicately, the piercing green eyes that thankfully were not looking her way.</p><p>Instead, they were gazing warmly at a petite figure standing next to him, making Aelin’s smile falter. The other girl was pretty, with wavy brown hair and a sweet face, and she was smiling softly up at Rowan, her happiness evident. It made Aelin want to scowl.</p><p>A severe looking dark haired woman stood next to the girl, but Aelin paid her no attention, not when Rowan was so obviously engaged in whatever conversation he was having.</p><p>But just then, his gaze flickered up slightly, meeting hers.</p><p>A string pulled taut between them, and she felt the breath rush out of her.  The rest of the world faded away as she gazed into those green eyes from across the room.  </p><p>They stared at each other for an indiscernible amount of time, an emotion that Aelin couldn’t quite pick out swimming in his eyes.</p><p>Unlike last time, she couldn’t look away, she couldn’t drag her stare from the magnetic pull of his.</p><p>Her heart started racing, pounding almost too heavily in her chest.  Her hands shook slightly, and she wrapped them in her skirt to hide the trembling, sweat slipping against the silk.  </p><p>But then he darted his eyes to something next to her, and she frowned in confusion before feeling a hand sliding around her back to rest on her waist.  That’s when she looked away too.</p><p>She couldn’t bear to meet Rowan’s stare while being held by another.</p><p>“Let’s go talk to Mr. Finn,” Arobynn whispered into her hair. “There’s something I have to discuss with him.” The arm around her waist tightened and Aelin nodded her acceptance.</p><p>She let him lead her away, delving further into the drawing room, far away from Rowan, as if purposeful.  She didn’t doubt it was.</p><p>Aelin smiled graciously at the people they passed, treading lightly on the detailed embroidery of the carpet.  If she was estimating properly, they had about half an hour before sitting down to dinner. Which was going to be just as draining as she predicted.</p><p>“Mr. Finn!” Arobynn called out with fake good natured enthusiasm, waving in that direction with his free hand.  Archer Finn glanced over at the noise, and Aelin saw a look of panic cross his face before he cooled his expression and made his excuses to his current company.  </p><p>She tilted her head, a faint glimmer of curiosity running through her.  Arobynn never deigned to tell her much about his business, he just disappeared for hours on end sometimes, showing back up in the evening after dinner and aching for a drink.  Most of the time she was already in bed by then, and those were the days she was especially grateful for their separate bedrooms.</p><p>But that look of panic, it made her eyes narrow. To the public eye, Arobynn’s cruelty was well hidden, so for another person to be wary at his presence, well, either they knew what he was really like or they didn’t know but had wronged him in some way and were about to find out.</p><p>“Mr. Finn,” Arobynn repeated when they were close enough to stop, his hand still like a brand on her waist.  He smiled, but Aelin knew him well enough to recognize the threat behind it. “I haven’t seen you since our meeting almost a month ago.” Archer fidgeted, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else.  “It would almost seem like you’re avoiding running into me.” Arobynn tilted his head menacingly. “Does the empty payment in your account have anything to do with that?”</p><p>Aelin glanced around with wide eyes, looking at the group surrounding them.  Was this really the place he wanted to have this discussion?</p><p>“Lord Hamel, I...I,” Archer stuttered, darting his eyes around, but he couldn’t escape Arobynn’s damning gaze.</p><p>“You purchased the order of steel at that meeting,” he continued, “intending to use it for your large construction project downtown, am I right?” He raised his auburn brows, staring the other man down.  Archer’s green eyes were wide with alarm.</p><p>“Yes, that’s right,” he replied, “but - “</p><p>“<em> But,” </em> Arobynn interrupted, “we never received the money for that transaction.” He said it like it was obvious, like he was inconvenienced at having to spell it out.  When Archer went to respond again, he lifted a hand gesturing to him to stop. “I don’t want to hear your excuses, Finn.” He narrowed his eyes and leaned in a bit.  “Just know that if you ever try to double cross me again, I’ll <em> guarantee </em> that you never succeed at anything in this city ever again.” He hissed the words, his anger clear on his face, and then pulled back with a fake smile and a laugh, putting on a show like nothing had happened.</p><p>Archer glanced at her with a wary look on his face, as if pitying her and fearing her all at the same time, simply by her association to the man threatening him.  Aelin shifted uncomfortably.</p><p>“I expect the money by this time tomorrow,” Arobynn said as they walked away, tugging on her waist to lead her.  He didn’t even bother to turn around, knowing Archer would still be listening. “I won’t be so lenient after that.”</p><p>Aelin remained silent as they left, not knowing what to say about what happened.  </p><p>“Sorry about that, darling,” he crooned in her ear, “just business stuff.”  Aelin smiled weakly, trying to forget the familiar sight of Arobynn’s anger.  It was the first time she’d seen it turned on someone else, and despite herself, she felt relieved.  </p><p>It was cynical and probably a little twisted, but Aelin was just happy to know that it wasn’t just her.  It wasn’t something wrong with her that made him act that way, like he’d forced her to believe for almost their whole marriage.  It was always her fault, her actions that caused the consequences, her disobedience that made him upset. But now it wasn’t.</p><p>It made her feel lighter somehow.</p><p>But at the same time, her stomach twisted at the thought of what he was capable of.  He’d never hit her, had never given any indication of wanting to, but the rage boiling <em> just </em>under the surface made her nervous in a way that it hadn’t before.</p><p>----</p><p>Throughout dinner, Rowan couldn’t help the glances he threw Aelin’s way.  After the tense moment earlier, he hadn’t seen much of her, she’d been too busy being dragged around and he was forced into conversation about his trip.</p><p>He’d brought Lorcan and Vaughan with him to the party, in addition to Maeve and Lyria, and it had taken up a lot of the time before sitting down just to introduce them to everyone.  Now, Vaughan was sitting across from him and next to Lyria, who was laughing at a joke he’d made. They’d been close growing up, even though Maeve never approved of Vaughan. He was from a poorer family than either of them, and although he was making his way in the world, he would struggle to find a wife as easily as Rowan.</p><p>Lorcan was sitting near Elide, deep into conversation with her.  She’d seemingly forgiven him for leaving for a year without much of an explanation.  But Rowan couldn’t find it in himself to care about that too much, not when the object of his affections was a few spots down the table, staring at her plate and looking like she wished she could disappear.  </p><p>Arobynn was next to her, lounging in his chair with an arm around the back of her’s, but Aelin was sitting rigidly straight, as if she was afraid of what someone might say if she relaxed even a bit.</p><p>He’d never seen her look so small, and it made his heart ache.</p><p>Especially when he saw her tense as Arobynn’s arm came down to brush against her own.</p><p>He’d seen the way she looked earlier, when Arobynn had practically dragged her into the other room, the hesitation and the barely concealed disgust lining her features. But the other man didn’t seem to notice or care a single bit.</p><p>Rowan clenched his jaw and forced himself to look away, lest his anger get the better of him.</p><p>Arobynn’s booming laugh echoed at something said nearby, and he tightened his grip on his fork, needing to vent his frustration into something that wouldn’t fight back.</p><p>“Rowan,” Lyria called from her side of the table, “excuse me, Mr. Whitethorn,” she corrected, darting her gaze to Maeve’s for a second before turning back to him. “Doesn’t this chicken remind you of the one your mother used to make?” She smiled at him faintly, the sweet expression such a contrast with the emotions in turmoil inside of him. “Vaughan says I’m crazy but it tastes exactly the same.”</p><p>Rowan managed a small smile back, trying to look a little more active in the conversation. “Yes, I think it’s something with the seasoning.” His mind flipped back to simple dinners with his parents at their estate, and inviting all of his friends to come eat with them. He had the biggest house out of the four, so it was natural that he was the host, plus his mother always insisted on having them over.  It was a staple of his childhood, a tradition he’d always dreamed of continuing with his own children.</p><p>Children with blonde hair and turquoise eyes, just like their mother.</p><p>“See?” Lyria turned back to Vaughan. “If Rowan agrees, then that means I’m right.” The brunette man just scoffed.</p><p>“Are we sure he’s not just saying that?” He smiled teasingly, and Rowan had to chime in then.</p><p>“I think I would remember my own mother’s cooking,” he added with a chuckle.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Vaughan laughed, “you were pretty delusional as a kid.” Rowan scoffed in mock offense.</p><p>Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw Aelin watching him, but when he went to look she was already darting her gaze away.</p><p>Any raise in his mood plummeted back to its previous depths.</p><p>So for the rest of the meal, Rowan sat quietly, only responding when others talked to him. He kept up a polite facade, but inside he was just as tired as Aelin seemed to be.</p><p>After dessert, when they were all free to travel back to the parlor for drinks, Rowan stuck by Lyria’s side, conversing with her easily.  They sat down on one of the couches together, and for a little while they talked to Aedion, who had come over to meet Lyria and catch up with him, like promised.</p><p>Arobynn didn’t even try to come over and talk to him, which was probably for the best.  Even if it gave the appearance that he was being rude, Rowan didn’t think he could handle a whole conversation with the man.  It would end in disaster, and Aedion’s party would likely be ruined.</p><p>He wouldn’t do that to Aelin, though, either.  Any implication that Rowan was on the outs with Arobynn, or involved with her in any way, would just have adverse effects.</p><p>Right now, she seemed okay.  Aedion had ventured over to where she and Arobynn were standing, and now she was laughing with her cousin about something he couldn’t hear.  But her face looked a lot lighter than it had at dinner, a spark lighting in her eyes, and it gave him a bit of hope.</p><p>He smiled faintly and turned back to Lyria.  </p><p>“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” Rowan asked when he realized Lyria was looking at him expectantly.  She tilted her head at him, a crooked smile on her face.</p><p>“I was asking about who Lorcan is talking to.” She gestured to where Lorcan sat with Elide. “I don’t think I’ve ever pictured him looking so domestic.” Rowan chuckled and shook his head.</p><p>“I don’t think any of us have.  He always used to be so adamant about not needing to settle down.” The pair were close together, with enough space to be appropriate of course, but with the look like they were drawn to each other and couldn’t bear to be apart.  Elide was smiling slightly, and Lorcan said something that made her cheeks turn to flame. Out of curiosity, Rowan turned to look at Mrs. Lochan, who was standing a little ways behind them, talking to Dorian and Sorscha. She didn’t seem to be alarmed by the situation, instead she actually looked happy, sending a warm look to the young couple.</p><p>“Well, at least he seems content,” Lyria added, and Rowan had to nod in agreement.  But then she shot him a piercing look. “Now, I would like to know why you keep looking at that girl over there.” He darted his eyes to her, worry shooting through him.  But she relieved him of that worry with a relaxed smile. “If we’re to be married Rowan, I would like to be honest with each other. And if something is bothering you, I would like to know what it is.” He hesitated, and she rolled her eyes.  “I’m not going to crucify you, I just want to know if you’re okay.”</p><p>He opened his mouth, considering telling her at least a piece of the convoluted puzzle that was him and Aelin, but then he closed it.  No one knew but him, Aelin, and Arobynn, as far as he knew, and he wouldn’t jeopardize that.</p><p>“I’m fine, Lyria, nothing to be concerned about.” But she didn’t look convinced, and then a mischievous smile filled her face as she stood up.  </p><p>“Then let’s go talk to her.” Rowan’s face paled. “I haven’t been introduced to her yet, or the man she’s been standing with, and I’m determined to know everyone here.” Lyria made her way over to Aelin, who was now standing alone, no Arobynn in sight.  She was holding a glass of wine in her hand, staring out at the crowd, the lonely look returned. It was a strange sight. She used to be the social butterfly, bouncing around from group to group, joining different conversations just to say something shocking and get a laugh out of it.  Something had changed.</p><p>It made him follow Lyria with a little less hesitation, although he frowned at the wide eyed look that appeared on Aelin’s face when she saw them approach.  When they reached her, Lyria looked expectantly up at him, waiting for an introduction.</p><p>“Miss Gala-” Rowan stopped himself, clearing his throat and starting over, trying to keep the pain out of his voice, “Lady Hamel,” he corrected.  Aelin was looking at him, her clear blue eyes staring with the depth of the ocean. He steeled his nerves and gestured to Lyria. “This is Miss Lyria Willow.” Lyria nodded her head and smiled in greeting. “She’s moving here from Doranelle, and is <em> insistent </em>on meeting everyone.” Aelin’s gaze flicked back and forth between the pair of them, as if unsure of what to say.</p><p>He didn’t know what to say either. Their first conversation in over a year, and it was about another girl.</p><p>“Well,” she said with a forced smile, “any friend of Rowan’s is a friend of mine. I’m Aelin.” He paused in shock, wondering if she realized what she said. He saw Lyria’s brows raise for a second, catching the slip up easily.</p><p>She called him by his first name. When she was married, and wasn’t supposed to know him outside of being general acquaintances or through Aedion. Certainly not close enough to warrant that level of informality.</p><p>But Aelin didn’t look alarmed or embarrassed, she just kept her chin up, looking a little more like her old self than before.</p><p>Lyria opened her mouth to respond when Maeve called out her name. She flipped her head to look at her guardian, who was beckoning to her with the hand that wasn’t holding a drink. Maeve pointed to the door.</p><p>Lyria sighed and turned back to him. “I think she’s telling me it’s time to go.” She frowned.</p><p>“Best not to make her angry,” he said casually, trying to keep in mind Aelin, who was still standing right there. Lyria was his friend, but the potential for being alone to talk to Aelin outweighed any benefit of her staying.</p><p>“Well, thanks for inviting me, <em> Rowan </em>.” She emphasized his name. “I had a good time.” She smiled at him and then walked over to Maeve, leaving them by themselves.</p><p>Rowan turned cautiously to Aelin, who was smiling at him faintly.</p><p>“She seems nice,” she said casually, her voice a little vacant. But then she shook her head, as if clearing it, and her smile turned a little stronger as she peered up at him. “Hi,” she said quietly, her tone melancholy.</p><p>“Hi.” He was equally as somber. They stayed quiet for a second, Aelin staring back down at her drink and Rowan fidgeting on his feet searching desperately for something to break the silence. He never wanted things to be this awkward between them, but time and distance and circumstance forced them into this gridlock of pauses and insecurity.</p><p>Her lips slid down into a tilted frown, before saying “how was your trip?” Her voice was hesitant, guarded, and he wanted nothing more than to tear down whatever was making her feel that way. “It was so … sudden, that I never got to ask if you were excited.” She sounded defeated, her eyes darting away from his again.</p><p>“It was nice, good to get away from the city for a bit after… everything.” He trailed off at the end, and the way she cast her gaze down and nodded almost imperceptibly told him she understood.</p><p>The silence afterward became unbearable, paranoia that Arobynn would come back at any time and find him there striking him. Even though they were barely talking, Rowan didn’t think he would react very well.</p><p>To ease his anxiety, he asked “Where’s Arobynn?”, flitting his eyes around the room.</p><p>Aelin surprisingly answered easily, her words casual. “Off fucking Clarisse DuVency, I believe.” He shot his gaze back to hers in alarm, but she didn’t seem bothered. Maybe even a little cynically amused. She took a long sip of her wine before resting the glass back down, the deep red of the beverage matching the color of her gown, and contrasting against the large diamond still adorning her finger.</p><p>“That doesn’t upset you?” His tone was hesitant, making sure to tread carefully in the unfamiliar territory. But Aelin just let out a humorless laugh.</p><p>“Why would it?” Her voice was incredulous. “I don’t care what he does.” She smiled sardonically, like she was trying to hide behind a mask. “I’ve even made a little game out of it.” He raised his brows. “I make sure to catalogue every woman at an event I go to, and then when Arobynn inevitably disappears, I entertain myself by figuring out which girl is gone too.”</p><p>He didn’t know what to say, so he just let her keep talking. Apparently now that she’d started, it was hard for her to stop.</p><p>“A few minutes later, the girl will come in looking like a stumbling mess, with a prideful expression on her face.” Aelin tilted her head toward the exit to the hallway and snorted, her eyes a little frantic, “like she <em> won </em>something. And then after that, Arobynn will come find me, quite easily because I most likely haven’t moved. He’ll grab my arm and then we say our goodbyes to the host.” Rowan knew his eyes must be wide, but she just shrugged. “It’s like clockwork.”</p><p>He must’ve looked like he’d seen a ghost, because she shrugged again. “I’ve learned to deal with it.”</p><p>He finally found his voice enough to say “You shouldn’t have had to.” The words were small, burdened with frustration and utter despair for her. But they didn’t seem to help, because her face tightened and she pursed her lips.</p><p>“Well, it’s happened, and nothing will change it.” Aelin shook her head incredulously and stood up straight. “If you’ll excuse me,” she murmured before pushing past him. A wave of panic rushed through him.</p><p>“Aelin,” he called out, and she paused, turning back to look at him. He lowered his voice, speaking the next words softly but firmly, desperately needing to know. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Aelin smiled crookedly and shallowly. “Is anyone?”</p><p>He didn’t have a response to that, so he let her go back into the crowd.</p><p>And a few minutes later, her prediction came true. Clarisse came back into the room looking very pleased with herself, her hair a little messier than it had been only half an hour ago. And Arobynn followed shortly after, his black dinner jacket a little askew, barely stopping to acknowledge anyone before heading toward Aelin.</p><p>Rowan watched as he said something curt to her, and then she nodded and grabbed his arm. The pair stopped and Arobynn said something to Aedion before they left, the red of her skirt trailing after her the last thing he saw.</p><p>——</p><p>“So Mr. Salvaterre,” Aedion called out, “what are your intentions with Miss Lochan?” He shot the ball down the table right as he said it, knocking it into the pocket in the corner.  </p><p>After the party was officially over, Aedion had convinced Rowan, Lorcan, and Vaughan to stay with him and the Moonbeams for a game of billiards and a glass of whiskey, under the guise of getting to know them all better.  It seemed an interrogation was in order instead. Rowan just hoped it didn’t turn to him. He would be able to hide his problems unless he was asked about them directly.</p><p>Lorcan looked up from his glass, his eyebrows raised, never one to take being singled out very easily.</p><p>Rowan decided to remove himself from that situation and take his next shot, aiming the cue toward the dark blue ball.  He cursed as he missed, the ball bouncing off the wall and coming to a stop far away from where he was meaning for it to go.  Aedion grinned triumphantly as the cue ball ended up in a direct line to one of his.</p><p>But his attention was immediately brought back to Lorcan when he said “What does it matter to you?”.  Aedion narrowed his eyes at the dark haired man, resting his cue against the ground.</p><p>“It matters a great deal, seeing as she’s my family,” he replied indignantly, slightly drunk anger flashing in his eyes.  Rowan sighed.</p><p>“Don’t listen to him, Aedion,” he addressed the man, “Lorcan is just being contrary.” He shot a glare toward the man in question, who just raised his hands in a show of innocence.</p><p>“Hey,” he defended, “I’m just saying.”</p><p>“Gods,” Rowan muttered, shaking his head.  Vaughan chuckled from next to Lorcan, who huffed a sigh.</p><p>“Look, Ashryver,” he said, earning narrowed eyes. “I don’t plan on breaking Miss Lochan’s heart, you don’t have to worry about me.”  His tone became serious, and he met Aedion’s gaze. Aedion saw something in it apparently, because he nodded curtly, not bothering to argue more.</p><p>“So we’ll have two weddings coming up it seems,” Fenrys piped in with a chuckle. A pang of emptiness struck Rowan’s heart, a hole that looked a lot like Aelin.</p><p>“Three if you count Aedion,” Connall chimed, tilting his glass toward the man. Rowan raised his brows at Aedion, who scowled as he took his next shot, the ball going right into the pocket.</p><p>“Oh?” He asked, “and who would that be?” He managed a teasing grin at his friend.  Fenrys waggled his eyebrows.</p><p>“Lysandra Ennar,” he said in a lofty tone, with a hand clasped to his chest.  “Heir to her uncle Falkan Ennar’s business.” Rowan chuckled at the dramatic display, waiting as Aedion aimed the cue stick again.</p><p>“Miss Ennar works at her uncle’s store downtown,” Connall clarified in a much more mellow way.  “Aedion met her while trying to find a wedding gift for Aelin.” Rowan swallowed.</p><p>“I would marry her, if I could get Rhoe and Evalin on board,” Aedion added, his tone dismal.  “Elitist relatives are real fuckers.” He took his shot, landing his last ball in a pocket.</p><p>Rowan made a noise of agreement, lost in the cacophony of affirmations. Everyone apparently could relate.</p><p>“I think we can all drink to that,” Vaughan said, and from the look on the man’s face, Rowan wondered if there was something he wasn’t telling him. Lorcan smiled sardonically and shot back the rest of his whiskey, the Moonbeams joining him as Rowan chuckled.</p><p>Aedion just lined up his final shot, knocking the eight ball into the pocket and winning the game. He sighed and looked up at Rowan, his eyes heavier than before.</p><p>“Another round?”</p><p>----</p><p>The ceiling of her bedroom hadn’t changed at all.  No matter how much she kept staring at it, the white plaster remained the same, only slightly darker due to the lack of light.  But instead of admitting defeat and getting up to do something, Aelin just kept staring.</p><p>It had been two hours since she’d begun the long trial of trying to fall asleep, and so far, sleep was losing the battle.  </p><p>Thoughts just kept running unbidden through her head, preventing it from clearing enough to fall into a state of peace.  Although that was common nowadays, Aelin didn’t remember the last time she’d gotten a really good night of sleep.</p><p>Actually, she did.  It was when she was with Rowan, when she fell asleep in his arms that one day so long ago.  She’d never felt safer, or more comfortable and at home. Quite the contrast with now, her luxurious house never evoking that same feeling.  And certainly her husband didn’t make her feel safe, not when he was the thing that put her most on edge. </p><p>She turned her head to the side, making sure not to rustle the sheets and make too much noise, and glanced at Arobynn.  He laid sprawled out on his stomach, his auburn hair spreading over the pillow. His arm was thrown casually over her waist, the contact with her bare skin making her cringe.</p><p>He showed no sign of waking up, dead asleep like always.  <em> He </em>never had any problems, as far as she knew.  She didn’t see him every night of the week, so she didn’t have an exact sleep schedule made up.</p><p>Aelin sighed and went back to looking at the ceiling.  Her thoughts turned inward, her brain flashing the memory of Rowan at the dinner party earlier that evening.  Specifically the memory of his insistent eyes when he asked if she was okay. She’d deflected, and she could tell he didn’t buy her bravado.</p><p>She didn’t know if that made her happy or not.</p><p>Because another memory she flashed to was him laughing with the girl he brought, Lyria.  She’d seen them at dinner, joking over the plate of chicken and smiling at each other.</p><p>He used to laugh with her the same way.</p><p>It was unfair of her to make assumptions, and she knew that.  But it didn’t stop her from feeling hurt. Maybe they weren’t even getting married, maybe she was just a friend.  Maybe they were getting married and she was still just a friend. Marriage didn’t guarantee love, as she so clearly knew.</p><p>Her head was spinning, everything flicking back and forth between him smiling with her and him smiling with the other girl. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to calm herself down.  </p><p>She needed to write.  She needed to get the words out.  </p><p>Aelin breathed deeply and slid carefully out from under Arobynn’s arm, pausing when she heard him stir slightly.  When he was safely back asleep, she made it the rest of the way out of bed, slipping her dressing gown quickly over her body.  </p><p>She made her way over to her desk, sitting gently down onto the seat and grabbing a piece of parchment.  After dipping her pen into the ink, she stared at the paper and then started the same way she’d started every single other letter that made it into the growing pile of whispered words.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Dear Rowan </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1886</strong>
</p>
<p><br/>Aelin sniffed as she made her way down the street, the unusually cloudy day making her spirits dim. It was still early enough in the morning that the city wasn’t busy, only a few stragglers walking along with her.</p>
<p>She thought that was for the best. No one else needed to see her scraggly hair or the prominent dark circles under her eyes. She hadn’t gotten a lick of sleep the night before, and it was showing.</p>
<p>So she just took a deep breath as she made her way toward downtown, hoping she wouldn’t draw too much attention. It wasn’t like she was doing anything wrong, she just didn’t want people to have that much insight into her life.</p>
<p>It wasn’t anybody else’s business.</p>
<p>So yes, the cover of early morning was convenient.</p>
<p>Most shops were still closed as she passed, the doors locked and the lights off. And a few were in the process of opening, a bit of movement inside, or an owner fixing a sign outside.</p>
<p>Aelin kept her head down, ignoring any curious glances.</p>
<p>And that was how she traveled the whole way to the Blackbeak Apothecary, reaching the wooden door in an extremely efficient amount of time.</p>
<p>A sign marked it as open, and she hesitantly pushed the door, unsure of what she’d find. The place had come with strong recommendations, but it wasn’t looking promising.</p>
<p>She was hit with a thousand different smells when she entered the building, all potent and unfamiliar, likely stemming from the many bottles stored on wooden shelves throughout the space. Aelin thought it looked like a store from a fantasy novel she would read.</p>
<p>Not that she had read much of anything lately. She had an extensive library at her house, but lacked the focus to sit through a whole book without getting restless, unlike when she was younger and would devour books in a single day. Her brain had just lost the energy and the attention needed to even read one.</p>
<p>No worker was in there when she walked in, so she stood in the middle for a second, observing all of the different tonics and medicines until someone hopefully showed up.</p>
<p>A clanging noise drew her attention, and Aelin watched with wide eyes as a little black cat leapt down from a shelf, walking toward her with a curling tail.  A faint glimmer of a smile appeared on her face and she knelt down, reaching a hand toward the animal, who purred and met her reach easily.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here, little cat?” Aelin cooed in a soft tone, petting the soft black fur.  A pang of sadness hit her as she thought of Fleetfoot. She would have to go visit the Lochans soon, just to be able to hug her dog. </p>
<p>“Abraxos!” A voice called, and Aelin looked up quickly. The door behind the desk swung open, revealing a woman with striking white-blonde hair and sharp features, who looked only a few years older than Aelin herself. The cat slunk away, jumping gracefully onto the desk and circling before lying down.  The woman looked over at her, and Aelin stood awkwardly, smoothing down her large lavender skirt. “Can I help you?” She asked, her tone all business.</p>
<p>Aelin cleared her throat. “Yes, actually.” She clasped her hands, trying to look composed, despite her drawn appearance.  “I’m looking for a tonic to help with sleep, and I’ve heard that this store stocks them.” She tried to sound nonchalant, even though it was clear how much she needed help. She didn’t think she could last too much longer on completely sleepless nights. Even when she was alone in her room she was never able to relax. And with a dinner party the night before, and a ball the <em> next </em> night, she needed some rest.</p>
<p>The woman eyed her before moving smoothly around to the front side of the desk. And Aelin’s eyes widened.</p>
<p>Because she was wearing <em> pants </em>. Instead of a large skirt with a bustle like Aelin or a thinner hanging skirt for a simpler outfit, this woman was wearing men’s trousers.</p>
<p>They were loose, and a light brown color, contrasting with a white shirt that looked extremely comfortable. Aelin certainly wished her dress was more comfortable. The skirt was heavy, and the thick sleeves were stifling in the summer heat. </p>
<p>“Do you have a problem?” The woman asked, clearly seeing Aelin’s stare. Aelin just shook her head.</p>
<p>“No,” she insisted as the woman traveled toward one of the shelves. “I’m quite jealous actually. Pants seem much better than this cumbersome garment, but I don’t think I’d ever be allowed to wear them.” She chuckled weakly, avoiding the truth of the statement. The woman eyed her again with an emotion Aelin couldn’t quite identify.</p>
<p>“You’re Aelin, right?” She asked smoothly, “Arobynn Hamel’s wife?”</p>
<p>Aelin muttered a small “yes”, trying not to sound too downtrodden.</p>
<p>“I’m Manon Blackbeak,” the woman added, as if an afterthought. <em> Blackbeak. </em>That meant that the shop was most likely hers, a very rare occurrence.  Ladies never owned their own stores. If necessary, they would work in a relative’s store, like Aedion’s Lysandra, but never their own.  Aelin couldn’t help but feel inspired by this unapologetic woman, who seemed like she was out in the world doing exactly what she wanted.  Aelin could use a bit of that spirit herself. </p>
<p>“Arobynn Hamel has been in here a few times,” Manon continued, looking back to the shelf as she continued her search, but then she turned and glanced at Aelin with an inquisitive expression.  “I have to agree with you, he doesn’t seem the type to let you wear anything besides those frilly dresses. Although I don’t see why you should need his permission.”</p>
<p>Aelin laughed humorlessly and looked at Abraxos instead of Manon.  The cat was snoozing, lying comfortably with his head on his paws, looking completely at peace. </p>
<p>“I don’t know if it’s worth the argument that would ensue” she replied, admitting a tiny fraction more than she wanted, “everything always has to go his way”.  Manon just let out a little “hm” before leaning up on her toes and grabbing a bottle from the shelf.</p>
<p>Aelin stood there primly, hands clasped together as Manon made her way back to the desk with the bottle, grabbing brown paper from a drawer to begin wrapping it up.  She gestured to Aelin, and she walked up to the desk to stand on the other side.</p>
<p>“Does he know you’re here?” Manon asked, and Aelin pursed her lips, her answer clear.  “Would he not support you getting help? No offense, but you look exhausted.” Her eyes flitted across her face, like she was searching for something in the tired complexion.</p>
<p>Aelin looked down at her small bag, avoiding her gaze and pulling out the money she needed instead of replying. She was ready to leave.  </p>
<p>“He chooses not to see,” she muttered quietly as she paid Manon and grabbed the package.  She was turning away when Manon’s voice stopped her.</p>
<p>“Be careful to only take the recommended dose,” she called out, and Aelin paused.  “It’s strong, so in larger amounts it can be toxic, even fatal.” Aelin stared at the front door, absorbing the warning. “And it’s tasteless and colorless so if it somehow manages to slip into a drink, it would be impossible to know how much you’re taking.”</p>
<p>Manon’s words were pointed, and clear, but Aelin didn’t respond.</p>
<p>The other woman let the words hang, and Aelin took a deep breath.  </p>
<p>“Thank you, Miss Blackbeak,” she finally said, her voice vague and not engaged, and she walked out of the building without looking back.</p>
<p>The entire way home, she cycled through the words, and the insinuation that went with them, but eventually dismissed it.  It was impossible. It would never work, and Aelin didn’t even know if she would have it in her to.</p>
<p>But when she reached her house, she went upstairs into her bedroom and pulled up the loose floorboard in her closet, placing the bottle inside.  It was accessible if she needed it for herself, and a perfect hiding spot if she needed it for anything else.</p>
<p>--—————-</p>
<p>The ballroom was nearly full as Rowan entered, his late arrival not conducive to avoiding crowds.  He hadn’t expected the Briarcliffs’ ball to be so popular, but he guessed that whenever an event was scheduled, people jumped at the opportunity.  </p>
<p>Socializing was the main pastime in Orynth, especially when one was trying to find a spouse, so no matter who was hosting, there was guaranteed attendance.</p>
<p>That was part of the reason why Rowan’s match with Lyria was convenient.  It kept both of them from suffering through the swamps of society. Lyria was more social than he was, but still was fairly reserved, and she generally stuck to talking to him and Vaughan, occasionally Lorcan.  </p>
<p>Which was why when they made their way into the room, Lyria floated over to Vaughan, her light blue dress resembling a flower.  Rowan watched her go with no desire to stop her, heading to the refreshments with a sigh instead.</p>
<p>It had been two days since that dinner party and billiards afterwards, and he hadn’t gotten himself out of the funk he’d slipped into.  Not when he could still hear Aelin’s last words to him, the dismissive tone in the question “Is anyone?” ringing in his ears. And the way she had just gone with whatever Arobynn had said to her, letting him drag her away with no fight.  He didn’t fault her at all for it, but it made his heart ache that she felt the need to find ways to make the situation easier for herself.</p>
<p>Rowan grabbed a drink from the table, tipping it back until he felt a warm buzz flow through him, combatting the ice in his veins.  And he was tempted to grab another one when Arobynn and Aelin walked in, her face obviously pale and drawn. It looked like she hadn’t rested in a thousand years.</p>
<p>He resisted the urge though, and gave a tight smile that Aelin hesitantly returned when they made eye contact.  </p>
<p>Arobynn was posturing as always, throwing smiles and waves to different guests as they traveled toward a spot on the side of the room, but he ignored him.</p>
<p>Rowan dragged a hand down his face as he rested his empty glass back on the table. He closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath, before opening them and spotting Lyria in front of him.</p>
<p>“Oh! Hello,” he said, a little caught off guard.  Lyria just chuckled slightly.</p>
<p>“Do you want to dance?” She asked, with a tilt of her head, and Rowan narrowed his brows.</p>
<p>“Aren’t I supposed to ask you that?” Rowan managed a weak smile that she returned.</p>
<p>“Well, would you like to ask me if I want to dance?” She mended, and he laughed quietly before taking her hand and walking out to the dance floor.  </p>
<p>A lively tune was starting, and he placed his free hand on her waist as they began to spin around.  </p>
<p>“Do you remember the first ball we were allowed to go to, when we were about fifteen or so?” Lyria asked with a lighthearted nostalgic expression. Rowan nodded.</p>
<p>“I remember wanting to leave the moment I got there.” He shook his head.  Not much had changed. But she just laughed at him.</p>
<p>“I’m fairly certain you did leave.” She grinned teasingly. “I spent most of the evening with Vaughan.” He didn’t know what to say to that so he just faded into silence, letting the music take over.  It’s not like he didn’t like talking to Lyria, it’s just that every conversation they had seemed to fall back to their childhood, talking about old memories and their hometown. They never had anything new to say, and it was draining.  Rowan didn’t want to reminisce that much. Especially when that ball was only a few weeks before both of his parents caught ill, a swift sickness that left him an orphan with the burden of an unstable household. While his childhood was relatively good, he’d rather focus on the future.  </p>
<p>As they spun around, he caught a few glimpses of Aelin, who was talking to her father, her brows furrowed.  Besides the sour expression, hell, even <em> with </em>the sour expression, she was stunningly beautiful.  Her golden hair was styled meticulously, curled and pinned with a few pieces hanging to frame her face.  Even from a distance, her unique eyes were striking, the color bright and piercing. And her gown made the look even more resplendent, the dark blue of it as rich as the deepest part of the ocean, and the off shoulder style showing off her smooth, golden skin.</p>
<p>He wondered what they were talking about so intently, Mr. Galthynius’ face was just as serious as hers and it looked important, though it lacked the heat of an argument. If they were on better terms, Rowan would ask her about it, mainly to see if she was okay, but now, he wouldn’t dare press into her business if it wasn’t something she would want to readily share.</p>
<p>He managed to pull his gaze away from her and back to Lyria, who wasn't even looking at him herself.  Her focus was off to the side somewhere he couldn’t see, but he didn’t even bother to try to regain it.  After all, he was only half paying attention, so why shouldn’t she?</p>
<p>They finished the rest of the song in an uncomfortable sort of silence, easily parting when it was over. Lyria returned to where she had been before and Rowan wandered aimlessly for a moment before settling back in a corner.</p>
<p>Aelin had seemingly finished her conversation with her father and now was standing there with pursed lips,</p>
<p>Maybe he’d ask her to dance. Hoping she didn’t immediately brush him off of course.</p>
<p>It was customary for wives only to dance with their husbands a few times, so it wouldn’t raise too many eyebrows.  Well, maybe a few.</p>
<p>But he wanted, no <em> needed, </em>to talk to her again.</p>
<p>——</p>
<p>For the first time in a long while, Aelin managed to form a small smile on her face without it being forced. Maybe it was because the sleeping tonic had worked last night and she’d been out like a light, fast enough for Arobynn not to have a chance to bother her. Maybe it was because she’d gone and seen Fleetfoot earlier in the day, just like she’d wanted. Or maybe it was because she’d seen Rowan, those green eyes still comforting even though everything between them had changed.</p>
<p>But either way, a real smile had graced her features for once. Even if it had faded almost immediately.</p>
<p>No smile had managed to form when Arobynn asked her to dance. It was a fairly short one, and active so it didn’t require much contact, but the slight brushes of his skin against hers still made her feel sick.</p>
<p>It didn’t help that her dress was quite revealing, the off the shoulder straps quite thin, meaning that much of her chest and arms were exposed.  It wasn’t off putting, or scandalous even, given some of the styles that people wore, and she did love the blue color of it, but it had a sliminess attached to it given that Arobynn had once again picked it out.  And he seemed to appreciate it, given how often his eyes darted down. It made Aelin nauseous thinking about what was in store for when they got home.</p>
<p>So when the dance was done, she was grateful that he left her to entertain herself, even if she was a little surprised by it.  But instead of joining a crowd of people for a painful conversation, Aelin headed over to her father, who she had seen standing alone while spinning across the dance floor.</p>
<p>Her mother was off somewhere, she knew, putting her best foot forward at every social gathering possible.  Aelin didn’t mind. She craved her father’s company more.</p>
<p>After getting married, and the disastrous events leading up to it, she admittedly hadn’t seen much of her parents.  Everything she was dealing with tended to draw her away from them, and she’d been fairly bitter for most of the duration.  It was difficult to fully blame them, given the desperate situation at hand, but the lingering feeling of betrayal hadn’t left for a long time.  </p>
<p>Aelin was sure it was gone now, wasted away like most of her emotions.  She was left pretty much numb, with only a faint inkling of disgust and worry.  But even those failed to reach her some days.</p>
<p>So looking at her father now, her jaw didn’t clench in frustration, her eyes didn’t narrow in suspicion, her face didn’t turn red in anger.  She just felt a small glow in her chest of what had been.</p>
<p>She walked over to him delicately, trying to avoid running into anyone else and potentially spilling a drink on the soft fabric of her dress.</p>
<p>“Fireheart,” her father said with a surprised smile.  Aelin smiled back, and stepped to the side as someone shuffled past her quickly.</p>
<p>“Hi,” she replied quietly.  She wasn’t quite sure how to start a conversation, all she knew was that she wanted to work toward repairing their ruined relationship.  Rhoe stayed quiet too, his expression fond but a little worried, which was fair. The last time they’d been in a room together it hadn’t been exactly civil.  Her parents had come over for tea, invited by Arobynn, and Aelin had ignored him until he tried to talk to her, causing her to snap at him and his persistence.  She had been a little out of line, but she blamed Arobynn for that.</p>
<p>It had been the eight month anniversary of the day that had shattered her completely, and instead of letting her go grieve, Arobynn had forced her to entertain the very people she didn’t want to see.</p>
<p>Maybe it was partially her fault too.</p>
<p>“This is a nice party, don’t you think?” Her father asked cautiously, waving down a servant to grab a drink.</p>
<p>“Very much so,” Aelin replied casually, resting her hands on her skirt, “The Briarcliffs always throw lovely balls.” Rhoe hummed an agreement before looking back out at the dance floor, and all of the twirling couples.  She followed suit, and frowned slightly when she saw Rowan and Lyria making their way into the center, her hand clasped gently in his. They got into position to dance, and Aelin looked away, focusing back on her father.  “That’s a nice tailcoat,” she complemented, trying to continue the small talk.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” he answered, “your mother insisted I get a new one when we got the invite.” His words were nonchalant, but they caught in her head.  </p>
<p>“So the business is doing well then?” Her tone was a little sharp, and she tried to reel it back in.  Back before she was married, her parents had begun to be stringent about buying new clothes for every event.  It was commonplace to wear a new dress every single time you go out, but when things had taken a turn for the worst, they weren’t able to.  She’d had to rewear a few garments for the weeks between finding out about the bankruptcy and her marriage.</p>
<p>Now, she never wore anything more than once, even dresses for just around the house were regulated to only a few times before they were thrown out.  Not even donated, thrown out. Arobynn’s decision, not hers. This dress she was wearing tonight would be gone before the sun even came back up.</p>
<p>So for her parents to be back to those old ways, it meant things were finally stable again.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Rhoe said quietly, “we’re back to where we were about two years ago, before it went downhill.” He focused on his drink instead of her.  He looked miserable, and Aelin actually felt a pang of guilt. She tried to muster some goodwill.</p>
<p>“Well,” she smiled weakly, “that’s good news.” He looked at her then, shock visible on his face.  It was the first time she’d openly said something positive about where they got their money from since she found out she’d be sacrificed to keep the income flowing.</p>
<p>“Yes, and hopefully it stays that way,” he continued, a look of relief on his face at her reaction, “no more investment advice from people I’m not one hundred percent sure I can trust.” She raised her eyebrows minutely, reminded of the conversation she’d overheard what seemed like a million years ago. She had planned on asking Rowan who her father would be working with, but she never got around to it. But here it was again. So this time she would just ask herself.</p>
<p>“Who did you consult?” Rhoe hesitated, but she gave him a look. “I think I have a right to know,” she continued. He sighed and shook his head.</p>
<p>“It was a man named Tern,” he admitted, eying the crowd as if making sure no one was listening. And then he gestured with his head toward a reedy looking brunette man on the other side of the ballroom. He had a brutish face and a mean looking countenance, and Aelin wondered why anyone would ever listen to him. That thought must’ve shown on her face because her father chuckled humorlessly. “I don’t know how it happened either,” he clarified, “I’ve done business with him before, and so has Lord Hamel, and I’ve always kind of known he was seedy, but we’d come off of a string of good investments, the company was at one of its highest points, and I guess I just got high off of the money making and didn’t think critically about whether it was a good idea.”</p>
<p>He looked at her with apologetic eyes, eyes that spoke more words than his mouth. “I didn’t think hard enough about a lot of things,” he continued, and while it wasn’t quite an admission, Aelin thought it kind of was. She gave him a tight lipped smile and looked back out to the dance floor, where Rowan and Lyria were no longer able to be found. She unconsciously searched the crowd for them as she spoke again.</p>
<p>“Did you think hard about Aedion and Miss Ennar?” She asked casually, “He’s been bugging me to talk to you about it.” Her father huffed a laugh.</p>
<p>“He’s been bugging me too, don’t worry.” He gave her a dark look. “Even though I’m not the problem.” Aelin nodded in understanding.</p>
<p>Evalin Galathynius was the roadblock, like always.</p>
<p>A small part of her was happy that her mother opposed the marriage, if only for the consistency. If she had approved of Aedion and Lysandra, but forced Aelin into a marriage for status, like she always knew would happen, the hypocrisy would’ve been stunning. As well as the blatant sexism. She couldn’t marry down because she was a woman and would lose the merits of the social class she was born into, but Aedion could because he was a man and the woman he chose to make his wife would be bumped up to his level instead of dragging him down.</p>
<p>It was likely the appearance of the marriage that her mother opposed. Aedion would lose nothing if he married Lysandra, except for his image being affected by him making a shop worker his wife.</p>
<p>The world certainly didn’t give a damn about love.</p>
<p>“Does he need her permission?” Aelin theorized, and Rhoe sighed. She spotted a glimmer of a light blue dress and dark hair, and relaxed when she saw that Lyria was talking to a brunette man who was certainly not Rowan.</p>
<p>“No, but he would like it” His tone was tired, and she echoed the sentiments with a huff of her own.</p>
<p>“How long is this ball going to be again?” She said with a small smile, and her father laughed. Despite the joking nature of the statement, she wasn’t being facetious. She was ready to leave. Ready to go to sleep. Her whole body suddenly felt tired and she just wanted to rest.</p>
<p>“Ah, I better go,” her father said, his tone heavy with regret, “Evalin seems to be calling me.” Aelin followed his gaze and saw her mother gesturing to him with her fan, the signal clear despite being small. She said a soft goodbye as he walked away, leaving her standing there by herself.</p>
<p>She pursed her lips when she spotted Arobynn walking back toward her from wherever he’d been, silently cursing at the end of her temporary freedom.</p>
<p>Until Rowan suddenly appeared from her other side, much closer to her than Arobynn.</p>
<p>Aelin looked wide eyed into his determined green stare, and ignored her husband’s narrowed gaze.</p>
<p>“Would you like to dance?” Rowan asked without a hint of hesitation, and she found herself nodding right away, no matter the eyebrows it would raise. Who cared what other people thought?</p>
<p>He held out his hand to her, and the moment slowed down as she reached out hers to place in his grasp. Her skin met his cool grip and she breathed sharply, reveling in the feel of their hands touching for the first time in over a year.</p>
<p>It was like an electric shock that woke up every nerve in her body.</p>
<p>She met his gaze as they went out onto the floor, too wrapped up in him to notice Arobynn’s murderous expression.</p>
<p>——</p>
<p>Aelin’s stare never left him as they walked out to the center of the room, her piercing eyes keeping his steady. The rest of the crowd faded away.</p>
<p>A small breath escaped him when they got into position for a waltz, the same dance as all those months ago.</p>
<p>Their hands were clasped together gently, her soft skin warm in his. Her left hand was placed delicately on his shoulder and Rowan slid his onto her waist, the fabric of her dress smooth beneath his palm.</p>
<p>She had to tilt her head back to see him, and he got a good look at her beautiful face. The clear eyes, the flushed cheeks dotted with a few freckles, the soft pink lips, the slightly furrowed golden brows.</p>
<p>He didn’t even smile, the moment was too charged for that simple show of emotion.</p>
<p>Rowan vaguely recalled he had asked her to dance in order to talk, but neither of them seemed capable of holding a conversation when the song started and they began to dance.</p>
<p>Every lilt of the music and every 1-2-3 of their steps seemed like it was meant to be, like the universe had picked this very moment for them to be in each other’s arms again.  When the violins swelled, he moved his other hand to her waist, lifting her up in the air as the dance dictated. Everyone else in the room followed suit.</p>
<p>When he set her down, Aelin landed lightly, her steps delicate as her skirt floated down around her.  </p>
<p>1-2-3</p>
<p>1-2-3</p>
<p>They went back into the movement, their gaze never leaving each other.  Rowan wasn’t sure he was breathing, too caught up in the moment to even register what was going on around him.  It just felt so <em> right </em>to be there with her, that he wondered how anything had even been able to keep them apart.  Money seemed so inconsequential in the shadow of the feeling pulling at his heart. The feeling that hadn’t faded, no matter how hard he’d tried to outrun it.  </p>
<p>And from the deep look in Aelin’s eyes, she felt the same.  </p>
<p>They spun faster and faster, her dress swooshing and her golden hair shining in the low light of the ballroom. </p>
<p>She twisted under his arm as he held it up, holding her skirt before coming back together, following the twists and turns of the music.</p>
<p>Each step was an answer and a question, every response forming a dance that was truly just <em> them </em>.</p>
<p>Aelin moved smoothly away, preparing for the end of the song, and it seemed like the world was holding its breath, everything hinging on this finale.  When the music crescendoed, she spun toward him like the wildest and most beautiful storm, the illusion only emphasized by the dark blue of her skirt, before coming to a stop in his arms.  </p>
<p>Rowan caught her in a dip, supporting her weight as she looked up at him with wide eyes and a heaving chest that matched his.</p>
<p>Their breaths matched, intermingling, and it was only then he realized how close they were, how little space was in between their faces, how there were only inches between their lips.</p>
<p>Aelin’s blue eyes flickered down to his mouth, a faint blush rising to her already heated cheeks.  Rowan couldn’t help but lean in further, and they drifted together until the very tips of their noses brushed.</p>
<p>Aelin suddenly jerked back, pushing out of his grasp. He let her go easily, the daze they’d both been in snapped, replaced by reality.</p>
<p>They were in a packed ballroom, and they’d forgotten.</p>
<p>Something in her eyes crumbled and she darted away from him, practically running off of the floor. Instead of going to Arobynn though, like he thought, she headed toward the back doors, exiting into the garden and out of his sight.</p>
<p>Rowan stared after her, unmoving, until a new song started and the couples around him started dancing again.</p>
<p>He muttered a curse and set after her, something about her expression worrying him. He shouldered past people as he made his way nonchalantly through the crowd, trying to hide his destination.</p>
<p>He didn’t want to cause any more of a scandal than they already unintentionally did.</p>
<p>The cool evening air coated his skin as he hurried outside, eyes darting around as he searched for her. He didn’t see her on the patio, so he continued further into the garden, gliding around the shadowed hedges and bushes until he found her.</p>
<p>Aelin was standing facing away from him, hidden from the main path by a little grove of trees.</p>
<p>“Aelin,” Rowan said, and she sniffed and wiped at her face before turning around to look at him. The heartbreak in her eyes nearly killed him. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>She smiled ironically, the light not reaching her eyes.</p>
<p>“It’s funny how people think that the more they ask that question, the more likely my answer is to change.” She shook her head and glanced back at the trees. His heart panged.</p>
<p>“Let me help you, Aelin.” She looked back at his desperate tone. “I want to help you.” Her head tilted and she scoffed. The noise would’ve been harsh if not for the haunting emptiness in it.</p>
<p>“How do you expect to do that, Rowan?” He hated that he reveled in the sound of his name on her tongue. “When do you plan on being here for me?”</p>
<p>“I’m always here for you,” he insisted, pleading clear in his voice. She let a tiny ounce of anger out, her voice shaky.</p>
<p>“You left me.” The words ripped out of her, and she sounded sad, defeated. His eyes widened. Silence fell, and all he heard was lingering noises of the ball inside and the wind in between the trees. “You left me here with <em> him </em>.”</p>
<p>Her voice was full of despair and sorrow and the kind of helplessness that only comes when you know you have nothing you can do. “You <em> ran away </em>.” Aelin met his gaze, tears spilling down her cheeks. “You ran away and you didn’t take me with you.”</p>
<p>Rowan opened and closed his mouth, searching for something to say before deciding on “you know I couldn’t have. <em> You know that </em>, Fireheart.” A tear slipped out as he practically begged her for forgiveness. She just glanced upwards, as if trying to look to the gods for guidance.</p>
<p>“And now you’re back, and you’re getting married,” she continued, “which I can’t blame you for, but it hurts. It hurts so fucking much.” She shook her head again.</p>
<p>“Aelin-“ he started before stopping, hesitantly taking a step forward. He couldn’t deny her statement, he had no defense. But the pain on her face was breaking him.</p>
<p>“What about To Whatever End? What happened to that?” Her voice croaked, and he was thrust back in time to that wretched day by the river. To the promise he’d made and the words he’d carved into the wood. <em> To whatever end. </em>They would always be there for each other, no matter what.</p>
<p>He hadn’t held up his side of the deal. But he so desperately wanted to make it right. He stretched out a hand toward her, but Aelin just edged backward, away from him, and he dropped his arm at the blatant rejection.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, Aelin.” Rowan shook his head in frustration at himself and his selfishness. “I’m so <em> godsdamned </em> sorry.” As if that made anything better.</p>
<p>She seemingly agreed, because she swung her head down and glared at him, her eyes heavy with emotion. “And what does that change, Rowan?”</p>
<p><em> Nothing </em>.</p>
<p>“Sorry doesn’t mean anything.” She wrung her hands together, digging into her skin. “Sorry doesn’t change the fact that you weren’t there.” Aelin stared at the trees, the lack of her gaze making him cold. “You weren’t there when I cried myself to sleep <em> every single night </em>leading up to the wedding.” He froze. “You weren’t there when I holed myself up in my house for godsdamned months because I couldn’t find the energy to leave it.” Her voice was too full of emotion to be angry, thick with her tears and her broken heart. She wrapped her arms around her stomach, like a protective shield from the world. “You weren’t there when I-“ she sobbed, tears streaming down her cheeks, and he stood there helplessly, crying himself, as she broke down. “When I-“ she tried again, but didn’t manage to finish.</p>
<p>She breathed deeply and suddenly a flip was switched and she was straightening, her tears vanishing as quickly as they’d come.</p>
<p>“I should go inside,” Aelin said, her voice now empty and flat. “We shouldn’t be out here alone, and Arobynn will be wondering where I am.” Rowan looked at her in shock as she daintily lifted her skirt and walked past him, wasting no time.  She headed back down the path toward the house, looking like a wraith as she trailed farther and farther away, faint light all that illuminated her journey. </p>
<p>But even that light faded after a while, and he was left just staring into the dark.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1886</strong>
</p><p><br/>It was comforting to be surrounded by the smell of books, and the warmth of the library that wrapped her in its arms like a hug.  Aelin sank back into her armchair, the only comfortable one in the whole room. Arobynn generally chose style over practicality, even in a room he barely entered, so she had been hard pressed to get this one.</p><p>But she was grateful for her past effort this morning, as she huddled in the safety of the velvety cloud.  Despite the haze of despair that hung around her, she had changed out of her nightgown into a plain mint green dress, a dress that showed she was not planning on leaving the house at all.</p><p>Aelin thought it should be gray, if only to match the cloudiness inside of her, but unfortunately, she didn’t own any colorless outfits.  They drained her, according to Arobynn, and he wouldn’t have her looking like anything but her best.</p><p>Even though she knew she looked awful today.  Her eyes were undoubtedly red and puffy, with prominent dark circles and pale cheeks.  She was tucked into herself, her legs up on the chair like she was a child, and she was mindlessly attempting to read, although she was still staring at page 1.</p><p>After going back inside from her disastrous talk in the gardens, where she’d almost spilled the secret of her worst shame, Aelin had asked Arobynn quietly if they could go home.  And for once, probably seeing her tear stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes, he’d actually agreed without a fight. Maybe he was in a good mood. Maybe he didn’t want her looking like that out in public.  It was impossible to tell.</p><p>And then she’d stood patiently as her maids got her ready for bed, not causing a scene or giving any indication of a disturbance, waited for them to leave, and then promptly cried her eyes out yet again. The sleeping tonic hadn’t even been worth getting out of bed, so she’d just laid there, sinking in the reminder that had come crushing down with full force.</p><p>Aelin closed her eyes and took a deep breath, calming herself down as she heard the library door open. Her eyes snapped open and she went back to her book, studiously avoiding the gaze that was about to pierce into her soul.</p><p>
  <em> The wind whipped a strand of hair across her face, cutting it in two. </em>
</p><p>She scanned the sentence, trying to focus on that instead of the footsteps heading her way.</p><p>
  <em> The wind whipped a strand of - </em>
</p><p>The armchair across from her groaned as he sat down.</p><p>
  <em> The wind whipped a - </em>
</p><p>He huffed a breath and Aelin gnawed at her bottom lip.</p><p>
  <em> The wind whipped a - </em>
</p><p>“Aelin.” Arobynn’s voice was deadly calm.</p><p>
  <em> The wind - </em>
</p><p>“Aelin,” he repeated, his tone insistent.</p><p>
  <em> The - </em>
</p><p>And then the book was gone, snatched out of her arms. Aelin looked up, eyes widened in shock. Her hands fell back to her lap, empty without the hardcover to fill them.</p><p>“Are you even listening?” Arobynn narrowed his eyes at her, and she couldn’t help the small nod that sprang out of her. It was an automatic reaction to that question, a learned response formed by many similar situations. Even if she wasn’t exactly feeling very compliant right now. Her emotions were on a hairpin trigger, and Arobynn may just prove to be the one to set it off.</p><p>“Did you sleep well?” She furrowed her brows at the change in topic, and the faux concern that lined his voice. She brought her arms around her legs and hugged them tight to her.</p><p>“Yes,” she lied, “I needed the rest.” He hummed an exaggerated sound of understanding.</p><p>“So that’s why you locked your door?” His smile twisted in a representation of the way her stomach spun at the words, and she swallowed to try and keep from throwing up. Yes, Aelin had locked her door, because she didn’t want him coming in and seeing her so upset.  She wanted to be alone to mourn, and she certainly didn’t have the energy for any other sort of activities. But it had been a risk on her part. He didn’t like it when she locked him out, so she only picked very rare occasions to do it.</p><p>“I wasn’t feeling very well,” she said in response, not meeting his eyes.  But Arobynn just chuckled.</p><p>“Don’t look so defensive, darling.  I wasn’t going to do anything untoward, it was simply an observation. You clearly weren’t in the mood and I prefer it when you show a bit of enthusiasm.” He grinned salaciously and she clenched her jaw, just one comment away from falling over the edge that the day had pushed her to.</p><p>“That hasn’t stopped you before,” Aelin muttered sharply, and he raised his brows, the morning light streaming in through the window to highlight the planes of his face.</p><p>“No, I don’t suppose it has,” he agreed without a hint of shame. “But I found other entertainment for myself, outside of the house, so I figured I’d let you sleep.” She narrowed her eyes. “Besides, I thought you could use the time to think about the <em> scene </em> you made last night.”  </p><p>And there it was.  The true reason he’d come in here.</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Aelin’s tone was dismissive, and without a book to use to ignore him, she glanced out the window, staring into the back garden.</p><p>“Oh?” Arobynn asked, slight annoyance lacing his words.  “You don’t recall the waltz at the Briarcliffs’ Ball last night? How … <em> intimate </em>you and Whitethorn looked?” He tutted. “I didn’t really appreciate the slight, I have to say.  You weren’t exactly as forthcoming when dancing with me.”</p><p>Aelin sighed and closed her eyes, not willing to put up with this today.  “If you’re going to yell at me and call me a whore, then just do it and go.”  She rested her head against the wing of the chair, curling into herself even more.</p><p>“Do you <em> need </em> me to say it for you?”  His voice was mocking. “Since you already seem to know.” Aelin tilted her head over and opened her eyes slightly, looking at him.  On a normal day, his arrogance would bother her, but she was just so <em> tired. </em></p><p>“If you’re going to judge me for being a whore, then you have to judge yourself too, because you chose to marry me.”  The words should've carried a biting tone, but they fell flat. Arobynn still pursed his lips, not expecting her rebuttal.  Which wasn’t shocking. Aelin didn’t fight back very often.</p><p>He recovered quickly, though, much more adept at this than her. “I thought we’d moved past this.” He tsked. “The bitterness.” He raised his brows and looked down at her book, the delicate design on the cover looking very much out of place in his hands.  “Is this a good book? I’m afraid I haven’t had a chance to read it.”</p><p>Aelin didn’t bother to respond.</p><p>Arobynn flipped open the front cover, easily finding her bookmark still stashed on the first page, showing her absolute lack of progress. “Page one, hm?” His tone was full of sarcasm, humor glinting in his grey eyes as he glanced up at her.  “What have you been doing in here all morning?” He looked back down at the book, relaxing back into his chair and clearing his throat.</p><p>“<em> The wind whipped a strand of hair across her face, cutting it in two.” </em> He started, and Aelin clenched her jaw and looked away. “ <em> The salty air wafting in from the ocean reached her nose, and she took a deep breath, reveling in the freshness that was so different from the city she had known, and the man she had left there.” </em>Arobynn smiled sardonically. “How riveting.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes.</p><p>He hitched a leg up on the coffee table and leaned into it, letting the book hang from one hand.  “Is this what you do when you’re pining?” He tilted his head in question. “Because it’s clear from your reaction after your little trip in the gardens with Mr. Whitethorn that whatever he said was not what you wanted to hear.” Aelin huffed, trying to force back the memories of their conversation. “I can’t say I’m sorry, though.  You had the audacity to dance with him, so I’m not exactly sympathetic for whatever misfortune you’re going through.” His tone was a little sharper, revealing how angry he was over the incident. But she didn’t give in.</p><p>“He asked me to dance and I accepted. I wasn’t going to be rude,” she snapped, and turned to glare at him.  Arobynn just snorted.</p><p>“Rude. That’s interesting. I would say you were rather rude to <em> me </em> .” He raised his eyebrows. “Imagine my mortification, when at a very public ball, <em> my wife.” </em>She shuddered at the words. “Decides to dance indecently provocatively with another, still single, man.” He clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Not exactly the behavior I would like to be seeing.”  He dropped his leg, leaning his elbows on his knees. “But my guess is he turned you down, so you turned to half-rate romance novels to fill that poor little hole inside your heart.”</p><p>Aelin didn’t correct his assumption. “Better half-rate romance novels than you,” she hissed, and his face became deathly still.  “I’d rather suffer through <em> a thousand </em> shitty books than spend that time with you.”</p><p>The slam of the book on the table made her bones shake and she winced.  But she didn’t shrink away, standing her ground in the face of his anger.  His words had pushed her over that cliff and now she wasn’t able to calm herself down.</p><p>“Well it’s a good thing we have a whole fucking library then, because you’ll spend the next fifty years of your life wasting away in here.” Arobynn spit the words, his hands clenched into fists.  Aelin set her feet back on the ground, releasing herself from the curled up position. “Just don’t forget who bought these books, who bought these chairs.” His voice turned vicious. “Who bought the very dress you wear, who bought <em> you.” </em></p><p>Aelin’s eyes widened in disbelief and she stood up, her armchair scooting back a few inches due to the force.</p><p>“<em> Fuck you,” </em>she swore with venom. She started storming from the room, ready to go hide herself away and bask in her anger, a stronger emotion than she’d felt in a while, but a grip around her arm pulled her roughly back.</p><p>Aelin was thrown into Arobynn, who had stood up, and she turned around ready to yell at him again when she paused at the pure rage that filled his face.</p><p>“And I don’t share my belongings,” he hissed, getting too close for comfort. His breath was hot across her skin and she winced back from it. He held her there for a second before she shoved him away in indignation, ripping her arm from his strong grasp and pushing at his shoulders, giving herself time to dart away before he could follow.</p><p>When she was safely back upstairs, a small smile curled on her lips.  It was out of place given their encounter, but … she had fought back. She had <em> surprised </em>him.  And she’d gotten away.</p><p>———-</p><p>Aelin was sitting at the piano when Elide arrived, running her fingers along the keys but never actually pressing down to hear the lovely melody.</p><p>It seemed she just couldn’t make any music today.</p><p>A quiet huff escaped her as she closed her eyes, resting there in the silence until Elide walked into the room.</p><p>“Hello, hello,” she called out in a musical tone, and Aelin struggled to turn around and smile faintly at her, meeting the brown eyes of her almost cousin.</p><p>Arobynn had gone to his office, or on some sort of business lunch, or gallivanting off somewhere around town, she didn’t really know. But he was away from the house, which meant she had finally ventured out of her room, where she’d holed herself up in an attempt not to repeat a conversation like the one that morning.</p><p>Elide had apparently taken advantage of the situation too, coming over when Arobynn wasn’t there to stop her. For some reason he liked to limit when she and Aedion visited, or even Marion and Cal or Aelin’s own parents, so Elide tended to make trips when he wasn’t home.</p><p>“Hey, Elide,” Aelin replied quietly as the other girl came and sat down next to her on the bench.</p><p>“What are you playing?” It was clear she was trying to keep her tone cheerful, trying to raise Aelin’s obviously low spirits. Whether she had seen Aelin leave the ball with tears all down her face, or if she could just tell from the way she looked now, but it was obvious that it wasn’t a good day.  </p><p>Aelin slid her hands off of the keys and rested them in her lap. “Oh nothing. I’m just resting,” she answered with a forced smile.  Elide gave her an unidentifiable look before standing back up.</p><p>“Then we should go to lunch,” she declared, “it’s about that time.”  Aelin’s face faltered, and she looked around, searching desperately for an excuse.  Elide would probably accept that she wasn’t up for leaving the house today, but she wanted a reason more for herself, rather than accept that the crushing weight inside of her was winning yet again.</p><p>“I’m not dressed properly for going out,” she finally said, referencing the light green frock she was still wearing.  “I can’t go anywhere looking like this.”</p><p>Elide pursed her lips and then nodded.  “Then let’s just go for a stroll in the gardens, get some fresh air.” Aelin smiled a real smile that time and agreed, standing up to walk with Elide.  </p><p>Elide had been one of the people she relied on the most several months ago, when she needed help getting energy to do the simplest tasks.  Aelin would still be in bed well into the afternoon, and Elide would come in and help her get up, going on a quick walk through the garden to just be somewhere besides the stuffy house. She’d talk about mindless things to distract her, never pressing too much or pressuring her, until Aelin could hold her own in a conversation, until she finally smiled.</p><p>Without that support, Aelin truly didn’t know when she would’ve returned to any semblance of what she’d been before.</p><p>And she needed that support today.</p><p>So she followed Elide easily as they trekked through the quiet and stark house, passing portrait halls and gaudy displays of furniture until they got outside into the backyard.</p><p>Aelin closed her eyes and breathed in the air for a second, relishing in the way the breeze felt against her skin. While the inside of her house was suffocating, the outside was beautiful.</p><p>In the middle of the spring season, all of the flowers were blooming, and the meticulous care the gardeners had been paid to put into it was well worth it if only to have a place to retreat to besides her room.</p><p>“So…” Aelin started as they started down the path, searching for a topic that wasn’t herself. “Did you hear the orchestra downtown is going to be performing the Stygian Suite next week?” They both loved that song, her especially. Something about the way the music flowed together just really hit her. “I’ll have to see if Arobynn is willing to go.” She looked at Elide. “I can try and get him to agree to let me bring you along, we have more than enough space in our box.” She frowned at the sad smile she caught on Elide’s face before the brunette quickly tempered it, trying to hide it beneath a happier facade even though Aelin had already seen it.</p><p>But she didn’t press the point.</p><p>“I would love to go, but don’t worry yourself too much if I can’t,” she replied with conviction. “There will be other opportunities for the symphony.” Aelin furrowed her brows.</p><p>“Don’t coddle me, Elide.” Her words were sharp, not thrilled with the pity being thrown her way.  The other girl looked slightly alarmed.</p><p>“I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay,” she said, and Aelin shook her head.  There were those words again. <em> Okay </em>.  What kind of measure was that?  Would everyone suddenly stop inquiring if she said she was? It seemed like such a shallow phrase, used to make the asker feel like they were helping out even if they were putting in the most minimal effort possible.  It was like a slap in the face.</p><p>But Elide didn’t deserve that anger when she had actually proved to care beyond those words, so Aelin tried to relax.</p><p>“I’m sorry for snapping,” she said quietly, “I’m just not feeling very great.” Elide took the apology easily, with a small smile on her face, and Aelin switched the topic to something that she had been faintly wondering about. “I saw you and Lorcan Salvaterre were talking pretty cozily at the ball yesterday.” Her tone was suggestive, using lightheartedness as a weapon against the pain from the reminder of last night. Elide raised a dark brow, but the rosy blush on her cheeks gave her away.</p><p>“He wants to marry me,” she admitted with a shy smile, and Aelin’s grew as she focused on the happiness of her friend. “I think he’s going to ask my father next week.” Aelin glanced at the girl.</p><p>“What happened to hating him when he left town without warning?” Her tone was teasing, as the two had obviously made up, and she tried to hide the twinge in her heart by not meeting Elide’s eyes and looking out at the flowers instead.</p><p>“Well,” Elide began, and Aelin looked back at her with her brows raised.  “I’m not sure if I ever told you this, but he sent me postcards, from every place they went.” The blush on her face was there to stay it seemed. “And letters, too. The first one was an apology for leaving so abruptly, but he explained he was helping out a friend, so I didn’t blame him too much.” She laughed lightly, and Aelin’s heart sank. <em> Helping out a friend. </em>It was clear to her who that was, and it made her chest twist at the thought. “But after that, he would talk about their travels, and how much he missed me, and how he wished I could see all of those amazing places with him.” A lovesick look came over her face and Aelin felt slightly nauseous at the sight of her joy.  </p><p>“Why haven’t I heard this before?” She tried to muster a lighter tone, but the words were heavy with a sense of sadness.  But Elide didn’t seem to notice.</p><p>“I didn’t think it was the right time to share, with … everything else going on.” The small admittance made Aelin frown, even though she understood.  In the height of her grief, a love story would’ve been the last thing she would want to hear.</p><p>So she just nodded at Elide and kept trekking down the path, trying to calm herself down listening to the birds and the gurgling water from the fountain.</p><p>She was <em> jealous. </em>That was quite clear to her.  She was jealous that Elide was getting her happy ending when Aelin was not.  And it made it worse somehow that it was neither of their faults. It was just life, and life tended to prove itself unfair.</p><p>------</p><p>Rowan fumed as he walked down the sidewalk. He fumed at himself, at Arobynn, at the world. So much so that he was probably scaring the few people he passed.</p><p>It was early afternoon, but it was a hot day, so there were hardly any pedestrians. He and Vaughan had gone over to Lyria’s house for lunch, but he’d feigned a stomach ache, leaving Vaughan there as he escaped to solitude. He hadn’t exactly been in the mood for pleasantries, and was especially crabby because of how little sleep he’d gotten.</p><p>Every time he’d closed his eyes he just heard Aelin’s heart crushing sobs, so eventually he’d stopped trying.</p><p>Gods he felt like a complete and utter asshole.</p><p>A pit of grief and self hatred had settled in his stomach and it didn’t seem to be going away any time soon.</p><p>Rowan shook his head and stared at the pavement as he walked, only glancing up instinctively when he passed the house on Mistward street, his eyes immediately drawn to the mailbox by the street. He noticed the flag tilted all the way back, the signal they’d used still lingering. He didn’t pay it much mind, he assumed it was leftover from the last letter they’d written to each other.</p><p>A box of the letters Aelin had written to him was sitting in his closet, tied up with a string and saved for an occasion he didn’t know. But Rowan didn't think he’d ever be able to get rid of them.</p><p>His brows furrowed when he saw Emrys, the mailman, approaching the mailbox with a letter pulled out of his bag, as if ready to slip it inside. But no one lived there. As far as he knew, he supposed. Maybe someone had bought the house during the year he’d been gone.</p><p>A pang of sadness and nostalgia rushed through him at the thought, and he found himself changing course, walking toward Emrys in an attempt to confirm the idea.</p><p>“Emrys!” Rowan called out, raising a hand in greeting. The older man looked over with a cheerful smile, recognizing Rowan easily. The mailman was quite a common figure around town. He was extremely easy to get along with, and seemed to know everybody. He was a staple in Orynth, and had been ever since Rowan had moved there.</p><p>“Mr. Whitethorn, hello!” Emrys replied, and his smile turned a little secretive, as if he knew something Rowan did not. But he dismissed it, turning to his question instead.</p><p>“Did someone move here? Last I remembered it was abandoned.” He tried to keep his tone light, just simple curiosity instead of a purposeful inquiry. Rowan looked up at the house, the stone and brick walls looking slightly crumbly. The building was an old one, and a large one, and had surely been grand when it was in its prime. But it had gotten so abused and torn by time that no one had taken over the daunting project. Maybe someone had decided to, though.</p><p>Emrys just shook his head slightly, a knowing look in his eyes that had Rowan’s brows furrowing. “No, no one lives here. The property is still for sale, and this mailbox here belongs to no one.” But in contrast with his words, he dropped a letter into the slot, shooting Rowan a slight wink before moving on to the next house.</p><p>Rowan paused as Emrys left, staring at the worn metal of the mailbox in confusion and curiosity. It wouldn’t hurt to look right? If he was saying what he thought he was saying, the letter was sent by Aelin, most likely to him. It couldn’t hurt to soothe his suspicion.</p><p>Time slowed down as he walked to the box, warily moving his arm to pull down the door. He gasped the metal of the handle carefully, hearing the creak of the rusty hinge as he lowered it. And he froze at what he saw.</p><p>There were piles of letters inside, the paper filling the inside almost to the brim. Rowan’s face drained of all color as he snatched up the nearest one, seeing his name and yesterday’s date addressed on the front. His heart beat faster as he grappled through the rest of them, seeing <em> Rowan Whitethorn </em>written on the front on every single one, Aelin’s looping handwriting spelling out the name.</p><p><em> Gods. </em>There must be hundreds of them, all likely from the year he’d been gone. Otherwise he would’ve found them long before now.</p><p>He needed to read them. He needed to see and hear her words. He needed to know what she had tried to tell him. <em> When I- </em>he flashed back to in his mind. When she what?</p><p>Maybe these letters would have the answer.</p><p>———</p><p>Rowan sat at his desk, the pile of letters spilling partially off of the wood onto the floor, not nearly as organized as they should be. It had taken him forever to get them home without getting any questionable stares, and now he was here, sitting and holding the first one.</p><p>It was dated May 31, 1885. A day after her wedding.</p><p>Rowan swallowed, hesitantly opening the envelope to get to the letter inside. He slid it open carefully, trying hard not to rip the paper.</p><p>Gods he was nervous. He didn’t want to read how much she hated him, how upset she was at him. Sure he hadn’t seen any hate in her eyes, but her anger at him last night was surely going to be evident in these words.</p><p>But he took a deep breath and unfolded the paper, eyes darting to the top of the page and the ink laying there.</p><p>
  <em> Dear Rowan,</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: depictions of depression, miscarriage, mentions of emotional abuse</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Rowan,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I doubt you’ll ever see this, but I couldn’t help but feed the urge to write it. Gods I know you’re not the sentimental sort, and you’ll likely never open this mailbox again, whether because it’s in a chapter of your life now closed or because it’s too painful to revisit those memories. Maybe a combination of both. But wherever you are, trekking halfway across the globe on a glorious adventure, just know that I’m thinking of you and that I wish I was right there next to you, holding your hand as we braved the fierce world together. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I remember I used to whisper that dream to you in the few stolen moments we had. The dream of our future together. I would tell you about how our wedding would be a small affair, just our closest friends and family. Our house would be cozy and not too grand, and we would have five kids and raise a bunch of dogs, just to keep that house full of life and chaos. You would always chuckle and kiss my forehead, telling me you couldn’t handle just me, let alone five more hellions plus a whole pack of hounds. But you knew how lonely I was growing up, so you would never argue or disagree.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Even at the time, we both knew the dream was just that, a dream. It was clear it could never happen, but I will never regret the joy I felt at planning my future with the man I loved. Even if it could never come to fruition it was still the best moments of my life. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Well, any moment with you was the best one of my life.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And I’ll cherish all of those moments because I know we won’t be making memories anymore. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Because I’m now married. To a man who is not you.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It was a horrible experience to stand up on the altar, looking at his face and having to share vows that I despised with all of my heart. I hated every single fucking moment of the whole event. From my father having to clutch my shaking arm as he led me down the aisle, to leaving on that same aisle with that shaking arm now held by my husband. And everything after.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The thought makes me sick. The knowledge that I am now legally and religiously bound to this man who I’ve never known anything except cruelty from. And the worst part is how I’m the only one who ever sees that side of him. He only ever acts that way to me, because he can. There’s no one to stop him from treating me anyway he wants. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll spare you those details because I know you’ll just come stomping home, with a big frown on your face, ready to protect me even though you know you shouldn’t. Because as much as it pains me, I’m no longer yours to protect.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Gods maybe this was a bad idea. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I didn’t really have a plan when I started writing this letter. But you always loved to just listen to me talk, and I always felt safe pouring my heart out to you, and I really need that right now.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But hey, not everything is bad news. I’ve had plenty of opportunity for teasing Aedion, which is always fun. He apparently has a new beaux in mind, someone I don’t know, and it brings me much joy to slip in sly comments at family dinners about how he’s going to be the next to be wed. He always shoots me dirty looks, but I can’t help it. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’d do the same with Elide, except Lorcan has left with you, so my opportunity there is gone. I don’t know why he left, but I’m sure you know his reasoning much better than me, and I trust that you wouldn’t let him do anything dishonest or dishonorable.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>If he did though, you must tell me when you return. Although it’s unlikely we would be able to speak much at all without a veil of suspicion surrounding us. Our own fault I suppose, even if every smile from you was worth one thousand sneers from Arobynn.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll end this letter here because Arobynn is calling me. Probably for something irrelevant, but if he catches me writing this it won’t be good. I think I’m going to keep writing more of these; it’s comforting to talk to you, even if I know you can’t respond.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Just know I love you with my whole heart, and that will never change. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>To whatever end,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Aelin</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan set the letter down and dropped his head into his hands, leaning onto the desk with his elbows. A tear slipped down his face and he let it fall instead of wiping it away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gods, how was he going to make it through all of these? One letter in and it already felt like his heart was going to shatter.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He remembered the day she was talking about, when they’d planned their future even though they knew it was simply a fantasy.  It had been at a ball, when there was too much chaos to notice that two guests were no longer in attendance. They’d gone to the empty hallway a few doors away and slowly danced to the music that was bleeding softly through the walls.  She’d been completely wrapped in his arms, and they’d whispered to each other about what their life would be like. They never figured it would turn into this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wanted to cry, he wanted to rage, he wanted to storm over to Arobynn and rescue Aelin from his icy grips.  Her despair was clear in every word she wrote, from talking about missing him to ranting about her wedding. With every single fiber of his being he wanted to fix this.  He </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed </span>
  </em>
  <span>to fix this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shakily lowered his hands. She’d signed the letter with to whatever end. </span>
  <em>
    <span>To whatever end. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He choked on a small sob.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But after taking a deep breath, he composed himself slightly, and found himself reaching for the next letter, labeled with June 1, 1885, the next day.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Rowan,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve discovered my new house has a beautiful pianoforte tucked away in one of the backrooms.  I don’t believe Arobynn plays, so he must just own it for aesthetic purposes. I’m definitely not the most amazing at the instrument, I could hardly sit still long enough to learn at my few lessons when I was younger, but I think I’m going to try again now.  I do need to find more things to do with my time. No more endless balls and social events, where I have to be on my best behavior in order to find a husband. Now I just have to play host at the few events Arobynn decides to arrange, look pretty at the few events we go to, and stay out of his way at home.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I think I’ll use my now abundant time to make music. This place could use a bit more life.  <br/><br/></span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan smiled slightly, a watery smile, and pictured Aelin frowning at a piece of sheet music, both frustrated and determined to understand it. He had no doubt she figured it out in the time he’d been gone, if she decided to keep up with it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was amazingly talented, and smart, and capable, and he knew for a fact she could do whatever she put her mind to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he also felt a pit in his stomach at the thought of her trapped in that giant house. He’d been there a few times, and had passed it on the street more times than he could even count.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He remembered, at the engagement party, thinking it was stark and lifeless. There was evidently money poured into it, but it lacked any warmth. He hadn’t paid it too much mind then, though, given the circumstances of the event.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His focus had been on Aelin, and how sad she was behind her smile, and what he could do to help her. Although she had eventually come up with the solution herself, at least a momentary solution.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He felt his cheeks flame when he thought of what they’d done at the party, in the downstairs bathroom. The way they’d both been unable to contain their smiles and their small laughs and their </span>
  <em>
    <span>other </span>
  </em>
  <span>noises while they so desperately tried to stay quiet. It was a sort of cruel irony that they’d found a little moment of happiness in the house that was now driving them apart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan wondered idly if she remembered that, if she thought of him every time she went in there.  He didn’t know if that would make it better or worse. If it was a glimmer of happy memories, or if it was a stark reminder of what she’d lost.  Not that he was attributing her joy all to him, but that moment represented her freedom, and she’d lost that when she walked down the aisle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sighed and grabbed another letter, dated a few days later.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Rowan,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Arobynn was apparently feeling generous today, for once, and decided that I could get a dog. I was hesitant at first to accept anything from him, but I’m sorry to say buzzard, you’ve lost the first place spot in my heart. Now you have to fight Fleetfoot for it.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Just kidding. Fleetfoot is at a very close second right now.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He skimmed the rest of the letter, a sad smile gracing his face.  Aelin had always wanted a dog, had loved to talk to him about getting one.  Her parents had never let her, beyond the hunting dogs they kept at their country house, no matter how much she’d asked and begged.  Especially when she was younger, Aelin had wanted a dog to have as a companion when Aedion or Elide couldn’t come over.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Whenever she admitted to him how lonely she’d been when she was a child, his heart had squeezed painfully.  Rowan’s childhood had been quite loud and busy, full of laughter and friends running in and out of his house and around his whole country property, but Aelin’s had not.  Born into a wealthy, high society family, she was taught from a young age to be proper and obedient, even if she wasn’t most of the time. But it was expected of her. And because of her mother’s fertility problems, she’d been an only child, meaning her house was large and empty and quiet and bare.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan wiped away another stray tear, releasing a shaky sigh as he lit the lantern on his desk to see better.  The afternoon was turning to evening, and the daylight was fading fast. But he still had a lot more letters to go, so he settled in and grabbed another one.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He skimmed the next few, all about simple things like going to lunch with Elide, or finally listening to Aedion complain about the Orynth rugby team.  That was the word she used, “finally”. It made him chuckle because he knew how much Aelin hated listening to her cousin drone on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he reached a letter dated about a month and a half after the wedding, in mid July, a bad feeling came over him and he opened it warily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And his feeling was right, because he was hit like a punch to the gut when he read it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Rowan,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So… I don’t really know how to say this, it’s going to hurt no matter which way I phrase the words.  So I’ll just spit it right out. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m pregnant.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He swallowed unsteadily, a conflicted feeling settling in his stomach.  He figured this would be coming, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> married, even though he was confused.  No one had mentioned anything about her having a child, and Aelin certainly didn’t look like she’d recently given birth.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something was off.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The healer confirmed it this morning, and because she couldn’t give an exact prediction of the current duration, I don’t know if the baby is yours or not. She said I’m about five to eight weeks along, and I was last with you a little less than eight weeks ago.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Gods, I hope it’s yours.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I want my baby to have your green eyes, no matter the consequences.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan froze, shocked at the revelation.  He could have a child? He could maybe be a father? Why hadn’t Aelin said anything? Although he guessed that meant the baby wasn’t his.  She would know by now of course, even though the thought twisted his stomach painfully. He had no claim on her, but the thought of her being forced to - being forced to have that man’s child was a thought he couldn’t bear.  He knew Aelin’s hatred of him, and he didn’t want her to have to go through that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Arobynn was pleased, of course.  Only a little bit into our marriage and he already has an heir on the way, assuming it’s a boy.  I honestly don’t know what his reaction would be if it’s a girl.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I know you would love having a little girl. She would have you completely wrapped around her finger, and I know I would love seeing the love and joy on your face when you looked at her.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Either way, though, I think I’ll be happy.  I already love this little bean of life growing inside of me.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan didn’t know what to think. He didn’t know what to do.  It was true what she said, he would’ve loved raising a little girl.  Maybe one with Aelin’s blonde hair and his green eyes, like she said she wanted.  Their kid would be a hellion for sure, but he would love her with his whole heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But that would never be the case. Another tear slipped out of his eye, and a feeling of dread settled in his stomach.  “I think I’ll be happy,” she had said. But she clearly wasn’t, so what had changed?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Rowan,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I think Aedion can officially rival you for fussiness.  The moment he heard about the pregnancy, he’s been constantly bugging me about my wellbeing, asking if I need anything.  I keep telling him to shove off, but he doesn’t. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan chuckled, nodding in agreement at the words.  He totally would be fussing, but Aedion was also likely to be overbearing.  They made good friends for a reason, despite differences in their personalities, they viewed the world the same way.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I think it’s because he secretly knows I don’t mind, that I like having someone show that they care what happens to me.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His smile fell.<br/><br/></span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Arobynn has mostly been leaving me alone during this, which is both good and bad.  I appreciate the illusion of freedom, but it’s also a bit lonely.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But for the first time since you left, I’m feeling a bit of hope too.  I think this will be good for me. I used to scoff at what Marion said about finding yourself in raising children, but I’m starting to believe her.  I’m actually excited for once about my future.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan didn’t hesitate, ripping open the next one.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>My mother brought over the crib from my old nursery today, and I almost cried looking at it, for no good reason. I’m just way too emotional lately, and I blame this little bean. He or she is really calling the shots.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And the next.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span><br/>Since I’m pregnant, I’m no longer required to wear corsets, which is honestly such a blessing.  I didn’t use to hate them, sure they were a pain but they weren’t necessarily too uncomfortable when they actually were strung to my measurements.  But in the little time before I found out I was pregnant, Arobynn demanded I get a whole new wardrobe, tailored to his liking, and at every fitting he told Philippa to take the waist in more than was natural.  And gods, wearing a corset to fit into a dress smaller than your size is truly awful. I don’t know if he’s trying to make me feel bad about my body or if he’s doing it to be purposefully vindictive, but either way, being free from that is quite a relief.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan frowned at the words, but he put it on the backburner, his more immediate concern the mystery of Aelin’s pregnancy.  He’d deal with his rage toward Arobynn later.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He furrowed his brows, quickly opening another letter.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Rowan,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Even though it’s still extremely early, I started thinking about baby names. Since I don’t know the gender I tried to make plans for both. But for some reason, I kept getting stuck. No names for a boy came into my head at all, not a single one. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But a girl name did. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Eliott, like we talked about that one time. I don’t know what we were thinking, being so hopeful about our future life, but I’ve latched onto this name and I can’t think of anything else.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Eliott Whitethorn should’ve been this baby’s name, and that’s what it’ll be in my heart.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan was self aware enough to know he was openly crying now, his emotions strung out at the thought of a daughter.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Eliott Whitethorn</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  Tears streamed down his face, saltiness collecting on his lip, and he hoped that no one caught a glance through his window and saw him looking like this, if only to keep any sort of suspicion or gossip away from him.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Orynth was already whispering about him and Lyria, he didn’t need this too. He didn’t think he could handle it, not now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His gut clenched as he slowly picked up the next envelope, the stains on it evident.  The lettering on the front was splotchy, the ink blurring until his name was barely visible.  He opened it hesitantly, barely making out any of the words on the page. Teardrops were covering most of it, and it looked old and worn, like it was the physical representation of a broken heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Deep inside of him, he had a suspicion about what had happened, an inkling of an idea that he was trying hard to banish.  He hoped he was wrong. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gods, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he hoped he was wrong.  Even though the baby likely wasn’t his, for Aelin’s sake he hoped he was way off track.  He hoped there was a newborn sitting in a nursery in her house right now, only a few doors away from her bedroom.  He hoped she was singing that baby to sleep, holding it close to her chest as she whispered to it that everything would be alright.  He hoped she loved that baby with her whole soul, and was able to prove it everyday through the simple joy of being a mother.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But his hopes were dashed as soon as he read the first few words on the page.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Rowan,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The day we ended things was supposed to be the worst day of my life. The despair I felt upon leaving that river was supposed to be the worst I ever felt. But I’m devastated to say that I think I found it’s rival.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I lost the baby.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll never forget waking up that morning, to blood and pain and a feeling of emptiness. I knew what was happening right away. And it hurt. Gods it hurt. I thought I was dying, and for a moment I wished I had. But I hadn’t, I was forced to keep breathing and living and surviving.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>When Arobynn found me, I think it was the first human emotion I’d seen on his face. But not sorrow or sympathy, it was pity. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And even that meager expression disappeared quickly when the healer came.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Because the baby was a girl. And she was yours.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I was far enough along that the healer could tell afterward the age of the baby. She tried to let me know quietly that I was fifteen weeks pregnant, without Arobynn hearing. Because I’ve only been married for thirteen. He heard it anyway, but I don’t think he was surprised.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. I just feel so...lost, like I’m floating in space waiting for some semblance of gravity to pull me back down.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t understand why the universe has to keep taking and taking and taking from me. Every single thing I think I have gets ripped away and I’m left with nothing but the memory of a flicker of joy and the cold reception of my husband, who decided a long time ago that I was nothing more than a pretty face and a body for him to use. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>This one thing. This one piece of hope I had left to hold onto. This one tiny glimpse of a future that I could actually bear to live in.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s gone. Just like everything and everyone else.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan leaned back in his chair and dropped his head back, dragging a hand down his face. It came away wet with his tears, and he just stared at it for a minute, watching the water drip down his skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And when one droplet made the plunge, falling off of his hand onto the wood of the desk in front of him, he broke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A guttural sob ripped out of him as he slumped forward, his hands gripping his hair as he leaned onto the desk. His heart felt like it was splitting in two, pure pain rushing through him.  He didn’t think he’d ever felt like this, this all consuming sorrow that left no survivors. Not even when he’d been forced to say goodbye to Aelin, when his despair then drove him to run and run and run until he couldn’t anymore.  No, this was worse.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because there was a difference, between mourning something that could no longer happen, and mourning something that </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>happened but had been lost to the rough winds of death.  It was fantasy versus reality, a hope versus a truth, a missed opportunity versus a lost one.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’d had a child.  They’d had a little girl.  And now she was gone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His tears pattered down, landing atop the damning piece of parchment lying on his desk, and they mixed with the remnants of Aelin’s, making a pool of pain for all to see.  He joined her in her broken heart, and he didn’t know when it would heal. Or </span>
  <em>
    <span>if </span>
  </em>
  <span>it would heal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t seem like hers had, if her eyes were telling the truth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>When I - </span>
  </em>
  <span>she’d said, unable to finish the words.  Rowan knew now what she’d been trying to say to him.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>When I lost our baby</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You weren’t there when I lost our baby.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He choked on another sob, wishing desperately that he could go back in time, all the way back to a year ago when he’d written back to Lorcan changing his mind.  If he’d never gone, if he’d never run away like a </span>
  <em>
    <span>coward, </span>
  </em>
  <span>then he would have been there for her.  Even if she was married, he could have done something, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything.</span>
  </em>
  <span> But no, she’d had to suffer alone, with no one knowing the truth.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emptiness swept through him and he stared at the wall in front of him, the painting resting there drawing his attention.  It was a beautiful work, a lovely meadow painted in muted colors to reflect the light of a sunrise on the grass and the flowers.  He’d bought it the day after he met Aelin, or reunited with her he could say, three years ago now. He’d been glowing inside, all flushed with happiness over meeting and dancing with the girl who had mesmerized him and drawn him in so well.  And maybe he’d subconsciously picked a painting with a sunrise, symbolizing the start of something, a beginning to a day he didn’t know where it was taking him. </span>
</p>
<p>Rowan let out a pained noise and suddenly threw the pen on his desk across the room, watching as it shattered against that damned painting.  The ink spilled down across the canvas, the black covering the greens and the yellows and the blues and the pinks, every joyful color shrouded by a veil of grief.</p>
<p>
  <span>His chest heaved as the room descended back into silence.  He needed something to distract him from the pit threatening to swallow him whole.  With a huff of breath, he reached for the next letter. He scanned the pile, looking for a date close to the previous one.  But he furrowed his brows when the only one he could find was a whole month afterward. October 4, 1885.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Rowan,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry for not writing for so long.  I was on bedrest for a fair amount of time, and then I just...didn’t have the energy.  I spend most days in my bed now, in a haze. This is the first time that I’ve actually gone and sat at my desk since the letter I wrote to you telling what happened. Back then it was cathartic, spilling my feelings out on a page, but now it’s the only thing keeping me going. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s weird. Time seems to go by so fast yet so slow all at once.  Elide has come over a few times and sat with me, but I’ve barely been able to talk beyond a few words.  I think this letter is the most I’ve communicated with anyone in awhile. And you won’t even read it.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I think that might be for the best, though.  I don’t even know how you would react to what happened.  You would be devastated of course, and I think you would also feel guilty. You always do that to yourself, applying blame when you had no association with the cause of the consequence.  I don’t know if that’s admirable or not, but it always frustrated me because you always looked down upon yourself when you shouldn’t have. Especially for this. Because this was not your fault, if anything it was mine.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And I know for a fact if you were here, you’d take much better care of me than anyone who’s even tried. Fleetfoot has been a comfort to me, camping out in my room and being a silent companion.  But seeing her fills me with guilt because I haven’t been able to take care of her. Since I was the one who wanted her, Arobynn left it all up to me, but I’m assuming it’s just been the servants for the past weeks.  Arobynn doesn’t particularly like her, he always complains about her barking and shedding, and it worries me that I’m not really able to protect her from his bad attitude.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I appreciate Elide’s effort in trying to help me, but she just doesn’t understand.  And Arobynn doesn’t even seem to care. He honestly seems frustrated by my lack of energy.  He wanted me to go to the Havilliard’s ball with him the other night, but I wasn’t up for it.  He yelled at me for a good while, but I just tuned him out, descending back into the fog inside my head.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I haven’t left the house since before it happened. I don’t think I can stand to see anyone else’s fake sympathy right now. Not when it feels like my very soul is dying. Or maybe it’s already dead.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan sat there, contemplating her words.  No matter how much Aelin implored him not to feel guilty, he did.  He felt guilty for the whole situation. For going that far with her in the first place, for not being rich enough to be a good match, for not being there for her when it all all inevitably turned to shit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He could hear between the words she said, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>in </span>
  </em>
  <span>the words she said, how downtrodden she felt.  How defeated. His heart fractured more, if that was even possible, at the thought of her drained and tired, sleeping the day away, unable to even rise from her bed.  That was so different from the lively girl he’d fallen in love with, but it seemed she was gone. From finding out about the bankruptcy and her engagement, to losing him, being forced to marry Arobynn, living in a house with that bastard, and now this.  It seemed it was the final straw.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All Rowan wanted to do was find all of her broken pieces and put her back together.  He could ignore his own heartache for now, pack it away like the rest of his worries.  Aelin was the focus. She was </span>
  <em>
    <span>always </span>
  </em>
  <span>the focus.  Ever since they’d met, she’d been the focal point of his life.</span>
</p>
<p>There was another break before the next letter, but from the looks of it, they started picking up again after that, a fairly large pile still remaining.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Rowan,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Aedion managed to drag me out to lunch today, to the restaurant down on Perranth street.  I’ve been going downstairs for a few days now, and I think Arobynn has decided to pretend like nothing happened, because he spoke nothing about it when I sat down for meals with him.  I don’t know if that’s better or worse than him acknowledging it.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But the city noise was honestly refreshing, almost mindlessly numbing.  And it was kind of nice to dress up fully again. I wore a light pink dress, one I’d had made months ago but never wore.  I was dreading being strung up in that corset again, as this dress was again one made purposefully too small, but it fit better than I was expecting.  It wasn’t even tight. I guess I should be concerned by that, but I don’t really have it in me to care.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan’s heart clenched, but he didn’t let himself dwell on it, heading to the next few envelopes quickly.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Rowan,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I went to my first ball last night, and it was not as awful as I thought it would be.  Everyone just ignored what happened, and made pleasant conversation with me when Arobynn deemed it necessary to go talk to people.  But I don’t know if it’s because of what happened, or if it’s because I’ve been alone in my house for so long, but the large crowd made me anxious.  I wasn’t expecting it, but I felt a sick sort of relief when I retreated back home.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Rowan,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Arobynn finally snapped at me today for my “behavior” as he calls it.  I don’t know what he expects me to do about it myself, but he actually dragged me out of bed this morning and forced me to get dressed, all while watching to make sure I was doing it.  And then he made me go on endless social calls, just to tout me around and show that I’m back to being a part of society, even though all I wanted to do was go back to sleep.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Rowan,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know what Arobynn’s been doing while I’ve been indisposed, and I don’t really care to be frank, but apparently he decided it’s been a decently long enough time since it happened, and that he could go back to acting how he had before I found out I was pregnant.  Which meant he visited my room last night. It’s been months since that happened last, and it was just as horrid as I remembered. Your hands used to be so loving, even if they weren’t always gentle, but his just take and take and take.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Rowan, Dear Rowan, Dear Rowan,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The letters over the next several months all blurred together into one picture.  A picture of a life lived in fear, a picture of the emptiness Aelin felt, a picture of the rage Rowan felt toward the man who had ruined everything for his own gain.  He didn’t think he’d ever hated anyone the way he hated Arobynn Hamel.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His feelings toward him had never been exactly civil, but now he wanted to kill the man for treating Aelin like that.  Like she was his to do whatever he wanted with.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>From stories like “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Arobynn called me an inconsiderate whore today for not being ready on time for a dinner party we hosted. And then he called me other names I won’t repeat when I tried to explain that I was running late because he had made me go back upstairs and change, because he said the dress I had chosen made me look like a slut. Ignoring the fact that the dress was one of his designs, like they all were,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>to reports of dismissive and controlling behaviors like “discouraging” her from going to see Aedion and Elide, or the heartbreaking tale of the six month anniversary when she’d holed herself in her room all day crying, yet was forced to go out by Arobynn, who threatened to shoot Fleetfoot if she didn’t comply.  Aelin mentioned a few letters later that she’d sent the dog to go live with the Lochans, instead of leaving her vulnerable with that man all day.</span>
</p>
<p>It took everything in him to stop himself running over to their house and removing Arobynn from the situation altogether. It took everything in him to stop himself from running to Aelin and hugging her tight in his arms.</p>
<p>
  <span>It was all too much to process, a whole years worth of events and emotions compressed into a few hours. His stomach was churning, from guilt and grief and horror, all mixing to the point where he felt nauseous.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan’s tears had mostly dried up, but the hole in his chest was still there, was still prominent.</span>
</p>
<p>He needed to talk to Aelin. That was his only thought. He needed to talk to her.</p>
<p>
  <span>Especially when the stack finally dwindled down to two letters, both of them from after he arrived back in Orynth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He laid them both on the desk in front of him, staring at them for a moment in silence.  The address and the date both staring up at him as if in mockery. It always looked so simple, when behind the envelope, it was unknowable. But he was almost there, so he pulled himself together and picked up the one dated June 3, 1886, the day he’d gotten back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Rowan,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I saw you for the first time in a year today. I saw you and I didn’t say a word.  I don’t know, I guess I was overwhelmed? Confused? I wasn’t expecting it, and I didn’t know how to react. In these letters I’ve ranted and spilled my heart out to you many times over, but in person it just feels so disconnected.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I know when I see you next, if I talk to you, I may say some hurtful things. It’s like it just now hit me that you’ve been gone for so long, and you have no idea of anything that I’ve been saying to you this whole time. It’s a weird feeling.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe I’ll recover from the shock of it soon, and then I won’t feel as conflicted, but for right now, I actually don’t have much to say. I don’t want to write anything down that I may regret, although I think this whole chronicilization of my life that I’ve written for you is full of regrets.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hopefully I can’t add you to that list.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan sighed and just picked up the other one, not able to even respond to that because he agreed with every word. Even though he never wanted to be a roadblock to her happiness, he was likely just adding to her emotional burden. The exact opposite of what he wanted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The world seemed to still for a second as he stared at the last letter, yesterday’s date written on the front next to his name. With a slow, deep breath, he pulled the paper out, ready to face the last words of his love.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Rowan,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I thought I would be done with these letters after the last one, because I simply didn’t have this as an outlet since you’re no longer gone. But I wanted to apologize for my actions at Aedion’s dinner party.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m self aware enough to know that I lashed out unfairly, because seeing you sent everything rushing back, the whole godsdamned year, and it’s a lot. It’s opening up the door to a lot of things I’ve tried to lock away, like the door down the hall that I haven’t entered in months.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So just be patient with me, please. I may snap, and I may freak out, and I may turn away from you when all I want to do is stay. But it will never be that easy.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And I’ve come to realize that since you’re back, you may actually find all of these letters, and I think I’ve accepted that fact. I've always been ready to share my heart with you. So just know, that if you’re reading this right now, Rowan, I still love you, and I hope you understand.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>To whatever end,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Aelin</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan took a shaky breath and slowly set the paper down, leaning back in his chair yet again to process everything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But like before, the only words rushing through his head were that he needed to talk to her, he needed to talk to her, he so desperately needed to talk to her that it felt like a tug in his chest, yanking toward her with a ferocity that wouldn’t be fixed unless she was right there next to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He needed to tell her he was sorry, that he was devastated, that he still loved her too. Because how could he not?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Options flashed through his mind of how to contact her, but none of them worked because of the main roadblock that kept them apart, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Arobynn.</span>
  </em>
  <span> But then an idea struck him, an idea so simple that he had forgotten about it. It could just work. He hoped it would work. He needed it to work.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All he had to do was just go ask Marion.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: mentions of implied sexual assault, mentions of miscarriage</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1886</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin turned the small piece of paper over and over in her hands, examining the words, and it was starting to tear and thin from how long she’d been holding it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>510 Mistward Street, Midnight</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>- R</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>From the moment Marion had discreetly passed it to her, it had been the only thing on her mind. Her old governess had visited under the guise of stopping in while passing by, though Arobynn had not been too pleased, and when she’d said goodbye, she’d slipped the tiny fragment of a page into the long sleeve of Aelin’s dress. And now it was all she could focus on.</p>
<p>
  <span>The address was quite familiar, she’d spent a whole year copying it down on the front of the envelope, with a name and a date, although hers lacked a time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Midnight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin knew what he was requesting of her, what he was asking. She knew who the R was, who would think of asking Marion to deliver a letter to her, most likely without question, because Marion didn’t need any answers that she didn’t already know.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But could she go? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Would </span>
  </em>
  <span>she go?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She chewed on her bottom lip, furrowing her brows as she stared at the ink.  She scrunched back into the cushions of the parlor couch, reading and rereading the words over and over and over.  What did he want to say to her? What made him pick now? Especially after she’d yelled at him only two days ago...unless that’s what he wanted to talk about.  To follow up on what she’d said. He had seemed concerned, and maybe he wanted to learn what she couldn’t say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Although Aelin didn’t know if she could say it even with another try.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And even though she was pretending to consider, she knew she wanted to go. Without a doubt she wanted to. Her conflicted feelings would only be resolved by hearing him out, and despite everything, she still longed to be with him. One night couldn’t hurt. Hopefully.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But the real question was how she would manage to leave. It’s not like she could ask Arobynn if she could take the carriage in the middle of the night to go somewhere she couldn’t tell him. No. Aelin had more self preservation than to attempt that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sound of the door opening made her curse and she shoved the paper underneath her leg, removing her hands and looking natural just in time for Arobynn to walk in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He gave her a look out of the sides of his eyes as he crossed the room, heading to the bar cart in the corner. A glass of whiskey was soon in his hands, despite the fact that it was just after lunch, and Aelin just watched him blankly as he came over and sat down across from her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you just sitting in here doing nothing?” Arobynn raised his brows, and Aelin smoothed her skirt down, looking at her lap instead of at him.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was thinking,” she replied, trying to sound dignified instead of worried.  He just snorted and tossed his drink back, the warm brown of the whiskey contrasting his auburn hair.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that a new pastime you’ve developed?” His tone was snarky and he tilted his head with an air of sarcasm and casualty, only emphasized by the rolled up sleeves and the lackadaisical pose.  Aelin didn’t respond, reaching for the book she’d left on the side table earlier. It was the same book as the other day, and she still hadn’t gotten past page one.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Behind the page though, her mind was whirring as Arobynn reached over to the bell lever on the wall, pulling it to call a servant into the room.  She watched when the servant entered, and Arobynn practically threw his empty glass at him, like it was now too much effort for him to get up and get another drink himself.  And she watched when he drained that one too, without even paying much attention to its contents.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin knew he had a very good tolerance, he drank quite a lot but only rarely showed effects from it.  She’d ignored it before, besides the few times she avoided him when he came home drunk, but it could be of use to her now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His grey eyes flickered to hers, and she immediately darted her gaze away, going back to pretending like she was reading. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had an idea, an inkling of a possible way to slip out of the house unnoticed, but she’d have to be careful.  And she would have to put on a show.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin stared at herself in the mirror in her bedroom, steeling herself for what she was about to do.  She dropped her gaze down to the tiny bottle in her hand, a single dose taken from her bottle of sleeping tonic.  It would be quick, she knew that. One dose knocked her out almost immediately. Once Arobynn drank it, she’d be able to leave the house without him waking up and finding her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The trick was how to get it into his drink without him noticing. Which is why she had to provide a distraction.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hence, her outfit.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The day had faded into evening, and Aelin was upstairs again after finishing up dinner, a slightly awkward affair where she just picked at her food due to her worries about </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  Arobynn hadn’t questioned why she was barely eating, simply because it wasn’t outside of the norm.  She never had much of an appetite anymore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And normally, after their meal, she’d be dragged into the parlor or drawing room for a nightcap before being allowed to go to sleep, but she’d made an excuse to come up here before making her way back down.  And she’d immediately stripped out of her heavy evening gown and changed into something far lighter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, Aelin was wearing one of her many nightgowns.  Her most scandalous one if she had chosen correctly.  </span>
</p>
<p>It was a flimsy white material, modesty feigned by the length of it, as it went down to her ankles, but the top contrasted.  The straps were thin, maybe the width of a pen, and they hung loosely over her bony shoulders, connecting to the back of the gown, and also came together in a tie over her shoulder blades.  Altogether it left much of her back exposed. There also was scalloped lace lining the hem and the neckline, and it continued down the middle, with delicate white satin buttons edging down the front as well.</p>
<p>
  <span>She figured that most other women didn’t own any nightgowns like this, especially with the lack of any sort of sleeve, but her husband was not the same as other husbands.  Which may work to her benefit this time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin sighed, giving herself one more moment to consider before turning to the door. She could do this, if it gave her a chance to speak to Rowan. She needed that chance to speak to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The bottle in her hand felt ten times its weight as she exited her room, her nerves sparking as she walked slowly down the stairs, inches away from starting that dangerous game.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had to be very subtle about it.  Arobynn would be suspicious if she threw herself at him, considering how little enthusiasm she usually showed.  But she had to get close enough, so she had to let him come to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin had thought about her plan all through dinner, with the note burning a brand in her mind from its place with the bottle of sleeping tonic under the loose floorboard in her room, and had decided that it would be easier and quicker to pour the substance into her own drink and switch it with his.  Whiskey wasn’t her favorite drink, she generally preferred wine if Arobynn let her have any alcohol, but she could manage it for the evening.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If anything, he would believe her if she said she wanted something stronger.  It wasn’t like he didn’t know what she thought about him, and about her whole life.  Arobynn was way too perceptive not to. It’s what made this so necessary, because he would know the minute she tried to leave.  And he would know where she was going.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin took a deep breath and entered the room, adopting a casual air as she waltzed over to the drinks like nothing was amiss. She didn’t fail to notice Arobynn’s eyes tracking her the whole way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You changed,” he stated obviously, and she glanced back at him. He was sitting on the couch, a glass of whiskey predictably already in his hands. She raised her brows in a show of nonchalance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My dress was too stuffy, this is much more comfortable.” She winced internally at the words, knowing it sounded forced, and the way Arobynn’s expression turned wary made her backtrack. So she constructed her face into one of annoyance and distaste, and she could tell he relaxed minutely. Now it just seemed like she was criticizing his style instead of having an ulterior motive.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin purposefully leaned forward more than necessary when grabbing a glass, showing off the low neckline of the nightgown in an attempt to distract him from paying too much attention to her actions. On a normal night, he would insist that she don’t get her own drink, calling a servant instead, but it was crucial she pour her own whiskey.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a quick dart of her eyes to Arobynn, whose gaze was still fixed on her, particularly the bare skin she had exposed, she purposefully shifted to the left to make the loose strap slide off her shoulder. It rested against her arm, pulling part of her gown down, and while he was distracted by that, she held her breath and quickly slipped the tonic into her drink, disposing of the bottle immediately to hide any evidence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She released the breath and made her way back to the sitting area, making sure to get closer to Arobynn as she passed him. Just enough purposeful movements to direct his attention, so she could use his arrogance and his blind spots against him.  Aelin felt like a magician, guiding focus toward something in an attempt to perform the real trick without any bother. Except failure here would end in worse consequences than missing out on a few coins.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where are you going?” Arobynn said in an amused tone, latching on to her waist as she slipped by him. He pulled her down into his lap with a jerk, and she fell against him, unable to keep herself steady.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is this necessary?” Aelin forced herself to say, emulating her normal self, but her eyes were drawn to the table adjacent to the couch, where his whiskey was currently sitting. Arobynn’s hand crept around to her hip, and she shuddered as she felt it through the thin material.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You chose to put this on,” was his reply, and she didn’t have to fake her eye roll at the flimsy excuse. But she let him run his hand up her side, she let him stroke down her arm and pull her drink out of her hand, watching with a glimmer of triumph as he set it down next to his, she let him lean up and drag his nose across her throat, ending with a kiss to her shoulder that made her want to push him away. But, besides the first few months of her marriage, Aelin hadn’t been in a great state of mind to be too defensive against him, so he was comfortable doing what he wanted. And she wasn’t going to choose this moment to stop him, not when her getting to talk to Rowan tonight hinged on him </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span> paying attention to what he wanted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was like the idea of seeing Rowan had snapped her out of her haze, and now she had more energy than she had in almost a year. Ever since…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin’s face paled. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Did Rowan find the letters? Is that why he wanted to talk to her? A shaky feeling settled inside of her and she knew she must be trembling slightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But luckily, that could be attributed to the way Arobynn was slowly sliding his hand up toward her chest, while the other moved down from her hip, caressing the top of her thigh lightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unbridled disgust ran through her and, despite her revelation, she decided it was time to make her move. Especially when he grasped her skirt and began pulling it up slightly, revealing more and more of her bare legs with each movement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin leaned forward, keeping her breath steady, and snatched up Arobynn’s glass, taking a large sip as she moved back before he got a chance to realize the switch.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whiskey, huh?” He chuckled and leaned back into the couch, resting his hand on her leg as he reached to grab the other glass left on the table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” she said quietly, trying not to look too eager as he held the contaminated drink in his hands.  All she had to do now was wait.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Aelin waited. She let him do what he wanted and she waited. Like a spider in a web just watching to see when he’d fall into her trap.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he wasn’t drinking.  He just swung the glass in his hands, the brown liquid swirling around in its container.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I never pegged you to be a whiskey drinker,” Arobynn continued, staring at her with an insufferable smirk. “Although you do </span>
  <em>
    <span>continue </span>
  </em>
  <span>to surprise me.” He twirled a piece of her hair, the golden blonde locks loose from when she’d taken down the style to change.  Aelin tried to pull away a bit, nerves striking her stomach the longer he didn’t take a sip, but he used his grip to pull her closer to him, getting barely an inch from her ear before saying “Let’s go upstairs.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes widened as he pushed her to a standing position, panic shooting through her, but that settled quite quickly when he stood up after her, draining the rest of the glass in his hand before setting it down on the table.  Now, Aelin had to hide her pleased expression. He would be dead asleep in no time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn grabbed her arm and tugged her with him, and she went without too much of a fight, if only to guarantee that he was asleep before leaving to go to Rowan.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now she </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>had to hide her expression, because she was sure it looked way too triumphant for the occasion. She was forced to hold her skirt up a bit as she was pulled roughly up the stairs, trying to avoid tripping and crashing onto the wood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she could tell by the way his grip slowly weakened that the tonic was working.  When they got to his room, his eyes were drooping quite dramatically, and she stood still as he stumbled, catching himself on the frame of the bed.  Aelin watched, hugging her cold arms, as he tried to stay upright, before his eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed to the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He didn’t even make it to the bed. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She stared at him without remorse, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes in an attempt to see if he was fully asleep.  He looked asleep, but she needed to be sure. So Aelin walked over and nudged him with her foot, pushing at his shoulder to see if he would stir.  And when he didn’t, she just left.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>------</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan paced back and forth, the rough sounds of the rain on the crumbling walls making the pounding in his head even worse. It matched the anxiety beating in his chest, the nerves nowhere near soothed by the minutes that kept ticking by.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He snatched his pocket watch out of his jacket, flipping it open to look at the time.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ten til twelve. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He sighed and shoved it back in his pocket, tilting his head up to look at the ceiling.  The wet strands of his hair stuck to his forehead, and a drop slid down his skin, almost falling into his eye. In a burst of frustration he tore off his jacket and threw it to the ground, leaving him in his pants and white dress shirt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wasn’t going to come.  She wasn’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He walked and walked, avoiding thinking about it.  Rowan knew he was asking for a lot. He knew he was asking her to put herself at risk, to find a way to sneak out and come meet </span>
  <em>
    <span>him, </span>
  </em>
  <span>a man she had yelled at and cursed at only days ago.  Just because he wanted Aelin to come meant in no way that she would.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His eyes lingered on the empty room.  Some of the floorboards were rotting, the wood rough and dirty.  It was mostly bare of all furniture, besides a few lingering sheets and various chairs that had been abandoned when the owners left.  Rowan supposed this had been the drawing room once, as it was further to the back of the house, but it looked nothing like the grand room it had been. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Some sort of plant or vine was even pushing its way inside from the cracked window, ivy if he was correct.  Rowan wasn’t exactly a plant expert, he just focused on how it made the whole house look decrepit. Even though he’d been using its mailbox for almost two years, he’d never stepped foot in the house, and it was a shock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he could tell the bones were good, and any work put in to fix it up would most likely be worth it.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That wasn’t his purpose here though.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stared out through the panes of glass into the rain, as if he could see Aelin through the downpour.  As if he could conjure up her image through the haze of mist.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It seemed like he was there waiting for a million years, his guilt and his sorrow and his worry eating away at him until he was nothing but a shell.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His hope was disappearing, and Rowan was considering giving up and leaving, until a noise toward the front of the house sounded.  He barely heard it over the pattering of the rain, but he froze, his head whipped toward the door as he waited and watched.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinges squeaked, and the rain was louder for a second as the noise was thrust into the inside of the house.  His breath caught as light footsteps got closer and closer to him, so near but yet so far away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Rowan couldn’t look away if he wanted to as Aelin made her way quietly into the room, a soaked forest green travelling cloak covering her body.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She pulled the hood off of her head, revealing pale skin and loose wet golden hair, a strand stuck across a flushed cheek.  Her turquoise eyes met his green ones and they just stood and stared for a moment, their gaze speaking more words than they’d said in a year.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin’s expression remained still, not revealing anything, and when the charged moment reached a peak of tension, Rowan uttered the first words he thought of. The first words he felt he </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I found the letters,” came rushing out of his mouth, and her eyes widened as her lips pursed, a conflicted look settling in her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” was all she said, her tone flat and guarded. She looked away, turning toward the window and the sounds of the rushing rain, and Rowan found himself tracking her with his focus as she moved closer to the glass.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I read them, too,” he added, wanting to clarify. It maybe wasn’t the best way to approach the subject, but it was the most direct. And with everything that those letters contained, Rowan knew they had a lot to talk about. Even though all he could think about was that she was here. Aelin was here. She was only feet away from him, and it was hard to stop himself from running up to her and wrapping her tight in his arms. Especially as she wrapped </span>
  <em>
    <span>herself </span>
  </em>
  <span>in her cloak, holding it tight around her even though it undoubtedly was making her shiver.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He waited for another moment for a response, but she stayed silent. Her gaze was locked on the rain instead of him, and his own wet clothes suddenly felt cold.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan glanced around the room, eyeing the fireplace on the other side. He was sure he had some matches lingering in his jacket, and there were some piles of old wood that could maybe be flammable enough. All he was sure of was that he needed to warm the room up a little bit. In more ways than one.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So he gathered a few pieces and tried to lay them nicely in the grate, years old ashes lining the box, and then he snatched up his jacket and dug around for a match and lit it, all while Aelin continued her vigil at the window.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a few tries and a few minutes, he managed to start some sort of flame, and he huffed a sigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why did you ask to meet me?” Rowan whipped his head around to look at Aelin, who had spoken despite still being turned away. She apparently chose to ignore his revelation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why did you choose to come?” He replied, needing to know the answer. Her letters said she loved him, but she also said that there was a big difference between what she could write down and what she told him face to face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin shrugged. “Curiosity?” Her voice was empty. “A chance to apologize for the other night?” She glanced at him and then darted away quickly. “Although if you read the letters you would already know that I’m sorry.” Rowan’s heart clenched.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry too,” his words were sincere, “for a lot of things.” It was almost a good thing she wasn’t looking at him, because the pain in his eyes was so visceral she would pick up on it the moment she saw him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin sighed and closed her eyes. “I know you are, Rowan.” The fire crackling and the rain pouring were the only sounds before she continued. “But a lot of people say that and mean nothing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you talking about Arobynn?” The words were out before he could stop them, the need to talk about it too strong to ignore. But he knew it was a mistake when she whipped her head around to glare at him, even though he knew the rage wasn’t directed at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Arobynn Hamel has never apologized for a single thing in his fucking life.” Aelin spit the words, a harsh expression on her face that had him immediately muttering a retraction. But she wasn’t listening anymore, going back to look out the window. “That’s what made it so easy to get here tonight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan furrowed his brows, looking at her with confusion. But it didn’t seem like something she wanted to address, if the way her lips tilted down was any confirmation.  She glanced back at him again, her blue eyes soulful against her pale skin, splotchy from the rain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you ever feel empty for something you know isn’t your fault?” The words were a whispered confession. “Do you ever feel like your soul is being eaten away for actions completely out of your control?” Rowan stared as Aelin’s lips trembled. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He felt like that all the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking </span>
  </em>
  <span>time. Especially now, with everything he’d learned and the sight of Aelin crumbling in front of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The fire was slowly warming him from behind; he could feel his clothes beginning to dry and his damp skin beginning to lose the shine from the rain.  But Aelin was still shivering, and he desperately wanted to bring her over to the warmth if only to prevent her from getting a cold. Or something worse.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate </span>
  </em>
  <span>him,” she said, her words angry even though her voice was weak, “I hate him, Rowan, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” He thought about everything she’d written in the letters, the disastrous conversations, the threats, the entitlement and disrespect and clear lack of care for boundaries or how she might be feeling or any sort of rights she may have.  He hated him too. “I’m just so tired, Rowan.” Her voice sagged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, Fireheart.” That’s all he could say, all he could manage. He wanted to declare his unending wish to help, the pull in his chest that begged him to fix it, to change things.  But that statement last time had driven her away, had made her yell and rage, and he couldn’t risk that again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin hugged her soaked coat tighter around her body.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sometimes I wonder if I hate my parents too,” she continued, her voice small. “But then I put myself in their situation, in their shoes and their eyes and their brains, and I figure that there’s no way they could’ve possibly known.” Rowan’s chest tightened. “But I knew.” She trailed off and glanced over at him.  “And you knew.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He conceded a nod. “I can always tell when you’re not okay, Aelin.” She stared at him blankly. “I can tell when you’re hurting.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So can he,” she said darkly, “but he doesn’t care. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>revels </span>
  </em>
  <span>in it.” She pressed her eyes close and a single tear slid down her face. “I think that’s why it happened.” He didn’t have to ask what </span>
  <em>
    <span>it </span>
  </em>
  <span>was. It was the same thing burdening his own soul.  But then she shook her head. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this, it’s not like you care.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took a single step toward her.  “Of course I care, Aelin. I care so much it feels like I’m dying from it.” Rowan sighed.  “I don’t regret what happened between us, but I regret </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything </span>
  </em>
  <span>afterward. I never should’ve left. I should’ve been here to protect you.” His voice was tight from unshed tears, and he dared another step. “And I’m so sorry for that, but I’m here now and I’m never going to make the same mistake again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin scoffed, an ugly brutal sound. “What about Lyria? How does she factor in?” It was Rowan’s turn to shake his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She means nothing, Aelin. She’s just a friend.” His tone was pleading, but she still didn’t look at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re marrying her, aren’t you?” Her voice was empty again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Out of convenience,” he explained, “purely because I need to get married. Everyone’s already wondering why I’m not yet.” He had trouble keeping his words steady, too much emotion threatening to pour out of him. “But I don’t love her. Not at all.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You say that now,” she started, “but that may ch-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll never love anyone but </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Aelin Galathynius,” he interrupted, firm determination in his voice. She finally shot her gaze to him at the use of her maiden name, surprise laden with heaviness in her eyes. “For the rest of our fucking lives, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>every single minute </span>
  </em>
  <span>afterward, wherever we may be, you’ll be the only one in my heart.” His voice shook. “You’re the godsdamn fight of my life, and I’m never going to let you go. I’d never be able to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin released a shaky breath at the words, staring at him with wide eyes. Silence settled between them, the fire and the rain once again the only noise. Tears welled in her turquoise gaze and she blinked them away quickly, sniffling, and she looked out the window again, as if she needed the lack of eye contact to see these next words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was anxious the weeks leading up to the wedding, you know,” she admitted, but he just nodded, already knowing that from the letters. “And it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>hell </span>
  </em>
  <span>the weeks afterward.” He clung to every word, ready to hear what she hadn’t even been able to write down.  “It’s still hell now, but it was worse then, I don’t really know why.” She furrowed her brows. “Maybe because it was such a shock. It doesn’t surprise me anymore, but in those first few months I kept waiting for him to change, I kept waiting for him to realize that I was a person, but he never did.” A tear fell, but she didn’t wipe it away, almost like she was in a daze. “And I think all of that stress just added up.” She shrugged, as if the subject was casual when it was anything but, but her words were choked. “Worrying isn’t good for a pregnancy.” She stumbled on the last word, another tear slipping out, but she took a deep breath and composed herself, with Rowan just watching on with despair roiling in his stomach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I never wrote you this,” she continued, “but I had a gravestone made.” He froze. “He didn’t want me to, he wanted me to just forget, but he didn’t fight me too much when I insisted.” Aelin remained looking out the window, as if the rain was giving her strength. “I put it out by the Florine River, by the swing.” His heart cracked, so loudly in his ears that he was surprised it didn’t split the whole world in two. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gods.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “She’s buried out there, not in some stuffy old cemetery, she’s out in nature, where she can breathe.” Her voice sounded disconnected, her tone airy. But she turned to look at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I never got to hold her,” she said, and her lips trembled. “I never got to hug her tight and tell her I loved her.” Another tear spilled. “I never got to count all of her little fingers and toes, just marvelling in the fact that she was there.” Rowan’s own will broke, and tears spilled down his face at the heartbreaking words that matched the heartbreak in his chest. “I never got to watch her grow up. I never got to watch you meet her, watch you become a father, watch you frown at any boys that tried to court her, because I know you would’ve even if no one knew she was yours.” A sob broke free. “She’s gone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin broke then, collapsing and covering her mouth with a hand in an attempt to stifle her cries. It seemed like the dam holding back her emotions had finally split and now it was all rushing out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan was there in a second, wrapping her in his arms, her wet cloak be damned. She leaned into him, sobbing into his chest, and he just clutched her tighter, his own tears spilling onto her hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin tightened her grip on his shirt, shoving her face into him, and he squeezed her back, keeping her steady as she poured out the pain in her heart. And he poured out his own pain, his soul hurting and crumpling just as much as hers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And so they mourned together, lamenting the loss of the life they could’ve had, the life they </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> had. Both were trying so desperately to fill the holes in their chests, to stop it from growing and taking over everything, any joy or love or life left.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m all alone now, Rowan, I have no one left,” she uttered tearfully through her sobs, echoing the words she’d written to him in that painful letter. This time, he actually had the chance to respond.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll always have me,” he whispered into her hair, and he couldn’t measure the relief he felt when she nodded an agreement into his skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stayed there for a few minutes, Rowan calming Aelin down as he tempered his own tears, soaking in her presence. But then she shivered violently, huddling closer into him to steal his warmth. He’d dried completely, standing so close to the fire, but she was still wet and cold. Especially now with her emotions all spent.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on.” She let him pull her willingly toward the fire, as if wanting to stay wrapped up in him no matter where he went. Rowan bent down and grabbed his jacket from its spot on the floor, it’s proximity to the heat making it dry and toasty. “Here.” He held it out to her. “This is warmer than yours.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she said quietly before undoing the tie of her cloak and pulling it off, revealing the nightgown she wore underneath. Rowan clenched his jaw. No wonder she was cold. Her arms were completely bared, the neckline low. If Arobynn made her wear things like that for his amusement… he hissed out a breath, anger at the man visceral.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin ignored him though, slipping on his jacket instead of responding. The black fabric dwarfed her, making her look even smaller.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her turquoise eyes were so drained, so tired, so empty, and when she looked up at him with that gaze, his heart broke yet again and he reached out for her hand, grasping it softly. He rested his other hand gently on her waist, and she placed her free hand on his shoulder, pressing her forehead into it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan stood there for a moment, breathing her in and comforting her, before beginning to hum a little tune. He started swaying, leading her with him as he danced. Aelin sighed into his shirt, relaxing into him as they moved.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a soft moment, a quiet one, save for the fire and the rain and the rough sounds of his voice. He wasn’t a good singer, but she didn’t seem to mind, nor did he. It didn’t matter, not when they were there, in each other’s arms once again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wish I’d been able to meet her too,” he murmured after a few minutes, whispering into her hair. Aelin glanced up at him, eyes full of sorrow. “I didn’t know she existed until yesterday, but gods I feel like I’ve been in pain for years.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Eliott Whitethorn.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>His voice cracked and it took everything in him to stop from sobbing again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His eyes flickered open when he felt Aelin’s cool hand on his cheek. She tilted his head down to look at her, at the sudden steadiness in her gaze.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You won’t be alone either, Rowan.” She smiled, a small watery smile that meant so much more than a giant grin. “I love you and I’ll always be here for you.”  </span>
</p>
<p>She had said the words in that last letter to him, but hearing them out loud, seeing them coming from her lips, putting them out there into the universe and to him made it so much more real. Rowan leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers, reveling in the moment.</p>
<p>
  <span>It was her who initiated it. It was Aelin who stretched those few inches between their faces. It was Aelin who placed the gentlest of kisses to his lips, the contact making him sigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They both pulled away at the same time, smiling softly. They’d done more plenty of times in the past, there had been no boundaries between the two of them, nothing about the other that they didn’t know, but in that moment, that kiss was </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: swearing, slight depictions of domestic violence</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1886</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Morning light filtered softly into the room, the rays of sun streaming gently beneath his eyelids. Rowan sighed and blinked his eyes open, straining and trying to rouse himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He tried to shift himself, uncomfortable on whatever hard surface he had found himself sleeping on for the night, but his arm was trapped by a warm surface. He furrowed his brows, and blinked again before turning his head to the side. A small smile immediately stole his face as he was greeted with the sight of a sleeping Aelin, her body curled into his.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was completely wrapped in his arms, her head pressed into his chest, her golden hair spilling over her shoulders that were still covered in his jacket. Rowan’s hands were placed gently on her back, holding her tight to him, and their legs were entangled, making them as close as possible.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin’s face was relaxed in a peaceful expression, her constantly furrowed brows and the teeth that constantly chewed on her bottom lip soothed. She looked content, with a small unconscious smile gracing her lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan leaned down and pressed a delicate kiss to her hair, trying not to wake her. He didn’t know what she had done to get here, but he figured she could use the sleep.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They hadn’t done anything besides that single kiss last night, but he was more than happy to just be there with her. They’d stayed up late though, just sitting together and talking. Talking about their lives, about the year they’d been apart, about every moment they’d missed each other or wished the other was there with them. It was easy to fill the silence, easy to just be there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan rolled over onto his back, an arm still around her, but Aelin sighed softly and followed him in her sleep, laying her head on his chest and resting her hand on his stomach. </span>
</p>
<p>He dragged his fingers through her hair, slowly combing the golden locks, and he knew she was waking up when she huffed slightly and smiled more, pushing back into his hand like a cat.</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan grinned and stopped his movement, making her frown and grumble a protest. But then her beautiful eyes flickered open, squinting against the daylight. The fire had died overnight, and the rain had stopped, so the sun was shining quite violently even if it was still early.  Aelin glanced up at him, resting her chin on his chest with a sleepy, content look on her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi,” she said quietly, and he pressed a quick kiss to her forehead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi.” Despite everything they’d gone through the night before, he was filled with such peace at having her in his arms. And it seemed she felt the same, enjoying the moment, until her eyes widened. Rowan furrowed his brows at the expression, pausing as she sprung off of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>she cursed as she scrambled to a stand. Aelin darted her gaze around the room, and he sat up as she ran over and picked up her shoes. “I can’t be here.” She rushed to put them on, almost falling over with how fast she was going. “If he finds out I’m gone-“ She shook her head and Rowan’s mouth tightened, angry at the man for what she wasn’t saying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin paused and looked over at him regretfully, her lip trembling with anxiety and her brows tight with frustration and sorrow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Be safe,” he said, the only words he could think of. He wanted so desperately to have her stay, to pause the world in that quiet moment, to keep her in his arms and safe from the bastard waiting for her at home. He prayed to every god out there that he could keep her safe, but there wasn’t anything he could do to change things.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Rowan watched as Aelin nodded, eyes downcast, and then walked quickly to the door, turning back to him to say “I’ll see you soon”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then she was gone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He groaned and laid back down, resting a fist on his forehead. Life was fucked up. Only a minute ago they were peaceful, now Aelin was being shoved back into the lion's den. Rowan wished he could follow, if only to throw himself in front of her to be killed first, a sacrifice to protect her, as he always would willingly be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But at least Aelin had smiled. At least she trusted him enough to talk. At least she still loved him. </span>
</p>
<p>A small smile curled the corners of his lips.</p>
<p>
  <span>After a few minutes of contemplation Rowan sat up again, determined to get on with his day. He was going to Lyria’s house for lunch to finalize the engagement.  It was terrible timing but it needed to happen. He’d even brought his mother’s old wedding ring, stored in one of the inside pockets of his jacket. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The jacket that Aelin was still wearing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gods. Maeve already didn’t like him. He couldn’t exactly say that he’d lost the ring intended for Lyria by leaving it in a jacket he’d given to another woman.  Not that he’d ever lower Aelin to anything less than the most important person in his life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Either way, he’d have to run home to change.  He wasn’t exactly dressed properly or looking neat after sleeping on a wooden floor for the night. It was fuzzy to him when he and Aelin did end up falling asleep. He was sure they hadn’t meant to, for reasons that made her run out right away, but they had.  So Rowan would have to leave, even if he felt a certain fondness for this old house now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he got to Lyria’s, he’d have to make an excuse about forgetting the ring, and then he’d have to figure out how to get it back from Aelin, although he didn’t know when he’d be able to see her again.  It may be for the best though, Rowan didn’t think he’d be able to propose to Lyria right after everything that had happened last night. He couldn’t put his mother’s ring on her finger without thinking of it being on Aelin’s instead.  He couldn’t marry her without thinking of what it would be like to see Aelin walking down the aisle toward him instead, a radiant smile on her face and a beautiful gown adorning her body. He couldn’t have </span>
  <em>
    <span>kids </span>
  </em>
  <span>with her without thinking of the child he’d had and lost with Aelin, that shared grief and mourning just bonding them even more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Every single aspect of his future life, of the dreams he’d had for it, would now be filled with Lyria instead, and even if he had a brief reprieve today, it wouldn’t stop anything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan sighed and stood, collecting his various things from the floor.  He snatched up Aelin’s dark green cloak off of the floor, clearly having forgotten it in her rush. Which made sense with how she’d manage to leave with his jacket instead. He’d have to return it to her at some point soon, although he didn’t know when that would be. He just hoped no one noticed it was missing, or that she was returning home in a coat that wasn’t hers. But Aelin would likely notice herself before anyone else.  Hopefully.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He huffed a breath and slid on his shoes, and then left just like Aelin had minutes before.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin tried to discreetly catch her breath as she quietly opened the servants’ door in the back of her house, attempting to slip in unobserved and make her way up to her room without being noticed by Arobynn.  She’d practically run home, hoping to get there quickly before people really started venturing outside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hadn’t meant to fall asleep there.  Gods she really shouldn’t have. By some sort of luck she’d woken up at an early enough time that nobody was out and about, but it had been a risk.  If anyone had seen her, still in her nightgown and traipsing around town alone, word would’ve gone around and would most certainly have reached Arobynn.  Which was what she had been trying to prevent in the first place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin edged her way down the drab hallway, listening intently for any signs of servants. If she was gauging correctly, they were sitting for their breakfast before she and Arobynn were supposed to wake up. If she continued this way, she’d pass the kitchen and the servants hall before finally getting to the stairs that led to the outside of the dining room, but if she went up the back way, through the hallway of bedrooms and up the backstairs to the second floor, it was much more direct. She just ran the risk of accidentally seeing a straggler who hadn’t quite made it down yet. But it was a better option.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Aelin snuck her way quietly down toward the small flight of stairs that lead to the dormitories, sliding her shoes off to make less noise. She bounded across the wood floor, trying to be as efficient as possible, and was successful...until she wasn’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh!” A surprised voice called out, and Aelin shot her head up, wide eyes meeting wide eyes. She found herself staring into the shocked face of one of the footmen, Bas if she remembered correctly. Her face drained of all color as she watched his response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin considered herself friendly with most of the staff, she knew she was more forthcoming than Arobynn, but it wasn’t guaranteed that they’d protect her from him, lie to him. He was their employer technically, and she was just there. He held the true power, which was why she was trying to escape their notice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bas opened and closed his mouth a few times before darting his eyes down and back up, a look of confusion on his face. But Aelin didn’t have the space in her anxious brain to decode the expression.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please,” she managed to say, “please pretend you didn’t see me.” She gulped, her voice and her eyes desperate. He hesitated, and her heart stopped beating in pure fear, adrenaline and nerves rushing through her the longer he took to respond.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she could tell Bas felt bad for her in the way he then nodded, his face tight. Aelin loosed a breath in relief and after another pause, she began edging past him, ducking her head as she pushed ahead.  It wasn’t a secret to the servants how she was treated. The footmen saw the way Arobynn acted when they’d bring him drinks, the butler saw how possessive and drawling he was when hosting events or just around the house, and her maids saw when she wouldn’t wake up alone in a room, with empty eyes and an empty expression.  Aelin felt a particular fondness for her maids, they’d been by her side nine months ago, and they had been supportive as she worked her way back up to where she was now. Her situation wasn’t any better, but she felt stronger. Although that strength was all covered in panic now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All the time in the world and no time at all passed as she rushed her way upstairs, barely paying attention to her surroundings as she darted to safety. Luckily, Arobynn’s door was still shut, so he most likely was still asleep, thank the gods. Aelin wondered idly if he was still on the floor, or if he’d managed to rouse himself at some point just enough to get into bed. Although with the strength of the tonic that was doubtful. She didn’t care either way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her heart squeezed painfully as she passed another door, one that stayed constantly locked. But she’d think about that another time, not now. Instead she focused on the way the soft carpet felt on her bare feet, grounding herself in reality to prevent floating away into grief.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She only relaxed fully when she made it into her empty room, quietly shutting the door behind her and dumping her shoes on the floor. She pulled back the unused comforter of her bed, and was about to dive in and act like she’d been asleep the whole time when she caught a glimpse of her reflection in her mirror. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Aelin cursed, staring at herself incredulously. Because draped on her body still was Rowan’s black jacket, not the dark green cloak she’d left with the night before. Gods, how had she managed that?</span>
</p>
<p>Aelin huffed a breath and ripped the jacket off of her, hurrying to her closet to hopefully fit it under the loose floorboard where she hid everything else. That’s why Bas had looked so strangely at her. Not only was she sneaking into the house early in the morning, she was sneaking in wearing an unfamiliar men’s coat. It definitely didn’t help her story.</p>
<p>
  <span>She flung the fabric to the floor, shaking with overwhelmed emotions, but a pinging noise caught her attention and she darted her head toward the source of the sound.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After scouring for it, Aelin’s eyes landed on the offending item, and she started trembling even more. It was a ring. A small golden ring with what looked like an emerald adorning it.  After walking slowly toward it, she hesitantly picked it up, the cool metal contrasting her heated skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Loosing a breath, Aelin collapsed onto her bed, laying on her side and tucking herself into the comforter while still holding the ring. She leaned into her soft pillows, a strand of hair falling across her face, and lifted the ring in front of her eyes, twisting it around in her hand.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was truly a beautiful piece of jewelry, worn without looking dated and clearly loved and cared for.  Aelin knew it must be Rowan’s mother’s ring, the bright green jewel and the small diamonds encircling it looking just like the description he had given her one day long ago.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She held her breath and slid her own ring off carefully, darting her eyes up to the bedroom door to make sure no one was coming. She set the monstrosity of a ring, awful due to the gaudiness of it as well as what it represented, on the sheet in front of her and lifted Rowan’s mother’s ring to her hand. With a sigh she set it on her finger, and it slid over her skin like it was supposed to be there, the natural fit making tears prick at the corner of her eyes. But she sniffed those back quickly, not eager to cry yet again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The ring wasn’t hers, it wasn’t even intended for her.  Maybe once they had dreamed of her wearing it, but now it was meant to sit on Lyria’s hand. Yet in this moment, she could pretend that Rowan had proposed, that she was in her old bedroom finding it impossible to fall asleep because of the excitement of the day. She pretended she was just now going to be a bride, marrying the love of her life, ready to embark on an adventure together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin wrapped her left hand in her right and squeezed her eyes shut, and found herself frowning when her dream was ripped away.  Her pillow crumpled around her head when she leaned into it, and another tear slipped out. Her bed was the lap of luxury, as fluffy and soft and comfortable as Arobynn’s money could buy, but she would give anything to just be wrapped in Rowan’s arms on that rough wooden floor again.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan strode down the street, his hands in his pockets as he moved down the sidewalk, barely paying attention to passersby as he made his way to Lyria’s house.  He’d gotten home and changed into another outfit that looked practically the same, but didn’t smell like rain or have traces of smoke from the fire.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now he was just left with the hole in his heart, a constant companion to the sorrow threatening to burst from his soul. But he tempered the feeling, focusing on his goal for the afternoon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All he had to do was suffer through a conversation, and then he could go back home. Although home seemed to be more of a person than a place now - cracked glass, a small fire, a wooden floor, and a warm body came to his mind instead of the building he called his own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sighed through his nose and brought himself back to the present, watching the houses and the stores pass by.  Lyria and Maeve were staying more uptown than most of Orynth’s residents, so it was a bit of a walk to get there. Rowan could’ve taken a carriage, or gone on horseback even, but the exposure to the fresh air was useful in trying to center himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His eyes caught on their house as he approached their street, the pleasant light blue color a nice contrast to the griminess of other areas he’d passed.  But a glimmer of shock struck him when he saw the door open and Vaughan step out. The brunette man was holding his hat in his hands, reaching to put it on as he walked down the few stairs onto the sidewalk.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he saw Rowan, his brows shot up in surprise, and a clear flicker of worry appeared on his face before he smoothed it away into a smile, raising a hand in greeting. Rowan responded in kind, waving slightly as he walked over to meet him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Vaughan.” He furrowed his brows. “I thought you were going into town today?” That’s the plan Rowan had heard last. Since moving to Orynth with the rest of them, Vaughan was looking for a more secure job offer than the one he’d had back in Doranelle. Orynth was a bigger city, and he was hoping to get a better position, ideally in some sort of steel or construction firm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s what Vaughan had done in Doranelle, worked in the only construction company in the small town, and had been a major part of the development there. But, it was a small company, and it didn’t offer much in the way of raises or financial stability.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Vaughan replied, “yeah I’m heading there now actually, I’m following up on a lead from the newspaper this morning.” He chuckled sardonically. “Hopefully they at least hear me out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan nodded his head in understanding. On one of the first days here, Vaughan had applied for an open low level position at the Hamel Steel Company, but had been flatly and explicitly rejected, even though he most likely had better brains than half of the staff there. It wasn’t like Rowan expected anything different from the company founded and owned by that man. A pang went through him, and he wondered what Aelin was doing right now, if she was safe in that house. He hoped nothing was wrong. He’d raise hell if there was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’d be fools not to,” he supplied, tilting his head and giving the other man a smile, trying to boost the confidence that had most likely dimmed from all of the failed attempts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Vaughan shrugged his shoulders, “They don’t recognize my name, and then they see where I’m from so they assume the worst.” Rowan scoffed in agreement. If Whitethorn hadn’t been a name that had had at least a bit of money, or if his cousins with the same name hadn’t already lived in Orynth, then he wouldn’t have been as accepted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan hadn’t seen Enda and Sellene in awhile actually.  He hadn’t visited them since he’d returned and he rarely saw them before that anyway. Endymion liked to travel, so he was gone quite often, and Sellene didn’t frequent the same events as him most of the time.  In fact, Rowan was pretty sure she was planning on moving, he wasn’t sure where, but away from Orynth. </span>
</p>
<p>“Maybe these guys will be different,” he said, trying to sound hopeful. Vaughan made a noncommittal noise, smiling sarcastically.</p>
<p>“Maybe,” he replied, “or maybe I’ll have to move back to Doranelle, if I can’t find anything.” His tone became sad, and defeated, and Rowan frowned at the thought.  He would probably say he was closer with Lorcan than with Vaughan, but Vaughan was still one of his best friends, and his life here wouldn’t be the same without him.</p>
<p>
  <span>And he knew Lyria would like having Vaughan here, as close as they were. Maybe Rowan could try and help him somehow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is there anything I can do?” Rowan asked, echoing his thoughts, but Vaughan shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it. I’ll figure it out somehow.” He shrugged again, but Rowan could see the stress lining his shoulders. “Anyway, I probably should go. I’m supposed to be there in about twenty minutes.” Rowan murmured a goodbye as Vaughan passed him, making his way back toward where Rowan had come from. He turned back to Lyria’s house with a huff.</span>
</p>
<p>It was then that Rowan realized he’d been easily and sufficiently distracted from why Vaughan was even there in the first place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin stared at her reflection as her maids strung her up in her corset.  Her eyes had dark circles under them yet again, but these didn’t carry the same sense of despair.  She was more tired than upset today, because while she’d fallen asleep easily with Rowan by her side, they still had only gotten a few hours of rest. And she was too relieved to be upset. After her moment of weakness with the ring earlier, which was safely stored under the floorboard, she’d moved on and found the day to be better than expected. Arobynn had mostly left her alone, and he gave no indication that anything was wrong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin had almost been sure when she got home this morning she would be confronted with what had happened, but Arobynn had simply sneered at her when she went downstairs after breakfast, and then ignored her after that. She had had to try hard to hide her relieved smile. </span>
</p>
<p>Now, she was getting dressed to go back down for dinner, a steak roast if she recalled.  The outfit Arobynn had picked out for tonight was a deep purple one, with short sleeves that hugged her upper arms. It was low cut like always, with the fabric draping across her shoulders and coming to a point in both the front and the back.  Gold accents highlighted the seams and the embroidery, and it looked very expensive.</p>
<p>
  <span>But it still hung on its hanger, hooked on the door as she got prepared to put it on. A sharp breath escaped her as her maid tightened the corset, the boning digging into her skin through her chemise.  When she finished tying it, and released it to go grab the garment, Aelin relaxed. The actual corset itself was only 23 inches around, and normally she would wear it with a gap of about three to four inches to fit her own waist size, but it fit with no gap quite easily now.  So when the maids were done fidgeting with it, it fit well. </span>
</p>
<p>Which meant the large dress went on smoothly, no struggling to get the laces tied in the back. And then it was an easy process to get the rest of the look together, adding in the matching booted heels and the gold jewelry and the rouge to make her look lively and youthful, like a costume for a show.</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin sighed and headed toward the door, picking up her skirt and stepping lightly to avoid falling. The walk downstairs blurred in her head, and she didn’t register much until she was in the dining room. Or at least outside of the dining room.  She didn’t make it all the way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A hand slammed into her and she was pushed into the wall, rattling the table of drinks nearby. Breathing heavily she glanced up and into Arobynn’s fuming face, cringing away from him as he pinned her against the wallpaper.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you have a nice time playing pretend?” He hissed in her face, his hot breath making her shudder.  “Did you have a nice time thinking I wouldn’t say anything?” Fear rushed through her body as he pulled her away slightly and then knocked her into the wall again, pure rage coating his expression.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin trembled and she tried to push away but his hold on her shoulder was too strong. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit. Shit. Shit.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what the fuck you did to me, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>bitch,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he spat the words, his face white, “but I know you did something.” Her bustle crunched uncomfortably against the wall and it pressed into her spine. She cowered away from him, disgusted at herself for her lack of fight, but he had all of the power here and she just wanted to prevent something worse happening.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-“ Aelin began, but he cut her off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was it worth it?” Arobynn huffed, only inches away from her with his hand digging into her skin. She knew it was naive of her to think she could get away with it, and he’d likely just lured her into a false sense of security throughout the day purely for the shock of this moment. But she tried to gather a bit of courage to straighten as best she could and look him in the eye. “Did you have fun acting like a slut?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He grabbed her chin roughly, yanking her toward him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You never learn do you?” His voice was full of condescension, dripping with arrogance and wrath. “Where’s the jacket?” He tugged on her bare arm. “Tossed in the garbage with the rest of your dignity?” He sneered at her and she clenched her jaw, trying to hide her trembling. She wasn’t surprised at being sold out, but it still left her feeling hollow. Although it was quickly replaced with apprehension. She’d never seen him this angry, and it wasn’t hard to admit she was scared.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have some nerve sneaking around with Whitethorn after everything I’ve done for you.” Her eyes widened incredulously at the words, but she didn’t dare respond. Even though every inch of her was begging to get the chance to spit back, to fight and scratch and throw every insult back at him. He wasn’t even right in assuming she’d slept with Rowan, but she also knew he’d be equally as upset if he knew they’d just talked. Either way, it was without Arobynn’s consent, so it was automatically a problem.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I bet you thought you got away with it too.” He continued mockingly, tilting his head. No servant appeared, no footman or butler ready to serve them dinner, and Aelin guessed they were staying away on purpose. She didn’t blame them for avoiding this mess.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I did, didn't I?” She couldn't stop herself from snapping back at that, even if she regretted it immediately when he slammed her into the wall again, the impact of her head making her eyes water. His arm settled across her neck, his forearm digging in, and she struggled to catch her breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I really didn’t ask, sweetheart,” he said sourly, as she clawed at his arm to get it away. She couldn’t...couldn’t breathe. Black edged in her vision, and she felt fainter and fainter, like she was going to float away. “And I’m not going to ask anymore about what you did, I don’t particularly care. I would just rather my wife didn’t whore herself out.” She tried kicking at him to get him to move but he didn’t relent, and her movements turned weak. “I think it would benefit both of us if she stopped. Do you understand?” She didn’t respond and he shoved into her more. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Do you understand?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He hissed, and she nodded as much as she could with his arm in the way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn finally pulled back, and Aelin took in a desperate gulp of air, sagging against the wall as he glared at her disdainfully. Her hands were shaking and she knew her eyes must be wide, but she kept them on Arobynn as he took a step away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d prefer not to have this conversation again,” he said flippantly, “so please learn to behave yourself.” He began to turn away, heading toward the dining room. “Otherwise next time will be worse.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin gaped at him as he walked away, processing what happened. He could’ve killed her. That’s what ran through her head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He could’ve killed her.</span>
  </em>
  <span> And he didn’t care. It made her so shocked and angry she couldn’t stop what slipped out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>motherfucking asshole,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>she spit, the words vicious.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that’s when he whirled back around and slapped her, roughly slamming his hand against her right cheek, the impact making her ears ring. The force whipped her face sideways, her body falling with it, and she leaned into the wall for support as she tried to get a bearing on her surroundings, the sting on her face blinding her senses. The world blurred, and she blinked a few times to try and bring it in focus.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn just shook out his hand and straightened his jacket, looking far too composed as he said “I think I’ll invite Whitethorn to dinner tomorrow night, just to see what he has to say for himself.” And then he was gone, disappearing into the dining room, leaving her watching as the candles flickered against the white tablecloth inside, the soft setting a contrast to what had just occurred.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin slid down into a crouch, her back against the wallpaper as she hesitantly lifted a hand to her cheek, feeling the sensitive skin there. Tears pricked her eyes from the pain and from the shock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And for the first time in months, her corset felt too tight as she took shallow breaths, the air not flowing in nearly enough volume. Her head dropped against the wall as she tried to calm herself down, trying to process all of the emotions rushing through her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fear mixed with sorrow mixed with guilt mixed with panic mixed with frustration all melded into a solid, burning, hot pot of rage in the pit of her stomach. How </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare</span>
  </em>
  <span> he act like that? How dare he toss her around like she was a puppet, existing solely for his own purposes?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d never laid a hand on her. At least not in an explicitly violent way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d never laid a hand on her, until today. Until right now, when he’d almost gone too far.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that made her </span>
  <em>
    <span>angry.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She clenched her hand and dropped it into her lap, gripping the soft fabric. She could put up with the insults, the put downs, the disrespect and the isolation, but she couldn’t keep on like this if she had a real reason to fear for her life. She shouldn’t have to be on guard constantly in her own home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But when Aelin thought about it, she realized that even if he’d known she’d done something to him, she’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>beaten </span>
  </em>
  <span>him. She got what she wanted, and he was left to pick up the pieces. Despite the situation, she felt a glimmer of satisfaction. And an urge to do something else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After all, she’d outsmarted him once. Surely she could do it again.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>19. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: mentions of implied sexual assault, mentions of miscarriage, strong language</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1886</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There were bruises lining the front of her throat, the dark blue and purple splotches matching where Arobynn’s arm had been. Another bruise marred her right cheek, where the impact of his wedding ring had slammed into her skin. The irony of that was not lost on her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stood out starkly against her drawn complexion, but Aelin didn’t let her maids try and cover them. No. She’d let them clearly show, let him stare her in the face and see what he did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just as she was staring now, looking into the mirror on the wall of the grand entryway downstairs. It was one of many pieces filling the entrance, with expensive paintings and lacquered decorations all centered around a portrait of them that Arobynn had commissioned early in their marriage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the picture, Aelin was sitting in a chair, turned slightly diagonally with her head tilted toward the front and her hands resting in her lap, her legs delicately crossed at the ankles. She had been dressed in a cream colored gown, made unique by the scooped neckline and the detailed leaf embroidery trailing around the skirt. That had been the only good part about sitting for that painting, it was a beautiful garment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn was behind her, a hand on her left shoulder as he stood straight, an arrogant smile on his face and a sleek black tailcoat draped over his body. While his depiction was correct, Aelin was sure the artist had taken some liberties with her, as she didn’t remember her smile looking so sincere or her face looking as lively as it was portrayed in the painting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was certainly a contrast to how she looked now, the filtered beauty of her face on the canvas a stark difference to the destruction of her face in the mirror.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Especially when Arobynn appeared in the glass behind her, his auburn hair pulled back into a ponytail and a fake look of concern on his face. He stood taller than her, the top of her head only meeting his chin, and she felt trapped when he reached around her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin flinched when he brushed a thumb over the bruise on her cheek, resting his hand lightly on her jaw.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What a shame.” Arobynn shook his head and clicked his tongue, his words contrasting the malicious gleam in his eyes. She stayed unmoving and unresponsive as he held there for a second before retreating.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin let out a shaky breath, darting her eyes away from her reflection, mindlessly scanning the other artwork in the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Interesting choice not to cover it up,” he called from his new spot a few yards away, leaning against the other wall. “Do you want him to see the consequence of his actions?” She clenched her jaw at the insinuation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was her own decision that led to Arobynn’s response, although it wasn’t deserved, and it was unfair to place the blame on anyone but her. But he was likely saying that to get on her nerves, to disrespect her and make her feel like she wasn’t even human enough for her actions to be worthwhile, like she was a child believing the facade of self-sufficiency when everyone else was actually making the choices for her. It was insulting. But he knew that. So Aelin steeled herself and didn’t give him the satisfaction of a response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They slipped into silence, tensions high, until the knocker on the door sounded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin’s gaze shot to the front door, staring at the backside of the giant dark wood entrance. Because Rowan was out there. It was Rowan who’d knocked, Rowan who was waiting for their butler to go let him in, Rowan who had accepted the vindictive dinner invitation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But it was Arobynn who sidled up next to her, placing his hand possessively on her waist as they waited to greet their guest. It seemed he was unashamed to be seen right there with her when the evidence of </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>actions was all over her skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin tried to discreetly scoot away a little bit, aiming to put some space between them, but he tightened his grip, effectively crushing her against his side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re mine, darling,” he hissed out of the corner of his mouth, while still looking forward, “so don’t even try it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She huffed, but stopped fighting, saving her energy for a later attack.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin had enough self awareness to know she was a bit nervous. Even though it was only about two days since then, this was the first time she was seeing Rowan since they’d declared their love again, and danced, and mourned together. And despite her firm decision not to cover up her bruises, she felt a slight hesitation at the thought of him seeing them, and how he would respond. Aelin knew he’d be upset, and with Arobynn right there in the room, she didn’t know how far he’d go to express that upset. He wouldn’t do anything that would put her in harm’s way, but she also didn’t want him to feel guilty for it. Because even though Arobynn had said it as a taunt, Rowan </span>
  <em>
    <span>would </span>
  </em>
  <span>believe that it was his fault.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Aelin couldn’t have that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She breathed in shakily as the butler opened the door, evening air sweeping into the room. And she stiffened when it revealed Rowan standing on the other side, his hands in his pockets.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn somehow squeezed her even tighter to him, and threw the other man a fake smile. Rowan grimaced back, clearly trying to force a smile and failing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His gaze transferred to her, and Aelin caught the exact moment he saw the bruises, caught the exact moment his face fell into infinite sorrow as his eyes trailed over her face, over her neck, over her frail frame. None of it was hidden by her dress, no modesty provided by the outfit tonight. No. Arobynn had put her out for show, displaying the body he had ruined so thoroughly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The dark rose colored dress had thin straps that hung off of her shoulders, draping into a daringly low neckline that was only a little ways from throwing out any semblance of modesty altogether. The embroidered floral print of the bodice hung tight to her body, hugging her all the way over her hips until it was forced to hang loosely due to the small bustle in the back. The silk skirt started on one side and draped all of the way around her body, coming to a stop on her left side and spilling out onto the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was the most provocative dress she owned, and Arobynn had likely chosen it to make her uncomfortable, and to stake a claim on her even more, as if with the outfit and the hand around her waist he was saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>Look at this pretty doll I can dress up and play with, don’t you wish she was yours?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan’s face paled, and he darted his eyes between her and Arobynn, rage flickering before he masked his expression. Arobynn simply raised his brows, an amused challenge to the other man.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew there was nothing Rowan could do about it, and he was enjoying watching him struggle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello, Mr. Whitethorn,” he greeted sarcastically, “thank you for coming on such short notice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for the invitation,” Rowan replied dutifully as he crossed over the threshold of the door into the foyer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course.” His hand dropped lower on her waist, caressing the side of her hip instead, and Rowan’s jaw clench matched her own. “We haven’t had a chance to properly talk since you’ve returned.” His smile turned cruel. “Although it seems you’ve been … busy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a tilt of his head and a gesture from his free hand, he directed Rowan in front of them, leading toward the almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>over</span>
  </em>
  <span> decorated dining room. As Rowan passed, she saw him glance up at the large portrait on the wall, an unreadable expression gracing his face before he moved on.</span>
</p>
<p>“Yes,” Rowan said casually, “it’s taken quite a while to get all my business affairs in order from when I was gone.” When Arobynn was looking away, Aelin let a small smile creep onto her face. Rowan knew what he was doing, and he wasn’t giving him an inch of leverage.</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm,” was all Arobynn said, disbelief and derision coating his tone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stayed in a tense silence as they made their way into the room, the dining table coming into view.  And Aelin’s smile disappeared.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The servants had set up the whole long table, large enough to fit fifteen people on either side, and likely under the orders of Arobynn, the three plate arrangements for them were spread out amongst the whole thing. Two of them were on either end, and one in between the two, isolated yet in the middle of everything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And she knew which seat was for her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin was dragged along with Arobynn as he made his way to his spot at the head of the table, but when they reached the middle, Arobynn stopped. When he was sure Rowan was paused and watching, he slowly slid his hand from her waist and pressed a dry kiss to the bruise on her cheek; she clenched her jaw and fought the urge to push him away. But he was gone soon enough and she was left alone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wouldn’t do well to fight with him here and now, not with Rowan around and Arobynn looking for any chance at evidence of something between the two of them. All he had was suspicions, no proof of where she’d been and what she’d done, and any hint they gave would just be used against them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Aelin sat down in her chair gracefully, crossing her ankles and her hands as she waited for a drink to arrive. </span>
</p>
<p>The two men did the same, and this time, Arobynn let Rowan speak first.</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your home is beautiful,” he supplied, obviously choosing pleasantries instead of falsehoods. Their home </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>beautiful, but it was small talk instead of anything of substance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Arobynn replied, a vain smile on his face. “I had most of this decorated when I had the house built, but Lady Hamel made some recommendations when we married.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin tried to hide the snort that escaped her at the words, avoiding Arobynn’s sharp look when her efforts didn’t work. When she moved in, he hadn’t let her change a damn thing. He most likely was just using the phrase as an excuse to use her title, another chance to claim her as his.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even Rowan looked vaguely amused, raising his brows while he tried to temper his smile. But Aelin’s momentary spark dimmed at the cold look in Arobynn’s eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like some wine, Mr. Whitethorn?” He said, his voice dangerous. He waved toward a footman standing on the side, a silent observer to the hell that would be unleashed during the duration of this dinner. “I pride myself on my extensive collection.” The footman came over to the table, starting with Arobynn and poured him a glass of dark red liquid. He moved to her next, trying to efficiently travel through the long space between the three of them. She smiled graciously at him, Luca she remembered, as he poured her a glass, grabbing it almost immediately to take a large sip. She needed it to get through the evening.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan smiled in thanks as well, taking a small sip and setting it down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s an 1872 Château Lafite from Akkadia,” Arobynn continued, “very hard to come by.” He swirled his own glass, watching the wine as it climbed the edges. “Probably too expensive for you to reasonably purchase.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The comment was said casually, and Rowan didn’t even bat an eye, but Aelin had to refrain from rebutting. She knew what he was doing. The wine was too expensive for Rowan, but here Arobynn was cracking it open and serving it at dinner, like it was any other run of the mill bottle.  He was establishing himself in the position of power and demeaning Rowan all at the same time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m more of a Cabernet drinker myself,” Rowan replied, a hint of a bite in his tone, “but this one is quite good.” Arobynn narrowed his eyes with an icy smile on his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aelin favors Cabernet occasionally, but she usually drinks a nice Sauvignon Blanc.” He glanced over at her, turning away from Rowan. “Isn’t that right, darling?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And so she uttered her first words of the evening, a correction of his inaccurate information. “I actually -“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I’ve never been a big fan of white wine,” Arobynn interrupted, already looking back across the table, continuing his baiting stare at Rowan. Aelin pursed her lips and stared at her plate, narrowing her eyes at it. It seemed her </span>
  <em>
    <span>husband</span>
  </em>
  <span> wanted her to be a smile and not a mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So be it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll have to gift you a bottle sometime,” he continued, and Aelin could picture his superior expression without even looking up. “I’m sure you could find one somewhere else, but I’d hate for you to try and take something that doesn’t belong to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His tone leveled out, and Aelin finally glanced up at the words, seeing the dangerous glint in his eyes. His sentence was pointed, the accusation in the phrase clear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A quick glance over to Rowan confirmed that he caught it too, but he didn’t look over at her. No, he was staring with his brows raised back at Arobynn, not retreating from the challenge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was then that a few more footmen came into the room, carrying trays of food in their hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The whole party stayed quiet as they brought the food around, silently serving themselves from the different dishes. Aelin didn’t fill her plate very much, knowing she wasn’t going to be able to eat a lot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t have much of an appetite, didn’t think she’d even be able to keep much food down, and after one bite of vegetables, she discovered that the chewing motion made her throat and her cheek ache.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She winced as she finished the forkful, and instead of venturing for another one, she set her fork down and reached for her wine again. She vaguely heard Arobynn start up again, talking about the food and most likely posturing more, but she kept her mouth shut and her eyes down, petulantly following the unspoken orders. But she felt Rowan’s gaze on her, and when she looked up, they locked eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His green eyes were full of concern and sorrow and anger, and she couldn’t even muster the energy to try and give a small smile in response to his worry, too struck by his eyes to bother. It was more intoxicating than the alcohol just to look at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>How are you? </span>
  </em>
  <span>His eyes seemed to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve been better. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Aelin managed to convey, sending a weak thin lipped smile. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But I’m managing.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan furrowed his brows. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’d call him out for laying a hand on you, but I wouldn’t want to make it worse. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She shook her head minutely, glancing down and back up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes, that would likely only provoke him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Heartbreak shined in his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>How can I help? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He seemed to say. But Aelin only looked at him sadly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Being here is enough. </span>
  </em>
  <span>And it was. With him here, she already felt more at home, comforted, safer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But I can’t always be here, Fireheart. </span>
  </em>
  <span>There was the bitter truth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know,” Arobynn said flatly, “It’s rude for a guest to ignore their host.” Both of them turned their gazes to him quickly, alarm bells ringing in her head. He turned his purposefully bored expression toward her. “And it’s even worse for a wife to ignore her husband.” He smiled lasciviously. “I thought we already talked about how you should behave. Hmm?” A slimy feeling slid in her gut. “Do I need to remind you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin tried to stare harshly at him but the pit in her stomach made her hands tremble slightly. Rowan glared though, harsh enough to make up for both of them. The bruises on her throat ached, and she swallowed, a pang of hurt rippling through her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn leaned back in his chair, obviously satisfied with her reaction. It frustrated her that she was scared of him, but she hadn’t forgotten how close he had come to killing her, whether accidentally or not. She took a deep breath and leveled a stare at him, lifting her chin and trying to look strong. But he just smirked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Although it shouldn’t surprise me that you two aren’t following social conventions, given your...history.” He wasn’t holding anything back now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My history is none of your concern,” Rowan added tensely, gripping his fork with intensity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about my wife’s?” Arobynn twirled a piece of chicken on his fork, looking at it with an air of nonchalance. “Especially her more </span>
  <em>
    <span>recent </span>
  </em>
  <span>history. It’s quite alarming stuff, isn’t it Aelin?” He raised a brow at her but she stayed quiet, pursing her lips and refusing to respond. His expression turned dark the longer she waited. “I asked you a question, </span>
  <em>
    <span>sweetheart.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Rowan darted his eyes back and forth between them, gazing over from the far side of the table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, so you </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>me to talk now?” She tilted her head, feigning an innocent expression. His gaze turned malicious.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I suppose I wouldn’t mind if you admitted you’re fucking our dinner guest.” Her eyes widened and he imitated her mock ignorant voice. “With complete disregard to your husband and his reputation, as well as yours.” Arobynn clicked his tongue. “No? That’s not what you would say?” He grinned. “How unfortunate.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin was speechless, mouth opening and closing. She didn’t expect him to say it outright like that, throwing his suspicions out into the open. But now he was forcing them to combat him, and it would likely go his way, even if he was wrong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lord Hamel, I assure you -“ Rowan tried to say, his own eyes wide with alarm, but Arobynn didn’t let him get very far.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t make excuses, Whitethorn, it won’t get either of you anywhere.” He ate a bit of chicken, chewing on it slowly and deliberately before swallowing and continuing his speech. “You’re what, about 22 years old?” He asked, and Aelin mentally corrected him. Rowan was 23, 24 in November. A little less than two years older than herself, and much younger than Arobynn, who would reach 40 within a few years. “Still living off of your parents' legacy?” He tilted his head. “You’re inexperienced, don’t try to pose as anything else.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan narrowed his eyes, his brows furrowed in anger, but Arobynn kept going.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now, don’t get me wrong,” he continued, his voice silky and cold, the ill intent clear, “I normally wouldn’t blame you for taking an opportunity like this.” Aelin fumed as he glanced up and down her body, the implication and objectification heavy in the look and in his words. “But I’m not someone to mess with.” He leveled his stare at Rowan, who didn’t back down, green eyes meeting grey. “I’ve already dealt with my wife, do I have to deal with you too?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin glanced back and forth between the two men, feeling like she was in the middle of a verbal fistfight, despite the distance between them all. She could tell Rowan wanted to argue, and so did she, but he also wanted to keep her safe, which motivated his exaggerated response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” he said coldly, “you don’t.” He quirked an eyebrow. “In fact, I’m planning on tying myself down too pretty soon, so I’ll be out of your hair for good.” A pang struck her heart, even though she quickly reminded herself that Rowan loved her, that he wanted to be with her, that he was getting married purely for necessity. But it still wasn’t fun to hear about.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Arobynn knew that, if the way his face lit up was any indication.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How wonderful,” he said, lathering on the feigned interest, “I’m assuming it’s to Miss Willow? The girl you brought with you from Doranelle? She’s quite a pretty little thing.” Aelin rolled her eyes, taking another sip of wine. She hadn’t tried touching her food again. But she picked up her fork, twirling it around in her hand to have something to fiddle with. It was a distraction, keeping her mind from turning to the ring hidden in her closet upstairs. She hadn’t had a chance to get it back to him yet, and now it was sitting like a weight in her heart. A relic from a missed life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Indeed,” was all Rowan said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have an excellent idea,” Arobynn replied, raising his brows. “Lady Hamel and I haven’t hosted an event in a fair amount of time. How about we throw a ball for you to announce the engagement?” He phrased it like an innocent question, when in reality it was a trap. By forcing a public announcement, he was preventing Rowan from backing out, therefore ensuring he was married and away from her. Not that marriage was technically a barrier, but it made it more difficult. A problem that Aelin had tried to ignore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s very generous of you, but I cannot acc -“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I insist.” Arobynn’s voice leveled out, carrying heavy threats should Rowan refuse again. So Rowan was forced to nod, agreeing to the arrangement. “Perfect.” Arobynn smiled in twisted satisfaction, happy that he had seemingly won. But apparently victory wasn’t enough, he had to go in for the kill.</span>
</p>
<p>“You better make sure she’s fit to produce an heir before you marry her, though” Arobynn added, his crude words fit for talk about horses, not women. “It can be deceiving sometimes, and if you find out too late, you’re left with a waste of a wife.”</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin froze, letting the words wash over her. It was clear what he was referencing, and it made nausea rush through her body. From the smirk on his face and the cruel glint in his eyes, he knew how hard it would hit. Out of the corner of her eyes she saw the rage on Rowan’s face, the barely controlled anger making an appearance at the indelicacy of the delicate subject.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But at least you won’t have bastards to deal with that way.” Aelin set down her fork, letting it clatter against the plate. She closed her eyes, trying to calm the rising panic in her, before giving up and standing up from her chair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you’ll excuse me,” she muttered, and left without a response, not even caring about what Arobynn would think. </span>
</p>
<p>Anxiety rushed through every inch of her, and she darted into the nearest empty room, needing some quiet and some air.</p>
<p>
  <span>She found herself in the empty and dark drawing room, the room already set up for overnight. Aelin braced her arms against the back of the couch and leaned into it, dropping her head and taking some deep and steady breaths.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knew Arobynn carried some lingering resentment, from the fact that the child had been Rowan’s in the first place to the fact that she hadn’t been able to conceive since. Her body had been practically ripped apart when she lost the baby, and while it wasn’t technically impossible, her chances of conceiving were even lower now. And like he said, she hadn’t yet produced him an heir.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But for him to </span>
  <em>
    <span>throw</span>
  </em>
  <span> it in her face...she let out a choked sob, and tried to reel herself back together with a few deep breaths.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The wound hadn’t healed, and she didn’t know when it would, or if it would. Especially now that Rowan knew too, because it wasn’t some sordid secret that she could pretend never happened, it was right there in front of her and she didn’t know how to deal with it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin lifted a hand to her face, careful to avoid the bruises, finding tears that had spilled down her cheeks. She sniffed to try and clear her eyes, and then headed toward the door. She’d been gone too long already.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But as she made her way back, she slowed down when she heard muffled voices from inside the dining room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“... to me” </span>
  </em>
  <span>came Rowan’s harsh voice. Aelin stalled as she walked back, trying to catch more of the conversation before she inevitably interrupted it. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>... take it … her.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>She only caught every few words though, the walls and the closed doors making it hard to hear the ones that weren’t more emphasized.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“... funny… you think … any … fuck her,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>replied Arobynn in his cool, unbothered tone, and Aelin decided that was enough. She pursed her lips and entered the room, pushing open the sturdy wooden doors. The scene in front of her was much like she could’ve pictured in her head from the little pieces she’d heard. Rowan was leaning forward in his chair, arms pressed against the table as he looked at the other man with frustration and anger lining his face. Arobynn was relaxed, with an arm thrown over the back of his chair, cruel amusement clear in his smirk and his countenance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They fell silent as she entered, both of them turning to look at her as she quietly made her way back to her seat. She met and darted her gaze away from Arobynn’s, not wanting him to see her puffy and red eyes from the short crying spell she’d just had. But she held Rowan’s, the heartbreaking love in his eyes keeping her in place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin managed to send a small smile his way, trying to reassure him, but she wasn’t sure how convincing it was and she looked away when she sat down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, now that that’s over with,” Arobynn said, satisfaction clear in his tone, “shall we talk about all of the construction going on downtown? I’d say it’s horrid except for the fact that they’re using my steel.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was easy to tune him out, because now that he’d gotten what he wanted, the rest of the dinner went by relatively smoothly, although Aelin didn’t speak anymore. Two and a half sentences. That’s all she had said in the hours she was there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Arobynn droned on, and Rowan tried to maintain his cool and not snap at the other man, she picked at her food, pushing it around on her plate and avoiding eating it. She was pretty sure she would be sick if she took another bite. Even the dessert, a rich red velvet cake with chocolate fondant, didn’t garner her interest, and she didn’t eat a single forkful.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She stayed in a quiet haze until she was being pulled up by Arobynn and being walked to the front door to say goodbye to Rowan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin looked at Rowan, and he looked at her, obviously hesitating to leave. He stalled in the doorway, conflict and distress clear in his eyes. He didn’t want to leave her alone here with Arobynn. She knew that. She knew that with every fiber of his being, he couldn’t leave her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he was forced to, when Arobynn personally shut the door behind him, shoving him out into the street.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin loosed a small breath, shoulders drooping and her heart falling. She was so tired.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to bed,” she said quietly. And she didn’t wait for a response before going away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>———</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan tried to force a pleasant expression, trying to look light-hearted and in love the next day at lunch. He was out to eat with Aedion and Lorcan, and as far as Aedion knew, he was perfectly satisfied and excited to be marrying Lyria, no qualms at all. Lorcan wasn’t convinced, because he knew that he held no candle for her beyond that of a friend, but he still didn’t know the truth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t have the weight of the memory of that dinner, the mental image of those bruises covering his actual love’s fair skin, the utter heartache that he couldn’t do anything more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to ask Mr. Lochan for Elide’s hand tomorrow,” Lorcan said, bringing Rowan out of his head and earning a smile. He hadn’t heard what they’d been discussing before, but this was a bit of a shock. He knew Lorcan was besotted with Miss Lochan, but he hadn’t expected to happen so quickly. Not including the year they’d been gone, Lorcan had only known Elide for a few months. But Rowan knew they were happy, and he’d always support his friend’s happiness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, good for you man,” Aedion said, clapping him on the shoulder. Despite their icy greeting, with Aedion’s drunken suspicion of the other man’s intentions with his family, they’d warmed up quickly and now Aedion supported him just as much as Rowan. “I’m sure he’ll say yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That cracked through Lorcan’s tough exterior, and he let out a small smile, a glimmer of unfeigned love in it, unlike Rowan’s.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope so,” he said, and Rowan avoided responding by taking a sip of his glass of water. He was trying not to drink alcohol today, because he knew the moment he did he would keep drinking until he forgot everything spinning around in his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wish Evalin and Rhoe were more like the Lochans,” Aedion grumbled, leaning petulantly back into his seat. Lorcan frowned.</span>
</p>
<p>“You should worry more about Miss Ennar’s uncle,” he replied, “he’s the one you have to ask.” Aedion slumped his head into a hand.</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lysandra’s uncle is already all for it, I’ve met with him a few times and he approves.” He sighed. “It’s Evalin that isn’t convinced. And I don’t need her approval, but I don’t want to be on the outs with the people who raised me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had a point.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about you, Rowan?” Aedion asked, turning the attention to him. Rowan looked up and tried to look attentive. “Does Miss Willow’s guardian approve of you?” Rowan pushed his problems aside and tried to shove himself into the role of an excited groom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know if she approves of anyone,” he chuckled, “but she seems eager to get Lyria married.” It was the truth. Maeve was never enthusiastic about anyone. She seemed to like Vaughan more than others, but he had never presented himself as an option, and it was doubtful Maeve would accept anyway due to his lack of fortune.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well that’s something, at least,” Aedion conceded, shrugging a bit. Rowan made a noncommittal noise as a response. “My </span>
  <em>
    <span>potential</span>
  </em>
  <span> engagement couldn’t be happening slower.” He scoffed. “When Aelin gets married to that </span>
  <em>
    <span>disgusting</span>
  </em>
  <span> man, they couldn’t be happier, because he’s rich, but when I want to marry the most amazing girl in the world, I can’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan could tell he was toeing the line, expressing his anger for Arobynn while also hiding away the fact that Aelin didn’t willingly marry him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He</span>
  </em>
  <span> knew Aedion knew it was arranged, but Aedion didn’t know he knew, and Lorcan didn’t know at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a tangled web, and he found himself wishing he could tell Aedion everything, have a confidante that would maybe help him find a way to get Aelin out of that mess. Lorcan was the closest one to knowing anything about his relationship with her, but all he knew was that he’d left Orynth because of a girl, he didn’t know anything beyond that. </span>
</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s frustrating,” Rowan replied dismally, hoping to just sound like he was agreeing shallowly instead of relating to it deeply, but from the suspicious look Lorcan gave him, it didn’t work.</p>
<p>
  <span>It was too hard to live your entire life behind a mask.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>----------</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin watched from her bedroom window, peering through the curtains as Arobynn’s carriage took him away into the dark of the late evening. She stayed mostly out of sight, nothing to see if one was to glance across the second story of the house. But she needed to know. She needed to confirm that he was gone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had all but confirmed it himself, declaring he was going “out”, and that he wouldn’t be back until the morning. But seeing him leave was the evidence she needed to know he was really out of the way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because Aelin knew where he was going. She knew what he was doing. And it was what had given her the idea for this in the first place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the carriage was so far away she couldn’t see it anymore, Aelin walked quietly and efficiently out to the hallway, not stopping as she moved down the stairs with a purpose. She passed a few servants that she nodded and smiled kindly at, but when she reached her destination, she made sure none were there to watch as she pulled out a pin from her styled hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin glanced both ways before bending the pin in half, sticking the sharper end into the lock on the door handle. She placed her left hand on the cool metal, jiggling the pin with her right hand until she heard a slight click. She breathed out and turned the handle, opening the door slowly to reveal Arobynn’s office.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d been in here only a few times, on various occasions over the past months, but looking at it now gave her the same slimy feeling as it had the first time she’d laid eyes on it. Or maybe that was </span>
  <em>
    <span>because</span>
  </em>
  <span> of the first time she’d laid eyes on it, because of the reason she’d been in there in the first place, when Arobynn was so arrogant and confident over his victory that he acted as victors do. With excessive celebration.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So no, she didn’t like this room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she put that aside as she gently closed the door and walked over to the giant mahogany desk, hands shaking slightly at the sight of it. The whole design of his office was very purposeful, the expensive furniture and rich colors meant to scream about his wealth while radiating intimidation to anyone he decided to bring in here. Including her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin reached the backside of the large structure and pushed back the chair a bit before kneeling down, albeit awkwardly due to her cumbersome dress.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There were multiple drawers lining the wood, as there was nothing besides a few pieces of parchment and some pens on the top. Arobynn wasn’t the type to leave any of his business out in the open, so everything was shut away, especially in the locked drawer that now held her focus.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was where what she needed would be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was quite careful about his documents and his records, which was what she was relying on. It was an idea that had been stewing in her head for the past few days, since the night he’d hit her. The bruises were still prominent, albeit a little faded, and looking in the mirror just served as a reminder that she couldn’t fail at what she was doing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because now was her chance to even the playing field. It was her chance to gain some ground in this twisted relationship, and maybe not be treated as less than a person every time Arobynn was around.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin stuck the pin into the thin lock on the drawer, moving it around carefully. This one was slightly more complicated than the one on the door, but he was too arrogant to really be worried about someone breaking in, and he certainly had never cared to ask about the lockpicking streak she’d gone on in her wild child days. She certainly had been the bane of the servants’ existence in her youth because she’d figured out how to open practically every door in her house.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So she wasn’t surprised when it clicked open, and she pulled it out slowly, revealing neatly organized files and papers and letters and all of the dirt he had on himself and on others. Aelin glanced up quickly to the door, but she was pretty much obstructed from view, hidden behind the desk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She began flicking through the documents, skimming through endless pages about business and all of his shady connections, but she was looking more for financial information. Because ever since they were married, Aelin knew he still frequented brothels. It was no surprise to her, and she certainly didn’t expect anything else. It didn’t bother her, she actually preferred when he sought out other company, but now she could use it to her advantage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn surely kept records of his </span>
  <em>
    <span>purchases, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and if they were anywhere, they’d be here. And if she just </span>
  <em>
    <span>happened </span>
  </em>
  <span>to find them, and they just </span>
  <em>
    <span>happened </span>
  </em>
  <span>to slip into a newspaper and become common knowledge, then there was nothing she could do about that of course. But she didn’t even have to go that far, the threat of it was enough. If he was unmarried, no one would care. But since they had only been married a year, and his pretty young wife had faced such a terrible loss in that year, no one would support his efforts. Especially if it came out that he was at a brothel the night that it happened. If it came out that she had suffered alone, without anyone finding her until he had come home in the middle of the night, because there were no servants upstairs and she couldn’t get to the bell to call one. Then </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>would be ruined.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t like to think about that, but she would use it as blackmail if she needed to. And it had reached the point of her needing to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin narrowed her eyes as she flicked through the pages, huffing a sigh as nothing useful appeared. It was all damning, but not enough to put actual pressure on him. But then something caught her attention, it wasn’t financial records, it was a worn envelope that had no name or address. Every other letter she had seen had had at least Arobynn’s name on the front, but this was blank. She furrowed her brows and grabbed it lightly, pulling out the paper inside of it carefully, trying not to mess it up or accidentally tear it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her face paled as she read it, her heart beginning to beat faster and her skin turning clammy. She tightened her hold on it as she raced through the rest of it, shaking and nauseous as she stumbled to a stand. And then she was releasing it and running, barely making it to the nearest bathroom before she was throwing up.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>20. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It’s my first time writing any sort of content like this, so hopefully it’s not too awkward!</p>
<p>CW: NSFW, panic attacks, mentions of sexual assault/abuse, swearing</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1886</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan had eventually succumbed to the need for alcohol, laying back on his couch and tossing down his second glass of bourbon. That’s pretty much all he had done with his evening, after getting home from lunch and replying to some letters from the people running his estate back in Doranelle. Once business had been done, because the lunch and the letters were both just that, it had been too easy to listen to the alcohol calling his name. He hadn’t wanted to drown his sorrows away, but nothing else was a sufficient distraction from his own mind, so he had given up his resistance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he was berating himself at the same time. Here he was getting drunk when Aelin was defenseless at her own home. He felt utterly useless and completely worthless, but he couldn’t think of anything to do to help. Any effort against Arobynn would just cause more consequences for her, and little benefit to anyone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He couldn’t go to the police, they likely wouldn’t prosecute for anything, especially not anything that Arobynn couldn’t bribe away. He couldn’t appeal to Arobynn in any way without getting laughed at. And as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t just grab Aelin and run because Arobynn would search every corner of the globe for them if only out of spite.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And if he did manage to attempt something, and Arobynn found out, then Aelin would be the one to take the blame.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan would never put her in such a vulnerable position. </span>
</p>
<p>Even if every fiber of his being was telling him to do something, to make a move, to stop being idle.</p>
<p>
  <span>He took another sip of his drink, tempering down those feelings.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he was feeling murderous when Aelin burst into his house, flying wildly through the door with desperate tears and sobs falling from her mouth. The wood crashed open, but fell back shut as she managed to take a few steps into the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan jumped up off the couch, throwing down his glass and rushing to her with a ringing in his ears. Panic flowed through him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Did he hurt her? Did he do something? What happened?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin collapsed into his arms, burrowing into his chest as she cried, and he ran a hand up and down her back while squeezing her tight, hoping to calm her at least a little bit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t know why she was here, didn’t even know how she had gotten in, but he would be damned if he didn’t do something about it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay princess,” he breathed into her ear, “I love you, it’s going to be alright.” He tried to soothe her, whispering calming phrases, but it didn’t seem to be working. Rowan remembered another time, another life, when she’d run to him for comfort. Back then he hadn’t known what was wrong, hadn’t known what thoughts had been plaguing her, but he still held her. Back then he was filled with desperation, wanting to help her and also searching for a way to keep her when she was already slipping away. Now he was filled with rage, burning inside with pure anger for whoever made her feel this way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Except he didn’t have to search for a culprit, because he already knew who it was. The only person it could be. The devil himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A tear slipped out of his own eye at her heart wrenching sobs, her voice panicked and pained as she managed to spit out “he did it on purpose”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan furrowed his brows, waiting for her to elaborate, but she never did, lost to her own emotions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He did it on purpose Rowan.” Aelin looked up at him, a haunted look in her blue eyes, the ring of gold hazy through her tears. They unfocused as she submitted to whatever fear and pain was running through her. “It was all a lie. </span>
  <em>
    <span>All of it.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>She leaned into his hands when he reached up and smoothed back her wild hair, holding her cheeks gently as she let out a cry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His own heart clenched painfully, and his pulse was racing as he searched for an answer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But her tears soon turned into gasping sobs, and she was shaking beneath his grasp. Rowan slid his hands down to her back again, clutching her tight, and it was then as she breathed erratically, practically hyperventilating, that he realized she wasn’t breathing at all. </span>
</p>
<p>He pulled back and looked at her face, her eyes having gone wide and scared as she tried to breathe, but either she was too overwhelmed or her throat was too tight or her dress was too tight and she couldn’t get in any air.</p>
<p>
  <span>He cursed and went into overdrive, barely even thinking about what he was doing as he fought to get her a gasp of air. So he went with the most obvious choice, ripping her dress off to get rid of the constraining garment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan knew she had lost weight, could see it in the way her bones protruded from her shoulders, the way her cheeks had thinned, the way she looked like the whole world was pressing down on her. But he figured removing her corset would still give her some relief.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He rushed to untie the strings in the back of her dress, loosening it enough to where he could get to her corset but still keep the front of her lavender dress up, preventing any impropriety. Aelin’s breaths were still too short, too rapid and panicked, and alarm bells were ringing in his head as he desperately tried to help her. He finally got to the laces of her corset, and he practically ripped it open to get it away from her skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something fell from behind the loosened garment and landed with a plink on the floor, but he ignored it, too focused on the woman in front of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Breath with me, Aelin,” he said, trying to sound as calm as possible, despite the anxiety raging inside him. He placed her hand on his chest, letting her feel as he breathed deeply, in and out, in and out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shakily copied, tears slowly stopping as she followed suit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good job,” he murmured, “keep going, love.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took a few minutes but she recovered, soon able to take breaths of her own with less struggle than before. It was only then he could relax.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But the room quieted down from the panic it had been in, and Rowan was hit with the reality of their situation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What happened, Fireheart?” He whispered, eyebrows furrowed in concern. Aelin just shook her head sadly, her golden locks falling loose from their pins, and shoved herself back into his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan sighed and held her close, resting his cheek against her hair as he waited for her to talk.</span>
</p>
<p>“Arobynn left for the night,” Aelin said into his shirt. “And I needed to see you.” She was avoiding his question. “I didn’t have time to change but I didn’t pass anyone on the street.”</p>
<p>
  <span>That was good, because her dress wasn’t exactly inconspicuous. The lavender color was fairly bright, and the expensive nature of it, shown through the draping silk and the detailed floral embroidery on the neckline, certainly drew attention. It was a delicate looking garment, contrasting the bruises that still colored her skin. Bruises that sent rage coursing through him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a moment he wondered if he should fix her dress, as the small sleeves were half hanging off of her shoulders due to the unlaced strings in the back, but she didn’t seem bothered, so he didn’t dare move her to adjust it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your door was unlocked so I just let myself in,” she continued, not looking up at him. But Rowan needed to know. So he tilted her chin gently, lifting her face up. Her blue eyes were watery and sad, and he took a moment to compose himself before talking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What happened?” He said quietly, and she took a deep breath. </span>
</p>
<p>“I found a letter,” she admitted, not moving away from his gaze. Rowan stayed silent, letting her process how to continue, even if worry and concern were eating him up on the inside.</p>
<p>
  <span>She took another breath, and he ran his thumb lightly over the bruise on her cheek, wishing he could heal it with just his touch. But he couldn’t, and he couldn’t erase how it got there either.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I snuck into his office and I found a letter,” she repeated, as if coming to terms with it herself. “And I read it.” She stopped again, chewing on her bottom lip.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What did it say, Aelin?” He prompted calmly, needing to know, if only to dissuade all of the terrible theories running through his head. Tears filled her eyes again but she pursed her lips and composed herself, her face turning blank.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was from a man named Tern,” she said quietly and flatly, as if she was blocking all emotions so she could get the words out, “the same man that my father said he’d gotten business advice from. The same advice that proved to be his downfall.” She hesitated and he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead in encouragement, ignoring the dread in his gut.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think Arobynn kept it as blackmail against him,” she shook her head, “I’m not sure, but it seems likely.” Rowan ran a hand up and down her arm soothingly, his callouses skirting across her smooth skin. Aelin ducked her head and looked away as she said the next line. “They bankrupted my father on purpose.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sucked in a shocked breath, slackening his hold on her. He couldn’t believe it, utter surprise and disbelief and despair and rage flowed through him. Rage that was matched in her blue eyes, seeping through the emptiness.</span>
</p>
<p><span>“He did it on </span><em><span>fucking purpose</span></em><span>, Rowan.” Aelin looked at him, furrowing her brows. “On purpose.” She spit the words. “He knew the investment was shit, but he took advantage of my father and his trusting nature.”</span> <span>He opened his mouth, but she kept going. “He hired Tern, his </span><em><span>lackey</span></em><span>, to slip him the advice so casually, without him suspecting anything, and then watched gleefully from the sidelines as everything went wrong. I don’t know what his goal was, if he wanted to make money from having a role in rebuilding the company, or if he was trying to put us in a precarious position to make himself seem more stable.” Her lip trembled with overwhelming emotion as she admitted the next part. “Or if the whole time he was just trying to get to </span><em><span>me</span></em><span>.” Her voice faded and turned small, and she looked vulnerable and sad. “</span><em><span>Was</span></em><span> it all a lie?”</span></p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan frowned, wishing he could say anything else, wishing he could assuage her fears, but he couldn’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, Fireheart,” he whispered, and her face tightened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What right does he think he has?” She hissed, “to toy with people’s lives to suit his own desires?” Her hands clenched where she held his shirt, her knuckles turning white. “The fucking entitlement...I don’t understand. It makes me so </span>
  <em>
    <span>mad</span>
  </em>
  <span> that he can treat people however he wants. That he can treat </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>however he wants.” He let her rant.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He acts like he’s the only one that matters, that he can use and abuse me and not give a single </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>about what I think or how I feel.” She huffed. “And now this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin narrowed her eyes. “I wish I could make him feel even the smallest fraction of pain that he’s caused me. I want to make him suffer for every </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking</span>
  </em>
  <span> minute of suffering he’s put me through. I want to see the life leave his eyes and curse his name to hell as he stares at me and wonders why he never thought I was capable of it.” She breathed heavily, eyes wide at the words she had spilled. “I want him gone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Silence settled as she stilled, her breaths the only noise as he registered what she said. He thought of the last conversation he had with the man, the snide and arrogant indifference he’d conveyed when Rowan had practically begged him to not take out his anger on Aelin. He’d argued that if Arobynn had a problem with him, he should take it up with him and not her, but the man had just brushed it away, confident in his absolute control over the situation. It had been infuriating, and now with this he couldn’t stop, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>wouldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> stop, what he said next.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>————</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin looked up, meeting Rowan’s green eyes with shock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” She breathed, but he just gave her a small, humorless smile, one full of vengeance and determination instead of joy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” he repeated, with a huff of a laugh, “let’s do it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded, but she hesitated for a moment before agreeing with his reassuring gaze.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Aelin confirmed. “Let’s kill him.” The words settled something in her chest, filling her with a cruel satisfaction at the thought of Arobynn’s death.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s end this once and for all,” he added, and she nodded in twisted agreement. Aelin never thought herself capable of murder, but this betrayal had pushed her over the edge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, instead of rationalizing an excuse, instead of pushing it aside or wasting away in her grief and her passivity, she would </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> something about it. No longer would she sit there, letting him do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. No, she was done with that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She made an incredulous noise and shook her head, a smile of her own developing. Aelin could picture it now, the freedom she would feel when Arobynn took his last breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d be free from his words, from his cruel looks and phrases, from his hands and his desire and his uncaring actions. She was ready to be rid of him and everything he’d ever touched.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe in a few years she’d forget what that touch felt like on her skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Disgust overtook her and she ripped the sleeves of her dress off, suddenly anxious to get it away from her. He’d picked it out of course, had picked out the fabric and the design, had leered at her as she made her way downstairs wearing it, and she wanted to get that taint away.</span>
</p>
<p>“Aelin..” Rowan said, his eyes wide and darting away as she stripped herself to her loosened corset and undergarments, kicking her shoes and the lavender dress away from her. But she just scoffed.</p>
<p>“You’ve seen me naked Rowan, surely undergarments won’t scar you.” The bravado apparently didn’t cover up the tremor in her voice well enough, as his eyes flickered back to hers, softer than they had been moments before.</p>
<p>
  <span>But a flicker of worry shot through her, and she glanced toward the front window, staring out at the street. Even though it was nighttime and it was unlikely, if someone managed to pass by and see her there, especially undressed, it wouldn’t bode well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Aelin abandoned her dress and walked on unsteady legs toward the drawing room she knew was in the back of the house, leaving the front room behind. She knew Rowan was following her without looking, so she kept going until she reached the smaller room, with a comfortable couch and a cozy fireplace, bookshelves lining the walls as a replacement of an actual library. She had debated just going to his bedroom, that location more private than this, but it felt too intimate still, despite everything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She turned to look at him, out of words after her dramatic declaration and their dramatic agreement. He seemed to understand, and he grabbed her hands gently, leading her to sit down on the comfy cushions as he headed toward the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let me get you a glass of water, alright?” He said quietly, with a small smile gracing his face. “We can talk more when I get back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded and he left, leaving her in the peaceful quiet. It was such a contrast with what they had just promised, but it felt right. Everything about Rowan always felt right.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She scrunched herself into the couch, squeezing her legs tight to her and chewing on her bottom lip as she waited. Her mind flickered between different ideas, different plans of how to get rid of the man who had proven to be her ruination, just like she had predicted so long ago. She still hadn’t managed to wrap her head around everything she’d discovered, the idea that he’d orchestrated it all, that her sacrifice to save her family had been a lie the whole time. It wasn’t their fault anything had happened, it was all planned by the man who benefitted from it, which knocked out the only reason she had ever had for trying to convince herself it was worth it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It made the idea of killing him so much easier.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But what was the best way to do it? Aelin didn’t know if she’d ever garner enough strength and conviction anymore to be able to kill him outright, with a knife or some other sort of weapon, even if he was sleeping. She could try the sleeping tonic again, in a larger dose, but he would never fall for the same trick again, so she’d have to be extra careful about when she made her move. But...an idea was slowly forming in her brain, one not quite within grasp yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan reappeared in the room before she could continue her train of thought, her eyes snapping to him as he walked in with furrowed brows, not holding a glass of water but instead looking at something concealed in his hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin waited as he smiled slightly, more of a quirk of his lip than a true grin, and watched with wide eyes as he knelt in front of her, reaching for her hand while keeping the other around whatever object he was holding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aelin Galathynius,” he started, and she raised her brows at the use of her maiden name. “I should’ve done this a long time ago. I should’ve found a way for us to be together, should’ve found a way to be good enough for your parents so I could whisk you away into a golden sunset with promises of love and happiness.” She moved her feet to the ground and leaned forward, her heart beating faster. “And I’m sorry that I wasn’t, that the little wealth I had been saving to attempt a life with you wouldn’t have been enough.” She opened her mouth to refute that. She’d never cared about his money, even though her parents had. But she paused, too overcome by what was happening, what he had said and what he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>about</span>
  </em>
  <span> to say.</span>
</p>
<p>“But I’ve never stopped loving you, and I never will,” he continued with a shaky smile. “We have obstacles ahead of us, but if we can get past those, then there’s nothing stopping us.” He was right. Money wouldn’t be an issue, because as Arobynn’s widow, she’d inherit everything, assuming his will followed cultural standards.</p>
<p>
  <span>Tears filled her eyes yet again at his words, but she let him continue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to spend my life with you, and I think you feel the same.” She nodded, and he smiled more. “We’ll figure everything else out later, but right now I just need to take us back to how it should’ve been a year ago, before Arobynn, before your parents bankruptcy, before everything that tore us apart.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan opened his hand, revealing his mother’s ring sitting gently on his palm. Her eyes widened as she realized where it’d come from. She’d been holding it earlier while sitting in her room waiting to be called down for dinner, just passing it between her hands, imagining this exact moment happening, and she’d shoved it into her dress quickly when Arobynn had come into her room, forgetting about it until now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aelin,” he started, seemingly giving the proposal he would’ve given before. Because now wasn’t for worrying about what they would do, about how they’d kill Arobynn, how they’d face society when making a life together, it was just about </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Ever since you crashed your way into my life, when you made a grand appearance at six years old to when you couldn’t help but be snarky at that fateful ball all those years ago,” she chuckled slightly, “I’ve been drawn to you like a moth to a flame.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin sniffed, trying to keep her tears from spilling. She didn’t know that after such a brutal revelation, her heart could still feel such joy. But, even though they weren’t quite there yet, they were closer to being together than they ever had been before. She was horrified and disgusted, but she pushed those feelings aside in favor of the man in front of her. She’d deal with that later.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You took me from being a sad, lonely orphan, bitter about the hand life had dealt me, and you made me believe in the world again.” He chuckled, tears of his own in his eyes. “But the world isn’t everything else, not the trees or the people or the buildings or all of the money I could possibly get. From the moment I met you, my world has been you. And I want to spend the rest of my life making you feel safe, and special, and worth it. I love you </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span>, so much, Fireheart. Even when we’re all nothing but dust between the stars, I will love you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He held up the ring, a hopeful and devoted expression on his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, will you marry me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin wiped away a tear from her eye with her free hand and nodded at him, giving a watery smile. That smile flickered when she saw the ring already occupying her left hand, and she made to rip it off, but Rowan kept a gentle hold on it, sliding the ostentatious shackle off of her skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He set it to the side, resting it on the table next to the couch, moving to sit down next to her on the cushions and then took her hand again, grabbing his mother’s ring and sliding it slowly onto her finger. It mirrored the time she had put it on herself, but this moment meant so much more. Instead of being tinged in despair, Aelin felt a glimmer of hope.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you,” she whispered, locked into place by his green eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“To whatever end,” he murmured, looking at her like she was the greatest thing he’d ever seen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“To whatever end,” she confirmed, nodding. Because it was, they were. After all the turmoil, they’d face everything together. They’d face the problem of Arobynn and come out as victors on the other end. And Rowan would always be by her side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A rush of affection flowed through her and she leaned in, pressing her lips to his. His mouth was warm and soft against hers, the lightest hint of pressure that she soon deepened the moment they touched.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A flick of his tongue against her lips had her moaning, and she opened for him as she scooted over into his lap, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he held her hips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan slanted his mouth over hers, devouring her further, and she melted into him, craving him more and more as heat pooled in her core.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was nothing like their sweet kiss from the other day. That was filled with grief and support and the simple joy of being reunited. This was filled with passion and love and desire and the need to be so close to each other that their souls melded into one.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin moved to straddle him, bringing her leg to the other side of his body, getting as close as possible. When she sat down slightly, leaning her weight into him, she felt something hard beneath her and she couldn’t help the way she groaned, or the way she ground against it, desperate for the friction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her hands slid to his hair, grasping it roughly, and she pulled back for a slight gasp of air. Rowan took that as an opportunity and leaned down to press warm kisses to her neck, nipping at her jaw and traveling down the soft skin to the junction of her neck and her shoulder. His hands traveled from their places on her hips, one moving dangerously low and the other sliding upward, grazing her side as it made its way toward her chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rowan,” she moaned, letting her eyes fall shut as she relaxed into him, still grinding down and meeting every one of his rocks into her. It felt so natural, like it had a year ago when they’d first explored this part of their relationship. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her breath hitched and she panted slightly as he continued his journey, traveling from her neck down to her collarbones down to </span>
  <em>
    <span>below</span>
  </em>
  <span> her collarbones, teasing at the exposed skin. But with her eyes shut, with her inability to see his green eyes and feel grounded in his gaze, her brain slipped its tight hold and she was thrown out of her body, out of that moment, into so many other moments where the situation was the same but the feelings were not.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then, as one of Rowan’s hands traveled back down her back, toying with the loosened strings of her corset, she started involuntarily trembling, her brows furrowing as she fought to get rid of the memories pushing into the edges of her mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But her effort was to no avail, as the shaking increased until her hands fell from his hair because she couldn’t maintain her grasp. Rowan started climbing his way back up, about to reach her lips when he paused, evidently seeing her reaction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aelin?” He asked, concern clear in his tone, and he tried to place a comforting hand on her cheek, but she flinched away from it, her body confused at who was touching her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She pushed away from him, lost in a haze of what was real and what wasn’t. All that was flashing in her eyes was the desk, his bed, </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>bed, the carriage if he was particularly impatient. All that was flashing in her beating heart was pain, discomfort, fear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She let out a small whimper as she cowered into the corner of the couch, backing away from the expected attack. But when no move was made, when no touch happened, when she was left there to sit and breathe for a second, she cracked open an eye. And found Rowan sitting there with worry on his face. A face with green eyes, not grey. Silver hair, not red.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her lip wobbled as he reached out a hand cautiously, and she grabbed it just as hesitantly, letting the cool touch ground her. She was here, she was with Rowan, Arobynn was nowhere to be found, she was safe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Safe.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The thought clicked in her head and she melted  into him, resting her head on his shoulder and staring at his white sleeve.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” she murmured, not looking up at him. “I’m such a mess.” Because she was. In the span of less than an hour, Aelin had had two breakdowns, using him as an emotional crutch because she couldn’t support herself.</span>
</p>
<p>Rowan just tilted her head up by the chin, tucking a strand of her hair behind an ear, looking at her with pure love.</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t apologize, Fireheart.” He sighed and placed a kiss to the ring on her finger. The action made her relax slightly. “Don’t ever apologize.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The words were wrought with understanding, because he did understand. He’d read her letters, he’d listened to her words, he was smart enough to piece everything together. And to know why she reacted the way she did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean to,” she hesitated, “...freak out.” The statement was an admittance, a shoddy attempt at addressing the situation. Because as much as she wanted to go further with Rowan, it seemed she wouldn’t be able to until she talked things out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, Aelin,” he said softly, leaning into the back of the couch and lifting his arm for her to move under if she wanted. But she wanted to be closer, already missing his warmth. So she climbed back into his lap, cuddling into his chest as she sifted through what to say next.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just…” Aelin trailed off. Rowan wrapped his arms back around her, practically returning them to the position they were in before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” he repeated, breathing the words into her hair. She sniffled and closed her eyes, taking a moment to breathe in his comforting scent.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t want him to have that effect over me,” she said quietly. “Especially now.” She’d hoped that she’d be free of his influence, had pulled at the chains keeping her tied to him, chains of his own design, but apparently she wasn’t. “I didn’t want him to linger.” She loosed a sad breath. “I just want to be me again.” She whispered the words into his shirt, a single tear slipping out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll always be you,” Rowan said, holding her tight, “and there will never be anything better.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then why do I feel so empty?” Another tear slipped out. “I don’t know if killing him will be enough to keep me from being ruined.” Another admittance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” he said sternly, the conviction making her glance up, “you are not ruined, Aelin, don’t ever tell yourself that.” His green eyes kept her gaze. “He’s the ruined one for ever daring to lay a hand on you. Okay?” She looked away, avoiding a response to the statement she wasn’t sure she believed in, but his hand gently kept her facing him. “Okay?” He repeated, and this time she nodded, sniffling again. “Okay. So let’s get through this obstacle, and then we’ll tackle the rest.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded again, giving him a watery smile that he returned, a torrent of emotions behind his upturned lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you,” Aelin murmured warmly, resting her hands on his cheeks. Rowan quickly turned and placed a kiss to her palm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too.” She leaned in and rested her forehead against his, breathing him in. They descended into a soft silence, the presence of the other more important than words. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you ever consider reporting him?” He asked quietly after a few moments. Aelin sighed. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but had quickly realized the pointlessness. She was sure she had some form of proof, whether on her body or from something in the house, but it would do no good.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s my husband, Rowan,” she replied, “either people wouldn’t care, or they wouldn’t even consider it … that” she trailed off again, not wanting to say that ugly word.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t have to say anything for her to sense his utter devastation. She felt it in the way he clutched her tighter, the way he pressed a soft kiss to her hair, the way he couldn’t refute the undeniable truth that no one would listen to her anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that empathy meant more than anything else, the fact that he was there with her more of a soothing balm than any other attempt to fix her problems. And she wanted him. So much that she was aching with it. Their conversation wasn’t over, but she was ready to put it on pause.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Aelin leaned in, placing a soft kiss onto his lips and staying close as she whispered into him “Make me forget, Rowan”. He pulled back, furrowing his brows. Understandable, considering her reaction only minutes before, but she felt ready. She wanted to be ready.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan loosed a breath, eyes wary, but she ignored his concern, moving down and tracing her lips over his jaw, feeling his light stubble under her hands and under her mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aelin, I don’t kn-” he let out another breath as her hands crept up and tugged on his hair slightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let it be my choice this time,” she said into the soft skin beneath his ear, nipping at it slightly. The words and her action seemed to convince him, because his hands began to trail back up her body, tracing her corset and her skin lightly as she pressed soft kisses to his own warm skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin breathed into it, grounding herself in him as they moved, slower than before. It had been too rushed, too frantic, and she had lost herself in it, but this, </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>was what she wanted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She placed her hands on his shoulders and kissed him, relaxing into his body as he gently coaxed her mouth open with his tongue, brushing it inside and clutching at her waist. She sighed into him, closing her eyes hesitantly as she sunk into it. But Arobynn’s touch had been wiped away by Rowan’s, and no trace of it was in sight. So Aelin didn’t flinch as his hand traveled back to the loosened laces of her corset, playing with the ties at the bottom as he slowly unwound it even more, kissing her passionately the whole time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He reached both hands behind her back, coaxing the corset off her body, and she moved to let it slide all the way off, leaving her in just her chemise and drawers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she returned to his lap immediately, breaths heavy as Rowan clutched her tight to him, brushing kisses across her cheeks, her forehead, her lips, as she grasped at his shirt, reaching for the buttons.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A gasp escaped her as his hands slipped under the hem of her chemise, pressing into the bare skin of her lower back. The feeling compelled her, and Aelin began rushing to get his shirt off, the need to feel his skin against hers matching the heat once again pooling below her navel.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She practically ripped it off his shoulders as she rocked into him, and followed willingly as he lifted her arms to get her chemise over her head, leaving her bare before him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A wave of embarrassment passed through her at the thought. Aelin knew she didn’t look like she used to, didn’t have the body or the curves that she did last time they’d been together. Months of barely eating, of getting sick over the food she did eat, of wasting away inside her house, had all turned her into a frail shell of her former self.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But the feeling didn’t last long, as Rowan let out a groan and leaned in, trailing kisses down to her chest as his left hand came up to cover her breast, grazing a thumb over the peak as his tongue swiped over the other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A choked moan escaped her and she clutched the back of his head, keeping him there to continue his ministrations. He brushed a knuckle on the underside of her breast, and she cursed as his other hand slipped beneath the hem of her undergarments.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His fingers trailed closer to her aching center, and she shivered as one slipped inside, moving in time with his other hand and his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was overwhelming, and Aelin quickly pulled his head back up, connecting his lips to hers as she kissed him deeply, getting as close as possible.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knew she was getting close to that cliff, about to fall off the edge as he added another finger, but she wanted to bring him with her, to feel them fall together, so she stood up roughly, earning a surprised look that quickly turned into desire as she shoved her drawers off, leaving her completely naked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Gods</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Rowan managed to say, the desire in his green eyes clear, shoving his own pants off, and she fell back into him quickly.</span>
</p>
<p>Then she was sliding onto him, the fit making her shake with pleasure. They rested their foreheads together, breaths intertwined as she adjusted.</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you,” he whispered, and she murmured it back, utterly lost in the sensations rushing through her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hadn’t felt anything like this ever, even when she had been with him before, it was never like this, and it had certainly never been like this after him. This was </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And when they began moving, her world shattered, her moans and gasps and breathy cries mixing with his to make a glorious symphony.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They held each other tight, relishing in the feel, until they fell off that cliff together, leaping over the edge, hands entwined, lost in the beauty that was them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>21. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: mentions of miscarriage, strong language, mentions of abuse, implied mentions of sexual assault</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1886</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Rowan had first held Aelin in his arms, when they’d first crossed that barrier between the two of them, he’d been living on that high for days, weeks, months really. It had been the happiest he could ever remember being, beating anything from his life before by tenfold.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d been distracted by thoughts of that throughout everything he’d attempted to do for far longer than was reasonable, only pushed aside by worry when everything between them had spiraled into chaos. Now, after being with her again, with the memory of her lips and her body and her loving words still in his mind, he was distracted once again. But not by that, by the very thing that had led them to that encounter. The catalyst that was pushing them into desperation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a mix of emotions roiling in his stomach. Yes, he was absolutely desperate to get rid of him, to free Aelin and the world from that scum. But it was still murder. And he didn’t know how he felt about that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But then he remembered the bruises on Aelin’s skin, the way she had panicked and flinched away from him, the way she’d cowered into the cushion, making herself small, because her body was so used to the motion that it had become her natural response. And that vile man had made her feel that way, had made her so scared and so on edge that she had believed it was right for her to </span>
  <em>
    <span>apologize </span>
  </em>
  <span>to him for it. As if Rowan would ever be mad at her for that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And he hadn’t even gotten a chance to truly process the revelation she’d brought with her, driving her tears and her sorrow and her rage and her panic and every emotion he didn’t want her to have to feel. It had all been Arobynn’s fault. His orchestration, his plan, his grand scheme to get his way. He ruined Aelin’s parents to force their hand and make them agree to a marriage to him. And right away he hadn’t treated her with the respect she deserved. Aelin had never told him, but Rowan knew there had been instances before they even got married where Arobynn had been too forward, too slimy, too selfish and abrasive. And it only got worse as time went on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So yes, he was ready for him to die.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you good, Rowan?” Lorcan asked bluntly, leaning back in his chair, “you look a little sick.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan glanced over at the other man, letting out a little “hmm?” as he forced himself back into the present. His mind centered on his surroundings, glancing around the small dining room he was in. Instead of entertaining Lorcan at his house, Rowan had gone over to his place, for the first time since he’d bought it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lorcan hadn’t owned a house in Orynth until recently, when they’d gotten back from Doranelle and officially settled here. The quaint place was similar to the Lochans, from what he could tell from the few visits he’d made there, which would likely make it easier for Elide when she moved in. Because Lorcan had asked Cal Lochan for her hand that morning, and he hadn’t hesitated to go ask Elide when he’d received a yes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now a shiny new ring sat on her finger, and a smile sat on Lorcan’s face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve been really distracted lately,” Lorcan said, narrowing his eyes, “Ever since we’ve gotten back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan frowned slightly, and then tried to play it off. “I’m just tired.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was true. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>tired. He and Aelin hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, too wrapped in each other to bother parting. And he’d gotten maybe two hours of rest when she’d left. Instead of last time, when she’d just walked home and tried to sneak in without anyone seeing, they worked out a better plan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan and her drove over to the Lochans’ house, shades in the carriage drawn to prevent anyone from seeing her. Then from the Lochans, because Marion already knew about them, and probably Cal and Elide too, Aelin took their carriage back to her house, under the guise of having visited Elide the night before and staying over to prevent going home in the dark.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t know if she’d run into Arobynn upon her arrival home, but he hoped their cover worked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t bullshit me, Rowan,” Lorcan said, “I know the difference between you being tired and you being bothered by something.” He tilted his head. “Is it the wedding?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Which one?” Rowan chuckled sardonically. “There’s a handful to choose from isn’t there?” He hadn’t meant the words to sound so bitter, but luckily his friend didn’t seem offended. He just smiled knowingly, making Rowan fidget uncomfortably.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, I don’t think Lyria would be too upset if you called it off,” he said with a shrug, and Rowan whipped his head to look at him, brows furrowed. It was only the mark of their long years of knowing each other that Lorcan knew the comment wouldn’t hurt him, when it would clearly come off as rude to anyone else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I - I,” he stuttered, not knowing how to respond.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She seems to also be distracted, same as you,” he offered, raising a brow, “by </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone </span>
  </em>
  <span>else.” Rowan must’ve looked confused because Lorcan sighed. “If you don’t know, I won’t tell you because it’s not my business to tell, but just know that I think she’s facing a similar issue to you. At least that’s my assumption.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well we can’t all marry for love,” Rowan said as an answer, avoiding the question hidden in his words. As well as the confusing statement about Lyria. He didn’t want to delve into that right now. Especially because the wedding wasn’t even going to be happening anymore. Not that anyone but him or Aelin knew that. So, if Lyria wasn’t too interested, all for the better. Even if he felt slightly guilty that he was seemingly throwing her away. But she would find someone else, maybe she already had if Lorcan’s words were true. She deserved someone who cared about her the same way he cared for Aelin, the way Lorcan cared for Elide, so he hoped she’d found that and would be happy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He just still had to tell her it wouldn’t be him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose that’s true,” Lorcan conceded, “but it’s a shame nonetheless. Marriages for social reasons never tend to lead to much happiness.” Rowan almost snorted, wasn’t that true. “Although I know that topic is sensitive for you,” he added, and Rowan narrowed his eyes. “I know there’s a certain married couple that you wish weren’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He glanced at the brunette man, unsure of how to respond. Especially when everything he was saying was spot on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not stupid, Rowan.” Lorcan sighed. “The Galathynius girl, right? Or should I say Lady Hamel?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The words were delivered with a bit of snark that had him suddenly fuming.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t joke about that, Lorcan,” he almost spit, “even if it wasn’t her, that relationship is nothing funny.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lorcan raised his brows again, both at the admittance and the warning he’d been given.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So it is her then?” He leaned back in his seat. Rowan huffed but said nothing, and Lorcan took a sip of his drink, looking at him as if contemplating something. “You never told me much about your problem a year ago before we left for Bellhaven, but that tracks. I know they got married around then.” </span>
</p>
<p>Rowan stayed silent, gripping his glass tightly.</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I've seen the way you look at her when she’s around, and the way you tense whenever Aedion mentions her,” he continued, “it all adds up. But you might as well forget about her, she’s never going to be available.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan glared at him, a strike of pain hitting deep in his chest. She’d be available when they killed Arobynn, but he didn’t know that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not that easy,” he insisted, “I made her a promise, that I’d always be there for her.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>To whatever end</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he added silently. </span>
</p>
<p>“She’s married, Rowan.”</p>
<p>
  <span>He scoffed and shook his head, before clenching his jaw. “You said yourself marriages for social reasons aren’t happy ones.”</span>
</p>
<p>“But they’re still legitimate. Trying to break it won’t benefit anyone.” Lorcan crossed a leg over his knee, looking relaxed in contrast with Rowan's rigidity. The words he was saying were disgusting to him, and it drove Rowan to anger, his emotions spilling out without barrier.</p>
<p>
  <span>“There are bruises on her skin right now,” he said calmly, too calmly, “one on her cheek and a line of them on her throat, from where he hit her across the face and likely shoved his arm against her neck, cutting off her air.” Lorcan clenched his jaw, but Rowan saw his eyes widen slightly. “I was invited to dinner the other night, and he let her speak about ten words the whole evening, shutting down any attempt she made. He doesn’t let her make any of her own choices, he dresses her up for his amusement, throwing her in these ostentatious gowns just so he can leer at her and the effect he’s had on her body. She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>so frail, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lorcan.” His voice shook as he looked at his friend. “She doesn’t eat.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I saw her last night, she ran to my house in a rush because she’d found out that he bankrupted her parents on purpose to force her into marriage,” he continued, still too flat. Lorcan let out a choked noise, clearly surprised at the words. “And when I’d managed to calm her down, she panicked and </span>
  <em>
    <span>cowered </span>
  </em>
  <span>from my touch because she was so distraught she didn’t know who I was. She didn’t know that I wasn’t him, and because of his actions, her instinct was to hide.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan took a breath, preparing for the part that still hit him the most. “He scared her and stressed her out so much that she - she lost her baby,” a bit of rage finally slipped out, “and he didn’t even let her mourn the loss without pressuring her into forgetting about it. He treats her like a toy he can play with and abandon, using and abusing her for his own wishes and then throwing her away whenever he gets bored. He doesn’t give a single </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>about her, so don’t give me any bullshit about their marriage.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He huffed and looked at Lorcan, who was staring at him, his eyes looking as if he was piecing something together. He could see when it clicked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Holy fuck,” he breathed, “the baby was yours, wasn’t it?” Rowan clenched his jaw and looked away, pain flaring inside of him. Lorcan took that as an answer. “Gods I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Only a few people know,” Rowan said, closing his eyes, “me, Aelin, the healer, Arobynn, and now you.” He opened his eyes and glanced at his oldest friend. “I love her from the bottom of my heart, and I’m going to protect her the best I can. I’ll figure things out with Lyria, but don’t worry about it. Everything will be solved soon.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The cold look in Lorcan’s eyes made it clear that he would be willing to help.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>————</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin clenched her shaky hands as she sat primly on the parlor couch, waiting for her guest to arrive.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had been difficult and a little stressful to convince Arobynn when she arrived home that she had been at Elide’s house, but he couldn’t exactly refute her when she had been dropped off in the Lochan’s carriage. The perfect piece of undeniable proof, courtesy of Rowan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So he had just scoffed and let her go, leaving to go attend to whatever he did with his time, probably adding to the pile of blackmail in his locked desk drawer. She had put everything back meticulously, so there’d be no way for him to know she had even seen anything, even if it had been hard to put that damned letter away instead of throwing it in his face and screaming at him. But now wasn’t the time. She’d get answers later.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now was the time for other answers, another confrontation that she knew needed to happen. Especially because of the new information she’d discovered. </span>
</p>
<p>“Mrs. Galathynius is here,” the butler said, nodding his head as he stepped into the room.</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin stood and wiped her hands on her skirt. “Okay, thank you, please show her in.” She smiled at the man as he exited, returning soon with her mother.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her smile faded as she met the eyes that were so similar to hers, the same gold ring, the same turquoise depths and the same golden hair topping it all off. They looked so similar, and that made it all worse.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She clenched her jaw. “Hello, mother. Thank you for coming.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like with Rowan, and with Marion and Cal and Elide when she’d showed up there this morning, she could spot the exact moment her mother registered what was on her skin. Except that instead of the anger and rage that had been clear on all of their faces, her mother just tightened her lips, her expression becoming tense.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Aelin just pushed it aside, and went to sit back down on the couch, unwilling to unpack that.</span>
</p>
<p>“We’re ready for our tea now,” she directed politely at the butler, who nodded and left the room swiftly, going to alert the kitchen.</p>
<p>
  <span>She turned slowly to her mother, once again looking at Evalin Galathynius’ face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m glad you came. I wanted to talk to you about something.” Aelin took a deep breath, hoping she was ready for the discussion ahead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it, sweetheart?” Her mother said softly, sitting down across from her, and that made her pause, made her brows furrow at the use of the pet name. And she couldn’t help her petulant snap.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t call me that,” she said stiffly, because of the fact that Arobynn called her that occasionally, and because she didn’t want to hear any term of affection coming from this woman. Not when she had denied the chance to act like a mother many times over.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Evalin didn’t even react, just pursing her lips yet again and sitting upright in her chair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it, Aelin?” She corrected, spite flashing in her eyes as she said, “or should I say Lady Hamel?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin’s jaw almost dropped at the statement, but she wasn’t too surprised, she’d inherited her snark from somewhere. She paused as a footman came in with their tea, setting it down on the table. He was about to pour them each a cup, but she waved him off, reaching for the pitcher herself. He simply nodded his head and then left, leaving them alone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t need to do that,” her mother snapped, “he could’ve done it for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin clenched her jaw as she poured both of them a cup before setting the pitcher back down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why bother when I can do it perfectly fine myself?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because you pay them to pour your tea.” Her mother’s voice was incredulous, and Aelin looked up at her, eyes narrowed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I have plenty of money to spare now, don’t I?” The words slipped out, and she saw Evalin’s eyes shutter out of stubbornness. But she didn’t rise to the taunt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A part of Aelin was bitter about that, bitter about the lack of reaction, or care, or notice. Maybe if she did something like throw her cup across the room it would finally gain her attention. It seemed the bruises and the weight loss and the empty look in her eyes hadn’t, so maybe petulance would.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sighed and closed her eyes, this was not how this conversation was supposed to be going. One minute with her had reverted her back to the child she’d been, clinging to her mother’s skirts, wanting to be noticed when all her mother did was ignore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I recently came across some new information,” she restarted, “regarding a certain situation that involves both of us.” She sounded so formal, </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>formal. “And I would like to hear your take on the situation as a whole before I move forward.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Evalin’s brows furrowed and she remained silent, grabbing her cup of tea and taking a small sip.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin took a breath before letting out a small “why?” Her voice more vulnerable than she wanted. “Why did you do it? Why did you have no hesitations?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her mother glanced up at her in surprise, the change in tone clear. Aelin had gone from sharp to sad with a flip of a switch, and she was forced to play catch up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t -“ she began, but Aelin cut her off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve tried to forgive you, and make excuses for you, but I can’t.” Her voice got hazy with the threat of tears, emotions running high already. She gestured to the bruises on her skin. “Did you notice these? I saw you look at them. Do you know where they came from? They came from the husband you sold me to.” </span>
</p>
<p>Finally, a reaction. Her mother flinched at the words, sorrow replacing the stone.</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fireheart - “</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I get belittled, and mocked, and hit, and ra -“ she paused with a slight tremor, not able to finish the word, “and you don’t seem to care because you let it happen in the first place.” She shook her head as she choked out the words, a tear slipping down her cheek, caressing the tender skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course I care,” Evalin said, emotion in her own voice as she leaned forward, reaching for her daughter’s hand. “Of </span>
  <em>
    <span>course</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m your mother, I’ll always care what happens to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin let out a humorless laugh, pulling her hands out of reach. “You’ve never acted like it.” She glanced into the mirror of pain staring back at her. “You saw me cry myself to sleep for weeks before the wedding right? Did you care then? What about before that even, when I begged you to see what I saw in my husband. Did you listen to me? What about more recently, when every time I saw you, I looked more and more wasted away.” Another tear slipped, and her voice became small. “Did you ever care?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her mother released a small sigh, tears of her own pricking her eyes. “What was I supposed to do, Aelin?” She sounded defeated, but Aelin just stared, unable to do anything more. “We were stuck, and he offered a solution.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, he made us stuck,” she murmured, too quietly for Evalin to hear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” She tried to ask, but Aelin just shook her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you have lived with no money if you knew selling me away would turn out like this?” She asked it quietly, staring down at her cup. “Would you have accepted our fall in standing if you knew I wouldn’t be happy like this?” She shuddered, loosing a breath that sounded a bit like a cry. “I lost my baby, mama,” the childhood term of endearment slipped out unconsciously, “would you have taken it all back if you knew that would happen?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aelin -” Evalin sighed. “I love you so much, I may not have always acted like it, but I do. I didn’t know what he was like, I promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a deflection. Aelin stared, letting the room fall into silence. She sipped at her tea, ignoring the lingering pain as she waited. All she had wanted for years was for her mother to act like a mother. She saw Marion with Elide, and although Marion cared for her like a daughter, it wasn’t always the same. Especially because her mother was still alive, and was still active in her life. It was a wound that she’d ignored, but now with everything else that had piled up, it was flaring again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d been angry at Evalin for </span>
  <em>
    <span>so long, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and she still had a right to be for how quickly she’d been thrown to the wolves, but now that she knew the bankruptcy wasn’t their fault in the first place, it was more difficult to not want to understand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But would you have taken it back?” She repeated, staring into the eyes so much like her own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I - I” her mother began, stumbling over her words, but that was all she needed to hear. Aelin nodded her head in defeated acceptance and went back to her tea. But apparently, Evalin felt like saying more, the floodgates now opened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I tortured myself over it for months, Aelin, you have to understand.” She sounded slightly desperate. “From the moment your father told me what the situation was, to the moment you walked down the aisle, and afterward, I debated whether I was making the right decision. But even you knew that you would likely be in a marriage not based off of love, so I didn’t think it would be that big of a change. And I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>She sniffled. “I was scared for us, scared for you. I didn’t want you to lose your future. I didn’t want you to go through life worried about how you would make it to the next day, constantly stressed and beaten down because your father and I couldn’t provide you with the life you had thought you would live. The life we wanted for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin furrowed her brows, a pit settling in her stomach. “Is this life any better? Than what would’ve been?” It wasn’t really directed at her, more just a question tossed out into the universe, something she’d asked herself time and time again, always coming to the same conclusion. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Evalin answered, “you’re safe, you have money, you’re established, it’s everything I wanted for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You wanted me to have a husband like this?” Aelin asked, voice small, “because I would never subject my child to this and say it was for her benefit.” Even if she would never have the chance to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I - I,” she began again, clearly struggling for an answer, but Aelin was done listening.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This tea is quite good, isn’t it?” She said mindlessly, drifting the conversation somewhere else. “I believe the kitchen bought a new kind, and I’m very partial to it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If anything, Evalin seemed grateful for the shift, and she slipped back into the role of Mrs. Galathynius, wealthy staple of the community, no longer having to pretend to be a mother.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bitter disappointment filled Aelin’s gut as the feeling settled more and more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, at least she tried.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>————-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So darling,” Arobynn crooned from across the room, and Aelin frowned, not looking but still shifting uncomfortably at his slimy tone. “How does it feel knowing your love is officially going to belong to another woman?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A pang of annoyance flared through her at his attempt to catch her off guard, but she had to bite her lip to drive off the triumphant smile that appeared after that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The words were just a reminder after her disastrous talk with her mother that she still had some things to look forward to. The death of her husband was one, and her secret engagement with Rowan was another.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her ring was stored upstairs, as Rowan had told her to keep it. He wouldn’t give it to Lyria, it would forever belong to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wish him much happiness in his marriage,” Aelin said blankly, answering Arobynn’s question as she sat stiffly at the piano bench. She hadn’t yet pressed on a key, but her fingers were dancing across them. It would be so easy to just put a little more pressure, and hear the beautiful notes come out. But not now. Not yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t need to pretend, love,” he said, and she looked over with her eyebrows raised. “I know it’s hard to see men you’ve fucked marrying someone else.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Speaking from experience?” She said, voice thin. Arobynn just smirked and took a drag from his cigar, breathing in the smoke and then blowing it out with a sensual edge that had her shuddering.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I prefer to stick to women,” he replied casually, “and besides you, the women I fuck aren’t usually the type to get married.” He shrugged. “And if they are, then fuck them.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She scrunched her nose in distaste.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The difference is, Aelin.” She hated the way her name sounded on his tongue. He pointed his cigar at her, as if giving her a lecture. “I never catch feelings, and I certainly don’t fall in love.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you even know how?” She couldn’t help but say, toeing the line. But this was the right side to stay on, because he never held back from sharing how emotionless he was to her, how unempathetic about her problems he was. She wasn’t criticising, because he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>proud </span>
  </em>
  <span>of how cold he was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know how, but I have the self control and the wisdom not to,” Arobynn said, waving a hand, “I mean look at you. Would you say you’re better off with a broken heart than you would’ve been with an undamaged and unclaimed one?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin narrowed her eyes but didn’t reply, knowing what came out of her mouth after that would not be what he wanted to hear. She calmed herself down by thinking of how he would be dead soon. She was still working out the best way to kill him, and she was still working out when and how to contact Rowan about it, but there was no doubt in her mind that she would do it soon. Now that the idea was in her head, there was no way she could go back to the complacent lifestyle she’d been in for so long.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She flipped back to a memory of that woman she’d met at the apothecary, Manon Blackbeak. The words she’d said flashed into her mind, the implication of her statement and the confidence behind it. She needed that confidence now.</span>
</p>
<p>“But please keep your sorrows to your own pillow tonight,” he continued, taking her silence as an answer, “and don’t make a scene when he announces his engagement. No one needs or wants you ruining the ball.”</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin’s eyes snapped to his, her brows furrowed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you think I wasn’t being serious when I told Whitethorn about our ball the other day?” Arobynn smirked again. “The servants have already been alerted, and invitations will be sent out soon.”  She clenched her jaw.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So everyone knew but me?” She asked tensely, but he just shrugged again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know now, what’s the difference?” She looked at him incredulously but didn’t speak as he continued. “I’m thinking a nice masquerade ball, with lots of pretty dresses and lights and food and decoration, quite dramatic right? Perfect for the intrigue of a new match. People will be talking about it for months.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin didn’t respond, just turning back to the piano and staring mindlessly at the music in front of her, her brain running full speed. The large crowd would mean chaos, and chaos meant a place to hide and an alibi so strong no one could disprove it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And a </span>
  <em>
    <span>masquerade</span>
  </em>
  <span> ball of all things, full of posing people in their best gowns, with the freedom to act wild because of the lack of identity. The lack of self. The erasure of everything you are and everything you could be.</span>
</p>
<p>What a poetic place for him to die.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>22. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1886</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The invitations had gone out, the RSVPs received, and now it was just a countdown to the day.  Just like Arobynn wanted, it was already the talk of the town, although everyone else was much more excited for it than Aelin was. Although she supposed she </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>excited, just not for the same reasons.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was excited for everything to be over, to be free.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was ready to make her own choices, to never be stuck like she was now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wanted the exact opposite of everything she had now, no giant house, no dozens of servants and perfectly polished silver, no constant social pandering to meet her husband’s desire to be high society, and certainly no purposeless luxury. She could enjoy nice dresses and nice food and nice stuff, but she had never understood the need to throw dresses out after only wearing them once. It was wasteful and unnecessary… and would likely happen to the dress she was wearing now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin sucked in a breath as Philippa pulled at her corset, tightening it just that little bit more. It was already small around her withered away body, but back to his normal habits, Arobynn had insisted they push it more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She relaxed as the dressmaker let go of the strings, tying them quickly and moving to get the dress. Aelin took the moment to glance over herself in the mirror, looking at her body for longer than she had in a while. She normally didn’t like to think about how much weight she’d lost, as that normally sparked a spiral into why she never had an appetite, and why she felt so weak all the time, and that was a road she didn’t like to go down, </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>go down without revisiting a lot of demons that she’d ignored. But Rowan had sent a little rush of confidence through her, and she no longer felt the need to hide away from herself. This is who she was, this is what she looked like, and it wasn’t her fault.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was one specific person’s fault, as everything generally was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The bruises were officially gone from her skin too, that terrifying event over two whole weeks ago now. They’d held out for longer than expected, but now her complexion was back to the unnaturally pale shade it had been before it was marred. That was the only reason they’d been able to have this fitting today. Besides the few guests and people she’d talked to of her own accord - barely escaping Arobynn’s frustration for that due to the fact that they were all family, and there was nothing they could say or talk about in regards to it, they all knew it would just come back to end up hurting her - she hadn’t left her house. She hadn’t gone anywhere, hadn’t met anyone, hadn’t been in sight of anyone potentially willing to start gossip. It was his way of protecting himself, a secondary punishment for her for the actions which he caused and could face consequences for.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But it didn’t bother her too much, her house was quiet, and although it wasn’t exactly peaceful, as the whole building was tinged in a layer of fear, her temporary isolation had served her well, using the time to think.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And now, she had a plan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here you go, sweetie,” Philippa said as she pulled down her ball gown, holding Aelin’s arm as she stepped into the heavy skirts. The woman then tied up the back with the speed of the highest trained lady’s maid, and brushed her styled hair out of the way of any fabric, with the tender grace of a kind grandmother.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ever since that disastrous wedding dress fitting, when Philippa had been exposed to the threatening conversation between Arobynn and her, it seemed like the woman had taken a certain sort of sympathy for her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or maybe it was because of the many times Aelin had come there, Arobynn at her side as she tried on and ordered endless gowns, never from her own want of one and never on her own accord. Philippa saw the way he acted, saw the controlling behaviors and the entitlement seeping from every pore in his body. She saw how Aelin had slowly transformed from a vibrant young woman in the peak of her socialite days to a trapped wife and a grieving mother that never really had the chance to be one.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The dress store was like a microcosm for Aelin’s whole life. She’d bought dresses from Philippa for her first few balls, at the young age of sixteen. She’d run into the store excited many times a few years later, wanting to get a stunning gown to impress a certain Rowan Whitethorn, new to town and new to her heart. She’d gone here with Elide, with Marion, with her mother when things were less tense, every big event was connected with a memory of this building.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Philippa had seen the light in her dim as she got engaged, as she got married, as her dresses changed from her style to her husband’s style. She had seen her glow with a bit of hope when she was pregnant. And then she hadn’t seen her for a few months until she came back with a heavy sense of grief. When Aelin had managed to come back that first time, Philippa had had tears in her eyes as she worked, and had murmured an “I’m so sorry, dear” when Arobynn wasn’t listening, because he just wanted her to forget.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And now, after everything, she was making the gown that Aelin would wear when she killed the man who wrecked it all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” She smiled at the woman as she smoothed down some rough edges of the dress before directing her out of the little changing room into the main area, where Arobynn was waiting. He had to see the final product of course. He’d picked out the design even before he’d told her about the ball, probably the day after the dinner with Rowan and he’d come up with this grand idea, but here it was now, and it had to be approved.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin stepped daintily into the room, lifting her skirt slightly to avoid tripping on her heeled shoes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You look gorgeous, darling,” Arobynn crooned as she perched lightly on the platform in front of the mirror. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she said flatly, too busy looking at the dress herself. Because it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> gorgeous.</span>
</p>
<p>The fabric was a rich dark gold color, slightly iridescent in the light and immensely eye catching. It was a thinner silhouette than normal, which meant she didn’t need a bustle, a venture from the usual fashion. But if anything, he was doing that on purpose to make more of a statement.</p>
<p>
  <span>Nevertheless, it still had volume in the back, caused by layers of skirts and a thick petticoat, but it didn’t stick out the same way it would with a bustle. The top was fairly conservatively cut, sitting comfortably above her breasts and not showing anything more than she’d like to. And then the sleeves were slightly off the shoulder, and were fairly voluminous, with lace and fabric keeping it from molding right to her arm. The whole dress was highlighted by delicate floral embroidery, lined with a sparkling thread that extended from the bottom of the skirt and covered the bodice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was stunning, and she hated that she couldn’t argue that. </span>
</p>
<p>Aelin saw and heard Arobynn get up and make his way over to where she was standing, and she looked at him warily.</p>
<p>
  <span>“What options for masks do you have, Philippa?” He asked. “It is a masquerade after all.” She almost rolled her eyes, but restrained herself as he looked at her, a cruel gleam in his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He twiddled with the sleeve as Philippa went off to go find something, crowding into her personal space and making her fidget. She knew he was doing it on purpose to make her uncomfortable, and it was working.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh Aelin, you look beautiful!” A soft voice called, and Aelin whipped her head around to the door, smiling as Marion entered the room, Elide with her. </span>
</p>
<p>“That’s a lovely color on you,” Elide added, with a smile of her own.</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn scowled and stepped back a little bit as the two women approached.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Miss Lochan, Mrs. Lochan,” he nodded to each of them in succession, maintaining the proper greeting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lord Hamel,” Marion replied with a bite in her tone. It was no secret that she didn’t like him. Aelin didn’t share everything that went on in their marriage, but she figured Marion knew enough. Sometimes saying the words out loud made them real, but the woman knew her well enough to pick up on what she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> saying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And now she despised the man in front of them. Every chance she got, she tried to get under Arobynn’s skin, getting in the way of his pride and always being there for Aelin. It was a trait that she passed down to her daughter too, and Aelin was glad she had them there to support her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you two ladies doing here?” Arobynn asked, with a forced smile on his face. Aelin almost laughed at the satisfaction on Marion’s face at how she’d inconvenienced him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re the next appointment after you,” she said, gesturing to Elide, “we ordered a new dress for your ball after all.” The words were snarky, and Arobynn frowned.</span>
</p>
<p>“Hopefully it’s a special one,” he recovered quickly, “it’ll be nice to celebrate Mr. Whitethorn’s engagement.” He was trying to catch them off guard, as no one was supposed to know that yet. The only details in the invitation for the purpose of the event was for an important announcement, nothing related to Rowan or specifying what that announcement was.</p>
<p>
  <span>Marion raised her brows and glanced quickly to Aelin then, and she leveled a steady stare at her, hoping to convey the words she was desperate to say. And it seemed Marion understood, from the way she pursed her lips and nodded discreetly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Philippa returned then, carrying two masks in her hands. She didn’t even look surprised by Marion and Elide’s presence, which meant they were telling the truth, which meant Arobynn had to deal with them being there. And couldn’t act how he normally would.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So I have two options that would go well with the color of the dress,” she said, lifting one of them to Aelin’s face, covering the top half. “Here’s the first one.” It was covered in glitter and embellishments and some small ribbons, and while it was pretty, it wasn’t quite right. And Philippa seemed to recognize that because she switched them out pretty quickly. “And here’s the other one.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A mutual gasp settled around the room. It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect. </span>
  </em>
  <span>This mask was made of gold lace, delicately lined with a similar material to the embroidery in the skirt of the dress, and it was shaped nicely, to smooth around the upper half of her face in a way that looked like it was meant to be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looked graceful, she looked mysterious, she looked … powerful.</span>
</p>
<p>“That’s the one,” Marion said, agreeing with her verbally. “You look enthralling.” It was a strange choice of words, but it was true.</p>
<p>
  <span>And looking at herself now, Aelin felt ready.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Philippa took the mask back then, getting ready to wrap it up, but it didn’t matter, because the feeling remained.</span>
</p>
<p>An idea flickered in Aelin’s mind, and she sifted through the right words to convey it, trying to avoid saying anything suspicious in front of Arobynn, who wasn’t likely to leave her alone with Marion and Elide.</p>
<p>
  <span>“Marion,” she said quietly, making sure her voice sounded normal, with no wavering to hint to even a small amount of nerves. “I wrote a letter continuing our discussions about a fortnight ago,” when she supposedly had gone to the Lochans house instead of Rowan’s, “but the postal system here is sometimes unreliable, can you watch for it to make sure it gets to the right place?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She saw the exact moment she understood, and then Marion nodded and murmured an “of course” back, well versed in the level of secrecy. “I definitely agree, Emrys does a fine job but the city is growing too quickly.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Satisfied and with a nod, Aelin looked back at the mirror, glancing over her dress and trying to think through another aspect of her plan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aelin,” Elide said softly, and she looked over, “I sewed this for you the other day.” She stretched her out her hand, revealing a small embroidered kings flame flower on a soft piece of white fabric. Elide had always been good at embroidery and needlepoint, but this was really a mark of her skill. It was breathtaking. “I read about it in a book, it’s supposed to be a charm for luck.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin shot her gaze from Elide’s now ring adorned hand to her face, reading the sincerity in her face, and the pointedness in her words. She released a small smile and grabbed the charm from her, clutching it tight.</span>
</p>
<p>“Hurry up and get changed,” Arobynn said with an indignant frown, “I’d rather not be here for longer than we need to be.”</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin refrained from rolling her eyes, and willingly let Philippa lead her back into the dressing room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But when she asked Philippa to sew a little hidden pocket into the dress, </span>
  <em>
    <span>for the charm</span>
  </em>
  <span> she claimed, she wasn’t listening to him at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>———-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So Vaughan? Are you ready for tomorrow?” Rowan asked casually as they sat in his coach, waiting impatiently for their trip to be done. They were heading to the tailor to pick up their suits for the ball. He’d paid for Vaughan’s, citing it as a welcome to Orynth gift, even though they both knew it was just because Vaughan couldn’t reasonably afford the expensive clothes by himself, especially for just one use.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But that wasn’t the only motive for this venture today. After stewing over Lorcan’s words for days, he’d come to a conclusion. Or a suspicion would be more accurate, because he wasn’t at all sure if it was right. But the more he thought about it, the more things added up. </span>
</p>
<p>And Rowan kind of hoped he was right, because it would make everything easier with Lyria, although he would also be upset for his friends over the nature of the roadblock keeping them apart. Because he could relate all too well.</p>
<p>
  <span>“As ready as I’ll ever be I suppose,” Vaughan played off with a chuckle, staring out the window as they rumbled down the uneven road. </span>
</p>
<p>“It’s certainly going to be chaotic,” Rowan chuckled himself, watching his reaction.</p>
<p>
  <span>“How did you manage to get Arobynn Hamel to throw you a ball for this?” Vaughan said, a smile obviously forced, “I know the special announcement must be your engagement.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>There. </span>
  </em>
  <span>There was the hint of pain in his voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan narrowed his eyes slightly, watching his friend. “Yes, he heard of my intentions and decided to celebrate with us. I’m close with Mr. Ashryver as you know, and his cousin is Lord Hamel’s wife.” He tried to hide </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>pain at those words. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s all about connections isn’t it?” Vaughan let out an indignant snort. “There’s just nothing to do about it.” Rowan felt a slight shot of offense but then the brunette man sighed and dropped his head into his hand. “I didn’t mean it like that, you should take the opportunities you can get. I can’t be bitter about it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan stayed quiet for a minute, letting the sound of the city hit his ears, before speaking again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know you can talk to me, Vaughan,” he said sincerely, looking at the man, “I know I’ve been a little distant recently, but I’m here if you ever want to say anything.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why have you been distant?” Vaughan deflected, turning it toward him, “I figured you’d be spending time with your future wife, but you haven’t.” Rowan sighed, looking out the window himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t think he could tell him as much of the truth as he told Lorcan, if only because of Vaughan’s potential personal stake in the situation. He doubted the man would be as content with how he was planning on letting Lyria go like that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I had some - things to deal with,” he said carefully, “before I could do anything else.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The brunette man raised an eyebrow lazily, a shadow of pain in everything he did. “And are those things dealt with?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Almost,” Rowan admitted. He’d gotten a letter hand delivered by Marion Lochan that morning, who said it was straight from the hands of Aelin herself, and in it lies some details of a plan she was concocting for how to get rid of Arobynn at the ball. He agreed with everything she’d written out, she’d always been amazingly smart and able to think through things way faster than him, so he was just waiting to hear what his part of the plan would be. Maybe he’d get Lorcan to help be a bridge of communication between them at the ball. That would be a lot less suspicious than him talking to Aelin himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good, you should be committed if you’re getting married,” Vaughan said with a hint of snap, which made Rowan’s suspicions stronger. And he had to confirm them. Because an idea of his own was forming in his head, for how he could fix the situation for everyone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Vaughan,” he said sternly, trying to bury his nerves, “are you in love with Lyria?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The air between them was tense, crackling electricity between them. He held his breath, waiting, until Vaughan shuttered and closed his eyes, pressing them tight with a sound of sorrow and frustration escaping his lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this,” he said quietly, like he was hissing through his teeth. “I didn’t mean for us to be anything more than friends.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan tightened his lips, nodding. “But life doesn’t work that way.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It started about two years ago,” Vaughan sighed, “when you were here doing whatever and Lorcan was off on his deployment.” He shrugged. “We’ve always gotten along really well.” It was true, they were always the closest out of the four of them. It was Lyria and Vaughan and then Lorcan and Rowan usually. “But when it was just the two of us in Doranelle, it turned into something else.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan leaned back into his seat, waiting to hear the rest of the story. He wasn’t angry, not at all, he just wished everything was less convoluted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I asked Maeve for permission to marry her right away, but” he huffed, “she said my prospects weren’t good enough. That she liked me as a person but I couldn’t marry Lyria, couldn’t join their family. I understood that but I also couldn’t stay away.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The situation sounded eerily familiar, too similar to Rowan’s own life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even when Maeve orchestrated your engagement with her, we didn’t stop seeing each other.” He did look upset, but there was no need to apologize. “She always wanted you two to get married, even if almost everyone can see that you are just friends.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ve always just been friends, Vaughan, if anything I love her like a sister. Social politics are fucked up,” he insisted. “You two are much better for each other.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vaughan looked like he was fighting back tears. “It’s not just that though. I could’ve maybe lived if I knew she would be with you, you would treat her well. But -“ he took a breath, and Rowan waited. “She’s pregnant, Rowan, she’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>pregnant.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan let out a breath. “Damn,” was all he could say, his thoughts racing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I never meant for it to get that far,” Vaughan babbled, “but she found out the other week, that’s why I was there that day, she wanted to tell me. Maeve knows but she was just going to go through with it, not wanting to admit that her adopted daughter sullied herself with me, but I would marry her in a heartbeat -“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop.” Rowan lifted a hand, closing her eyes slightly. He needed to collect his thoughts. Vaughan shut his mouth and waited. He took a breath, contemplating what to say through the pain in his heart. “I’m not marrying her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Vaughan looked up at him with wide eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan repeated “I’m not marrying her, I was going to tell her tomorrow.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” He looked baffled and confused. “What changed your mind?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I - it’s complicated, and not even just because of that,” he said with a sigh, “but I can’t, and I think she’d be much better off marrying you. I can’t rip away a child from its father like that, I just can’t.” He steeled himself for his next words. “I know too much what that feels like.” He ignored the heartache at the words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vaughan looked about ready to ask, but Rowan shook his head and he refrained. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even if you won’t marry her, that doesn’t mean I can,” Vaughan said, “Maeve will just find someone else to marry her to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that was where Rowan’s fledgling plan came in. He was sure Aelin would agree to it. He just knew he needed to fix this. This situation was just too much like his own, except this time he was Arobynn. And that didn’t sit well with him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just trust me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>———-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin smiled lightly as Aedion walked into the room, excited to see her cousin. They hadn’t talked in a while, purposefully on her side. Out of all of her family members, she knew he would act the most volatilely if he saw the bruises on her face. Just like before she was even married, when Aedion was ready to fight Arobynn for his behavior, she figured it would lead to the same level of foolishness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not that she didn’t appreciate his protectiveness and his love, but he didn’t think things through sometimes, and she wouldn’t want him to do anything that would end up just harming both of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aelin!” He greeted with a smile on his face, “long time no see, cousin.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Aedion,” she said as he sat down across from her. He immediately started picking at the lunch food spread across the table, to no surprise. She hadn’t seen anyone who could eat as much as him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you excited for the ball tomorrow night?” She asked, looking at her glass of wine and raising a brow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aedion matched her expression. “Are you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They paused in a stalemate before she cracked and said “fair enough.” Aelin sighed. “Is Miss Ennar going to attend? I tried to get her onto the invitation list but I don’t know if she made the cut.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aedion shrugged dismally. “I don’t know. She hasn’t said anything, but I don’t know if she would come even if she was invited. I doubt there would be very much positive reception.” He sounded so defeated, and it made her frown. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I would love for her to be there, if she’s as wonderful as you’ve claimed,” she teased with a smile. Aedion snorted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know if our judgement of people is always the same,” he said, “I mean, you’ve refused multiple times in the past to meet my friends.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin narrowed her eyes. “Because it would’ve been inappropriate to meet with several single men while I myself was still single, but you’re right, I probably wouldn’t have liked them anyway,” she added airily to mess with him, even if it wasn’t true. They obviously had similar taste, mainly by the name of Rowan Whitethorn.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Aedion shrugged, “you two would either get on scarily well or fight like cats and dogs. I don’t think Evalin would approve either way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She couldn’t fight the rush of anger that went through her at that. “Fuck her,” she spat, making his eyes go wide. “Who is she to tell you what to do? You’re an adult, just marry the girl and damn her opinion to hell.” She sank down in her seat, fighting the urge to cry, but Aedion saw right through her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What did she say to you?” He asked, furrowing his brows. Aelin pursed her lips, reluctant to share. “Aelin…” She sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My mother apparently doesn’t regret any decisions she’s made regarding me and my </span>
  <em>
    <span>marriage</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she said thinly, “even when I practically begged her to admit she felt bad about it.” She sighed again tiredly. “I don’t know what I expected.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aedion huffed in disbelief. “Does she know … everything?” He set his fork down and leaned back in his chair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No one knows everything, Aed,” she partially admitted. No one but one person.  “and before you ask, no I’m not sharing.” He looked ready to fight her on that, but refrained. “But even the things she does know should be enough for her to feel some sort of remorse.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, she’s stubborn,” Aedion said, “we all know that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin made a noncommittal noise. “I’ll talk to her though, about Miss Ennar. I’ll change her mind. I’m probably the only one who has enough leverage to try.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just then, Arobynn made his way into the dining room, sliding casually into the chair at the head of the table. Aelin paused talking, blinking at him as he tossed some food on his plate. He was late to their luncheon, but it was no surprise. Just another move to keep the most power in the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She darted her eyes to Aedion and then to the food, reaching slowly to fill her plate. Even if she wasn’t going to eat it, it was something to do besides spill her secrets in front of the man who would wield them against her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wouldn’t take it well if he heard her complaining about her mother not regretting her decision to marry her off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t exactly like to hear insults to his pride like that, even if it was true. And hopefully that arrogance was enough to bring him down.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>23. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: mentions of miscarriage, mentions of assault, mentions of death</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1886</strong>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>She was going to kill him tonight. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She was going to kill him tonight.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He would be dead. Gone. So far away he couldn’t touch her anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Those were the thoughts running through Aelin’s  head as she got ready that evening, sitting patiently while her maids dressed her up like a doll, painting her face and styling her hair to make her look picture perfect. Nothing could be out of place, everything exactly in line, so that she could look her best for her and her husband’s grand party. And for the grand murder taking place at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at herself in the mirror, looking into her eyes as her hair was twisted up and pinned. Maybe there wasn’t quite the light of happiness in them, but there was the spark of determination. Of </span>
  <em>
    <span>self</span>
  </em>
  <span> determination. Because she wasn’t letting anyone tell her what to do anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin kept that in her head as Arobynn walked in. He knocked on her door in a show of waiting for an invitation before pushing it open, poking his head inside before entering all the way, closing the door behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, darling,” he crooned as he sat down in the cushioned chair in the corner. “You look ravishing.” He was already dressed and ready for the evening, his white suit pressed to perfection, completely spotless and ready to shine with her golden dress. And while hers was all lace and delicacy and glamour, and his was all sharp lines and starkness and style, it was clear they were a pair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin stayed quiet, looking back at the mirror and ignoring his presence in the room. Until she couldn’t. Because when her maid was done, it was time to change out of her dressing gown into her actual gown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was sure that’s why he was in here, why he picked this moment. Because she’d be at her most uncomfortable. It’s not like he hadn’t seen her like this before, he had multiple times. But she never wanted him to, so it was just worse and worse every time he did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t dilly dally,” Arobynn said with a tainted smile. “They’re almost done downstairs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was true. Servants and workers from hired companies had been carrying stuff around all day, decorations, food, various pieces of furniture, and as it was almost time for people to start arriving, it was likely the outsiders were pretty much gone and the servants were readying themselves for their roles for the evening.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Aelin clenched her jaw and stood, walking away from the chair with her chin held high as she primly untied her dressing robe, revealing her undergarments. She stood there without complaint as her maid slid her corset on, ignoring her husband’s leering gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then “here, I can do it,” came his slimy voice, and her maid stepped aside complacently, letting him take her spot. She met his smug gaze as it appeared in the mirror behind her, watching and waiting as he tied up the corset, making sure to graze as much bare skin as possible on his way. He had no idea what was coming, so sure in his ultimate victory that he had no reason to be concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that was his problem, not hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin stayed carefully still as he dismissed the maid with a pointed head nod to the door, leaving them alone. A tension filled silence settled as Arobynn slid her dress off of the hanger, moving it closer to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She almost stumbled as she stepped into it, but refused to grab onto his shoulder for support like she normally would, forcing herself to stay balanced instead. And then he was sliding it up her body slowly, delicately, his touch soft in a mockery of a loving caress. She fought the urge to shudder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The golden fabric felt like oil against her skin as he tied the back of it, like he was tying her up, or tying her to him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She was going to kill him tonight. She was going to kill him tonight.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a mantra in her head as he finished with a flourish, brushing his hands to the front of her body and pulling her flush against him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good thing this dress isn’t difficult to manage,” Arobynn said with a salacious glint in his eye. He leaned forward so he was breathing next to her ear, making the delicate hairs there move with every exhale. “It’ll make tonight so much easier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin froze, fighting the disgust and anger simmering in her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She was going to kill him tonight</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she told herself again. He wouldn’t make it far enough to touch her again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hand unconsciously slid close to the pocket sewn into the skirt, hidden impossibly well in the draping fabric. Along with the charm Elide had made her, it contained another very important component for the evening, filched from the floorboard in her closet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After debating and deliberating for days on how to do it, Aelin had settled on the simplest solution. The most efficient and the one most likely to succeed. After all, it had worked once before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sleeping tonic from the Blackbeak Apothecary was dangerously strong, as the woman herself had so pointedly pointed out. One dash of it into a drink would knock you out in a minute, as she had tested on herself and on Arobynn, and more than a dash would ensure that the drinker didn’t wake up at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was tasteless and colorless, and Aelin figured that if he hadn’t detected it before, he wouldn’t this time, especially amidst all the chaos of a ball and a proposal. A few sips and he’d be gone. Maybe he’d stumble back to his room like he had the time before, maybe he’d collapse on the way to the bathroom, wondering why he felt the way he did. She’d check to make sure he was dead if he managed to get far enough away, she needed to be sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was part of her plan with Rowan. Marion had picked up the letter herself, delivering it to him, and then had brought back his response verbally, none of them wanting to risk any written words. He’d promised to provide a big enough distraction for her to easily slip the poison into a glass of champagne, as Arobynn would likely require her to be by his side for most of the evening and obviously couldn’t see what she was doing. At first, Aelin had thought the distraction would be him announcing his engagement to Lyria, much to her irrational dismay. They weren’t getting married, and he wouldn’t announce it anyway, because making it publicly known was basically like saying your vows already. It was too late to back out then without facing the court of public opinion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she trusted him, and knew he would follow through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another piece of the puzzle was how to get him the drink. He wasn’t stupid or oblivious enough to accept another glass from her without a layer of suspicion. That was a risk of this plan, he’d known she’d done something to him that night, and even if he wasn’t sure specifically what, he would be on his guard more than normal. But if the poison got to him through another person, another deliverer, then he would have no reason to suspect beyond his own distrust of the general populace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So it should work. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>would </span>
  </em>
  <span>work. Aelin knew it. Which was why she was letting him do as he pleased now, giving him a false sense of security. Even if it was killing </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One of Arobynn’s hands slipped down, squeezing the skirt near her hip, while the other crawled upwards. It reached the neckline of her dress, lightly dipping into it to graze the sensitive skin there, before he stepped away, reaching to the vanity table for her mask. She loosed a breath at the momentary relief, seething slightly, but was forced to brace herself again as he stepped back into her space, arms coming around her head as he set the mask gently against her skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Goosebumps rose as the lace molded itself to the curves of her face, as he dragged the ribbons back, tying them behind her head. He yanked them tighter, disrupting the moment and causing her to grimace as it dug into her cheeks and forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” he whispered, meeting her gaze again, the uncomfortable tension between them making itself known with his cruel smile. “Now we’re ready to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stepped back, holding out his arm for her, and Aelin complied, slipping on her shoes and grabbing the fabric of his jacket, not wanting to anger him yet. She would just slide into the background at the ball, not causing a scene, not raising a fuss, just being a shadow, a faded version of herself like she had been for months now. He wouldn’t expect anything more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they made their way out of her room heading to the stairs, the noise from downstairs permeating into the hallway, she let herself glance down behind her. Her eyes passed Arobynn’s room, across from hers, with a small tense, fighting the urge to flee, and then crossed back to her side, to the door yards away from hers, one that remained shut and locked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin hadn’t dared go in there. Ever since it became useless, it had been closed off. Due to Arobynn’s stubbornness and desire for her to forget. Due to her own grief and pain that had been so strong that she didn’t know if she’d be able to survive with that reminder right there. But she also couldn’t bear for it to be taken away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So the room sat stagnant, a layer of dust covering everything. Her own crib sat in the middle, gifted by her mother. A rocking chair sat in the corner, carved by her father in his limited free time. A mobile of kings flame hung over the crib, purchased specially by Aelin herself from a trip downtown. It had been a bit early to start decorating everything, but she had been excited and Arobynn had been eager to have an heir, so they’d gone ahead and set up the nursery early. Maybe a little too early.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was cynically grateful that she hadn’t been able to conceive since then. Her daughter had been Rowan’s, a fact that somehow made it all worse, even though she knew she would’ve loved the child just the same if it wasn’t. But in the midst of her despair, another child wouldn’t have made anything better. Most women would probably have been given more time to rest, beyond the month or so she hadn’t even been able to get out of bed, but if her body had been healthy after everything, she would’ve had multiple chances to be with child again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe she’d have another one in the future. With Rowan. Although she didn’t know when she’d be ready, or if she would physically be able to. She hoped so though. She wanted a family with him. And she’d feel even worse than she did now if she wouldn’t be able to give him one. At least with Arobynn, it had a layer of spite with it. But she’d feel like she was taking something from Rowan if she couldn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she’d be a bit lonely too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go,” Arobynn said harshly, with a tilt of his head and a tug on her arm. Aelin looked back toward him, staring at him with an empty expression so he couldn’t see what she was thinking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d get her revenge soon enough. Revenge for her innocence getting ripped away from the moment he decided he was entitled enough to ruin her family’s life to get to her. Revenge for her and Rowan, who could’ve had a future if not for his twisted desires getting in the way. And revenge for that daughter who never had the chance to live, gone because of him and the situation he’d forced her into. It was time for him to pay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------</span>
</p><p>The ball was in full swing by the time Rowan arrived. Everyone was dressed in their best, parading around under the false guise of anonymity, pretending they were unrecognizable, even though the masks did little to hide who everyone was.</p><p>
  <span>That was the thing about masquerades. Everyone took advantage of the mystery of it all, acting however they wanted, but even if it was clear who didn’t hold back, no one was ever called out for it because then everyone could be. It created a sense of security. Because no one would start that chain of destruction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Most of elite Orynth was like that, in everyday life too. Everyone was disgustingly hypocritical, and generally prejudiced and entitled, but no move was ever made to knock them down, because it would topple everyone, not just the target.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was fucked up, but Rowan knew all too well that it wouldn’t change. So he had to bend to its will instead.</span>
</p><p>He wore a simple dark green suit, almost an ensemble he would normally wear, if not for the color, instead of any sort of glitz and glamour coating other guests. A dark green mask covered his upper face too, matching his eyes and his jacket.</p><p>
  <span>He was definitely much milder than other guests, who took the opportunity to show off their own wealth amidst the splendor of the ball.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d only been in Aelin’s house briefly, for the engagement party all those months ago, and then for the dinner only a few weeks ago. But he had never seen it like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The giant ballroom space was filled to the brim with people, with flowers and ribbons, with food and tables and drinks and everything you could ever ask for. A string quartet sat in the corner, playing music for the room as couples danced in the center.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan sighed as he made his way inside, wandering for a bit before marking his destination.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had several goals for the evening, several tasks he had to accomplish in order for Aelin to be able to accomplish hers. It sounded so menial when he said it like that, so casual, when really they were setting their plan in motion to murder someone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it, not when the man had done the things he had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now he just had to begin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first step in the plan was an important conversation he needed to have, with an important person who had decided she knew better than her own adopted daughter about who she belonged with. If it went his way, which Rowan was going to guarantee, then the next step could happen, therefore facilitating Aelin’s first step.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath as he waded through the crowds, avoiding the people tipsy on the champagne and tipsy on life. He was sure Aelin was somewhere amongst the people, likely being peddled around by Arobynn to go talk to everyone, likely against her will. But he hoped she was staying safe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maeve’s figure appeared in his vision, dressed in a gown of deep purple, with an elaborate black mask, and Rowan headed toward her. Lyria stood by her, dressed in a pretty gown of lavender, the light to her guardian’s dark. But he only gave her a small smile, noticing the lack of champagne in her hand, as he turned to Maeve.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I speak with you for a moment?” He asked her, turning away from Lyria. He’d already spoken with the younger woman only that morning, explaining a shallow view of the situation. She didn’t know anything about Aelin and Arobynn, but she knew that Rowan wasn’t going to marry her, and was going to figure out a way for her to be with Vaughan. He’d left her with a large smile on her face, mirroring her current one as she walked away to give them some privacy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the issue, Mr. Whitethorn?” Maeve asked, looking at him suspiciously. “You didn’t forget the ring again did you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t forget it because I didn’t bring it,” he said simply, ignoring her expression of shock. “Because I won’t be marrying Miss Willow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What,” she said flatly, narrowing her eyes. “We had an agreement.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We had an agreement before I learned that our actions were going to rip away a father from his child,” Rowan said sternly, almost spitting. “And I will </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> do that willingly.” He sighed. “I get the merit of you wanting your daughter to have a comfortable and secure life,” he supplied, “but would she really be happy with me?” He trailed off. “Would she be happy without the father of her child by her side?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t kn-” Maeve tried to say, holding her ground in false ignorance, but he cut her off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I was your last shot wasn’t I?” He asked. “She’ll be showing by the time it takes to find someone else.” He looked at her steadily, ignoring how her eyes narrowed in anger but also desperation. She was stuck and she knew it. “So just make it simpler for everyone and let her marry </span>
  <em>
    <span>Vaughan</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t have her marry that rabble,” she said in a tone of disgust. “He’s perfectly nice but she’d be </span>
  <em>
    <span>struggling </span>
  </em>
  <span>her whole life.” A new dance started, the next song more lively, and the crowd of people fluctuated around them as people moved on and off the floor. Rowan paused, waiting for their privacy to resume. He didn’t want Lyria floating around the rumor mill.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So was I ever going to be told?” He asked, suddenly angry. This whole situation was neurotic. “I’m not an idiot or naive, so I would’ve figured it out, but would I be respected enough to even be a part of this whole delusion?” Out of the corner of his eye he caught the flutter of a golden dress, spinning out on the floor, but he ignored the instinct to look, trying to focus on the woman in front of him instead. “I thought you had at least had more decency than that.” </span>
</p><p>Maeve scoffed. “You can’t fault me for looking out for my daughter,” she hissed, glaring at him.</p><p>
  <span>“And I don’t,” Rowan admitted, “Which is why I need you to trust me.” She furrowed her brows. “I promise you that you don’t have to exclude Vaughan automatically.”</span>
</p><p>“And who are you to say that?” She replied sharply. “Do you have a whole fortune stored away to give him?”</p><p>
  <span>“No,” he agreed, trying to look self assured. “But I know how to help him get one.” Maeve looked suspicious but interested, conflict clear in her eyes. “I can’t tell you how yet, so you need to trust me. I only have their best interests at heart.” She opened her mouth to respond but faltered. “Don’t lose your daughter because you didn’t let her follow her heart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ignored the pang in his chest at how closely those words hit home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maeve stood there, and he let her contemplate for a moment, lifting his eyes up to the crowd. The golden flash caught his gaze again and he followed it, tracing the line of the gown until he was staring into the face of his love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin looked spectacular, her blonde hair curled nicely into an updo, aiding the cut of her dress in delicately showing off her shoulders. Her lace mask gave her an air of mystery, and his heart swelled at how beautiful she was, but faltered at the carefully blank look covering her face. Especially as Arobynn’s hand slid back around her waist as she spun back in, holding her closely to him as the dance continued. Rowan clenched his jaw but could do nothing as that hand dropped down to her hip, making her obviously tense before she relaxed, forcing herself to go with the motions. They both had a part to play tonight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Maeve said quietly, and he darted his gaze back to her. She sighed. “I want Lyria to be happy, and I know she’d be happy with him. Especially now.” She looked at him. “Just please try and help. I don’t know what you can do, but I trust it’s something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan nodded, relief flowing through him. “Of course,” he confirmed. It was all part of his plan. Ever since Vaughan had admitted the truth, this had been working itself in his brain, and it seemed like it would be successful. He was positive Aelin would agree, as he would need her approval for it later, but for now he just tried to look confident, to make sure Maeve would keep her faith in him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>----------</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Applause sounded, and Aelin was pulled out of the dip, forcing a bright smile for the crowd as Arobynn held her closer. She avoided looking at him as he conversed with the people around him, talking about the dance and the music and accepting gratitude for the invitation. She hadn’t wanted to dance with him, never did, but she couldn’t exactly say no.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He squeezed her arm, whispering “let’s go talk to the guests.” Constantly concerned with his reputation, and with being the best amongst his peers, it was no surprise, but Aelin deflated slightly. Hours of socialization still drained her quite easily. But she composed herself and nodded, letting him lead her away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Farran,” he said with a smile as they made their way over to a brutish looking man, Rourke Farran, one of Arobynn’s business associates.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lord Hamel,” he said with a head nod, and she fidgeted as he turned to her. “Lady Hamel,” he added, with a kiss to her gloved hand that sent a chill running through her. The way he looked at her always made her uncomfortable. The crooked smile and the black mask certainly didn’t help either, although she was surprised at his boldness in front of Arobynn. It was clear when people found her attractive, either through looks, through veiled comments, or through unveiled comments like </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re a lucky man to snap up someone this lovely. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She never could respond the way she wanted to, instead having to smile awkwardly and thank them as her husband gave them a sharp look. If anything, his presence did keep other unwanted men away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was fucked that most people in the world viewed her as something to be had. Either they wanted her for her looks, her body, her wealth, her status, whatever. But no matter the reason, there were very few people who looked at her and wanted her just for who she was, not for what she could give them in the bedroom or in the home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you afford that suit?” Arobynn asked with a snarky laugh. “Filched the money from the last company that bought from you? You always do overcharge.” His hand was a heavy weight on her hip as he held her next to him, as if he was afraid she’d slip from his grasp, or disappear into a breath of wind. Aelin wished she could, although she knew she needed to be here tonight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to pay those brothel fees somehow,” Farran chuckled with him, earning another laugh back. It was vile. Disgusting. But she stayed quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tuning out their conversation, she glanced around the ballroom, unconsciously looking for Rowan. She’d vaguely seen him when she was dancing, spotting his unmistakable hair and eyes from across the room, but she hadn’t seen him since.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there. There he was, talking to his friend, Vaughan she believed? And Lyria, who was looking at him with a bright smile. She wondered what it was for. She figured he’d told her of the broken engagement prior to this evening, due to his likely desire to end it as gently as possible. But if so, then she seemed a little too happy about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pursed her lips and kept moving her gaze across the room, landing on her mother and father standing in a corner talking to Dorian and Sorscha, now newlyweds. And she was reminded of something she’d promised Aedion she’d do, for his sake and for her own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lysandra was not in attendance, as she’d noted fairly soon into the event, but it was still a perfect time to talk to her mother about it. If she could even call Evalin her mother anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it was something to do while she waited and watched for whatever Rowan was planning to do. The tonic was heavy in her pocket, just waiting to be poured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I leave for a minute to go talk to my mother?” Aelin asked Arobynn quietly, directing the question just to him and out of Farran’s prying ears. She hated that she even had to ask, but it was better than rousing his anger by leaving without permission.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arobynn huffed but agreed. “Fine,” he muttered into her hair, keeping the conversation quiet just like her. “But be back quickly.” He squeezed her hip as a send off, clearly watching her as she navigated her way through the crowded room to go to Evalin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin knew his eyes only left her when she landed next to her mother, when there was no chance of her leaving to go do anything else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aelin,” Evalin said warmly, which made her frown slightly. Her mother lived in contradictions, acting kind when she wanted to and cold when it suited her otherwise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mother,” she greeted more tensely, eyeing her father, who stood next to her. Rhoe seemed to get the message and left, muttering something about going to talk to Cal. The Havilliards were gone, so it left her and Evalin alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” She asked, tilting her styled head, and the words made her emotions spill out of her without warning, boiling up and over the surface. She couldn’t stand hearing a term of endearment from the woman who made herself less endearing with everything she did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just because you are so determined to make me miserable doesn’t mean you have the right to make everyone else that way too,” she hissed, glaring at her mother’s surprised expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you referring to?” She asked, very diplomatically, although Aelin could see the wheels turning in her head, trying to figure out what she was saying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aedion!” She laughed humorlessly, feeling her hands shake. She’d seen him on the other side of the ballroom earlier, drowning himself in champagne as he drowned his sorrows. “I understand that you feel the need to manage everyone’s lives for them, thinking you have the best view of what will make everyone happy,” she took a breath, “but you don’t. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>shouldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Aedion is wealthy and established and perfectly high in status here in Orynth, so there is </span>
  <em>
    <span>no </span>
  </em>
  <span>reason why he shouldn’t be able to marry whoever he wants, beyond your own prejudice and assumptions and needling.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How dare yo-,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what the problem is,” Aelin said, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders with every uninhibited word she sent her mother’s way. “If you’re bored, or if you’re trying to push your own mistakes on other people so you don’t feel bad about marrying for status instead of for love, but that doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>fix </span>
  </em>
  <span>anything. Don’t you see?” She took a few breaths, her pulse beating rapidly. “I know you love father, or at least I think you do, but I also know you were young once, and I doubt you easily settled for this fucked up life. So don’t try and make everyone else </span>
  <em>
    <span>follow suit</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Evalin gaped at her, her face ashen beneath her light blue heavily jeweled mask. “What are you saying, Aelin? I’ve had your best interests at heart this whole time!” She hissed. “I sincerely doubt Aedion would end up happy with that merchant’s niece, and I doubt you would’ve ended up anywhere better than you are now.” Aelin reared back in disbelief, eyes wide. Her mother was letting herself loose more than she had last time, their previous conversation more filled with sorrow than this </span>
  <em>
    <span>rage </span>
  </em>
  <span>that was escaping her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But that’s not your decision to make!” She practically yelled, hands shaking wildly. Luckily the sound was disguised by the music and the chatter, although a few people nearby looked at them funny.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Calm down,” Evalin hissed again, “you’re making a scene.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin almost did something, like throw a tray of champagne across the room, just to show her mother what a scene she </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>make, but refrained herself, huffing and taking a deep breath. She was done with this mess, done with this charade and this hope for a real mother that kept getting pushed farther and farther away with every conversation they had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would just like you to reconsider your decision regarding Miss Ennar,” she said, much more refined than before. “Because Aedion wants your approval, but he does not have to have your permission.” Adrenaline pumped through her with the next statement. “And if you would like to retain any form of relationship with me, I would hope you choose your actions carefully.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aelin -” Evalin whispered, confusion and pain clear in her voice, from the words Aelin knew would hurt. But she wasn’t done.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve tried for years to get you to see me as a person, instead of as a prop for your convenience,” she said heavily, pain lining her own words. “For years I wondered why you never hugged and kissed me and loved me the same way I knew a mother was supposed to. I never knew if it was something wrong with me, or if it’s something broken in you, but I don’t care anymore.” She shook her head weakly. “I don’t want you to make the same mistake with Aedion in this situation, I hope you listen to what he has to say and hear him out, but I’m done trying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Evalin went to respond but Aelin was done listening. She wiped away a stray tear that had fallen with a shaky hand, signaling the nearest servant to grab a glass of champagne. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The </span>
  </em>
  <span>glass of champagne.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once it was safe in her hands she meandered away, hoping to stay on the fringes as long as she could to avoid Arobynn dragging her back to him. She couldn’t resist taking a small sip of the drink to try and calm herself before holding it down resolutely. The glass had to be full for this to work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wiped at her face again discreetly, smiling weakly at a few acquaintances as she passed. Ansel Briarcliff was spinning around in a daring red dress, dancing with Rolfe, who complemented her in a suit of deep blue. Illias gave a small nod of greeting, and Archer Finn turned his head awkwardly, avoiding eye contact. He was lucky to even get an invitation, given the tumultuous business relationship he had with Arobynn, but he was here, and apparently determined not to stand out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin wondered what all of them would say to her when Arobynn was dead. She wondered if she’d be on the receiving end of even more false pity, having to listen to people lamenting her losses: first her child and now her husband. It would likely be nauseating to put up with, but better than suspicion being thrown her way. Although no one would likely suspect her, the poor widow left behind who had never shown anything but love for her husband. Arobynn’s charade was coming back to haunt him, because her little act of devotion was becoming her best alibi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked for a few more moments, coming to a stop hidden toward the back of the ballroom, exactly opposite from Rowan, who was making his way toward the musicians in the front. Aelin paused, letting her emotions wash away to focus clearly on what she needed to do. Because this was clearly the beginning of the distraction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let her hand drop casually to the fabric hiding the pocket in her skirt, holding the glass delicately in her left hand. There were multiple people who could be looking at her, from the dancers spinning around and the people milling in the crowd and the servants darting in between people, carrying bites of food and glasses identical to her own. Especially because she was the hostess of the event, and much attention was on her. Hence why she needed to be so careful. There were eyes on her when she didn’t even know it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan bent down slightly to ask one of the seated violinists something, and when he nodded, Rowan looked up, meeting her gaze almost unconsciously through the haze of the ballroom. He smiled at her, just a thin uptilt of his lips, but it sent a rush of calm through her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin sent a small nod back. She was ready.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gestured to the musician again, and suddenly the music stopped. The room descended into a confused silence as the couples dancing paused, looking around in surprise, and the people standing around’s attention was dragged to the front, where the disruption was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan smiled to the crowd as they all looked at him, every styled and masked head turned toward the front, and away from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for your attention,” he said loudly, addressing the whole room. Normally, she knew, he wasn’t one to socialize with large groups of people, but she also knew he knew this was too important to let that get in the way. “I know you all saw on your invitation that there’s supposed to be a special announcement tonight.” He smiled. “Well, I’m happy to say that that is the case.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin ignored the murmurings of the crowd as she glanced around for Arobynn, wanting to be sure of his whereabouts before she did anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She found him standing alone by the open door to the gardens, sipping an almost empty glass of champagne and staring intently at Rowan, as if willing him to say what he wanted him to say, although he likely had no suspicion in the first place that anything different was going to come out of his mouth. Aelin certainly didn’t know what he was going to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan gestured to Vaughan and Lyria, who were standing near him, and they walked up to him, a radiant smile on both of their faces. Aelin narrowed her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ever since I’ve moved from Doranelle, you all have welcomed me with open arms, and have made me really feel at home here,” he lied through his teeth. She knew that wasn’t the case, but he had to pander to the elites. Aelin slowly slid her hand into her pocket, keeping her gaze and her body language looking interested in the scene in front of her. “And as you all probably know, when I came back to Orynth this spring, I brought a few of my friends with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her fingers brushed against Elide’s charm, slowly moving to grab the bottle accompanying it. Everyone waited with bated breath. Rowan had never been too much of a popular figure in society, but he brought intrigue, and with intrigue came drama, and with drama came something to do and someone to point at. </span>
</p><p>“I know they all love it here as well,” he lied again. Her hand grasped the cork. “And are desperate to start a life here.” She popped the cork off subtly with her thumb. “And so, with that, and after several conversations with her guardian,” it was like the crowd was gravitating toward him, ears clear and curiosity running wild. Arobynn was frowning and narrowing his eyes, the Havilliards were smiling with polite interest, Vaughan and Lyria were beaming, Remelle LeFleur looked ready to start a riot if this turned out the way everyone expected. Because it sounded like an engagement.</p><p>
  <span>Aelin’s lips turned down as an uneasy feeling settled through her, her heart tinged toward doubt. Was he going to propose? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No, he wasn’t. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She breathed. She trusted him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would like to announce the engagement of -” he continued with a smile. Aelin’s hand wrapped around the bottle. The crowd took in a collective breath, mirroring Rowan as he said brightly and a bit smugly “Miss Lyria Willow and Mr. Thompson!”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Well shit.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone in the crowd applauded, albeit a bit meekly, as Vaughan and Lyria smiled and thanked them and Rowan, but the celebration got stronger as he added “and Lord Hamel has </span>
  <em>
    <span>generously</span>
  </em>
  <span> offered to host the party for it, so look forward to an invitation soon!” </span>
</p><p>And that was what sold it, as everyone began clambering to the couple, pandering to them even though they’ve never met, just to earn an invitation to the exclusive party. After all, it wasn’t guaranteed everyone would be there, so everyone had to try desperately not to be the one left out. It was the perfect amount of chaos for Aelin to finally pull the bottle swiftly out of her dress, hiding it behind her hand as she quickly dumped it into the glass and practically threw it back into the pocket, almost as if nothing happened. And nothing did happen, at least nothing anybody could prove, because no eyes were on her. Now she just had to get to Lorcan.</p><p>
  <span>A glimmer of relief flashed through her as the music started again, and she settled into a smile, not having to feign happiness for the pair. And she couldn’t help the smug turn it took when she glanced over to where Arobynn had been, seeing the </span>
  <em>
    <span>rage</span>
  </em>
  <span> simmering on his face. So much that he couldn’t even hide it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then he was heading over to her, that anger turned to her and his champagne seemingly abandoned. Aelin clutched her own glass as he stormed over, swirling it slightly to mix the poison as he yanked her arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Did you know about this</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” He hissed at her, pulling her through the clambering crowds. She tried to calm herself, but the strong grip on her skin, the claustrophobia at being surrounded by moving people, and the pure wrath emanating from him made anxiety bubble up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I -“ she stuttered, and he looked at her unconvinced, but she took a deep breath, composing herself. “No I didn’t. I had no idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it was true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll see about that,” he snarled, tugging her with him as they obviously headed over to where Rowan was trying to make his way out of the crowd. A few people tried to stop and say hello to them, trying a different approach for an invitation, but for once he didn’t bother to care what people thought about him. Apparently this was more important.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin stumbled alongside him, ignoring the pain in her arm. She wasn’t going to fight or argue, not while the poison was so close to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whitethorn!” Arobynn called out, ice in his tone. Rowan turned to them, narrowing his eyes at the way he was grabbing her, but didn’t say anything as they got closer. “What is this?” He asked sharply. “I didn’t throw this ball for that whore to get engaged to that trash,” he spit, and Rowan’s eyes turned cold. “Why the hell did you think that was okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I decided that they were a much better fit than her and I,” he responded calmly. “And before you ask, Aelin had nothing to do with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arobynn raised his brows. “Oh, is that so?” His voice was clearly sarcastic. “So you just decided to do this of your own accord? You decided to stay single for a reason other than wanting to fuck </span>
  <em>
    <span>my wife?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>Aelin was going to chime in and say something, clutching the champagne glass as tightly as possible, but Rowan cut her off, his voice sterner than she’d ever heard it.</p><p>
  <span>“I have no desire to interrupt a couple that is in love,” he said pointedly, “and I certainly won’t separate a father from his child.” A pause.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lyria was </span>
  <em>
    <span>pregnant</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The realization struck her and all she could do was gape. And blink. And stare. Until she processed his words in a different context, and registered the soft and sad look he was sending her way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears pooled in her eyes and she blinked them away, meeting Rowan’s gaze with a small bittersweet smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then she remembered Arobynn, who had also seemingly understood the underlying meaning behind his words, the accusation and judgement he was making. Aelin turned to him, seeing the rage coming across as a defense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You bas-“ he began, but was cut off by</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lady Hamel,” a male voice said from behind her, and they all turned to look into the face of Vaughan, the very man of the hour. He smiled awkwardly at them, obviously sending the tension, and offered Arobynn a head nod as a greeting and a thanks. But then he looked at her. “I was wondering if you would honor me with the next dance.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She raised her brows slightly in surprise, and she could feel Arobynn simmering next to her, but he let go of her arm, freeing her from his painful grip, and she took that as permission. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” she said demurely, tilting her head and accepting his outstretched hand. She looked back as she left, meeting her husband’s cool glare and Rowan’s clear nod. It seemed like he was up to something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin turned to look back at Vaughan as they walked out to the dance floor, and she took the opportunity to scope the room as they passed, glancing around for Lorcan. She needed to dance with </span>
  <em>
    <span>him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Or at least talk to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the way, she set the contaminated glass deliberately on a table filled with decorations. It would blend in there so it wouldn’t be picked up by the servants, and it was a memorable enough spot to where she could get back to it quickly enough. She was hesitant to let it out of her sight, but she was forced to as the next song began and she was swept into the dance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Vaughan said truthfully as he spun her around. “Rowan tasked me with getting you away from Lord Hamel.” Aelin’s eyebrows rose. “I’m also supposed to bring you to Lorcan after this dance so you can talk to him.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Perfect.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” she breathed in relief, smiling at the man. “Thank you for your help.” In more ways than one. Vaughan nodded again, falling silent for a few moments. She didn’t blame him, they didn’t really know each other, the only tie they shared was Rowan. And… “I’m happy for you and Miss Willow,” she said with another smile. “You two seem very in love.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A loving expression came over his face as he clearly thought about her. He looked over her shoulder to a spot across the room she couldn’t see, and she wondered if Lyria stood there and he was looking at her. From the devoted look in his eyes, she wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. “We are,” was all he said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin contemplated bringing up the pregnancy, but decided to let them have their peace. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they stayed quiet the rest of the time, dancing together comfortably until the song ended. And then instead of going back to Arobynn, Vaughan led her to where Lorcan stood with Elide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sent a small smile her way, meeting her warm and knowing gaze. Aelin wondered how much she </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>know. she wouldn't be surprised if it was pretty much everything. Elide was extremely perceptive and what Aelin hadn't told her herself, Lorcan had likely filled in. according to Rowan’s message, he pretty much knew everything too, which was why Aelin knew she could trust him with this step in the plan. The most important step.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Salvaterre,” she greeted as he took her hand automatically from Vaughan. They’d never really officially met, but it wasn’t time for introductions. It was time for action. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mrs. Whitethorn,” he called her as they went back out to the dance floor. She looked up at him in shock, before breaking into a small chuckle at the smile teasing his lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully,” she said honestly as they began. It was a slower dance than the lively one with Vaughan had been, resembling more of a waltz, which meant a better opportunity for talking. She sucked in a breath. “I have the poison in a champagne glass on the table over there,” she gestured with her head. “If we end the dance over there, you can pick up the glass and another one for yourself from a servant.” He nodded in agreement. Aelin was a bit upset that she couldn’t be the one to deliver the poison to Arobynn herself, but he would be too suspicious to accept any sort of drink from her. But from Lorcan, a guest just simply thanking his host, it was much more believable. “I assume you can figure out what to say from there,” she added, looking at him with furrowed brows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Lorcan said succinctly, “I’ll walk over and offer him the glass, saying fluff about how great the party was and thanking him for the invitations being extended to me and Miss Lochan.” She nodded along with his words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for doing this,” she murmured softly, looking away. “I know it’s asking a lot for someone you don’t even know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was a soldier,” he said, “I’ve killed before. It doesn’t bother me.” He paused and she looked back up at him. “And Rowan is my best friend and you’re the woman he loves, and even aside from that, I’d never leave anyone to suffer the way you have.” His tone and his eyes were as sincere as possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blinked back another set of tears and muttered another soft “thank you”, not ready to think about everything he was referring to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He already seems riled up,” Lorcan added, “so he should take a drink without hesitation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” she said, “he’s already been drinking this evening, and things have been made … difficult for him. So he’s quite upset.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They fell into silence as the dance lulled and they got too close to another pair, but when everyone was moving again, they delved back into the plan and what exactly Lorcan was going to say. When he asked her what she was going to do with the body, she just said “leave that to me”. She had some ideas, one dramatic one that she wanted to do, a symbolic ending to things, but she would wait to decide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the body was found, hopefully up in his room or at least a decent distance away from prying eyes, Aelin hoped that people would attribute it to a mysterious intruder who had some sort of vendetta against him. He was always picking up enemies in the business world she knew, so it was a strong possibility. Or she hoped that everyone would be too busy pointing fingers to even suspect her. Or Rowan. They had to be careful about that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Too soon, the dance was over, and as people geared up for the next one, she and Lorcan finished dancing right next to the table, having guided themselves there on purpose. He kissed her hand in a picturesque farewell, and then snatched up the glass and disappeared into the crowd, as if he’d never even been there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin stared after him for a second, determination and anticipation rising in her stomach as she made her way back to Arobynn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was it. This was time. It was really happening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No more dances for you,” he muttered as she came back to his side. Rowan had gone off somewhere, but she quickly spotted him standing with Vaughan and Lyria and Aedion on the other side of the ballroom. He met her gaze and gave her a swift nod, which she hoped was returned well enough through her eyes. At this stage in the plan, she really couldn’t rouse Arobynn’s suspicions, not when it was so crucial that he not think twice about anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” she muttered back, low enough to avoid the current crowd of guests from hearing her. While she’d been gone, he had moved to talk to Mrs. Havilliard, Clarisse DuVency, and a few other vapid elites, or they’d moved to talk to him more likely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She melded into their conversation with ease. Adding in a few </span>
  <em>
    <span>they’re just such a cute couple aren’t they? </span>
  </em>
  <span>And </span>
  <em>
    <span>your dress is divine, and the detailing on your mask? Spectacular. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was an easy disguise to wear, especially as Arobynn’s arm came back down around her, holding her hostage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just a few more minutes. Just a few more minutes. And then he’d be gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin began to glance around, looking for signs of Lorcan reappearing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you think, darling?” Arobynn looked down at her with an expression she couldn’t place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?” She asked, not having paid attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mrs. Havilliard here says her daughter in law and her son are trying for a baby,” he clarified, a crafted smile on his face, “and she was wondering if you had any tips or tricks to give them.” His smile turned cruel and her blood ran cold. He knew what he was saying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A familiar anger bubbled up inside her, but she tempered it down as she replied with a simple “you should ask my mother instead of me, she’d likely know more,” and a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arobynn sneered at her and she stared back, not giving up ground this time, not when this was one of the last chances she’d ever get to make a stand against him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gods she was ready for him to die.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was ready for him to be gone, to leave this world and make it a better place simply because of his absence. Orynth was tainted by his presence, </span>
  <em>
    <span>she </span>
  </em>
  <span>was tainted by his presence, and while he’d still leave a stain, it was much easier to remove when the source of the issue was gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lord Hamel?” A familiar voice said, and Aelin looked tawau from Arobynn to see Lorcan arriving, carrying two glasses of champagne.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> It was time.</span>
</p><p>She braced herself, unconsciously seeking out Rowan’s calming gaze again. He was already looking at her, strength in his green eyes, and she let out a breath, feeling her fears settled by his knowing look. He’d make everything better.</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” Arobynn snapped, turning away from the group..</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve never officially met,” he began. “My name is Lorcan Salvaterre, I moved here from Doranelle a little over a year ago.” Arobynn looked bored, but didn’t interrupt. “I wanted to thank you for hosting such a great ball.” The pandering was so out of character for the tall man, it almost made her laugh, if not for the daunting circumstances. “Me and my fiancée Miss Lochan were very grateful for the invitation, and I wanted to come tell you in person.” He held out the glass, </span>
  <em>
    <span>the </span>
  </em>
  <span>glass. Aelin held her breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arobynn looked more inclined to roll his eyes, but he took the glass.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He took it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t dare breathe as he dismissed Lorcan with a hand gesture. The brunette shot a glance her way before walking away, most likely back to Elide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arobynn went back to chatting mindlessly with the ladies, turning on his charm for them even though she was right there. But she just watched. Waited and watched as he lifted the glass, slowly - slowly as if he might change his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then… he took a sip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She released the breath, feeling a torrent of emotions wash over her. Satisfaction, bitterness, anger, smugness, and a slight bit of guilt that disappeared quickly. It was always going to be hard to take someone’s life, but she didn’t feel bad about this, not with everything he’d done.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A weird mix of feelings took over her insides as she waited for the reaction. And it didn’t take long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Less than a minute after that first sip, a strange expression came over his features, as if he felt sick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me ladies,” he muttered, “I’m not feeling very well, I think I’m going to go lie down for a few minutes, but I’ll be back soon.” His voice was strained, his face breaking out in a bit of sweat as the women all tittered little words of concern. But Aelin only said one thing, one thing that she was aware were likely going to be the last words she ever spoke to this man. The man who had ruined her and tormented her and wrecked everything she was and could’ve been. </span>
</p><p>She could’ve spat at him, could’ve cursed and cried and yelled at him until the sun came shining through the window, but all she said was “I hope you feel better soon.”</p><p>
  <span>The words sounded sincere, but she delivered them flatly, with a leveled stare and an intense gaze. His own eyes flickered with something unreadable, and then he was staggering out of the room, disappearing into the hallway and the stairs beyond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin watched him go, feeling </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing </span>
  </em>
  <span>but cool acceptance. </span>
</p><p>She turned back to the ladies, smiling genuinely at them and saying “sorry about that, I’m sure he’ll be fine. He’s been so stressed about this ball that I’m sure it’s just getting to him a little bit, you know?” They all laughed at that and she chuckled along with them, feeling no remorse. But a bad feeling tinged at her stomach too, something heavy and nervous, as if telling her something was wrong.</p><p>So a few minutes later, she made her own excuses. “I’m just going to go check on him really quickly,” she said, leaving the group with another smile, making them think of her as a sympathetic and doting wife, going to make sure her husband was feeling okay. Little did they know the truth.</p><p>
  <span>Her world narrowed as she walked out of the packed ballroom, her breaths and her hands shaky as she climbed through the hallway. And then up the stairs, apprehension racing through her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she was fine, right? He’d drank the glass, he’d felt sick, he’d gone away and he hadn’t returned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the feeling persisted, and time slowed down as she reached the hallway upstairs, each footstep down the red carpet runner taking a million years. She’d find his dead body and then she’d go find Rowan, and then they’d be free. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She’d</span>
  </em>
  <span> be free.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So why was she stuck with so much disbelief?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin sucked in a breath as she reached his bedroom, the door slightly ajar. She reached out and touched it, feeling the cool wood beneath her fingers. It creaked as she slowly pushed it open, wariness pouring through her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Warning signs flared in her head, all telling her to </span>
  <em>
    <span>turn back</span>
  </em>
  <span>, to </span>
  <em>
    <span>leave</span>
  </em>
  <span>, to </span>
  <em>
    <span>flee. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But she ignored them, walking inside with one nervous step. </span>
</p><p>And she knew she’d made a grave mistake when she heard,</p><p>
  <span>“Now I don’t think that was a very good idea, darling. Do you?”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>24. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this chapter took so long! It’s a tough one i can’t lie. <br/>CW: attempted sexual assault, mentions of miscarriage, graphic violence, death, strong language</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1886</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something was wrong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan knew that with every fiber of his being, his very bones telling him that something was off, that it wasn't going according to plan. He didn’t know why, or how, but he knew it was true.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hence why he was watching the exit from the ballroom so intently, waiting for when Aelin made her reappearance, satisfied and free after confirming the death of the man who kept her shackled. But it had been too long since she’d left, holding her golden skirt with an innocent and concerned smile, just another sort of masquerade, and she wasn’t back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He clutched his glass of champagne tightly, sending all his tension out through that instead of something more destructive. But that thought just reminded him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He darted his gaze over to where Aelin and Arobynn had been standing, where everything had happened. The gaggle of women had dispersed, going to find a different source of entertainment now that the hosts themselves had gone away. But that wasn’t what he was looking for. He scanned the area, fidgeting anxiously until he spotted the glass sitting on a small side table by the exit, some drops spilled out of it like it was abandoned haphazardly. He needed to go grab it, to keep the evidence away from any prying eyes or curious minds.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She should be back now, shouldn’t she?” Lorcan muttered from beside him, speaking out of the corner of his mouth. Elide was standing next to Lorcan, completing their little circle, and she looked concerned too, a frown on her face. Lorcan had filled her in on a lot of what was happening, simply because they were getting married, and because she threatened to take a knife to him if he didn’t tell her what was going on with her family, and how she could help.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan didn’t begrudge him for telling her at all. He would’ve done the same, and he was grateful for the support.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stayed silent, not knowing how to respond when Lorcan's words were the very truth he was dreading.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She should’ve been back.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the tightening of Lorcan’s face, he understood. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His eyes trailed back to the exit as he stood there in silence, avoiding the dancers in the middle as the string quartet played on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A seedy looking brunette man had left not long after Aelin, but since then, the only people entering or leaving were servants coming back and forth to bring more champagne and food for the many guests. The hour was growing late, the sun having fully set, but the party was still going strong. And without the hosts there to say goodnight, it wasn’t likely going to end anytime soon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mr. Whitethorn,” a voice called from behind him, and Rowan set aside his thoughts and turned around, coming face to face with Evalin Galathynius. His expression jumped in shock, not expecting her to be there, or to be talking to him. Sure he was friends with Aedion, but his aunt hadn’t really associated with him outside of balls or other social events. A product of elitism he always assumed. It made sense, with how she’d treated Aelin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello, Mrs. Galathynius,” he greeted cordially, with a nod. She gave a small nod back, but she looked distracted, eyes tracing the room before landing on him. Lorcan turned to talk to Elide, recognizing the lack of greeting as a dismissal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you know where I can find Mr. Ashryver?” She asked, conflict clear on her face. “I need to discuss something with him. Apologize more like it.” She sighed, and Rowan stood there awkwardly as she obviously battled with something internally.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I haven’t seen him in awhile.” It was true. After the cursory hello and short conversation, Rowan had been too focused on Aelin and their plan to pay too much attention to his friend. Even now, she was on the fringes of his mind, worry eating him up, so he needed to end this conversation as quickly as possible so he could … do something, he didn’t know what. “But you can check the gardens.” He gestured to the large open doors leading to the yard. “He may have gone out for some air.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Evalin huffed but nodded. “Thank you.” She looked like she was about to head away when she paused, glancing around the room again with furrowed brows. “Have you happened to see Lady Hamel around anywhere either?” Rowan stilled. “I was talking to her earlier, and at first I thought she was talking to Aed…” she hesitated, “but now I can’t find her </span>
  <em>
    <span>or</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lord Hamel.” But then she shook her head. “It’s no matter. I won’t worry you with that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Without waiting for a response, she was floating away, looking distracted as she likely searched for either member of her family. Rowan turned back to Lorcan, ice chilling his veins. If even her </span>
  <em>
    <span>mother</span>
  </em>
  <span>, who he knew Aelin didn’t have a good relationship with, was now concerned that she wasn’t here, was now noticing that something was off, then they had a legitimate reason to be worried. A legitimate reason for action.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I promise I handed him the glass,” Lorcan swore quietly, raising a hand in defense. Elide chewed on her lip nervously, an action that looked so familiar his heart panged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan loosed a breath. “I know, I trust you.” He nodded, trying to convince himself. “I’m sure she’s fine.” He stuck his hands in his pockets to hide the shaking, trying to act like he was watching politely as the dance ended and people streamed off the floor. But Elide noticed, tilting her head and looking at him through her dark purple mask. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s go dance,” she directed at him, gesturing to the floor. He looked at her in shock. “Come on,” she repeated, raising her brows as if daring him to say no. So he sighed and reached out a hand for hers, walking out dismally once she took it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As they took their position, Rowan’s hand gracing her waist, she asked him quietly “what should we do?” She looked at him gravely. “I know you’re trying to pretend like everything’s okay, but I would rather risk action than lose my family.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The dance started and they began moving slowly in time with the music and the other couples on the floor. But Rowan just stared at her, tension radiating through his muscles. “I would do anything for her, don’t doubt that.” She raised her brows. “I helped with this whole godsdamned plan.” His voice broke. “And I’m fully ready to go storm up there and kill that motherfucker myself, but I don’t want to risk her getting hurt.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Elide sighed quietly and looked at him with a determined expression, like she was holding it all together much better than him. “You saw the bruises Rowan. And I know she’s likely told you stuff, but I was there for the whole year you were gone.” A flicker of guilt ran through him. “And I know you don’t want her to get hurt, but she’s likely already being hurt right now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan wobbled in the dance, a feeling of utter dread forming, but he centered himself and nodded. “You’re right.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Elide nodded too. “So what are we going to do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>———-</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Now I don’t think that was a very good idea, darling. Do you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
  <em>
    <span>”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin breathed in sharply as his words hit her, coming like a bullet from his place in the armchair across the room. Arobynn leaned back, crossing a leg over his knee as he took a huff of his cigar.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her mind stalled in its shock, freezing at the maliciousness in his words and his eyes and the fact that he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>there. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sitting up, perfectly fine, staring at her like nothing was wrong. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Blind panic filled her, reaching every inch of her body, and she took a small step backward, aiming to get out to the chant in her head of </span>
  <em>
    <span>run, hide, get away. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin fumbled for the door, turning to race out, but right as she was about to leave, the door slammed shut, trapping her on the wrong side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She took a shallow breath, hearing it ringing in her ears as she pressed a hand against the wood. But then she clenched her jaw and turned back around slowly, facing him while still staying as far away as possible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With his cigar hung loosely in his hand, Arobynn gestured to the seat across from his. “Come join me, dear wife. Let’s talk.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin eyed him carefully, thoughts racing at a million miles per hour. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why didn’t the tonic work? He drank it right? How is he still sitting here alive?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And she hesitated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sit</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he hissed forcefully and she flinched, tears sprung to her eyes unbidden as her hands started shaking. She was stuck. Trapped. With him, alone in a room where he was angry and in possession of all the power. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rage in his voice, and the ice in his eyes made her obey his command, much to her own dismay, trailing across the room slowly to make her way over to him, passing the bed with a careful aversion of her gaze and avoiding eye contact as she sat herself down hesitantly into the armchair across from him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Aelin took a deep breath. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>, this wasn’t ideal, and she was scared and a little confused, but her fear would just spur him on more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She glanced to the door unconsciously, eyes drifting to her way out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t bother,” Arobynn said, his voice cooling back to normal, “Tern is out there to make sure we have time to... </span>
  <em>
    <span>discuss </span>
  </em>
  <span>things</span>
  <em>
    <span>.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And what do we have to discuss?” She asked casually, lifting her chin. “Shouldn’t we get back to the party?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He tilted his head, a smile curling at his lips as if he was laughing at her. “Wouldn’t you rather I not be able to get back to the party? Wasn’t that your goal?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you’re referring to,” Aelin said primly, crossing her ankles and sitting up straight. She was the show of nonchalance, except for the way her eyes flicked around the room, cataloguing everything in it. Maybe it was a nervous tick, maybe it was a strategy, but she had to do something besides sit there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room was dark, a singular lamp lit on the small table next to his chair. The candle in it was low, needing to be changed soon, and the shadows the flame flickered across the wall cast an eerie light on the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>While her bedroom was bright, with natural light and a white comforter and light wood, Arobynn’s was the absence of all of that. Everything about it seemed to swallow her, like some sort of black hole that took everything, all inklings of happiness, all little hints or sparks of joy, all confidence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was supposed to find him in here </span>
  <em>
    <span>dead</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She wasn’t supposed to be in here having to face him when he knew she had just tried to kill him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d offer you a drink,” he said, too casually, “but I’m afraid I left my glass downstairs.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s a shame,” Aelin replied, keeping her chin up and not taking his bait, “I could use some nice champagne. This party is quite draining.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm,” he hummed, nodding his head in mock understanding, “still not quite up to par yet? I thought you’d gotten over your … difficulties.” Arobynn’s face was full of feigned concern, looking at her in a way that made her fingernails dig into the skin of her hand. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bastard. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe I just don’t like the company.” She clenched her jaw, looking back at him and watching the way his eyes darkened with anger.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So you decided to get rid of me then did you?” He raised his brows, almost spitting the words. “Did you think that would solve all of your problems?” She narrowed her eyes. “Well, I hate to break it to you darling, but your problems didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>start </span>
  </em>
  <span>with me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The words were angry, too volatile for their civilized appearance. Aelin just stayed quiet, unsure of the situation and aware should be interrupted should she try to talk. He was ready to lecture her, his overinflated sense of ego and pride unable to hold up to the slight, and she would just let him talk until she found her grounding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s an issue of yours,” he said, pointing at her lazily while shaking his head, “you don’t own up to your own vices. You’re so confident you’re always right that you refuse to see what’s staring you in the face.” She almost snorted. That didn’t sound like her, that sounded like </span>
  <em>
    <span>him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“I knew what you were doing the whole damn time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn smiled cruelly at her shock, even though she kept her expression carefully blank, the panes of his face shadowed with the cruel white of his glistening teeth. His mask was abandoned on the table, his grey eyes visible and almost gleaming in the dark. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t be coy, dear,” he tilted his head, “we both know what’s going on here. I’d rather you just cut the bullshit and admit to your foolish attempt to end my life.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She narrowed her eyes, tension wrought in the way her hands gripped her skirt. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she spit. “If you would like. I did try to kill you.” He made an amused noise in response. “I slipped poison into your glass and watched as you drank it, and I don’t know why it didn’t work.” She hissed the truth. “But I swear on everything I am or ever will be that I wish it had.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His expression cooled, but he didn’t let his anger seep into his words as he said “Is that so? I thought you would’ve had a bit more creativity than poison, although you’ve always been short sighted.” He clicked his tongue, shaking his head and taking another drag of his cigar before continuing. “It’s another fault of yours.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh?” Aelin asked irreverently, “and what are my others? If you would deign to tell me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn stood up then, tapping his cigar against the ashtray on the table before setting it down and walking over to the dresser on the far wall.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” he began, looking in the mirror and reaching to take off his jacket, leaving him in his dress pants and white button up. “You like to think that everything is about you. That’s one” He shrugged nonchalantly, still looking away from her as he fiddled with his cufflinks, well practiced at the deliberate motion of sliding them out of his sleeves and rolling those sleeves up his arms to reveal the tan skin of his forearms. She watched him warily, nausea forming in her stomach as he turned to look at her over his shoulder. “I’m curious, darling. Where did you get the poison?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He dropped the metal onto the wood surface. “Was it from Miss Blackbeak’s lovely establishment? Although I don’t know if I should extend that nicety of a title to her.” He must’ve seen the question in her eyes, because he chuckled and continued talking. “I’ve been there before, and we … did not get along very well.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin vaguely remembered her mentioning Arobynn. That was how she’d recognized her after all, and how she knew he wouldn’t let her wear pants, or why she likely told her how to kill him in the first place. Although her instructions hadn’t worked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But alas, she has quite the array of tonics, so I still go there despite her obvious shortcomings.” He pushed off from the dresser, walking casually toward the door, knowing he had her eyes on him. But the words struck a chord of horror in her, something she couldn’t temper now that she had thought of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What have you bought from there,” she asked tensely, tracking him from her place in the chair. She hadn’t moved since she’d sat down. If he’d done something to her, to her</span>
  <em>
    <span> baby</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she didn’t care, she’d damn it all to hell and stab him herself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh this and that,” he said as he approached the door, reaching toward the handle. “Don’t worry, though,” he seemed to sense her thoughts, “I haven’t drugged </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>at all.” He smiled salaciously at her as he turned the lock, making her stiffen. “I don’t need that to have my way with you.” Aelin’s hands gripped at her skirt, almost ripping it with how much tension was racing through her, along with disgust and a fair amount of nerves. She didn’t know where this was going. “And I didn’t touch you while you were pregnant at all, although I would’ve earlier if I’d known you were carrying that worthless brat. I wanted an heir but I wasn’t going to raise the child of </span>
  <em>
    <span>scum</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shot to her feet indignantly. “Fuck you</span>
  <em>
    <span>,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” she hissed, anger and protectiveness roaring through her at the words. He shot his gaze to hers immediately.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sit down</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he snapped, mood changing instantly, as if a reminder of what she was truly doing in here. And damn her, she did. She slid back into the chair, falling slightly into the back of it. His expression cooled to normal as she listened, sauntering over her way as he resumed talking. But the thread of anger remained in his tone, in the tightness of his voice, the glare in his gaze. He wasn’t playing anymore. “But </span>
  <em>
    <span>I, </span>
  </em>
  <span>unlike you, am not eager to poison my spouse.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn leaned down, putting one hand on each arm of the chair, effectively cloistering her in his almond and cigar tainted scent. He then lifted one hand, raising it and trailing a finger down her face, starting at her temple and caressing her cheek. She had to stop herself from pulling away and spitting at him. “You’ve always been problematic though,” he murmured, grinning at her discomfort, “that’s why your parents were so eager to get </span>
  <em>
    <span>rid </span>
  </em>
  <span>of you,” he whispered the words, his breath radiating over her lips as he got within a few inches of her. Nausea roiled through her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You forced their hand,” she spat, not backing away this time. Regardless of her relationship with her mother, or lack thereof, she wouldn’t let him smear her family. “Don’t think I don’t know about that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He raised his eyebrows and made an uninterested noise, sliding the finger on her cheek across her bottom lip. The contact made her shudder. “I’m assuming you snooped to find that out?” He snapped, another finger joining as they slid under her mask to pull it gently off her face. “I doubt you were stable enough to handle that too well, were you?” Aelin didn’t respond, focusing all her energy on keeping her rage in check. “I’ll admit it, if that’s what you want to hear.” His hand continued its journey back down, caressing down her jaw to glide menacingly toward the neckline of her dress. Her chest was heaving, out of nerves and disgust and anger rather than any form of desire, and he smirked as he brushed the sensitive skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “I hired Tern to slip bad investment advice to your father, to purposefully make him lose all your money. And then </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>as everything was at its worst, I waltzed in offering a liferaft in exchange for their only daughter.” Her lip curled. “I’ve had my eye on you for years before I made a move, but I bided my time, waiting until I knew you’d have no defense against me. Until the only thing you could do was </span>
  <em>
    <span>obey</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gods, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she was going to vomit. She was going to scream and run away. She was going to murder this man in front of her, </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “But it seems I underestimated your ability to be a pain in the ass.” His sneer dropped. “I underestimated your stubbornness, your dear love for Rowan Whitethorn,” he hissed, “but regardless, I know you, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Aelin. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Better than anyone. Which is why I knew the moment you decided that you would pathetically try and kill me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin held her glare, gripping the chair as she searched for a way out. But the only thing blinding its way through her was rage, so that was what slipped out. “You knew I would never spend a single moment considering you if not for the money,” she spat, maintaining his gaze as his expression dropped into something dangerous. “You knew I was too good for you, for your insolence and your arrogance. You knew you could </span>
  <em>
    <span>never have me</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In a flash, his hand seized her neck, squeezing tight and pressing her into the back of the chair as he leaned in even closer than before, his very essence choking her more than his grip. With a cruel smirk, he ghosted a few vile kisses across her cheek, working his way to her ear, where he murmured “but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>have you, don’t I?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>---------</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan cursed under his breath as he made his way through the crowd, trying to move as quickly as possible while staying under the radar. After the dance, Elide had dropped him off on the other side of the ballroom, as close to the exit as possible, but he still had to fight through the groups of people before he was able to leave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was tempted to just shout “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Move!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>to clear the area, but he wasn’t supposed to draw attention to himself. He needed to slip out of the room without too much notice, so no one would associate him with what may or may not happen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan frowned but glanced around, eyeing the nearby groups of people. Elide had come up with the idea of using some of them as an alibi. Instead of just leaving, and risking people getting suspicious, he would draw </span>
  <em>
    <span>some </span>
  </em>
  <span>attention to his departure, so that people would know he was going but not question it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He changed his course, heading for Dorian Havilliard and his wife, who were standing with Rolfe and Ansel Briarcliff. They all looked over when he approached. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Excuse me,” he said with a smile, “can someone point me in the direction of the bathroom?” He made sure his expression was a little loose, as was his balance, so he could look like he had joined others in the spirit of revelling. Of course, he’d barely drank anything, too worried about Aelin to indulge, but they didn’t need to know that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorian chuckled and gestured with the hand holding his drink, to the very exit Rowan had been aiming for. “Go down that hallway and take the first turn on your left. How much have you had to drink? Haven’t you been here before?” He forced himself to laugh probably harder than necessary.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve got an engagement to celebrate!” He clapped the other man on the back and forced another laugh before stumbling away from the group and heading toward the doors, acting like he was latching onto the wall for support before scooping the poisoned glass abandoned by Arobynn on his own way out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He only breathed when he was safely out of view, straightening automatically and immediately walking quickly toward the stairs. That breath turned heavy in his ears as his heart and his footsteps pounded out the same rhythm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Aelin, Aelin, Aelin.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His entire world narrowed to the staircase leading up to the second story, to the lack of servants and the lack of noise. Pure dread filled his stomach yet again, pure dread and pure determination. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had been their plan for her to go check if he was dead and then return quickly, having gone to see if he was “feeling okay”. It should’ve been a few minutes. But it had been at least twenty since she’d left the ballroom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Rowan was determined to go find her, save her if necessary, although she could usually save herself, and then help her make sure that that </span>
  <em>
    <span>bastard </span>
  </em>
  <span>was dead once and for all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was all that was driving him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He bounded up the stairs efficiently, keeping one eye on the first floor for servants or wandering guests who were sure to be suspicious of him walking up here alone, and the other eye on the landing, which turned sharply into a hallway he couldn’t see. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The whole house radiated wealth, from the rich wood and the intricate detailing of the carpet, but this hallway seemed to shout with how much splendor was in it. Not so much the construction, as it was just a hallway, but the </span>
  <em>
    <span>air. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It seemed to suck him in, as if whispering a secret while carrying a warning on the wind all the same. It was icy with pain while also warm with desperation, a combination that left him with a feeling of wariness. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan turned the corner slowly, padding across the carpet with measured steps, finding himself faced with a long row of doors, all wooden, all closed, and a figure leaning against the wall next to one. He frowned as the man came into view, identifying him as the brunette guest who’d left the ballroom earlier. He was seemingly relaxed in his pose, with a foot crossed over the other with his arms in a position to match. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The silence was stark as the man turned to look at him, brows furrowed as he muttered a gruff “you can’t be up here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan’s brows raised, but he didn’t stop taking slow steps down the hallway, eyes glancing between the man and the door he was seemingly guarding. He was sure that was Arobynn’s room. Or at least a room of importance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now that he really looked at him, Rowan was pretty sure he recognized the man. He wore no mask, and the utter forgetfulness of his face made him realize exactly where he’d seen such a person. It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tern,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Arobynn’s sometimes business associate, with a reputation for seediness that even he knew despite not being in that world. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He cursed under his breath and glanced at the door again, even more sure of his suspicion. Arobynn must’ve left him out here to stop anyone from interfering with what he was doing inside. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Anger poured through his veins and he was stomping over there without even acknowledging what Tern had said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But as Rowan got closer, and Tern pushed away from the wall with a hand out to stop him, he was forced to slow down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>be up here,” he repeated, gritting his teeth. He recognized the challenge in the other man’s dirt brown eyes, the insistence tinged with the slight bit of fear, likely at what Arobynn would do if something went wrong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you going to stop me?” Rowan asked calmly, approaching slowly with his hands up in a placating position. “I’m not here to cause trouble.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lie. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A strangled scream sounded from inside the room and both of their heads immediately shot toward the sound, panic racing through his bones. Adrenaline made his heart beat faster, and he pushed past Tern, needing to get to Aelin with every fiber of his being. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What was going on? What was he doing? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he felt like he was going to puke. Rowan careened toward the door, reaching for the handle, when a rough grasp pulled his arm back. Without registering what he was doing, he turned around, throwing a punch toward the source of the grab. It landed against Tern’s face, smashing against skin as his head was thrown to the side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan cursed under his breath, shaking out his hand as the brunette man panted and glared. The glass of poisoned champagne in his other hand, that he’d forgotten about in his rushed journey, threatened to spill at the movement, but he didn’t have any time to do something with it before Tern returned the punch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>————</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin jerked away from his touch, ripping her throat out of his hold with a shove to his shoulder. She gasped and heaved to catch her breath, glaring at him with watery eyes as he shook out his hand and smiled at her cruelly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? You didn’t like that?” Arobynn asked, tilting his head, and she clenched her jaw, rage running through her once more. She wasn’t going to put up with this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He prattled on about something, but she just took a deep breath, centering herself. She had </span>
  <em>
    <span>one </span>
  </em>
  <span>chance. While he was distracted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>One </span>
  </em>
  <span>shot. In 3...2...1</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin yanked herself to a stand, immediately pushing past him and running to the door, practically flying as she reached for the lock. But footsteps sounded behind her, and instead of successfully tasting freedom, she was slammed into the wood, her teeth singing as they clipped the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She turned her face to the side, panting as she tried to find a bit of leverage, but she was fully pressed against the surface, unable to move an inch. And the arm that had reached for the lock was pinned against the door too, leaving her sprawled out, and all too close to Arobynn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you really think that was smart?” He hissed into her ear, as Aelin shifted to try and escape his hold. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not some belonging you can </span>
  <em>
    <span>keep</span>
  </em>
  <span> here,” she spit, trying to turn her head enough to at least look him in the eyes, that steely gray staring into her soul. </span>
</p>
<p><span>“And yet,” he murmured, “you’re </span><em><span>my</span></em> <em><span>wife</span></em><span>.”</span></p>
<p>
  <span>And wasn’t that the root of everything? She had no power, because their union was legal. By customs and by law, he did </span>
  <em>
    <span>own </span>
  </em>
  <span>her. So there was nothing she could do against him that wouldn’t just go his way regardless.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then I’d just benefit even more if you </span>
  <em>
    <span>died</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she managed to say, cringing away from the breath hot on her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Quite a bold assumption,” he said, amusement in his tone. “I’ll admit you are listed as the main beneficiary in my will,” he paused, and she waited for the catch, “with, of course, the stipulation that we have an heir by the time I die.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A pause. A breath. A heartbeat as she registered what he said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>asshole,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>she hissed, jostling him to try and get free. But Arobynn just pushed her further, making her temple slam into the wood. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think I’m the asshole in this situation.” His voice was right in her ear, his body and his scent and his </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> suffocating her. “Not when your plan was to kill me, take my hard earned money, and marry </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rowan Whitethorn</span>
  </em>
  <span> instead. It’s a good thing I only pretended to drink that poison because unless you suddenly get over your deficiencies, you’d just be lost.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin should’ve been listening to his words, letting the anger build itself up into action, but she was frozen. Frozen, because of the way his hand was skirting down her back, methodically pulling open the buttons holding her dress together. Trembling overtook her, no matter how much she tried to stop it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No. No. This wasn’t supposed to happen again. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She was supposed to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>done</span>
  </em>
  <span> with this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A panicked breath escaped her as he yanked the dress off her arms, pulling it off her body while still keeping her pinned to the door. Just like he said earlier: </span>
  <em>
    <span>easy to remove. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin was tempted to retreat, to hide so far deep inside herself that she wasn’t aware of what was happening. Like she normally did. But no. She needed to fight. She needed to prove to herself that she could, because she </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> go through this again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So when Arobynn was distracted by running his hands down her body, by the revealed skin and the thin chemise and pulling her hips back into his, she took another deep breath. And, almost as a pure instinctual reaction, when his hand slipped past the edge of her corset, she took her now free hand and clawed at him as much as possible, practically gouging out skin from his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hissed and yanked her hand away, but she used the momentary advantage to spin around, coming face to face with him instead of being vulnerable looking away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck you,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” she spit, pushing at him to get him away. He just raised his brows and chuckled humorlessly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh really?” He narrowed his eyes. “Do I need to remind you who’s really </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking </span>
  </em>
  <span>in charge here?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He slammed his fist against the wall next to her head, and she flinched, tears springing to her eyes. But through the wood, she caught an inkling of words. Her brows furrowed at the muffled </span>
  <em>
    <span>“you can’t be up here.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn paused, clearly hearing it too. Whoever was there didn’t respond, and Tern repeated himself until the other person finally mumbled out a barely audible response. But she recognized it. And let out a relieved gasp, hope filling her just as Rowan’s voice filled her ears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn let out a short laugh, muttering “well there you go.” And then he was moving.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin let out a strangled scream as he grabbed her hair and pulled, dragging her away from the wall. Her dress pooled on the floor, leaving her purely in her undergarments as he yanked at her roots. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Get on the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking</span>
  </em>
  <span> bed,” he shouted, as she did everything in her power to stay away. She clawed at his hands, kicked at his legs, tried to knee him </span>
  <em>
    <span>between</span>
  </em>
  <span> the legs, but in the end he was still stronger. She’d never had any sort of self defense training, and while she could ride horses and could probably hold her own in a sports match, she was still a woman, one who’d never been allowed to look anything but dainty, so Arobynn would overpower her any time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she </span>
  <em>
    <span>tried</span>
  </em>
  <span>, for as long as she could she pushed away from the bed, fighting his grip while the unmistakable sounds of a fistfight happened just outside the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hoped Rowan was okay. But she knew he would likely win against Tern. She didn’t know him very well, but he didn’t seem very smart. So while he could hold his own strength wise, a fight required brains and strategy for it to go anywhere, otherwise you were just swinging your body around. And Rowan could strategize and pack a punch, so he would likely be in here in no time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then he could save her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All she had to do was hold out for a bit longer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She let out a sob of frustration and despair as he successfully grabbed her and bent her over the edge of the bed, hips pressing into hers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Aelin?” He murmured softly, as if at a show of actually being concerned, “you don’t want your little lover seeing you like this? You’re not usually this difficult.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was about to respond, was about to shout and curse and damn him to hell, when the door opened, thrown wide like the person was in a hurry. From her position, she couldn’t turn and see who it was, but Arobynn let up a bit as he himself turned around, so she was able to twist around just enough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the fuck is going on?” Rowan’s voice sounded, anger and disbelief coating it. He was disheveled, his mask gone, his hair and jacket askew, blood dripping down his nose and a split and puffy lip. But to her he never looked better. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The door behind him was still open, a spilled glass of champagne visible, with no Tern in sight. She ignored that, focusing on him instead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Rowan,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Aelin breathed, her voice shaky. A tear slipped down, and she tried to wipe it away but Arobynn pushed her, making her fall back down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Coming to join the party, Whitethorn?” He asked, a cruel smile on his face. “I’d hoped Tern would prove a more worthy opponent, but it’s no matter.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan glared at the man for a second, pure wrath lining his beat up features, but then his gaze flickered to her, rage turning to concern. She met his eyes hesitantly, a flicker of heat crossing her face. She knew what this looked like: her hair messy, her clothes half gone, her placement on the bed. And she knew that he would understand what was going on, especially with the situation and what they had been trying to do, but she couldn’t help but feel a flicker of shame. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d failed. In more ways than one.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan opened his mouth to respond but… movement behind him. A dart of a figure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin started to warn him, a sharp cry leaving her mouth, but it was too late. Tern slammed through the open doorway, pouncing on Rowan and knocking him to the floor. They fell to the ground, Tern dropping a punch to Rowan’s face, making him spit blood that was likely pooling in his mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She tried to watch, to see what was going on, to stop it and help Rowan, but Arobynn was unbothered apparently, especially when Tern managed to close the door again, leaving the four of them in there alone. He reached for the ties of her corset, aiming to either untie it or just rip it off, but, emboldened by Rowan’s arrival, Aelin made a move. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shifted until she managed to get a leg in between his, acting like she was still just fidgeting to get away, and as he leaned forward more, she slammed her leg upward, hitting him as hard as she could. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He cursed and instinctively jumped backwards, freeing her just enough to where she could scoot out of his grip, darting off to the side. She considered running to the door, but Tern and Rowan were in the way, with punches flying, and she didn’t think she could get past them enough to escape. Besides, she didn’t want to leave Rowan here, and what would she even do outside? She couldn’t exactly go back downstairs looking like that. And what would she do after everyone left? Either she’d just make the situation worse for herself later, or he had to die now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She made her decision. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin sprang around the bed, heading for the smaller desk he kept in this room. There was a letter opener he kept there, a fancy one from Bellhaven, and it was sharp enough to cut through skin. If she could just get to that…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A foot caught hers and she slammed to the floor, smacking her head against the wood. She winced in pain, dizziness threatening to overtake her, but she ignored it, scrambling to a stand. But it was to no avail, because Arobynn was at her side again, grasping her arm and tugging her. Aelin yanked forward with all the force she had, scratching and throwing herself away from him, craning for the knife just a few feet ahead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A crash sounded, and she let herself get distracted, turning to see the source of the commotion. Rowan was standing, panting and bleeding while Tern was prone on the floor, next to a knocked over dresser. And he wasn’t just unconscious. Dead. He was dead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin sucked in a sharp breath, watching in shock, but realized her mistake when she was pulled back into Arobynn’s arms, one around her waist and another in front of her neck, trapping her there with the very knife she had been hoping to grab. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>———-</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan wiped his mouth, trying to catch his breath and ignore the life he had just taken. He wasn’t even sure how it had happened. One minute they were fighting, the next, Tern was falling and crashing into the dresser, landing smack on the floor and not getting up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He must’ve hit his head wrong, but he couldn’t really find it in himself to care. Not when he looked up and felt his stomach drop. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn was holding Aelin tight against him, an arm around her abdomen and a knife held to her throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was frozen, unmoving with the threat right there, and he could see the fear in her eyes. She was stuck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan had known immediately what had been going on in that room when he walked in, seeing Aelin half dressed and sprawled out on the bed in front of Arobynn, tears on her face and desperation in her gaze. He was glad he’d gotten there when he had, although he wished that could’ve been even sooner. Gods, if only he hadn’t waited. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he was here now. That was what was important. Even if he wasn't sure what to do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One step and I’ll slice,” Arobynn declared, looking at him with satisfaction and anger mixed in his eyes. He’d never wanted to murder the man more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You won’t kill her,” he tried to reason, “why would you? She hasn’t done anything.” It was a lie, and they all knew it, but he had to try. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn snorted, and Rowan let his gaze drift back down to Aelin’s, heart clenching at the panic on her features. But there was a hint of determination, a hint of rage, a hint of why he called her Fireheart. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Besides being a lying, murdering bitch?” Arobynn replied with a smarmy smile on his face. Rowan narrowed his eyes. “I suppose you’re right. I won’t kill her. Not when I can still use her. So how about this?” He tilted his head. “For every five seconds you’re still in the room, I’ll carve another letter into her skin.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Silence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan blinked as he processed the words, horror filling him the moment he understood. Aelin’s eyes were wide and fearful, matching his own internal conflict.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You gain nothing from this,” he hissed, trying to stop him. Arobynn just shrugged and took a step forward, forcing Aelin with him and trapping her between the foot of the bed and him. He pushed her forward, but she braced her hands on the comforter, as if refusing to be pushed all the way down again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“On the contrary, I think I gain a lot. I get you to shut up, and I get a nice lovely reminder for Aelin dear on why she should never cross me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck you,” Aelin spit, but Arobynn just slid the hand from her stomach up to her mouth, covering it as he said</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think that’s enough out of you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The hand with the knife traveled from her throat to her back, pointing at what looked like a spot just beneath her shoulder blades, dipping into the chemise that was falling off her shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan wanted to run to her with every fiber of his being, but he didn’t dare risk it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are we ready to begin?” Arobynn said cheerfully. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin began fidgeting, shaking and jostling to try and get out of his grip, but it was pointless. Rowan didn’t move though, calling his bluff. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“5...4…” he began, raising a brow as Rowan didn’t leave. “3...2...1… fine be that way.” He shrugged. And then started. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The first prick of the knife shot through Rowan’s chest, even if he himself couldn’t feel it. But he could see the pain clear on Aelin’s face. The way her eyes shuttered, her brows wrought with tension. The way she looked like she was holding back a scream, visible from even behind Arobynn’s hand. But she also didn’t give him the satisfaction of cowering. She stood there strong, withstanding the obvious torture.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Stop it</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Rowan hissed, clenching his hands into fists. Arobynn paused, and Aelin sagged, panting. He didn’t dare move any closer, not when the knife was still next to her skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One down, four to go,” was all he said, smiling coldly. “Are you sure you want to stay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want you to put the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking </span>
  </em>
  <span>knife down like the coward you are,” he almost shouted, trying to keep the noise to a minimum. Tern was gone, but he didn’t know who else was out there. Aelin mumbled something, looking desperate, but it was muffled by Arobynn’s hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn just ignored the words, starting his countdown again. “5...4...3…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t you fucking dare</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“2...1” He started cutting again, digging into Aelin’s back as she cried out into his hand. She clenched her hands in the sheets, pouring her tension into that instead of losing her balance and falling all the way forward. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope you’re learning your lesson, </span>
  <em>
    <span>sweetheart,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Arobynn snapped as he paused again, looking back at Rowan. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan felt panicky, his heart racing and his body filling with so much adrenaline and fear and anger he didn’t know how to vent it all out. But he did know that it would only get worse if he left. He couldn’t, </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t, </span>
  </em>
  <span>leave her in here alone. So what could he do?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn began counting again, and his thoughts raced as Aelin shuddered, bracing herself as he dug the blade in again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please,” Rowan whispered, escaping his mouth as she let out a sob. Arobynn just smirked and then leaned in more, lifting a brow as a cry left her. “I’m … begging you.” The words were foul on his tongue, but he couldn’t bear this anymore. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Since you asked so nicely,” Arobynn said, letting up for a second, and Rowan felt a glimmer of relief before it was shattered as he dropped the knife back down, carving into her with more vigor. He almost collapsed from the scream that Aelin couldn’t hold in, only blocked by his hand still over her mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Arobynn didn’t stop after one. No, he kept going, ignoring the way Aelin caved forward, shaking and panting in an attempt to drive off the pain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan lunged forward without thinking, needing to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>something, </span>
  </em>
  <span>even if he was weak from his fight with Tern. He didn’t get very far, the bed stopping him in his path. But it seemed he didn’t need to, because Aelin reared back, using her elbow and driving it into Arobynn’s stomach, digging into his ribs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He cursed, and Aelin gasped for air as he retreated. She looked up into Rowan’s gaze, about to say something when Arobynn grabbed her again, by the hair this time, using all his force to throw her into the dresser. She hit the wood with a small whimper, not moving as she collapsed to the ground. Her hair spilled over a shoulder, and Rowan was finally able to see what Arobynn had carved. The sight blinded him with rage. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because right there, right below her left shoulder blade, bleeding and bright red, was the word</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>WHORE</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He seethed, watching to make sure she was breathing before turning to Arobynn, who was panting himself and staring at Aelin’s prone form. And before he could think yet again, he took advantage of the distraction and launched himself at the man.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>----------</span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ringing filled her ears, a blinding white brightness in her gaze. Aelin blinked slowly, her eyes heavy, and she wondered if the world was usually like this. If the world was always so blurry, so out of focus, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>dizzy. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A groan slipped out of her mouth, low and groggy as she tried to blink again. Her head was pounding, a deep ache forming that rivaled the sharp stinging in her back. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gods, </span>
  </em>
  <span>it hurt so bad. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A rhythmic beating sounded in her ears, louder than the steady ringing, and it took her a minute to process that it was her heart. It was beating slowly, almost too slowly, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. Not when it would be so easy to slip back into the dark, to hide away from everything, all the pain, the fear, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>evil </span>
  </em>
  <span>that had branded her. Aelin wasn’t sure what he’d carved into her skin, but she had a pretty good idea.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she also knew it would probably be easier to just sink away then to deal with it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It would be so easy…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So..so easy</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her breaths slowed, blackness creeping into her vision, numbness crawling over her body. The nothingness called to her, sung her a sweet lullaby, and she almost succumbed to it, when a familiar voice caught her attention, sounding in the back of her mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Aelin</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It murmured in her head, like a soft song she hadn’t heard in a while. She found herself relaxing, letting the sound seep into her bones. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Aelin</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This time, it carried a hint of alarm with it, but she ignored that, focusing on the soothing tone instead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Aelin!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A frown clung to the edges of her lips, and her mind began the long climb upwards, without her consent, dredging up from the deep toward the glistening light at the top. Why bother? She just wanted to stay here, in this marvelous nothingness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aelin!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The voice snapped something into place, and an eye cracked open, wincing at the harsh light of the world. But that motion brought everything back and she moaned in pain, her breaths getting short as her body reacted to the intensity. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Blood was soaking her chemise, spilling onto her corset, and every small movement or breath brought searing flashes of sharp hot pain to her back, earning a small sob.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She struggled, but managed to turn to the other side, almost screaming as she rubbed her wound against the carpet. And that’s when she saw the scene. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or the </span>
  <em>
    <span>chaos </span>
  </em>
  <span>she should say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Through her blurry vision, she couldn’t see much, and with her aching head, she couldn’t comprehend much. But she saw two bodies rolling around, punches flying and blood dripping. Silver hair and red hair flashed by, and she squinted, trying to understand. The silver haired man noticed her movement, and mouthed that word again, as if he was saying it to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In her haze, she pushed herself up slowly, watching through a veil as that same man got shoved to the floor, as the other man pinned him down, laying punch after punch on his face. She didn’t understand why the sight made pain flash through her heart, more intense than the pain in her head or her back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He turned his head, meeting her gaze with stunning green eyes, and that look shot its way through the fog in her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Rowan. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And she was Aelin, the name he’d been saying. And she was on the floor, having been hurt and thrown by Arobynn, who was currently beating Rowan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of all the things he’d done, </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>she couldn’t stand. Not the injuries, not the abuse, not even the miscarriage, which she still placed part of the blame on herself. Aelin wouldn’t let him take this last piece of her. Not when he’d already taken everything else. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a sudden burst of strength, she dragged herself up, ignoring the pain in her back as she pushed herself to a stand. Arobynn wasn’t paying attention, too busy with punching Rowan, and too self assured that she posed no threat. So he thought.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin made her way quickly to the abandoned letter opener, tossed aside during her attack. With as much speed as possible, she snapped it up, getting comfortable with the weight. She eyed the fight, adrenaline and anticipation guiding her as she practically threw herself across the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arobynn was on top of Rowan, slamming his fist into his head, not giving him a reprieve as he dribbled out blood. Her heart clenched and she snuck up behind them, aiming for Arobynn’s back. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How ironic. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She was stabbing him in the back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan made eye contact with her over his shoulder, love and a goodbye clear in his gaze, and she couldn’t accept that. She would never say goodbye.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So that’s when she struck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aelin threw herself at him, bringing the knife down and striking him between the ribs. He jerked in shock, and Rowan managed to use the moment to throw him off of him, tossing Arobynn onto his back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The auburn haired man, the devil, the bane of her existence, the absolute </span>
  <em>
    <span>worst </span>
  </em>
  <span>thing that could ever possibly exist in this world and in her life, sputtered, looking at her with shock and disgust. And instead of letting him bleed out from that, Aelin leaned forward over him, raising the knife and bringing it down again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The man who’d trapped her. The man who’d violated her time and time again. The man who’d done whatever he pleased and ruined </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ruined </span>
  <em>
    <span>her. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was the ruined one now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She let out a cry of anguish and frustration, barely feeling the blood spattering across her face, her hair, her clothes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rowan scrambled to the side, panting and wiping his face, eyes wide at the scene. And Arobynn… Arobynn was looking at her with disbelief, like he couldn’t understand how she’d done it. The light was fading from his grey eyes, and she took the opportunity to lean forward, hissing into his ear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I hope the dark god finds a special place for you in his realm</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Her voice was sharp but velvety, like a midnight caress. And he fell back, blood gushing from his ruined chest. The last thing he saw was her wrathful eyes, meeting her gaze as his gaze died.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As his body went slack, Aelin scooted back, collapsing and panting away from him. She was breathing heavily, matching Rowan’s heaving next to her, letting that noise cleave the sudden silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was over. She was free. And instead of crying or screaming or cursing the gods, Aelin laughed.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>25. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this is it. The last one, apart from the epilogue. It’s been a long road, and I want to thank you all for staying on this journey with me. I know I’ve put through a lot, but I really appreciate all of the kudos and the comments. You motivated me to write every chapter, to get out every word even when I didn’t feel like writing, just so I could get it posted for you. This story has been a lot emotionally for me, and it’s made me cry a few times that’s it’s coming to a close. I promise to make the epilogue as fluffy as possible though, to try and make up for some angst! And I don’t think this fic will ever be completely over, I’d love to write more oneshots from this world. But enough rambling, here’s the chapter. It’s a beast.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Orynth, 1886</strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan was exhausted. Weary to his very bones. His face was pounding, blood dripping down his face and down his neck from the split lip and broken nose. He felt like he’d been awake for thousands of years and all he wanted to do was lay down and </span>
  <em>
    <span>sleep.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>But he couldn’t. Because it wasn’t over yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was staring at Arobynn’s body. Staring at the stab wounds, the blood, the emptiness in his face. It was clear he was dead. As dead as the other body laying on the same carpet a few yards over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan panted, catching his breath from the fight. And from everything. He was bracing himself on his hands, keeping himself seated on the carpet while bringing himself back to real life. There was a ringing in his ears, but it was slowly fading as the room settled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then he heard a laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It shocked him so much he turned his head, his gaze landing on Aelin, who was laying on her back, blood soaked, with the letter opener still clutched tightly in her hands. She was chuckling, her eyes closed, the sound bordering on hysteric.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If not for the noise, and for the shaking of her chest, she could’ve passed for another body strewn across the carpet. And that struck a nervous chord in his mind, making him need to see her eyes again.</span>
</p><p>“Aelin,” he whispered reverently, as if a prayer. She paused, breathing deeply and turning her head where it rested against the floor. Her eyes opened slowly, the blue and gold meeting his green. And then she smiled faintly, the expression tinging the edges of her lips, not reaching her eyes.</p><p>
  <span>She looked exhausted too, if a little dazed. No wonder, considering what she’d just done and been through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan opened his mouth to say something, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, to address what just happened, to figure out where to go from here, to comfort her. And to distract himself from the deaths they’d just incurred. Arobynn was one thing, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>deserved </span>
  </em>
  <span>to die, and Aelin deserved to be the one to do it. But Tern. He’d just been a lackey, a sidekick, paid to be there. And now he was dead on the floor, murdered by Rowan’s own hand. He didn’t know how to feel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he’d also killed him to get to Aelin, which would always be worth it. Even if she ended up saving herself, he’d rather stain his soul a thousand times than let her go through that alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A knock sounded at the door, seizing his attention. He froze, darting his gaze to the door. Aelin did too, albeit a little more slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aelin?” A soft voice called through the wood. Aelin’s eyes widened in alarm. “I heard some noises, are you in here? I wanted to talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan squinted, trying to place the voice through his headache. But Aelin apparently did, because she pushed herself up weakly onto her hands, that horrid word bleeding down her back as she looked at the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened her mouth to say something when the door cracked open. And his face paled even more when Evalin Galathynius appeared from around the frame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” She exclaimed, her face paling too as she took in the scene. “Shit.” The word sounded strange coming from the woman’s mouth, but he didn’t have enough energy to be too shocked. She looked about ready to scamper when she froze, looking at her daughter’s condition. And then she slipped inside, closing the door behind her. Rowan watched as she darted her gaze to the bodies quickly before kneeling down next to Aelin, who was watching her with wary eyes, hand still clutching the knife.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Evalin asked Aelin, obviously concerned by the blood coating her.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?” She croaked, turning to face her, hiding her back from her mother’s gaze. “The party’s downstairs.” Her tone was tired but sharp, and her words were nonchalant, like there weren’t two dead bodies lying next to them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Evalin glanced toward Tern, passing over him without much care and landing on Arobynn. Her mouth tightened and she looked up at him, staring at him with the eyes so similar to the ones he loved.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you do this?” She asked, with a clear hint of tension, like she thought he was a danger. Rowan shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your daughter is the one holding the knife,” he said simply. Aelin’s grip tightened, as if she couldn’t let it go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to go back downstairs,” Aelin murmured to herself, not looking at either of them. It filled him with relief to hear her voice, but he froze at her words. She looked up then, making eye contact with him and avoiding her mother. “I shouldn’t’ve been gone this long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aelin -” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If anyone finds us, with this mess, we’ll both be fucked.” Evalin rose her brows at the harsh language coming from her daughter. “I said I was coming up to check on him, people will be confused if I never come back down, and it’ll just be suspicious when he’s then found de-” she stuttered on the word, taking a breath, “dead.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>he dead?” Evalin asked sharply. And then she soothed her expression. “What happened?” She looked over the scene again, eyes landing on Aelin’s state of dress, and then flickering to him. “Did he… find you doing something regrettable?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, Aelin’s eyes flashed with something besides emptiness, a flicker of rage passing. “If he did, then he’d be a two faced hypocritical bastard for it. He cheats on me often enough.” She closed her eyes. “Cheated,” she corrected, before sighing. Evalin reached out a hand hesitantly, but Aelin jerked away, darting her eyes open with an almost feral expression of defense. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Evalin said with a resigned huff, “we should get this cleaned up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Aelin asked, furrowing her brows. The way she was angled away from her mother allowed Rowan to see her back, the nasty red lines and the still spilling blood making him nauseous. He couldn’t even move, frozen at the sight and stuck with the shame rolling through him. He didn’t stop that from happening. He didn’t help. He didn’t do </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can’t leave the room like this.” Evalin raised her brows and Aelin frowned, a sort of conflicted confusion filling her features. She looked like she didn’t understand, like she just wanted to fall asleep and avoid the consequences of what had just happened. He felt the same way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been the scariest moment of his life when she wasn’t waking up after being thrown against the dresser. When she stayed unmoving, her eyes shut and her breaths so godsdamned slow, Rowan felt like he was shattering, like it wouldn’t be worth it to continue fighting if there was nothing for him to fight for. And he almost hadn’t continued, he’d almost lost. But it was Aelin who saved him, like she always did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>We </span>
  </em>
  <span>can’t do anything,” Aelin argued, “you aren’t a part of this.” Her hands shook as she lifted one and wiped it down her face, trails of blood following her fingertips and creating an eerie image on her cheek. The sight moved him to action. Rowan reached into his ripped jacket, pulling out a plain handkerchief. It had been protected from the blood wrapped in his inside pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He managed to scoot over, every part of his body aching with hurt, until he was next to her. She looked up at him with once again empty eyes, watching as he stretched out the handkerchief for her to take. Instead, Aelin just tilted her head toward him, as if asking him to do it for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he obliged, wiping the fabric gently down her face, cupping her cheek with his other hand while he softly cleaned her skin. She closed her eyes, letting her head rest in his hand, and Rowan’s heart swelled at the trust she put in him. Especially with everything that had just happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He brushed his thumb softly along her cheekbone, looking up at Evalin, who was still kneeling there, obviously confused at the scene in front of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We had a plan,” he said quietly, and Aelin let out a sigh, “And we thought it would work, but it… didn’t.” Evalin stayed still, waiting to hear as Rowan gave her a very abridged version. “Aelin came up here to </span>
  <em>
    <span>see </span>
  </em>
  <span>if it worked, and when she didn’t come back down, I followed. I found them up here, and got angry with what was going on.” Aelin ducked her head into his arm, avoiding her mother’s gaze. “Things got heated, and here we are.” He looked at Evalin, conviction in his tone. “I promise you, I would never hurt your daughter. I only ever want to protect her the best I can.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does Aedion know about this?” She asked, gesturing between the two of them. That made Aelin look up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we have bigger things to worry about,” she delivered with a bit of snap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Evalin sighed, looking around as if cataloguing every spot of blood in the room. “We have to get you cleaned up, and figure out what to do about this mess.” She stood up, and Aelin kept her eyes on her, her expression wary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you helping?” She asked, and Rowan moved the hand on her cheek to rub down her arm, slowly traveling down to grab the blade from her hand. Aelin hesitated, but let him take it from her and set it down on the ground. She winced slightly at the movement, pain likely shooting to her back. But she covered it quickly, masking her face back into one of stone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Evalin hesitated, chewing on her lip in a way similar to her daughter, and chose her words carefully. “I - don’t want to lose you. No matter what you think, I do love you, and when you said that to me earlier, it made me think about the choices I was actually making, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>mistakes </span>
  </em>
  <span>I was actually making.” Rowan didn’t know what conversation she was referencing, but knew it must’ve been important if Aelin had made her change her mind like that. “I can explain more later, but for now, will you let me help you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin blinked back a tear, only noticed by him because of how well he knew her, and nodded slowly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Evalin breathed in relief, nodding too. “Rowan,” she addressed him, turning to face his way. “Do you have your mask?” He nodded. “Good. That can be used to hide some of the swelling around your eyes.” Smart. She turned to Aelin, who was significantly more blood soaked. “Do you have any other undergarments available? We don’t want the blood soaking through your dress. Speaking of, where is it?” She looked around, noticeably avoiding looking at the dead bodies, until she spotted it splayed out on the ground by the door, very much looking like it had been ripped off. “Ah,” she said, her voice dropping, and she went over to pick it up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin shifted again to avoid her seeing her back, and Rowan gently traced up and down her spine with his free hand, relishing in how she leaned into him for comfort. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Evalin walked over to place the golden fabric gently on the bed, and then made her way back to the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get you some new clothes, Aelin,” she said, “I’m assuming they’re in your room?” Aelin nodded and then her mother slipped back out of the room quickly, shutting the door discreetly behind her. Once it was closed, Aelin sighed, dropping her eyes to the ground. Rowan pressed a kiss to her forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?” He asked, tucking loose hair behind her ear. She looked up at him, trying to smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tired,” she managed to say. “But I know we have a lot to do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re more important,” he said, but she shook her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If anyone else found us, Rowan, you’d likely be blamed for this, and I’d really rather you not go to jail.” Aelin began pushing herself to a stand weakly. He stood up with her, walking carefully across the floor to the pitcher of water resting on the dresser. The dresser she had been thrown against. He picked it up gently, pouring a bit on his already dirty handkerchief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” he conceded with a nod, because it was true. Everyone would assume he was the murderer, when really it was a shared job. Even though he would take the blame for her any day. “You’re right. So let’s get you cleaned up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snorted slightly at his matter of fact tone of voice, but obliged, stepping over Arobynn’s body to get to him. Her hair was a mess, her skin splattered with red, her movements heavy, but there was a spark of determination in her eyes. When Aelin reached him, Rowan grabbed her arm lightly, dragging the damp fabric down her skin to remove the blood. He scrubbed gently, successfully cleaning off the skin. He switched to the other arm, letting a comfortable silence overtake the room. She let him wipe her neck and upper chest off too, as gently as possible, and to return the favor, Aelin grabbed the cloth from him, dabbing at his lip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed her shaking hand carefully, pressing a light kiss to her palm. “We did it, Fireheart,” he whispered, “he’s gone. You’re free.” She nodded, the heaviness leaving her face for a split moment, returning when he gestured for her to turn around. He had to attend to her back before she could do anything, especially putting rough fabric on over it and being forced to pretend like nothing was wrong. It would bleed through if there wasn’t a bandage covering it, and it would likely get infected if it wasn’t cleaned out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But as she slowly turned around, her teeth chewing on her bottom lip, Rowan was hit with the awfulness of the wound again. He wanted to bring Arobynn back to life and then murder him again, if only for the way he’d marked her. It was then he realized that Aelin probably didn’t even know what it said. Didn’t know that he’d carved the word </span>
  <em>
    <span>whore </span>
  </em>
  <span>into her skin. Obviously she knew he’d done something, but she hadn’t really gotten a chance to see it due to its location. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A tear slipped out of his eye as he lifted the handkerchief to dab at the blood surrounding it, trying to avoid irritating the hurt as much as possible. The cuts were red and angry, the mar in her beautiful skin echoing the mar in his heart. She lifted her hand to grab his free one, squeezing it to comfort him when he should be comforting </span>
  <em>
    <span>her. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>A sharp gasp sounded behind him, and he turned around quickly to meet the shocked face of Evalin Galathynius, having returned to the room, carrying a set of undergarments with a new corset in her arms. Rowan hadn’t realized that when they’d moved over to the dresser, they’d turned so that her back was to the door, leaving it open for view, the opposite of what he knew Aelin wanted. But it was too late.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin whipped around, blood draining from her face as her mother’s paled too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who did that to you?” She whispered, utter devastation in her eyes. Aelin’s eyes dropped to Arobynn’s body before rising back to hers, looking at her with the most strength she’d displayed since the murder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who do you think?” She said sternly. “The person that I’ve told you time and time again was not a man I’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever </span>
  </em>
  <span>want to be alone in a room with.” She shook her head and walked over, grabbing the clothes roughly from her mother without bothering to say anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know,” Evalin breathed, and Aelin just scoffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>believe </span>
  </em>
  <span>me is more accurate.” Her lip trembled, likely against her will. Rowan could tell she was close to breaking, and as much as he wanted to give her a chance to grieve, they couldn’t yet. They still had to tie up all the loose ends. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-----------------</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aelin was running on spite, anger, frustration, nerves, fear, and a good dose of exhilaration as she stood in that damned room, watching as her mother looked at her with fear in her eyes. Her heart was racing, like it was going to beat out of her chest as she fought to ground herself in everything. She squeezed Rowan’s hand to help, grounding herself in </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her back felt like a brand more than anything now, making her tremble at the white hot pain, and at the overwhelming knowledge that Evalin saw it. That someone else besides Rowan had seen it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She </span>
  </em>
  <span>hadn’t even seen it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she had to put that aside for now. What she’d said was true, she didn’t want Rowan to go to jail. So they had to hurry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without wasting another moment, Aelin snatched the clothes from her mother’s hands, dumping them on the bed and yanking at the corset she still had on. It loosened easily, and she slid it off and threw it to the side quickly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aelin - “ her mother said hesitantly, conflict brewing in the eyes that were so similar to her own. She probably was concerned by the fact that Aelin was about to strip in front of a man who was not her husband, even if her husband was dead and she’d already been with the other man. Not that her mother knew that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Aelin just ignored her and yanked off her chemise, leaving her whole chest and stomach bare. Rowan obviously didn’t care, he was just turned around, pulling off a sheet from the bed. She grabbed the fresh pair of drawers, non blood stained ones, and exchanged them with her own, changing efficiently. She left her shirt off though, because Rowan started ripping the sheet into strips of fabric, making a bandage for her to wear underneath the new chemise and dress. It was fine, she’d lost all modesty over the past year, but her mother was frozen for a second before she darted into action. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Evalin had brought a brush over from her room too, and came up behind Aelin to brush her hair, smoothing out the blood with a little bit of water from the pitcher. Her hair hadn’t been too fancy that evening, her maids wanting to highlight her dress, so Evalin was able to quickly pull it back into the loose low bun, making it almost identical to the style it had been. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can go distract people downstairs,” she murmured, “so people lose focus on where you are.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Aelin whispered, a bit of hesitant gratefulness rising in her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you planning on cleaning this up?” She addressed Rowan, raising her brows, trusting in him only due to the situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if we can,” he said honestly, and Aelin could practically see the gears turning in his head as he thought through a plan. “It might be better just to burn it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all paused, Evalin with shock, Rowan with hesitancy, and Aelin with a whole mix of emotions. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Burning it. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Burning the house that she’d gone through all of this in. The house she’d been manipulated in, attacked in, belittled in. The house she’d lost her baby in. It was a bold move, but she felt a sick sort of relief at the thought of this house being gone forever. And it would get rid of another problem that she had been trying to work through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that would be smart,” she told him. “It would get rid of any evidence and save us the trouble of dealing with these bodies.” She avoided looking at them. “It could be framed as an accident, a lamp either I or him left burning when he ‘fell asleep’ and I went back downstairs.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan nodded and grabbed a makeshift bandage from his pile, and she turned to face away from him so he could wrap it around her so it covered the cuts. “It wouldn’t be noticed until we could both be safely away. But it would still be noticed soon enough that everyone could safely get out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And any suspicion would be lost in the chaos,” she agreed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the house?” Evalin added, looking at them from a few feet away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin’s expression cooled, her stomach turning to ash as she said vindictively, “let it burn.” But wait. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>. My ring.” She turned to Rowan with a look of panic. “I can’t leave that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have your ring,” Evalin tried to clarify, nodding at her hand. But Aelin just ripped it off, throwing it across the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that piece of vile </span>
  <em>
    <span>garbage</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she spit before looking back at Rowan. “It’s in my closet, under a loose floorboard. Can you grab it for me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded with a soft smile and disappeared, slipping out the door and down the hallway, leaving Aelin alone with Evalin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long has that been going on?” Her mother asked good naturedly as she helped Aelin into her chemise and dress. She was hesitant to engage in the conversation, given the nature of it, but she decided to be honest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little less than three years,” she spoke softly. Evalin paused in the middle of buttoning up her dress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three years?!” She asked with shock. “And you never told us about it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was I supposed to say?” She shrugged. “I would’ve been ignored.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Evalin had no defense against the truth, so they fell into silence as she finished buttoning up her dress, handing her her mask from where it had fallen on the floor, and grabbing her shoes. Aelin slid into all of it quickly, piecing herself back up to the image of the woman she’d been before she first entered the room. Everything was different now. Especially when she could still see Arobynn’s body on the floor, could see all of the stab wounds she’d made in his chest, in the fury and rage and haze of destruction. Tern’s body was there too, and though she didn’t care as much about him, he should have known better than to get involved with a man like Arobynn, the sight of his open and empty eyes were a bit disturbing. He wasn’t brutalized. Instead, he looked like he could get up right now and go kill Rowan for daring to kill him. She shuddered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Evalin said, “I have to go now. I’ll keep everyone’s attention away from you until they all have to leave anyway.” Aelin nodded in thanks, conflicting feelings rising in her stomach at the situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she murmured quietly, having to force the words out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Evalin said, smiling at her. “You’re my daughter.” And then she was leaving, her chin up and her hands clasped together as she made her way back down to go charm the entirety of the upper class of Orynth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin watched as she left, taking deep breaths to center herself. She’d be following her any minute now. Rowan came back into the room, carrying the emerald ring he’d given her. He walked up to her, and grabbed her hand, pressing the ring into it and closing her fingers around the metal, wrapping his hand around hers. He then pressed a kiss to their joined skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To whatever end,” he whispered, love in his green eyes as he stared at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To whatever end,” she confirmed, leaning up to meet him as he laid a delicate kiss on her lips. And then she pulled her hand back, sliding the ring into the hidden pocket of her dress, where it clanged against the empty vial of poison. She released the ring, feeling it sit against the charm Elide had made for her, and grabbed the bottle instead, pulling it out of the skirt. Understanding what she was doing, Rowan dropped a kiss to her forehead and darted out the door, to where she couldn’t see him, and came in with the spilled glass of champagne. The poisoned one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a sort of air of reverence, he set it on the table between the armchairs, next to Arobynn’s last cigar, and she set the bottle inside the glass. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin buried her head in his chest, feeling his arms wrap around her. She let herself bask in the comforting scent, the scent of </span>
  <em>
    <span>home. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Rowan placed a kiss to her hair, murmuring “Go. I’ll handle the rest here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded into his shirt, sighing and closing her eyes and not listening to him. He brushed a hand over her hair, before sliding it down and caressing her back carefully. Her back still hurt like a bitch, but she was trying to ignore the pain until she could finally have a chance to breathe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” he murmured, pulling back. He smiled at her softly and she smiled weakly back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.” And then it was her turn to leave. But she needed her old ring first. If she didn’t have it when she went downstairs, she’d be calling suspicion to herself. And when the house was burnt, and she didn’t have it, she’d be really screwed. She needed it as visible proof of her connection to him, even if she was legally married to him, for the next part of her plan. So she walked over and grabbed it from where she had thrown it on the floor, tensing as she pushed it on to her finger. She could do this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With her head held high, Aelin walked out the door, delicately stepping over Arobynn’s body on her way. She barely registered the passing hallway, the doors, the carpet, the normalcy of it all that didn’t match the storm inside of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stepped down the stairs slowly but deliberately, fighting a battle with herself mentally. She could do this. She could do this. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She could do this. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a deep breath as she made her way back into the ballroom, forcing a soft smile on her face as she watched couples on the floor spin around, as she heard laughter and watched as people drunk on the alcohol and drunk on life pranced around the room. Who should she talk to?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She scanned the room, glancing across Lorcan and Elide standing on the other side. They both made eye contact with her and smiled with relief as she nodded at them, confirming she was okay when she really was anything but. Aelin loosed a breath and moved on, finding the group of women she had been around last time. Georgiana Havilliard was still talking to Clarisse DuVency, walking around with glasses of champagne as they laughed and probably gossipped about other attendants, and the fabulous wedding party that they were sure to be invited to, supposed to be thrown by Aelin herself. Too bad that wouldn’t happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Aelin changed her walking path to make sure she ran into them, letting out a fake “oh!” when she did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh hello, Lady Hamel!” Mrs. Havilliard crooned. “I just talked to your mother, but I wasn’t sure when you were coming back down! Is everything okay with your husband?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yes,” Aelin lied, smiling and nodding. “I think he’s catching a bit of a cold, but he’s sleeping it off now. I had to practically </span>
  <em>
    <span>force </span>
  </em>
  <span>him to go to bed, he wanted to come back down and spend time with all of you, but I told him that he has to get better! I can’t stand when he’s not feeling well.” She was lying. Lying through her teeth with a sugary sweet tone that made her want to gag, but she was managing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well he has to get better before the wedding!” Clarisse said with a false cheer, trying to casually insert herself into the top social tier. “We can’t have our host out of commission.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course not,” Aelin agreed, tossing a hand. “He’ll be fine by then. I’ll make sure to take good care of him. I’m going to go check on him in a little bit. I left the lamp lit up there, so I’ll go back and see how he’s feeling before I go to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so sweet,” Mrs. Havilliard said, lifting a hand to her chest. “I wish Mr. Havilliard took care of me the same way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Aelin shrugged, a bashful smile and a blush on her face. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Think of Rowan. Think of Rowan. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She could survive this if she thought of him. “Newlyweds you know. We may be different in a few years.”</span>
</p><p>They laughed and cooed and then she was off, spouting the same bullshit to group after group, person after person, all the while waiting for Rowan to reappear.</p><p>
  <span>She even danced a few times, with Lorcan, with her father, with Dorian, keeping one eye on the door the whole time. Every second that passed by where Rowan wasn’t back was filling her body with more stress than it could handle. It made her back ache, her arms and legs tremble, her heart race with steady nerves that weren’t going away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“FIRE!” A frantic voice yelled. “FIRE UPSTAIRS!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Panic immediately broke out, the music cutting out in a shrill squeak as people registered what was said, the room filling with noise as people started shouting and running, desperate to get away. The young servant who’d spotted the flames got caught up in the chaos as people rushed both exits, no one stopping to think of the best plan of action.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin knew she was supposed to run, to get out of the house that was about to burn down, but she was frozen. Because of Rowan. Where was he?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Is anyone up there?” “What’s happening?” “Is everyone safe?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The voices rushed around her as she got caught up in the crowd. She couldn’t leave yet. She couldn’t leave him. She almost got knocked to the floor as someone rammed into her shoulder as they passed, all respect forgotten in the panic, but she still didn’t move, even as she saw the glow of the fire against the wood upstairs as it spread through the hallway up there. Arobynn’s body, Tern’s body, his room, her room, all her stuff. It was gone. </span>
</p><p>A strangled sob left her as someone grabbed her arm, yanking her through the bustling crowd as she fought to get to the stairs. Even amidst her fear for Rowan though, she knew she had to play this up. Lady Aelin Hamel’s husband was upstairs, her room was upstairs, all of her precious clothes and jewels were upstairs. She would be expected to be upset. Mrs. Aelin Whitethorn on the other hand, was just concerned about Rowan. And he was up there too. But no one cared about her.</p><p>
  <span>So she forced herself to shout Arobynn’s name as she threw herself against Lorcan’s grip. “Arobynn!” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rowan. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Arobynn!” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rowan.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She sobbed more as she was hauled away, letting people think she was crying over the loss of everything she cared about, because technically it was true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin barely felt the outside air as she was pulled out into the night, joining all the other guests and servants as they huddled in the street in front of her home. She darted her gaze up and down the house, around the sides and into the yard as she waited for Rowan to appear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is he?” She choked on a sob as fire burst one of the windows, the heat spreading downstairs. Fire marshals were already on the scene, trying to control it the best they could, but it was clear to everyone that the house was gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is he?” She said desperately again, looking up at Lorcan for the answer. He just shook his head with a sad expression on his face. </span>
</p><p>“I don’t know,” he murmured, voice full of regret.</p><p>
  <span>“Where is he?!” Aelin practically shouted, pushing away from his grip as she darted around, fighting through the crowd as she cried out desperately. A few more people tried to grab her, trying to comfort her and keep her from running back into the house. Tears were streaming down her face as she fought to get to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To Rowan. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Rowan, </span>
  </em>
  <span>who’d seen every single broken piece of her and vowed to put her back together, who was doing just that with every touch, every word, every reminder of his love. She didn’t want that love to be gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A cooler hand wrapped around hers, pulling her back as her heart beat so fast she couldn’t breathe. Tears burned her eyes and blurred her vision, so she barely made out the sight of her mother before she was collapsing into her arms, hugging her tight. Everything else was </span>
  <em>
    <span>too much, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she just wanted her mother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he gone, mama?” She whispered, sniffing back tears. Evalin ran a hand down her hair, trying to soothe her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything will turn out fine,” she said, deflecting the question. It just made Aelin start crying again, ignoring everything else around her until she heard some familiar sounding footsteps a few yards to her right. She looked up hesitantly, crying harder as she saw Rowan, watching as he approached Lorcan and a few others gathered around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he said, “I was looking for the bathroom and got stuck as the fire was spreading. I had to jump out through a window.” He looked over and smiled slightly at her, and she nearly laughed at his words, at the excuse he came up with for the wounds on his face. It worked, but the mischief in his eyes brought a little lightness to her heart. </span>
</p><p>She was still crying, but she was smiling at him too as the rest of her life burned to ashes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>————</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took two more days for things to finally calm down enough to where Aelin could breathe. After the fire had been extinguished, leaving her house burnt to a crisp but saving the surrounding ones, the crowd had begun tapering off, and she had gone with her mother back to her family home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So now she was staying in her childhood bedroom, back in the place that she’d never thought she’d be in again. It was peaceful there, the willow tree outside her window the same as it had been her whole life, the light pink curtains and blankets exactly as she remembered. Birds were chirping, and Aelin thought it was a nice place to relax.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was laying on her bed, tucked under the blanket with a hand brushing over Fleetfoot’s fur. Elide had dropped her off the day before. Aelin would’ve gone to get her herself, but she was on strict bed rest, being told her “emotional trauma” was too much for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She would never admit she was affected by what happened, choosing to believe she was being shut up for no good reason other than appearances.  Or maybe for her back, which was scarring over slowly. She hadn’t garnered the courage to look at it yet, despite the mirror in her room. She just kept the bandage wrapped on it tight. A proper bandage this time, not one salvaged from the sheets she’d been violated on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin smiled as Fleetfoot leaned up and licked her face, joyous to be reunited. It was a small step, but a momentous one, same as moving back into this room. It was a move toward reclaiming her life, taking it back under her control. Now that she was free.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A knock on her door sounded, and she glanced up to see her mother hesitantly opening the door. “Can I come in?” She asked cautiously. Aelin nodded, looking down at her bed as Evalin came and perched on the edge, shutting the door behind her. “How are you feeling?” She continued, furrowing her brows. Aelin sat up slightly, slowly leaning against the headboard to make sure it didn’t irritate her back before relaxing all the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Overwhelmed,” she said honestly, chuckling to bring some lightness to the dark answer. She didn’t mention that she’d cried herself to sleep the past two nights, and then had woken up in the middle of the night both times from nightmares that Arobynn wasn’t dead, that he was going to walk in her room, that he was going to be angry at her and decide to act. Or from nightmares of him cutting into her skin, the helplessness she’d felt as she was shoved onto that bed. She hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep after that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s understandable,” Evalin said diplomatically, nodding. “A lot happened. A lot of which I don’t know. I hope you’ll trust me enough one day to tell me.” Her voice tapered off, a hint of sadness overtaking it. Aelin’s mouth tightened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so too.” She looked at her mother, before leaning forward and grabbing her hand. Evalin looked at it, and then smiled softly up at her. “And I hope you can fill me in on your side of the story too, so that we can work toward that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Evalin squeezed her hand, leaning in to pet Fleetfoot too, running her hand through her soft fur. “To be honest, I don’t really know when it all started. When my views got warped I stopped seeing my daughter as a person.” She sighed. “Maybe it was when I was told I couldn’t have another child, and I threw my grief into trying to make you have the best life possible, ignoring that I was making everything worse.” She looked up, furrowing her brows as if contemplating. “That kind of hurt - it doesn’t go away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin’s lip trembled, focusing her gaze on Fleetfoot. “Yes, I know.” And she </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>know, the sting of her loss still hurting all these months later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But that’s not an excuse, and I’m sorry.” Evalin looked at her, the sorrow in her eyes adamant. “I know I wrecked everything, and I’m so sorry for my role in it.” Now. Now was the time. She could tell her about what she’d learned, about how it wasn’t really her fault at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin shook her head. “He caused it all,” she clarified, “I found that out. He manipulated father into taking that investment so we’d lose all of our money and you’d be forced to give me to him. It was never you two, it was him all along.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her mother’s eyes filled with horror and devastation, her mouth dropping open before she snapped it closed, anger taking over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” she stuttered, “then </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>him.” The curse sounded unnatural from her lips and Aelin couldn’t help but laugh, a tear slipping out at the sentiment of the words. </span>
</p><p>“Thank you,” Aelin whispered, tears blurring her vision. Evalin just shook her head.</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t thank me for doing something I should’ve done a long time ago.” Her tone was filled with disgust for herself, before she took a deep breath, looking back up at her. “It was your words at the ball that made me snap out of it, when you threatened to cut ties with me. I turned the words over and over in my mind, wondering where it went wrong, and then I realized it was me. So I went and found Aedion after you left, and I talked to him.” Aelin froze. “I apologized for my behavior, and said I would love to meet Miss Ennar, and would be happy to bless the marriage. It was a few months later than it should’ve been, but I’m trying to make amends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Evalin’s eyes were filled with tears too. “I only wish I’d been able to find that clarity long ago. And I know this doesn’t make up for everything I’ve done, everything I’ve contributed to, but I’d like to start again. I love you </span>
  <em>
    <span>so so </span>
  </em>
  <span>much, Aelin. You’re the pride and joy of my life. The only thing that really matters. And I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you’re happy. I just hope I can do enough to deserve your forgiveness.” Her voice trailed off after the declaration, tears spilling over her cheeks. And in that moment, Aelin truly saw her mother for the first time. And saw a person not too different from herself. Maybe she veered off the path along the way, but they both had that same heart of fire.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I forgive you already,” Aelin managed to say, smiling a watery smile at her. “You’re my mother, of course I do.” She sniffed, trying to quell her tears as she looked down at Fleetfoot, considering. Her mother had explained, it was her turn to tell her story if she wished. And she did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a deep breath and looked back up, meeting Evalin’s blue eyes with a soft smile as she thought about the words she was going to say. “Do you remember all those years ago, when we went out to the Florine River because the weather was so nice? And we met that other family there?” Evalin nodded, furrowing her brows in confusion. “That’s when I first met Rowan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That long ago?” Her mother’s voice was incredulous. “You’ve known him since then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin chuckled. “Not quite. I didn’t meet him again for many years after that.” She sighed and leaned back against the headboard more, smiling as Fleetfoot shifted to lay her head on her leg. “But when I did, I couldn’t say goodbye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And so she spilled the story of their secret love, telling their tale of joy and woe, every moment where he made her feel like the most important thing in the world, and every moment where she thought she was going to die from the ache of not being able to have him. From the decisions they both made, to their painful separation and the letters she wrote. She told her about the tragedy that struck them both, the joy turning sour too damn quickly. And then about when he came back, and they reunited, and how the passion between them had never really gone away, just growing over the years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the end, both of them were crying. Evalin, from hearing all of this for the first time, the pain her daughter had gone through. Aelin, for reliving it all, but also feeling the simple joy of being loved. Not just by Rowan, but by her too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re strong, Aelin,” Evalin whispered, standing up and leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead. “Your spirit is strong, don’t ever forget that.” And with that, she left, telling her to get some rest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin nodded, smiling at her as she left, and then sighed, dropping her head to look at her dog.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I strong, Fleetfoot? What do you think?” She didn’t answer of course, but she chuckled at herself anyway. The lightness in her heart faded though as the movement sent a shot of pain to her back. Could she call herself strong if she couldn’t even face that? She didn’t think so. But she wanted to be able to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So with a heavy feeling, Aelin pushed herself slowly to a stand, every nerve on edge as she walked across her rug, every brush of the fibers on her skin lighting up as she trembled. She could do this. She could come to terms with this. His last mark on her. It was the first step to forgetting him.</span>
</p><p>She breathed deeply, trying to expel her nerves as she turned in front of her mirror, pulling down the straps of her old nightgown so she could get to the bandage. She reached to the tie on the side, unwrapping it the best she could with her shaking hands. Slowly, her heart racing, Aelin pulled off the bandage, squeezing her eyes shut as air brushed the skin before slowly, ever so slowly, she peeled open her eyes. And there it was.</p><p>WHORE</p><p>
  <span>She let out a shuddering sigh, a rush of emotions pouring through her as a piece of her heart cracked. The word was angry against her pale skin, the red lines thick and stark from the brutality of the knife. She shouldn’t’ve been surprised, he used to call her that all the time. But... still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blinked back a tear and looked away, unable to stare at it any longer. It was one thing to hear the word thrown at you when you were already in a state of defense, but to see it etched into your skin - a burning rose in her throat and she barely made it to the bathroom before she was vomiting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin sobbed as she laid her head back against the wall, giving herself one minute to break down. She tucked her legs into herself, wrapping her arms around them as she dropped her head to her knees. One minute to grieve, one minute to let it all go, one minute to collapse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then when that minute passed, she straightened up, wiping at her eyes as she methodically walked back into her room, the rug barely making an impression as she numbly walked back to the mirror. And she turned and stared that ugly word in the face, clenching her jaw. She was better than that. She wouldn’t let it defeat her. She wouldn’t let his final attempt at staining her be the thing that she couldn’t recover from. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>She was strong.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>------------</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rowan took a breath as he knocked on the front door, stepping back and putting his hands in his pockets as he waited for someone to answer. Anticipation was rolling in his stomach, his hands shaking slightly as he waited and waited and waited. He hadn’t seen Aelin since the day everything happened, three days ago now, and every single second of those felt like too many.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t been at the Galathynius house in ages, but the sight was familiar to him, a staple in Orynth. He was glad Aelin was back here, was glad she was offered that little bit of comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The whole city had been buzzing for days, the news passing from person to person as quick as a sharp gust of wind. The fire was common knowledge, as it wasn’t every day that a giant house in the middle of town burnt down while hosting one of the biggest balls of the year. But now the other piece was confirmed.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lord Arobynn Hamel had died in the fire. Leaving his poor wife, Lady Aelin Hamel, a widow. </span>
</p><p>Tern was confirmed dead too, but no one cared about him. Rowan was just glad that there seemed to be no suspicion surrounding the deaths, as everyone just accepted that the fire was the reason, started by a lamp left lit in the room, left too close to a handkerchief and a very flammable wooden desk. Ignoring the fact that Rowan himself had doused the handkerchief and desk in oil from the lamp and had taken a flame from the lamp to set it on fire, spreading it more artificially than the accident that people were proposing.</p><p>
  <span>It just made it easier for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It helped that everyone was sympathetic toward Aelin, and her devastating loss. First her baby, and now her husband, who she’d only been married to for a little over a year. So no one wanted to break her heart further by theorizing it was murder. Despite the fact that she was the one who’d murdered him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But because of the appearances of it, no one was allowed to come visit her right now, for an indefinite amount of time, while she grieved. Rowan knew she wouldn’t agree with it, but he thought it was smart, as she didn’t need to be forced to deal with people’s fake apologies and sorrow. They were only sorry for themselves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was taking a chance by coming today, but he couldn’t bear not seeing her any longer. He hoped Evalin would let him in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few minutes, where Rowan had considered leaving, the door opened, revealing Evalin Galathynius herself, who was already smiling at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to intrude -” he began, but she was already waving him inside.</span>
</p><p>“She’s in the library,” she said, gesturing to a hallway heading to the back. Rowan nodded in thanks and walked in, passing her as she disappeared back into the parlor.</p><p>
  <span>He took another deep breath as he walked down the hallway, barely taking in the expensive art and decor that made up the Galathynius home. All he could think about was Aelin. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Aelin.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He grasped the handle of the door, opening it slowly, revealing the large library. Huge bookshelves spanned the walls, comfy chairs and couches lining the middle. It was exactly a type of room she would love, and he knew she would want a room similar to it in their future home. The thought made him smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin was sitting curled up in a comfy looking armchair, with a book in her arms that she seemingly just started, given the way she had it open to the first page. There was no ring in sight. Rowan couldn’t help but stand and watch her for a second, leaning against the doorframe and reveling in the peacefulness on her features. He knew it was likely a facade, but it had been so long since he’d seen her look so untroubled, and it soothed his heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stayed on that page for a while before flipping to the next, and when she moved her head, she caught on his figure and looked up, smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rowan,” she breathed before jumping up and running to him. She leapt into his arms laughing, and he spun her around, his arms tight around hers as he dropped his head to her neck and breathed her in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you, I love you, I love you,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her skin with each iteration, making her giggle. He set her down, and she buried her face in his chest, smiling into him. </span>
</p><p>“I love you too,” she said, looking up and resting her chin on his shirt.</p><p>
  <span>“How’ve you been?” He asked, caressing a hand gently down her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know,” she said softly, “Everyone keeps asking me that.”</span>
</p><p>“And what’s your answer?” He replied softly too, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really know,” she said honestly, before huffing. “There’s a lot to - process.” She shook her head, looking to the side, away from him. “I looked at my back yesterday,” she said, almost guiltily, even though she had no reason to be. His heart ached for how small she sounded. </span>
</p><p>“And how do you feel about it?” He asked carefully, trying to prompt her into sharing her feelings without overwhelming or pushing her. He brushed one hand gently over the bandage. Her eyes darkened.</p><p>
  <span>“I’d rather just pretend it’s not there at all,” she sighed, “and it helps that I can’t really see it, but I’m dealing with it. I will deal with it. I’m just not right now.” She shook her head, still looking away. Rowan decided not to press more, just leaning forward and placing a small kiss on her forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, whenever you decide you’re ready, I’ll be here to help you. Just like I always am.” He was glad the words were true. Aelin smiled and looked up at him, pursing her lips, asking for a kiss. He obliged. But there was a flicker of worry in the back of his mind, a little nag of a doubt that was wondering if she still wanted this, still wanted </span>
  <em>
    <span>him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He figured he should address it. “Aelin - “ he began, and he could see her eyes shutter at his hard tone, could see her mental barriers go up, like it was a natural defense. “I know we promised things, and I still stand by my promise, but I know things have changed. And I don’t want to rush you into anything, or if maybe your feelings have changed, or if you just want space after all of this, I understand.” His words were rushed, his heart already breaking at the thought of having to stay away from her. But he would, if that’s what she wanted. </span>
</p><p>But Aelin’s eyes warmed and she laughed, a bright musical sound.</p><p>“For someone so smart, you really are a dumbass.” She shook her head again, a brilliant smile on her face. She lifted her hand to cup his cheek. “Yes, things have changed, and I know I’ve changed and I know I have issues and things to work through, but I’d love it if you were there by my side.”</p><p>
  <span>“Thank the gods,” he muttered, before sweeping her in for a deeper kiss. She laughed into it until they had to break it because they were both smiling too much. There were still shadows in her eyes, flickers of things she was pushing away, but it meant everything to him that she could still go through all of that and smile. They settled into a hug, his arms holding her in tight, before she stepped back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I take you somewhere?” She asked carefully, and he nodded hesitantly. “There’s something I want to show you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--------------</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The air was a bit colder than he expected, but the birds were still singing and the sun was still bright as they made their way to their destination. Aelin’s hand was clasped in his, her knuckles almost white with how hard she was gripping. Rowan was gripping just as hard back, needing her support as much as he was offering hers. </span>
</p><p>Because he knew where they were going. He knew the moment they got into the carriage and she asked the driver to take them to the Florine River.</p><p>
  <span>There could only be one thing she wanted to show him there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hand started shaking as they approached, the sounds of the gently flowing river getting louder, and he just squeezed her hand tighter. But his own heart was beating faster, if only to keep itself from splintering. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tree was up ahead, with the swing that he’d carved </span>
  <em>
    <span>To Whatever End</span>
  </em>
  <span> in, and the words were never more fitting than now, when he saw the new addition. Because there was a gravestone now, right in front of the trunk of the tree, the river behind it and the birds overhead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He let out a shuddering breath as Aelin broke from him to go ahead and kneel in front of it, brushing her hand over the simple carving. All it said was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Eliott. </span>
  </em>
  <span>No other adornment, no other name. Just that one was enough. Rowan’s heart clenched as he knelt next to her, staying silent as he breathed in the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi baby,” Aelin murmured, letting her hand drop as she started talking. “I know I haven’t been here in a while. A lot’s been going on, but I’m sorry to have stayed away.” Her voice was soft, a sad smile on her face as she talked to their daughter. “Maybe one day I’ll tell you about it, about everything that led us here, but not today. Because today I brought your father with me, for the first time.” Rowan sniffed back a tear as Aelin gestured to him slightly, still looking at the stone. “And he loves you just as much as I do, with all of his heart, just like he loves me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed, her voice shaky with emotion as she continued. “And I know we never got the chance to meet you, but he would’ve been the best father in the world, and you would’ve been the most cared for and adored little girl.” Rowan reached for her hand quickly as her voice broke, holding it in his lap as she held back a sob. “Life is complicated, and messy, and I’m so sorry that it’s kept us apart from you. But I hope that one day, we’ll all be reunited, and I’ll finally get to see your face.” She shuddered then, a tear spilling down her cheek, but she closed her eyes, composing herself as she finished her speech.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan’s heart was breaking, a tear slipping down his own face as his throat felt too tight to even breathe. But he did. He breathed in and out, matching them with the incredible woman sitting next to him. They returned to silence, letting the birds chirp as they sat there, keeping each other strong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He never cared about her,” she finally said, her voice quiet as she referenced Arobynn. “Never for one moment when he knew she was yours did he care about what happened. He wanted me to forget, when that was the opposite of what I could do.” She was reiterating what she’d said in the letters, but he let her talk, wanting her to share whatever she was feeling. “That’s when I truly knew he was soulless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a deep breath. “He was spiteful about it too, throwing it at me whenever he could, calling me a failure, a waste, a useless wife.” His heart squeezed, remembering that time at dinner when he’d brought it up and she’d left to go get some air. “It was the one thing that I never could avoid. I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> affected by it. And he knew it.” Her voice shook. “He even put a provision in his will saying I couldn't inherit his money unless we had an heir, knowing that I likely wouldn’t be able to.” </span>
</p><p>Rowan looked at her, horror and anger filling up inside him at the words. But she just sighed and rested her head on his shoulder, a small triumphant smile curling on her face. “But I survived him, and I beat him too. Not just because he’s dead, but because of that will.” He furrowed his brows in confusion, but didn’t interrupt. “I can thank you for that actually. He was so egotistical he only had one copy of it, hidden in his office desk.” She actually chuckled slightly, a humorless one. “And now that desk is burnt to the ground, leaving him without a will.” His eyes widened, that meant… “and now, according to Orynth law, his next of kin can come collect his wealth from the bank within the next seven years before it’s taken by the government.”</p><p>
  <span>“And his next of kin is you,” he breathed, and she squeezed his hand. </span>
</p><p>“I now own everything he owned, his money, his assets, his company,” she said, smiling. “I can get us a house, I can make sure my parents’ company is set, I can give Vaughan that job he was denied, I can do whatever we want.”</p><p>
  <span>Rowan laughed incredulously, reveling in her brilliance. They’d factored in his wealth in their plan, and he’d been the one to come up with the solution for Vaughan in the first place, but she’d made it reality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re amazing, Fireheart,” he said, kissing the top of her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s all part of my charm.” She smiled again. He breathed another laugh and shook his head, before looking back out at the grave and the water behind it. It felt right, for her to be out here, with nature, at the place where he and Aelin had first met. Where they’d said goodbye. Where they now took those next steps together, finally ready for the future they’d only been able to dream about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat there in the quiet, enjoying the peacefulness, and soon, Aelin was closing her eyes, resting against his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her, holding her close as he began to talk himself, saying the words held inside him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Eliott,” he said quietly, trying not to disturb Aelin. “I’m your father, Rowan. I’m sure your mother’s mentioned me at least once, and I’m sorry I haven’t been here before now.” He sighed. “Like she said earlier, there’s been a lot happening, a lot of turmoil and a lot of stress. But I’m glad I got to come now, glad I got to see you. You and your mother are the most important people in my life.” He trailed off, his throat tight as a tear slipped out. “Your mother has been through a lot recently, more than anyone should ever have to go through. And I wish I’d been able to protect her from it, been able to protect you both. But life doesn’t always work that way.” He couldn’t stop the tears now. “But I promise to keep her safe from now on, until we can finally meet you.” He reached a hand out, feeling the cool stone just like she had. “I love you.” </span>
</p><p>He knew Aelin wasn’t sleeping when he saw the tear stream down her rosy cheek, when he saw her sniff and open her eyes, deep emotion filling them as she looked at him. Love, and sorrow, and compassion… and hope.</p><p>
  <span>And in that moment, Rowan knew they would be okay. Maybe they weren’t yet, and it would take a while for them to get there, but they were together now, they were safe. And he wouldn’t let anything separate them ever again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To whatever end,” he whispered, looking down at her. Aelin linked their fingers, her eyes misty as she smiled a beautifully bittersweet smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To whatever end.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>26. Epilogue - Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So i decided to split the epilogue into two parts because it was getting way too long. So here’s the first part! Hope you enjoy!<br/>CW: mentions of sexual assault, NSFW, slight panic attack</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>August, 1887</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aelin knew she wouldn’t get a single wink of sleep that night, for a multitude of reasons. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For one, she hadn’t been sure Aedion was ever going to leave her alone to even go upstairs to bed, badgering her and Elide, who’d recently found out she was with child, about the early stages of pregnancy, and the best ways to try for one. He’d asked her many times if she was comfortable talking about it, and she’d assured him just as much that she was. She’d had to add that there wasn’t much advice she could really give, but she was willing to try. He’d taken that statement and run. And despite her insistence she was fine, it still weighed on her mind hours later.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Secondly, the finishing touches of her house were supposed to be done that day, and the workers were hours behind schedule, which was causing her a lot of stress, because everything had to be finished by tomorrow night. Because tomorrow was her wedding day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which brought her to her third reason. She was going to be up all night because she was so filled with anxiety and anticipation and nerves that she didn’t think she’d be able to close her eyes without wishing they were already married so Rowan could be with her. She’d see him in less than twenty four hours, but she needed him now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aelin didn’t know what the issue was, didn’t know exactly what was driving her to chew her lip practically to shreds, but she had an idea. Even though it had been a year since his death, and over two years since </span>
  <em>
    <span>their</span>
  </em>
  <span> wedding day, it kind of felt like none of it happened, like it was all a bad dream and she was waking up and getting ready to marry him instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was sleeping in her childhood bedroom, there was a garment bag with a dress hanging on the door, there was the roiling in her stomach that she was pretty sure was going to make an appearance soon, and worst of all, Rowan wasn’t there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She took a deep breath. He was dead. He wasn’t coming back. She was getting married to Rowan, and they were going to live in the house they’d built together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yes, </span>
  <em>
    <span>together. </span>
  </em>
  <span>They would be together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One of Aelin’s first steps after things had calmed down the year prior was making sure she got the inheritance she’d worked for. After waiting a decent amount of time of course, to avoid any suspicion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The banker had been sympathetic, and happy to help out, especially when she wore her best black, with a low cut neckline she accentuated, and started crying in the middle of the meeting. He was perfectly amicable after that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aelin had been forced to wear black for many many months, stuck in a period of “mourning” when the only thing she was mourning was the fact that she couldn’t kill him again. But that wasn’t all the way true. She was mourning the person she’d been before she even married him, the person without the constant heaviness pressing down on her. She ignored that heaviness most days, so well that the only person who really noticed was Rowan. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The step after securing the money was making sure that his, </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>, company was sorted. Turns out, he didn’t actually do much with it on a day to day basis, so it was pretty self sufficient. She made sure to give Vaughan the job that he’d been unfairly denied, and he was pretty much running things now. She’d trusted Rowan’s judgement for that decision, unsure on her own, but Vaughan was proving them both right.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He and Lyria were married now, with a beautiful baby girl, and they were both incredibly grateful to her. Aelin just deflected, saying she was the grateful one, for all they’d done for her before. Because it was true.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next thing that she’d made sure to do was officially put in her offer to the bank for 510 Mistward Street. The house that had watched their relationship blossom. When Aelin had thought of the idea to renovate it and live there, Rowan had agreed heartily, and kissed her so much she felt breathless. The memory brought a smile to her face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her offer had been accepted quite quickly, as no one else was even remotely interested in the disaster, but it had taken the whole year to fix it up. The house was falling apart, and she’d had to hire workers to take it from the very bones to the masterpiece that it was now. Rowan hadn’t seen it yet, and she was excited to see his reaction. A surprise from her for their wedding day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which was tomorrow. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tomorrow. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A smile crept onto her lips, a soft, peaceful one as she thought of him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d really been her rock the whole year, the one thing she was always sure was going to be there for her to lean on. Unfortunately though, to avoid too much scandal and suspicion, they’d had to maintain a certain distance the whole time. Aelin was still living with her parents, not quite back on her feet, and he was living at his house. There was only a certain amount of times he could visit without it drawing notice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So they’d taken to using Aedion’s house quite a bit. She’d visit under the guise of him being her cousin, and he’d visit under the guise of him being his friend. Just conveniently at the same time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aedion had been shocked when they’d told him, holding hands as he looked at them with confusion. But he’d been happy after a moment, hugging them both. Rowan had been particularly nervous, but Aedion had thanked him for being there for his cousin, after yelling at him for leaving for a year. Aelin had shoved him back for that, explaining it all to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Aedion was happy to host them then, understanding why they couldn’t be that visible to the public.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not that she really cared. No. She’d grown way past caring what the city thought of her, and luckily her mother did too. But she didn’t want Rowan in any way shape or form to be associated with the death of her husband, and people may get suspicious if he was seen as trying to scoop her up so quickly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even though several people already were. Once her parents had started taking social calls again, Aelin had almost had to shut it down due to the sheer number of people showing up. There were the socialites, and the vapid elites, offering their fake sympathies while not so subtly asking if she was planning on continuing the same sort of social life her husband had maintained. Which was a resounding no. Then there were the single gentlemen, who were only the slightest bit connected to him, coming by in swarms trying to charm the newly made wealthy widow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rourke Farran had been the worst of those, waltzing in with his sleazy smile and his eyes that held nothing but promises of bad intentions. Aelin had been forced to talk to him, as he was a close friend of her husband, but she’d been disgusted by the way he looked at her, as if he expected her to be interested in him just because he was the same sort of person as his friend. He should’ve known it would be just the opposite.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So she’d made him leave quite quickly, and then had found an excuse to go to Rowan’s to vent about it to him. He’d asked if she wanted to announce their engagement so everyone would leave her alone, but she’d shook her head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wanted a small wedding, so unnoticeable that no one would know about it until it was too late to interfere. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And that’s what she was getting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aelin sighed and rolled over in her bed, staring up at the ceiling, making sure to track the pattern etched in over time, consciously telling herself it was different from the ceiling she’d stared at in bed for a year. It had been a few hours, and she still couldn’t sleep. Probably not the best thing given she likely wouldn’t get much sleep the next night either, but she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>going to take a sleeping tonic, having sworn those off after everything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was always a reason she couldn’t sleep, it wasn’t just random, so she’d learned to identify that cause instead of just managing the result.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Aelin sat up, pushing the blanket off of herself as she turned, searching for her slippers. Fleetfoot whined, looking up at her sleepily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go back to sleep, girl,” she whispered, pulling her dressing robe on. But Fleetfoot just got up, slinking tiredly over to her, a constant loyal companion. Aelin chuckled at the sight. “Fine, but don’t be a bother tomorrow because you’re tired.” Fleetfoot shook her head like she was shaking the tiredness off, looking up at her with as much of a smile as a dog could give, and Aelin reached down and scratched her head, laughing again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sighed and headed to the door, opening it quietly to head out into the hallway. The issue with today was that there wasn’t one specific issue on her mind. There was just a mess of unease. A mess of nerves and bad memories pushing at her head, traveling invisible hands on her body, heaviness in her heart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe a glass of water would help. It was the only thing she could think of without Rowan there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She walked down the hallway carefully, trying not to disturb her parents in their room, or the servants downstairs as she and Fleetfoot made their way down into the kitchen. She filled a glass from the tap quietly, sipping on it as she went back upstairs to the main parlor, breathing deeply and holding the glass with both hands as she watched the outdoors through the front window. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was dark outside, and the stars were shining, so she focused on that, letting a small smile creep on her face as she thought of the time Rowan had dragged her out in the middle of the night to go look at the constellations. She’d gotten a stern look from her father when they got back inside, which had Rowan stuttering out an apology before Rhoe laughed and clapped him on the back. Both her parents were ecstatic for them, just happy that she was going to be happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And to think, once they were married, they didn’t need anyone’s permission to go look at the stars. They could just go do it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aelin closed her eyes, resting in that moment, before turning to head back upstairs. Hopefully that would be enough to calm her down. Even if her heart was racing, like something or someone was going to jump out at her any second. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She huffed as she climbed the stairs, hands shaking and making water spill out of the top of the glass. Fleetfoot whined when Aelin stopped, bracing herself against the rail as she took slow breaths, fighting the nausea inside of her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” she told her dog, trying to chuckle, “just moved too quickly.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a moment, she pushed off the rail, taking careful steps back to her room, ignoring the panicky feeling in her chest. Once inside, Aelin went to set the glass on her nightstand, spilling part of it in the process.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit,” she cursed, watching as it ran down to the floor. She grabbed a handkerchief she’d abandoned and used it to try and clean up the spill, a tear forming in her eye as she watched her hands shake. She leaned forward and rested her head on the edge of the table, dropping her gaze to the floor as she breathed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And that’s when she saw it. She furrowed her brows as she reached for the little corner of paper, half hidden under the nightstand. She picked it up, revealing a full unopened envelope. A maid must’ve brought it up and it fell before she could find it. Her heart stopped when she noticed the handwriting on the front. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was from </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rowan, </span>
  </em>
  <span>dated with that day’s date.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She plopped herself onto her bed and opened it quickly, well as quickly as she could with her shaky hands. Fleetfoot jumped up with her, giving her a kiss before circling and plopping down next to her. Aelin ran a hand over her fur as she unfolded the letter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Fireheart,</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know if you’ll read this by the time you go to sleep tonight, if a maid will bring it to you or if you’ll even see it in all the chaos of the day. I dropped it off this morning, right outside your front door, so hopefully the travel time isn’t long. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She chuckled, a smile remaining curled up on her face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know I saw you yesterday, and I know I’ll see you tomorrow, but I can’t help but wish I could see you right now too. I wish I could spend everyday with you, every heartbeat and memory shared. And the answer two years ago would’ve been devastating, but the answer now is exactly the one I want to hear. Because now we do get to spend everyday together, our heartbeats and our memories will be shared. And I can’t fucking wait.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A tear rolled down her cheek as she read the letter, her free hand twirling her ring around her finger. She didn’t wear it in public yet, but she wore it whenever she was at home, reveling in its weight on her skin, so much different from the other ring, which was sitting abandoned in a drawer. She couldn’t quite bring herself to throw it away, but she didn’t want it to be anywhere where she could see it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m so ecstatic to be able to call you my wife, to be able to hug you whenever I want, to kiss you whenever I want, to be there at your side whenever you need me. And something tells me you probably need me right now. Not to sound too presumptuous, because I know you never like to admit you aren’t okay, but I know you, Aelin, and I know some things you’ve tried to bury may be coming up. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And that’s why I’m writing this. Because as your future husband, and as the man who loves you more than he ever thought was possible, I want to make sure you feel safe. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aelin looked down, squeezing her hand tightly to stop the shaking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So let this letter be a reminder. He’s gone. He’s dead. He can’t ever come back and find you. You don’t ever have to go through anything like that again. I’ll be here for you for the rest of our lives, and I promise that I’ll protect you from anything that may try to harm you. I love you so, so much Aelin, so much that I sometimes feel like I may die from it, and I’ll do anything before I let something hurt you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The words made her tears stronger, spilling from both eyes now as she basked in the pure love radiating from the ink. He loved her, and there wasn’t anything that would get in the way of that. Because Arobynn was gone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I’ll talk about some lighter things too. This may make you mad, but I walked past our house the other day, not even on purpose, I was there before I realized. And I saw the work you’ve done so far. I can’t even recognize it anymore. But that’s good, because that place was a shithole. But I can still see the same hint of warmth that that house had, even when it was nothing but rotting wood and some falling bricks. I mean, that house has done a lot for us, and the mailbox out front, so I can’t exactly be too critical.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But you can’t get too mad at me, because I have absolutely no idea what the inside will look like, and I cannot wait to see. I can’t wait to get married tomorrow, to pick you up in your wedding dress and carry you through the door to the house we’ll live in together. I can’t wait to make it our own, to see our life play out in those four walls, see our love only grow. I can’t wait for our family to maybe one day grow, to hear little footprints running up and down the stairs, with Fleetfoot right by their side. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Our life is about to begin tomorrow, our real life, the one we should’ve had two years ago. And that’s the most I could’ve ever asked for. You letting me stay by your side.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>To whatever end,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Rowan</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin cried into her pillow, happy tears for the first time in what felt like forever. She was smiling at the letter too, a fond one that left her thinking what she had done to deserve a man who would do something like that for her. One who knew that this night would be hard for her, and had done something to try and ease the burden. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” she whispered to the paper, to Rowan, who was only minutes away. And she fell asleep easily with the letter clutched to her heart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rowan woke up that morning with a smile on his face that he couldn’t seem to temper. He’d be going about his morning routine, brushing his hair and wrangling his cuff links from wherever they had found themselves in his closet, and a smile would grace his lips the whole time. Simply because of what that day was, and who he would see in a few hours.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because he would soon get to call Aelin Galathynius his wife. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Finally. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After so many years, so much turmoil and heartbreak, they’d get a happy ending. Well, as much of one as possible. He wasn’t naive enough to think that this was going to erase everything that happened. His ring for her couldn’t erase the invisible weight of the old one. His kisses couldn’t get rid of the heaviness in her eyes. His touch couldn’t wipe away the scar on her back. But he could try.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rowan sighed as he finished buttoning up his shirt and jacket, making sure his hair was styled but still a little floppy, like Aelin had said she liked. The smile returned. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gods, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he was lucky. But, only some of it was luck. He was lucky that she let him be by her side, but they’d worked hard to be where they were now. Especially her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A knock sounded on his front door, and Rowan left his room, trekking down the hallway to the front entryway. He’d sent his housekeeper and butler home, telling them it was a day to celebrate and that he could handle himself. And he could. They were really just a formality. He’d talked about it with Aelin, and since they were going to be moving into a bigger house, they’d need a few more servants. But they both agreed to keep it to a minimum, wanting to be a little more simple and self-sufficient now. She for sure didn’t want the suffocating presence of dozens of silent servants, staring at her while she suffered and not doing anything about it. Not that that would happen now, but he knew it would still make her uncomfortable. And this was supposed to be the opposite of that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything he was doing now was to make sure she felt as safe as possible.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just like the letter he wrote her yesterday, trying to give her a little bit of comfort when he couldn’t himself. Her parents and all of their friends were traditionalists, insisting that the pair not see each other the night before. Aelin and him hadn’t been too thrilled, but they’d listened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rowan,” Aedion greeted with a smile, waiting on the other side of the door. Rowan opened the door further, to let his friend and one of his groomsmen walk in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey man,” he said, but Aedion didn’t enter, just pulling out an envelope from his jacket.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t come in, I have to get back to the fussy bride,” he joked, “but I’m supposed to give you this.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rowan smiled softly and took the letter from him, running a thumb over the ink that spelled out </span>
  <em>
    <span>Buzzard.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“</span>
  </em>
  <span>I’ll see you at the temple,” Aedion said, before mock-saluting him and leaving. Rowan chuckled and walked back into his house, sliding down onto the couch in the front parlor and opening the letter quickly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Buzzard,</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you for the beautiful letter. I’d say it brought me to tears but I was crying already so I can’t really attribute that to you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rowan laughed, imagining her writing the words with that snarky smile of hers, knowing he would automatically know it was a joke. Even if it concerned him at the same time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I appreciate the sentiment just the same. You truly are the one who knows me best. The only one who knew that last night would be hard for me. But it’s frustrating because I don’t even know why. It’s just lingering feelings all festering in the back of my mind, and they decided to come out last night.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But enough of that. It’s our wedding day, and I won’t ruin it with that gloominess. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can easily imagine how you look right now, with your hair and jacket askew, a dopey smile on your face that you can’t seem to calm. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He scowled jokingly at how right the description was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m about to have a whole parade of people helping me. Marion, my mother, Elide, Lysandra, and my maid, so I barely have time to write this. I just needed to let you know that I love you, and I appreciate everything you do for me. I truly don’t know where I would be without you in my life. Well I do know, and it’s not something I like to think about. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t wait to see you in a few hours and finally get to call you my husband. It’s certainly been long enough. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love, Aelin</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>P.S. I’m mad about the house. How dare you ruin my glorious surprise?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rowan laughed, setting the letter down on a table as he stood up, heading to finish getting ready. He’d have to add that to the collection he had from over the years. True to his word, he hadn’t gotten rid of a single one of them, and he wasn’t planning on it. He’d build a shrine out of them if he could, that physical proof of their love, but he knew Aelin would curse him for a fool. She knew what those letters meant to him of course, but she would be fondly exasperated all the same.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gods, he couldn’t wait to see her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next few hours passed by in a blur of anticipation, his stomach rolling with nervous excitement as he waited. And then he was going, sitting in the back of a carriage with his arms braced on his legs, the dopey smile returned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He watched the street as he passed, confused at how the world could look so normal when everything was about to change. But to be fair, no one knew they were getting married. Aelin didn’t want a lot of societal pressure or invasion of privacy, and he understood completely. After a year shoved into the spotlight, it made sense that she wanted to be left alone. And after the murders and the fire and that damned ball, he knew she wanted to keep all suspicion away from him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t care either way, he just wanted to marry her. And he was about to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rowan took a deep breath as they pulled up to the temple, the small one that Aelin’s family usually went to. It wasn’t the main one downtown that she’d gotten married at last time. This one was smaller, more private, a little more homey. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He barely registered getting inside, being pulled up to the front quickly by Aedion and Lorcan, who were both smiling, the former’s broader than the small one of the latter. Vaughan and Lyria were sitting down, their newborn cradled in Lyria’s arms. Elide was off somewhere, as well as Lysandra, likely with Aelin and her mother. Marion and Cal were sitting on the other aisle from Vaughan and Lyria, chatting quietly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was then that Evalin appeared, smiling at him softly as she went and sat down by the Lochans. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready?” Lorcan asked as Rowan took his place next to him, facing the altar. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been ready for a long time,” he said strongly, heart beating fast as the soft violin music started. Lorcan chuckled and walked back down to the seats, taking his spot there. There wouldn’t be anyone up at the altar but Aelin and Rowan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had to focus to avoid fidgeting, picturing the scene behind him. Lysandra and Elide were probably entering right now, dressed in soft gowns. Aelin had said she didn’t need anyone else to walk down the aisle with her, but they insisted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could imagine them now, smiling at the small audience as they took their seats. The unmistakable sound of Fleetfoot’s collar reached his ears and he chuckled. One thing Aelin had demanded was that her dog be their official ring bearer, and he’d agreed easily, laughing while she huffed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fleetfoot pranced up to the front, panting as she sat down next to him. Rowan reached down and scratched her head, smiling at the animal. She’d brought Aelin a lot of comfort in the past year, and he’d grown to appreciate the dog as much as her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then the music changed, and it was Aelin’s turn. He could imagine her so clearly, her soft smile more radiant than her golden hair. Her arm was likely intertwined with Rhoe’s, leaning against him as he led her up to the altar. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He loosed a breath as he sensed her walking to stand up next to him. And then he turned around, his head skipping a beat as he met her gaze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gods</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she was so beautiful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The golden hair that he loved so much was pulled back gently, just the front pieces tied while the rest hung in loose waves. Her dress was simple, just smooth silk laying gently over her curves, with sleeves making it modest and graceful, like she was an angel deigning to come down to Earth. She was </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> angel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” she whispered, smiling up at him, and he couldn’t stop the tears from falling as he smiled back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aelin laughed wildly as Rowan yanked her from the carriage, hoisting her up in his arms and spinning her around as he laughed too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One hand was under her legs while the other was around her back, holding her close to him as they hurried up to the house they could now call their own. She wrapped her arms around his neck, peppering kisses to his neck as he walked them up, not even caring who could see. They were married now, no one could say anything against it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pure joy was filling her, bubbling out of her, and she couldn’t stop giggling, like she was drunk on love. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s so funny?” Rowan teased, using the arm around her waist to pinch her lightly through the fabric of her dress as he got closer to the front door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re married,” she said, smiling into the skin of his neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes we are,” he murmured, smiling through the words. Aelin buried her face into him as they got up to the door, the door she had painted the exact color of his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Here they were, about to enter the house that would be their home. Rowan tightened his grip on her, anticipation clear. She didn’t like to think of it much, but this was so much different than her last wedding day, when she’d admittedly been shaking with fear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a day she tended to block out of her mind, and a night she’d do anything to forget, but so far, Rowan was keeping all of that at bay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Affection rushed through her and she placed a sweet kiss on his cheek as he opened the door slowly. And a rush of air left him at the sight. Aelin smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d spent all the time she wasn’t sorting through her new finances planning the details of this house, asking Rowan subtle questions about what he would want so that she could curate it to exactly what fit him, fit her, fit </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it seemed she’d done a good job.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She traced little mindless circles with her finger on his shoulder as he took it all in. His eyes were wide as they traced the front entryway, gazing over the warm wood floors and the white painted walls, the paintings she’d picked out meticulously, the crown molding she’d had restored and the delicate chandelier on the ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without saying anything, Rowan moved slowly into the front parlor, taking in the comfy velvet couches, the soft rug, the soft curtains lining the large windows, all of it in jewel tones, dark green showing up throughout. He kissed her hair, eyes still wide as he carried her, her head resting on his shoulder as they ventured slowly through the other rooms on the floor. They passed through the large, cozy library, the dining room that had enough seats to fit all of their friends and family, and then the drawing room in the back, the room that they’d met in that fateful evening. The fireplace was all refinished, the floor cleaned off and replaced, the window redone, but the essence of it was the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan let her down then, letting her slide to the ground, landing delicately on her heels, her skirt falling around her. But he didn’t let her get far, holding her close as they looked at the room that had helped finally bring them together. Peaceful warmth filled her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on,” she murmured quietly, squeezing his hand. “I want to show you upstairs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan didn’t say anything, but squeezed her hand back, letting her lead him. So Aelin pulled him out of the room, going up the stairs that were accented with a nice emerald green rug. Nerves struck through her the longer he stayed quiet, worry that he didn’t like it making her chew on her lip. </span>
</p><p>“There are five bedrooms up here,” she began rambling, “ours is in the back, and the rest are just set up as guest rooms right now. But they can easily be changed to a… nursery,” she added hesitantly, smiling softly as he pressed a kiss to her hand. And what she said was true. It could be easily converted. She’d made it that way, so that when the time came, they wouldn’t have to worry.</p><p>
  <span>They stopped at a room and she pushed open the door, revealing a comfy looking bed and a nightstand, a mirror and a dresser on the other side. It wasn’t too special, so she led them out, heading to the back where their room was. But then a thought struck her and she looked at him nervously, beginning to ramble again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know he and I had separate bedrooms, I didn’t even think about that here,” she said, her voice shaky, “if you want I can move into one of these spare ones. Actually if there’s anything you want to change, let me know. If you want to change everything that’s fine. I tried my best, but if I - I”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She trailed off, looking at him cautiously. Rowan just dropped his hand from hers, using both of them to each up and cup her face. He leaned his forehead against hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re remarkable, Aelin Galathynius,” he breathed, “so </span>
  <em>
    <span>godsdamned </span>
  </em>
  <span>remarkable.” He laughed softly. “You built us a house, baby. A </span>
  <em>
    <span>home.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Why would I ever want to change that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears pricked her eyes. “Whitethorn,” she corrected. He furrowed his brows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aelin Whitethorn,” she repeated, smiling broadly. “I’m Aelin Whitethorn now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan’s smile widened more than she thought possible, and then he was leaning down and capturing her lips with his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” he breathed into her, and she murmured the words back. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her deeper, making her melt into him as she brought her arms up to his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His tongue brushed her lip hesitantly, and she opened for him, letting him claim her mouth. Warmth filled her veins as she closed her eyes. They hadn’t been together like this since that time before the murder, as he wanted to give her some space and they wanted things to be more traditional this time. There were plenty of times over the year where they’d slept in the same bed, when Aelin had had a nightmare and was unable to calm herself down without him there, but they hadn’t done </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>since then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a welcome feeling though, like she could sink into his embrace and never let go. Unlike her previous wedding night, when she’d wanted to do everything she could to get away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But they took it slow, and she pulled back for a second to get a breath of air, keeping her eyes closed. Her heartbeat raced, and she wanted to attribute it to him, but she knew it was edged with something else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” Rowan asked, caressing his thumb over cheek. “We don’t have to do this if you have any hesitations.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I -“ she shook her head. “I want to, it’s just…” she squeezed her eyes shut, shuddering slightly. “I don’t want this to be anything like - last time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan paused, brushing her skin softly, waiting for her to continue, to tell him like he knew she needed to. In her mind and her heart she knew it wouldn’t be, knew that he would never treat her that way, but the lingering dread was still there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was so scared, Rowan,” she whispered into the air between them. She reached up and clutched his shirt tightly. “I was already heartbroken, and forced into a marriage with a man I hated, but then, that first time, I didn’t know what to do.” Tears sprang to her eyes as her voice got weak. “I knew I didn’t want to, and he knew I didn’t want to, but he didn’t care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A small sob escaped her and she cursed herself for crying on their wedding day. But it was a wound inside of her, and it was festering. “And afterward, I felt like shit. He made me feel like I was nothing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Worth</span>
  </em>
  <span> nothing.” She shuddered, and looked up into Rowan’s green eyes to ground her. “And he called me a whore for that not being my first time, even though he already knew that, and I’m glad it wasn’t because then it would’ve hurt even more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The scars on her back tingled, itching beneath the silk dress that she made sure covered them, like all of her clothing did now. Most days she didn’t think about it, but it was a painful reminder of everything whenever she did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to disappear” she admitted quietly, “I wanted to hide inside of myself and never know what was going on, every single time.” Her hands shook. “I don’t ever want to feel that way again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t,” Rowan said resolutely, “you will never have to feel like you’re anything less than the most important person in my life. In every single person’s life that you touch. You bring light with you wherever you go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were tears on his face too, and she sniffled, darting her eyes away. The emotion in his eyes was overwhelming on top of her already tumultuous heart. But his presence was like a balm to her aching soul, and she leaned in closer to his warmth. She needed him to help her start to heal the wound left in her heart, to clean out the tarnish inside of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” she murmured, breathing in his comforting scent. “And I know you’re not like that, but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a big step,” he reassured her, “it’s okay if you’re not ready. I’d never push you to be.” She took a deep breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am ready, though,” she said, looking up at him from beneath her lashes, trying to smile to add some humor to the heavy conversation. “And I refuse to go my whole wedding night without getting ravaged by my handsome new husband.” She placed the back of her hand on her forehead, increasing the dramatics. It succeeded in making Rowan laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Together then,” he said, smiling softly down at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Together,” she confirmed. And it seemed in that moment, they turned into magnets, unable to fight the pull toward each other. His lips met hers softly, making a small sigh escape her as she closed her eyes and melted into him, her hands coming to slide up around his neck as his dropped to her waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He slanted his head, slowly coaxing open her mouth and swiping his tongue through. He held her so delicately, but Aelin wanted more, so she nipped at his lip gently, teasing him. Rowan groaned a bit and pulled her closer, wrapping his arms more tightly around her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She broke for air, gasping, and then smirked and pulled him down the hallway to their bedroom, trying her hardest not to trip. He barely even had time to process the comfy room, with its large bed with tons of blankets and pillows on it, and the two large closets and the fireplace across from the bed, before she was pulling him </span>
  <em>
    <span>to</span>
  </em>
  <span> the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rowan smiled softly before laying her down on the comforter reverently, one hand on her waist while the other tucked a piece of golden hair behind her ear. He was partially braced over her and she lifted her hands to his shirt, tugging at it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Off,” she demanded, chuckling as humor lit in his eyes. But he listened, sitting back and undoing all the buttons on his shirt, practically ripping it off with his tie and coat, leaving him shirtless. Aelin almost moaned at the sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he leaned back down, kissing her gently as he reached for the sleeves of her dress. Her breath caught.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this okay?” He asked, concern shining.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” She nodded, reaching up to press a kiss to his lips as he began sliding her gown off slowly, caressing the bare skin he revealed with every inch of movement. Her dress this time was much simpler than before, so it was easy to take off, leaving her in a chemise and drawers, no corset and no bustle to worry about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d started slowly gaining some weight back over the months, so she was more confident in how she looked now than she had last time. Not that he cared last time, but it was a step in the right direction that she was preening at his lust filled gaze instead of shying away. Especially when he took off her undergarments, leaving her bare before him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aelin smiled teasingly and reached for the buttons of his pants, laughing when he cursed as she palmed him through the fabric.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think these should go too, don’t you think?” She asked, tilting her head up at him as heat ran through her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would say so, yes,” he chuckled, reaching down and peeling them off with his undershorts without moving from his position over her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes immediately went to his length, widening her legs to give him space as her mind remembered what it was like to have him inside her. Rowan leaned up and pressed a deep kiss to her lips as he nudged at her entrance, and she wrapped her legs around his waist to encourage him to keep going. So he did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He entered her slowly, making a deep moan escape her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, grasping onto his silvery hair as he began moving. His movements were restrained, not wanting to push her too much, but she began lifting her hips to meet his thrusts, which spurred him on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gods I love you so much,” he breathed into the skin of her neck, and she moaned, her cheeks flushed with heat. Every thrust was bringing her closer to that cliff, every movement making more warmth pool in her core. And when he reached down and rubbed a thumb over her most sensitive spot, she broke, moaning and sighing and clenching around him, dragging him off the cliff with her. </span>
</p><p>His pace stuttered as he spilled himself inside of her, and she wondered how she’d waited this long to do this again.</p><p>
  <span>Rowan collapsed next to her, panting, and Aelin curled into him, feeling his arms wrap around her as they both breathed heavily. The moment was peaceful, and she was glad to say she’d never felt safer than she was right there in his arms.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>27. Epilogue - Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So... we’re officially done with Ivy, excuse me while I go cry 😭</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>February, 1888</b>
</p><p>
  <em> A knock on her bedroom door drew her from her fitful sleep, making her crack her eyes open and watch as it opened without her even ever giving an invitation to enter. But it made sense. He never bothered with her consent.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Aelin rolled over slowly, trying to ignore him, but the pounding footsteps echoed in her head as they got closer. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Aelin…” he murmured in a musical taunting tone. She couldn’t help the trembling that started. She squeezed her eyes shut, burying herself into the white comforter as she tried to make him go away. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> A cold hand grabbed her exposed shoulder, caressing her skin as he pulled her over so she was staring straight into his grey eyes. But no. Those eyes weren’t supposed to exist anymore. He was supposed to be dead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Confusion raced through her as he smirked at her, panic making her heart beat faster as he began pulling at her nightgown. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No,” she tried to say, but it came out as a whisper, too faint to matter, as if something in her throat was stopping her from talking. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He just laughed and shoved her into the mattress, hissing “you still belong to me, darling. Don’t forget that.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You’re dead,” she managed to say, struggling against his grip. “You’re not here.” He leaned in closer, whispering into her ear and making her shudder. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Are you sure about that?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It was then that he flipped her, ripping her nightgown off her arms as he pinned her against the bed, shoving his hand against the word on her back that was somehow opened again, bleeding again, burning in pain again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Aelin screamed, searing pain shooting through her as she shoved her face into the pillow. Then somehow he had a knife, and was tracing it over her skin, making her shudder with dread.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Am I not still there, lingering in the back of your mind at all times?” He whispered, his voice like a midnight caress against her ear. “Do I not haunt your dreams and taunt your days, basking in the fear you live in, gloating over the way you can’t even say my name?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Aelin choked on a sob as the hand not holding the knife drifted down, gliding over her hip and quickly past the hem of the nightgown, as the one with the knife traced lines over her back, writing invisible words into her flesh.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Go on, Aelin. Say it,” he said, his velvety voice making her gut twist. “Say it,” he repeated, but she remained silent, digging her hands into the sheets. “Do I have to carve it into your skin the way I carved the word whore?” Tears slid down her cheeks. He was dead. He was dead. He was dead. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She knew that. And yet the feeling of him behind her was all too real. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You are a whore, you know that right?” He continued, laughing against the skin of her neck. “A filthy little whore. And a poor excuse for a wife. A useless mother.” She froze. “Your baby didn’t even survive,” he taunted, “and can you produce another one now? Who knows? It’s certainly been long enough. I guess you're just as much of a waste as I said.” Aelin started thrashing, trying to get away from him, but he tightened his grip, keeping her trapped for him. “Maybe I should carve that too, as a reminder of how utterly unwanted and pointless you are. Would you like that?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She cried out as the knife pricked into her skin, screaming again as he carved letter after letter, word after word, branding her. She sobbed as the rest of her nightgown disappeared, as she was left powerless and helpless. Because she was, wasn’t she?</em>
</p><p><em> “You are </em> nothing <em> ,” he hissed, “nothing without me.”</em></p><p>—</p><p>Aelin jerked up with a sob, kicking and scratching and fighting to free herself from the confining blanket. She had to get him off. She had to get him off. </p><p>She couldn’t catch her breath. Every impact to her lungs felt like there was glass, scratching at the delicate skin. She clawed at the bed, at the sheets, at herself, trying to free herself from his grip. Her back rubbed against the mattress and she let out a pained cry, the memory of its hurt still there.</p><p>“<em> Aelin </em>,” a panicked voice said, a voice she vaguely recognized, a voice that was supposed to soothe her. A hand gently touched her shoulder, trying to stop her frantic movements. </p><p>She jerked away, shaking and breathing heavily. </p><p>“Aelin,” the voice said a little more calmly. “Aelin.” </p><p>She was trembling, but she managed to turn her head enough to meet a pair of green eyes staring at her intently.</p><p>“Breathe, Aelin, breathe.” He stayed apart from her, knowing that she needed the space, but stared at her, as if imploring her to just take a breath. So she did. </p><p>Aelin tried to breathe in and out, barely able to see him through the tears in her eyes. </p><p>“You’re safe,” he murmured from across the bed. “He’s gone, it’s just us here. No one can hurt you.” His brows were furrowed with concern, his silver hair askew from the pillows. They’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms only hours ago, and yet here they were again.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she managed to say after a few minutes, darting her eyes away from his. She wrung her hands together, trying to pour the tension through that as her body soothed itself back to normal. But Rowan grabbed those hands gently, placing a light kiss to each palm as her heartbeat slowed back down.</p><p>“Don’t apologize.” He shook his head and then moved so his arm was open to her. Aelin took the invitation readily, scooting over so she could lay her head on his chest and set her hand on his stomach, breathing in his comforting scent. His arm wrapped around her shoulders, the other pushing hair back behind her ear. And it was easier to talk without being able to look him in the eye. “What was it about this time?” he asked softly. Because she’d had these nightmares recurringly, chasing her into her new life. It seemed she wasn’t able to let go completely.</p><p>Aelin sighed. “Mostly the same. I dreamed he wasn’t dead, that he was back and was threatening me. He came into my bedroom at night like he used to, and was ripping off my nightgown, while threatening to cut my back up more.” She pursed her lips. “He taunted me about Eliott, and about me not being able to have another kid.” She took a breath. “He said I’m a useless mother and I’m scared he’s right.” </p><p>“No,” Rowan said immediately, combing through her hair. “He’s not right, Aelin. Don’t ever think that. It’s not your fault what happened the first time, and only time can solve the second.” </p><p>“It’s been months, Rowan,” she whispered into his bare chest. “<em> Months. </em>” </p><p>“And it may be many more months,” he admitted, “but I have faith that it’ll happen. And if it doesn’t, then that’s not your fault either.” </p><p>“How is it not?” The words were close to a sob. “I failed Eliott and now I won’t even have the chance to try again.” A tear slipped out.</p><p>“Hey,” he said, grabbing her chin so she was forced to look up at him. “You didn’t fail anyone. You can’t blame yourself for what happened. It was the situation, and the stress you were under. Not anything wrong with you.” </p><p>“I want to have children, more than anything in the world,” she admitted quietly, “and I’m scared I won’t. I’m scared that you’ll resent me because I can’t.”  Aelin looked away, unwilling to see his expression as he remained quiet, likely considering his next words.</p><p>“If that bastard wasn’t dead already, I would kill him myself,” he uttered sharply, making her look up in shock, seeing the ice in his eyes. “Aelin, I would never, <em> could </em>never resent you, but I do resent anyone who made you feel that way.” He sighed. “And I would love having children with you, but if it ends up just being us and Fleetfoot, then I’m still the luckiest man alive. Don’t ever forget that.” </p><p>Aelin smiled softly, warmth replacing the ice cold dread inside of her. </p><p>“Can we go visit her tomorrow?” She asked quietly, whispering the small wish. They’d visited the river less recently, busy with their newly married lives, but the connection never faded. Even if she felt like the open wound was slightly closing over.</p><p>“Of course,” Rowan said, kissing her hair.</p><p>“I love you,” she said, her eyes closing as she readied herself for sleep. </p><p>“And I love you too,” he replied, “to whatever end.”</p><p>——————————————-</p><p>
  <b>May, 1888</b>
</p><p>There was something special about your first birthday during a marriage to a man you actually loved, something different. Some indefinable feeling of contentment when you woke up to his smiling face, a thousand kisses ready just for you.</p><p>Yes. Aelin was sure that there must be some divine intervention, because she hadn’t had a birthday this nice in years, if ever.</p><p>Three years ago, she’d gone to dinner with Arobynn, having to run out on Rowan, who she would’ve much rather have stayed with. Two years ago… well, it wasn’t pleasant. But she was glad that she was finally in the headspace to stare at the memory straight in the face instead of pretending it didn’t exist. </p><p>And last year had just been boring, as she hadn’t really done anything at all. </p><p>But this year, she knew right from the moment she woke up that it would be perfect. </p><p>The sun was shining, birds chirping as Aelin yawned and stretched out on her comfortable bed, a smile already on her face. She was twenty three today. Still a young age, even if it felt like she’d lived lifetimes, but it felt like a new beginning, like she was starting to stitch up the wound of her past. </p><p>“Good morning,” a teasing voice beside her said, and she rolled over, meeting the gaze of her husband. </p><p>“Good morning.” She smiled, leaning and pursing her lips for a kiss, which he quickly obliged. But then she narrowed her eyes as she noticed that he was hiding something behind his back, sitting up and leaning over her with one hand holding something she couldn’t see. “And what do you have there?” She asked, tilting her head and lifting a brow. </p><p>“A present for you mademoiselle,” he joked, moving his hand to reveal a plate with a slice of hazelnut cake on it.</p><p>“Cake for breakfast?” Aelin lifted a hand to her chest in a show of dramatics. “You spoil me.” </p><p>“I only aim to please.” His smile was radiant, and she couldn’t help but let out a small giggle at the sight. A <em> giggle. </em></p><p>“Are you going to yell at me for getting food on the sheets?” She chuckled, sitting up and leaning toward him. </p><p>“Well, we stain the sheets plenty on our own so I don’t think I can.” He quirked a brow, and she found herself reveling in the way the sunlight streamed in, gracing the planes of his face and bare chest. </p><p>“Rowan Whitethorn,” she faked a gasp, “making a dirty joke? How unlike you.” He just scoffed, moving the cake out of her reach.</p><p>“I don’t have to give this to you, you know,” he said, making it clear it was a joke.</p><p>“You wouldn’t dare.” Aelin smiled. “It’s my birthday, you have to be nice to me.” </p><p>“Is it your birthday? I didn’t know,” he teased, darting his eyes down as she let the sheet fall, revealing her bare body too. Heat was already sparking through her, but her eyes were locked on the cake instead. </p><p>“Don’t be rude.” She frowned. “I won’t kiss you if you are.” Rowan chuckled and moved the cake back into her reach, giving it to her.</p><p>“Alas, you know my weakness.” She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek while grabbing the plate, smiling radiantly as she leaned back against the headboard, diving in to the delicacy.</p><p>“This is from Faliq’s right?” She asked, and he nodded, leaning back to sit next to her.</p><p>“Of course. I would never dare to get it from anywhere else.” </p><p>“And that’s why I love you.” Aelin dropped her head to lean against his shoulder, and he ghosted a quick kiss across her hair. </p><p>---</p><p>Rowan could do nothing but watch his wife, the love of his life, the one thing in life he would do anything for, as she spun around, laughing and showing off her dress to him. It was moments like this that he was truly grateful that for all she’d been through, she could still look at him and smile. </p><p>“Why are you looking at me like that, you weirdo?” Aelin asked, stopping and tilting her head in that teasing way of hers.</p><p>“You’re beautiful,” was all he could say, leaning back in his chair and smiling at the way she blushed slightly, pleased that after all this time she still got flustered by his compliments.</p><p>“Well you don’t look too bad yourself,” she recovered, walking over to him. Her hands slid onto his shoulders and his automatically went to her waist, looking up at her face that was flushed with happiness. </p><p>“Thank you, dear wife,” he teased.</p><p>“Of course, dear husband.” They stayed silent for a moment, her dancing blue eyes saying words she didn’t bother saying out loud. And Rowan grabbed her hand, pressing a soft kiss to her palm before pulling himself to a stand.</p><p>“Come on, let’s go,” he said. Aelin scoffed but went willingly, clutching his hand tight as he led them out of their room and down the stairs, laughing as Fleetfoot chased after them, excited even if she didn’t know what for. </p><p>“I think as the birthday girl, you should tell me where we’re going,” Aelin managed to say as they ran. </p><p>“But that would be giving away the surprise.” He smiled at her as they made their way out the front door, waving at the butler as they passed. </p><p>The night was warm when they got outside, the stars shining brightly. A few carriages passed, people on their way to dinner, just like them, and Rowan nodded, smiling warmly at everyone as they slowed to a walk. </p><p>Aelin chuckled and leaned against him, clutching his hand as they strolled down the street. He pressed a quick kiss to her head, a peaceful feeling filling his chest. He wasn’t wrong, she did look beautiful tonight. Her golden hair was pulled up in a loose updo, strands falling out and framing her flushed face. She’d picked a red dress to wear tonight, one that hugged her figure and then flared out to make her look like a flame, high enough in the back to cover her scar like always.</p><p>She didn’t have a large closet, or a large array of dresses, even if she could afford them. She <em> didn’t need such a frilly wardrobe, </em>as she’d said. That way, according to her, it made it more special when she got a new dress, and she didn’t need to waste her money or time going to the tailor’s practically every day. Aelin claimed quite readily that she didn’t care if their prissy neighbors judged her for wearing clothing more than once. That was their problem, not hers.</p><p>Rowan didn’t mind. He didn’t care what anyone else thought either.</p><p>The pair of them hadn’t since they’d gotten married, ignoring the surprise of the community when they finally released the news in the social column in the paper. There had been a lag time when everyone was confused, having no idea where their relationship had come from. It didn’t make sense to a lot of people, as Rowan offered her nothing that she didn’t have, and made her lose her title of Lady, and it was unthinkable to people that they could be in love. Apparently.</p><p>But after a few weeks, the invitations had started coming again, the social calls to their brand new house beginning, and Rowan had had to put up with it all. And even Aelin had complained, even if she was more of the social butterfly than him. But neither of them were very eager to put up with the people who just wanted to use them for their money and influence.</p><p>But they could only limit it, not stop it completely, if they wanted to remain at least partly in society. </p><p>They kept their privacy though, and many moments where it was just the two of them, and Fleetfoot of course, in their own home. Maybe one day more, but he wouldn’t bring that up, knowing it was weighing heavily on Aelin. It hurt him to see her so pained, even if she tried to hide it from him.</p><p>He knew her better than anyone else, and knew when she was hurting inside. He was glad to see that some of that ache from Arobynn was starting to ease, as she was much more comfortable and confident around him than she had been before and could more openly talk about what happened without cringing or shying away, but this had just taken that empty spot. </p><p>Instead of her believing she was a failure for not protecting herself, she believed she was a failure for not protecting their child, and for not having a chance to protect another one. And she wouldn’t even listen to him when he tried to rationally explain that it wasn’t her fault, and that these things took time. She just shut him out and agreed without actually agreeing.</p><p>And that had been happening too much recently, which was why he was so glad to see her so happy.</p><p>Aelin leaned against his shoulder, smiling softly as they walked. Rowan wrapped an arm around her, holding her close, feeling such a warmth of contentment in his heart. </p><p>Their trip wasn’t long, as the place wasn’t too far away, and he had to hide his giddiness as he led her up to the doors of the restaurant. The same restaurant they used to meet at all those years ago. He’d rented it out for the evening, making a deal with the owner, who was happy to help when Rowan pulled out a wad of cash.</p><p>Aelin looked up at him with an eyebrow raised as they got closer to the door, and he pulled them to a stop.</p><p>“Close your eyes,” he told her softly, making it clear it wasn’t a demand. If she didn’t want to, he wasn’t going to force her. She kept her brows raised but closed her eyes, pinching his arm at the same time, his wince of pain making her chuckle.</p><p>“You know I don’t like surprises,” she accused, and he grabbed her hand, loosely pulling her to the door. He sucked in a nervous breath as he opened the door, leading her inside. Like the owner had promised, there were lit candles lining the whole space, making it glow. There was a single table in the middle of the room, with more candles and a bouquet of kingsflame in the middle, and their dinner sitting on two plates.</p><p>Rowan checked to make sure Aelin’s eyes were still closed before guiding her closer to the table, kissing her cheek and leaving her standing there as he walked over to a table set against the wall, the table that held the present he’d gotten for her. He’d been hard pressed to get it, as it wasn’t even available in most markets yet, but Vaughan had told him about it, interested in the new invention, and Rowan knew he had to get it for her. </p><p>He loosed a breath, grabbing the needle and moving it to the disc, setting it down and fidgeting with the gramophone until the soft classical music started playing. He hadn’t tested it out yet, but the sound was perfect. Not quite as clear as a live musician, but a little warmer, and homier, and perfect. It would be great to fill their house, so Aelin could listen to music whenever she wanted, and so she could introduce their future children to music early on, with her piano too of course, and raise them in a household full of song.</p><p>He looked back, smiling as an astonished but intrigued smile grew on Aelin’s face, her eyes still closed. Rowan walked back over slowly, ending up behind her and grabbing both her hands, leaning forward to hug her around her back. He was about to tell her to open her eyes when he felt her tense at his touch. She went rigid, freezing in place, her breathing stopping, and he started moving his hands away, backing up to give her some space. <em> Stupid. He was so stupid.  </em></p><p>He took a step back, but Aelin loosed a breath and grabbed his arms, keeping them locked around her. </p><p>“I’m fine,” she assured him. She burrowed herself back into him, and he took a risk and set his chin on her head. She made a hum of contentment and he finally relaxed as she relaxed into him. </p><p>“Okay,” he murmured into her ear, “now open your eyes.” </p><p>He couldn’t see her face, but he could hear her soft gasp of wonder as she took in the room. Rowan pressed a kiss to her hair, trailing them down into he pressed a final one to the fabric covering her scar as her eyes wandered the decorations. </p><p>“It’s beautiful,” she breathed, staying in his arms as she turned around, a radiant smile on her face, her eyes a little misty. “Thank you,” she managed to say, choking up a bit. He knew there was more she wasn’t saying, more depth beneath those words that didn’t even need to be said to be understood. He knew what she was trying to convey.</p><p>“Of course, Fireheart,” he said, gently kissing her forehead. “Happy birthday.”</p><p>——————————————-</p><p>
  <b>November, 1888</b>
</p><p>Aelin knew what was happening.</p><p>Aelin knew what was happening the moment she woke up sick to her stomach, darting to the bathroom to avoid vomiting on the bed. She knew what was happening when she couldn’t find the energy to get off the floor, when already the nausea was so bad she felt like curling into herself and hiding there forever.</p><p>It had happened like this last time. It had been so clear that it couldn’t be anything else. Especially because her cycle was late.</p><p>She was pregnant.</p><p>Aelin took a deep breath, trying to fight the roiling in her stomach. But it was of no use and she was vomiting again. She shuddered, feeling like her guts were leaving her body.</p><p>She didn’t know why she was cursed to have such bad sickness when pregnant, to feel miserable and ill while growing another life inside of her. Not that the pain diminished any of the joy, it was just uncomfortable. </p><p>She leaned her forehead against the wall, closing her eyes and focusing on soothing her body down. </p><p>She was grateful that Rowan was an earlier riser than her. He was likely already downstairs, eating breakfast and waiting for her to wake up and come join him. </p><p>Because she didn’t know what to think about this. On one hand, she was overjoyed, beyond thrilled that after months and months of waiting, she was finally getting this chance. This was all she’d wanted, all she and Rowan had been hoping for. </p><p>On the other hand, she was so <em> godsdamned scared.  </em></p><p>How was she supposed to stop the same thing from happening? How was she supposed to protect this baby from the same fate that had befallen the first? And how would she forgive herself if it happened again? She’d been so desperate to have a child but she hadn’t realized until it was actually happening that she wasn’t sure she could do it.</p><p>She took another deep breath, hands coming to cup her still flat stomach, hoping that she would last to see it round and full, ready to pop. But a small nervous smile graced her face. She couldn’t feel anything yet, but gods she was ready to. And she already loved the child who was just waiting to grow.</p><p>Of course, she still needed to confirm it, to go to a healer and make sure her suspicion was right. But she was positive it was. Her mind had turned over every single feeling, every single moment of her last pregnancy dozens of times, and this felt exactly the same as that one had. At least at the beginning.</p><p>Aelin chewed on her lip, considering the situation. Over a year of marriage and she was finally pregnant. It was a good thing, a blessing. Another stitch to the wound that was Arobynn. </p><p>And Rowan would be thrilled, but she wasn’t going to tell him yet. She didn’t think she could stand to see the crushing disappointment on his face if she lost this one too. </p><p>So she’d wait it out, avoid telling him until she couldn’t hide it anymore, putting off that moment as long as she could. If only to try and spare him the tumultuous mix of emotions in her own heart.</p><p>—</p><p>Rowan didn’t know what was wrong. He didn’t know what had snapped Aelin back into being as white as a ghost, slightly clammy as she looked at the crowd with wide and nervous eyes. They’d been married for over a year now, and he didn’t think he’d seen her look like this in that whole time. Even when she woke up from nightmares, tossing and turning and reaching for him, she was more distraught. Now she just looked frozen. And sick.</p><p>He wouldn’t pressure her into telling him what was wrong, but he offered his support as they made their way into Vaughan and Lyria’s ballroom. They had received the invitation the week before, and Aelin had been excited for it at the time, but now she just seemed tired. </p><p>Even when met with the sight of all of their friends, as the ball was private and only hosting people that Vaughan and Lyria actually knew and could fit in the smaller room, Aelin’s face was drawn, with a smile that was clearly forced.</p><p>He held her arm, pulling her aside gently before they could get roped into a conversation.</p><p>“Hey, are you okay?” Rowan asked, furrowing his brows and tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She nodded, but leaned into his hand, resting her cheek on his palm. He brushed his thumb over her cheekbone before grabbing her hand with his free one. “Is there something bothering you?” This time she shook her head, remaining quiet. “Well if you’re sure - “ He hesitated, and she smiled a genuine smile this time, likely about to make fun of him for his fussiness.</p><p>“I’m fine, buzzard,” she finally said, straightening up. “Let’s go find Elide, I need to ask her something.” </p><p>“Okay,” he agreed, and she leaned into him as they made their way through people, smiling and saying brief words of greeting at Dorian and Sorscha, Aelin’s parents, Aedion and Lysandra, until they found Elide, standing with Lorcan and her parents in the back of the room. There were some people there that weren’t as close to them, like Ansel Briarcliff and Rolfe, and the Moonbeams, and some various others that they talked with at balls but not necessarily other places, so the room was full, people out on the floor dancing, and a lot of laughter filling the air. </p><p>When they reached Elide, Aelin looked up at him with her brows raised, her lips quirked up halfheartedly as he read the dismissal in her eyes. Rowan just chuckled and looked over to Lorcan, who shrugged and went with him, the Lochans understanding too and drifting over to the Galathynius’. He didn’t know what she needed to talk to Elide about, but he wasn’t going to intrude, even if it made him wary to leave her right now.</p><p>So he and Lorcan wandered away, trailing along the edge of the dance floor.</p><p>“Where’s Flynn tonight?” Rowan asked him, referring to Elide and Lorcan’s almost one year old son. </p><p>“With the nanny,” he answered, chuckling. “It’s our first night away from him in ages but I think Elide’s already regretting it.” </p><p>He glanced back, seeing Aelin looking pensive as she talked to Elide, her face still ghost white. Her stance was defensive, hugging herself slightly as the brunette woman looked at her. For a vague second, he wondered if that’s what was upsetting her. The same issue that had been haunting her for months. It’d been difficult for both of them to see all of their friends have children, although they were always overjoyed getting to take care of the three honorary nieces and nephews. </p><p>Vaughan and Lyria had been first, and their daughter was on her way to two years old, then Lorcan and Elide, with their son, Flynn, and Aedion and Lysandra had just had their little girl only a few months before. He and Aelin were just waiting now, with bated breath.</p><p>He’d comforted her multiple times while she cried, holding her close and keeping her from disparaging herself over it. He didn’t let her see when he got upset over it himself, not wanting her to feel guilty for his sorrow.</p><p>“Well it’s probably nice to have a break,” Rowan said distractedly, shrugging with his hands in his pockets. Lorcan sensed his turmoil, and clapped a hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“You and Aelin will get your chance soon,” he said, giving him a small smile. “And then Flynn will have a new baby cousin to mess with.”</p><p>“I hope so,” Rowan sighed, “I don’t know how to keep her happy otherwise.”</p><p>A warm hand touched his elbow, and he looked over to see Aelin, a weak smile on her face. </p><p>“Hi,” he murmured, smiling back. She stayed quiet but rested her head on his shoulder, and he turned to kiss her forehead. It was then that the musicians in the corner started up a new song, and he got an idea. “Do you want to go dance?” Rowan asked her, hoping doing something he knew she loved to do would help cheer her up. </p><p>Aelin hesitated, but agreed, and he grabbed her hands loosely, guiding her out to the floor and into the soft waltz. She sighed and rested her head on his chest, and he brushed a hand up and down her back soothingly, caressing over her scar as they danced.</p><p>“You can tell me anything, you know that right?” He murmured softly, but she remained silent. “You’re worrying me.” No response.</p><p>It was his turn to sigh, but he picked the dance back up, picking up the pace of their movements to fit the livelier song. Aelin followed suit, and he felt a flicker of relief when she smiled at him, a real smile that actually met her eyes. But then he spun her, following the direction of the dance, and her face went pale again, with a hint of green. He furrowed his brows, reaching out to catch her as she moved a little unsteadily on her feet. But she darted away, hurrying gracefully toward the exit. </p><p>It was at that moment that Rowan considered that maybe she was actually sick. That what was bothering her wasn’t in her head but something making her feel miserable.</p><p>He cursed and followed her, darting through the crowd to keep her in sight as she made her way into the hallway. He almost stumbled as Dorian Havilliard tried to stop him to say hello, but he dismissed him with a quick nod and kept moving. </p><p>His heart was beating rapidly, loud in his ears, and he barely breathed as he chased after the love of his life, heart stopping completely when he found her hunched over in the bathroom, retching.</p><p>“Aelin!” Rowan crouched down next to her, pulling back her hair as she vomited. “What’s going on?” He knew his voice sounded panicky, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care, not when she was slumping forward, her skin clammy as she rested her head against the wall, a slight reprieve from the attack of nausea.</p><p>She let out a small pained noise, a tear slipping out of her closed eyes as she wrapped her arms around her stomach. Rowan tucked her hair over her shoulders, brushing it back from her face as soothingly as he could. He wrapped an arm gently around her, caressing her skin with his hand and pulling her carefully over to him. Aelin followed willingly, burying her face into his shirt as he held her, kneeling on the bathroom floor. It didn’t take him long to realize she was crying.</p><p>“It’s okay, love,” he murmured into her ear. “I’ve got you.” He furrowed his brows worriedly as she breathed into him, trying to comfort her the best he could. But Aelin was soon turning and retching again, gasping for her air as her body heaved.</p><p>Once she was done she sighed, facing away from him. But she reached out and squeezed his hand, that point of contact enough to stabilize both of them. </p><p>“Aelin,” Rowan said quietly, trying to get her to look at him, just so he could see her eyes and see that she was okay, “Fireheart.”</p><p>She looked back, her lip trembling, fear filling her blue eyes and stopping his heart once again.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” He practically whispered. Aelin took a breath, conflict clear on her face.</p><p>“I’m pregnant,” she answered, her voice so <em> weak </em>. </p><p>Silence.</p><p>He froze as he processed the words, tears of joy already filling his eyes. He let out an incredulous laugh, smiling.</p><p>“You’re pregnant?” He breathed. “We’re having a baby?” Hope rose in his chest, happiness and excitement already growing, but Aelin let go of his hand, wringing hers together in her lap. She shook her head and his smile dropped, ice filling his veins.</p><p>“I don’t know,” she said, looking down, “I don’t know if we’re having a baby.” A tear slipped down her pale and splotchy face, and his heart shattered. He knew what the issue was.</p><p>“Aelin - “ he began, trying to find the right words, but she just kept talking. </p><p>“I don’t know what’ll happen,” she rambled, “I don’t know how to do this again. I don’t know if I <em> can </em>do this again.” She finally looked at him. “What if … “ she trailed off, but Rowan knew what she wanted to say.</p><p>
  <em> What if I lose this one too?</em>
</p><p>He loosed a heavy breath, reaching to drag a hand down his face. But he used his other hand to grab one of hers, squeezing it tight to offer a bit of comfort. </p><p>“I know it’s overwhelming, I know it’s a lot,” Rowan said calmly, “I know you’re probably scared and I am too. But,” he took a deep breath, lifting a hand to her face and wiping a few tears away with his thumb. “This is what we wanted, right?” She nodded warily, and he smiled crookedly at her. “So let’s just take it one day at a time.” He couldn’t give her much more reassurance than that, because he couldn’t guarantee that something wouldn’t go wrong. Her environment certainly played a role last time, but he couldn’t say that it wasn’t something else too. And she knew that.</p><p>Aelin let out a sigh that sounded too much like a sob.</p><p>“What am I supposed to do?” She asked quietly, looking at his shirt instead of his face and clutching her stomach tightly. </p><p>“What are <em> we </em> supposed to do,” he corrected, and she looked up, her blue eyes wide. “I know you were alone last time, and I’m still so, so sorry for that. But you <em> aren’t </em>alone now, and you aren’t going to go through this by yourself.” </p><p>“I’m so scared,” she murmured weakly, and he caressed the back of her hand with his thumb.</p><p>“I know,” he said, “so one day at a time okay? One day at a time.” Aelin nodded, and he smiled. “But hey, we’re having another kid,” he continued with more lightness in his tone. “And you are going to be an amazing mother, because you are the most amazing woman I know.” </p><p>She smiled at him lightly, and then looked down at her stomach and chuckled. </p><p>“What?” Rowan asked, amusement in his tone.</p><p>“It seems like this baby is already making me emotional,” she joked, “only a few weeks in and I’m already crying.” </p><p>“Did you cry a lot last time?” He asked, curious about the time he had missed. </p><p>“No,” she said after a minute, contemplating. “I poured most of my emotions into the letters to you, and” she hesitated, “I didn’t want him to see me cry. You’re the only one I let myself be vulnerable around.”</p><p>A bittersweet silence filled the air and he pulled her tight to him, hugging her while they sat on the bathroom floor. </p><p>“One day at a time,” she whispered after a few moments, and Rowan made a noise of agreement.</p><p>“One day at a time,” he confirmed, combing through her hair gently, “and then we can meet our baby boy.” She looked up.</p><p>“Boy?” She asked, her brows furrowed.</p><p>“I just have a feeling,” he shrugged, and she smiled softly.</p><p>“I’d like that,” she murmured, leaning against him, and he smiled too, an idea of something striking his mind, something he wanted to do. He just needed to ask Elide for a huge favor.</p><p>“Me too.” </p><p>--------------------</p><p>
  <b>January, 1889</b>
</p><p>Aelin Whitethorn was exhausted. Utterly <em> exhausted. </em></p><p>Like before, she’d been hit hard with nausea and pain her first trimester of her pregnancy, starting and not stopping from back in November.</p><p>Rowan had been fussy of course, and she was being very cautious, so she’d practically been on bedrest, even if she was barely even showing. It really wasn’t even noticeable besides the fact that she had been obsessively checking for any changes, eager to see some sign of growth that she hadn’t gotten to last time. </p><p>And that was making her even more tired, because she was approaching the time in her pregnancy when she’d lost Eliott. The emotional strain was a lot.</p><p>The baby inside of her was sapping all her energy, and she found herself dozing off most of the day, even when she was downstairs, going on a walk or trying to read. Even when she visited the office, checking in with Vaughan to see how everything was going, her eyes drooped more than they should.</p><p>And now, in the carriage on the way to Aedion and Lysandra’s house, she was falling asleep on Rowan’s shoulder, eyes fluttering shut. The coach jostled as they hit a bump, and she startled awake, gasping a bit. </p><p>Rowan’s chuckle rumbled through her, and she shoved his shoulder, frowning teasingly at him.</p><p>“Don’t laugh at me,” she joked, a small smile on her face. He snorted.</p><p>“I’ll laugh at you if I want to,” he teased, tapping her on the nose. She snapped her teeth at him, making him laugh. “Menace.” </p><p>“Always.” Aelin laughed and then dropped her head back onto his shoulder, her eyes almost closing automatically. She heard him chuckle again as she once again fell into the grasp of sleep.</p><p>------</p><p>“Aelin!”</p><p>She snapped her head up, blinking her eyes and trying to focus on who’d said her name. She felt groggy as her gaze flickered over everyone, freezing as she realized everyone was staring at <em> her. </em></p><p>“I’ve called your name three times already,” Aedion said, with an exasperated smile on his face. </p><p>“Sorry,” Aelin murmured, her cheeks red. She adjusted her position in the dining table chair, trying to sit up more to avoid slumping over and falling asleep, especially after the full meal they’d just had. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Her father asked from his spot across the table, his brows furrowed. She nodded, looking at Rowan, who was sitting next to her, for a second, meeting his soft smile. </p><p>“Yeah I’m fine,” she replied, which was technically true, “just tired.” </p><p>“Is someone keeping you up all night?” Lysandra added, waggling her brows, and Aedion made a choked noise, glaring at his wife. Aelin just chuckled, smiling at the woman. They’d gotten close very quickly after everything happened, becoming good friends and remaining good friends over the past few years. </p><p>L</p><p>Lysandra had been there at Aelin’s wedding, just like she’d been at hers. And Aelin had been there after she gave birth to her and Aedion’s daughter, Evangeline, who was sleeping upstairs in the nursery. </p><p>To her surprise, Evalin laughed at the joke too, smiling from her spot next to Rhoe. Aedion had hosted the party of six for a nice dinner, a good chance to catch up among family, and Aelin had thought it was a good occasion to get out of the house, even if she was slightly regretting it now. </p><p>Especially as the rich food swirled in her stomach slightly, the unsettled feeling creeping back, and she took a deep breath, trying to dispel any trace of nausea.</p><p>Rowan’s hand dropped down to brush her back, making soothing motions over the fabric, caressing her covered scar while still paying attention to the rest of the table. Just that simple contact was enough to ground her. </p><p>So Aelin put on a smile and rejoined the conversation, which had somehow turned to them ganging up on Aedion about his hypocrisy, laughing at him about all the dirty jokes he used to make. </p><p>“Aedion, you used to ask me if I was so grumpy because I wasn’t getting any ‘action’ as you put it,” Rowan laughed, and her cousin scowled. </p><p>“But I don’t want to hear that about my cousin,” he complained, and Aelin snorted at his struggle. But it was Rhoe who refuted that statement. </p><p>“I think that’s kind of the same thing isn’t it?” He pointed out, and Aedion’s face twisted with disgust. </p><p>Aelin laughed. “Yeah we <em> are </em>married, Aedion,” she said, earning a scowl. “Who do you think is helping him with that?” </p><p>He made a noncommittal noise, screwing his eyes shut like he was trying to block out her words. </p><p>“Don’t be such a baby,” Lysandra chuckled.</p><p>“You already have one of those upstairs,” Evalin added with a devious smile. Aelin couldn’t help the way her hand slid carefully to her stomach, hopefully hiding the action from the rest of the group. But not from Rowan, who tightened his grip on her shoulder, and not from Evalin, who looked at her with a knowing expression. She was too observant sometimes.</p><p>Aelin grabbed her glass of water, taking a sip to hide her soft smile. She looked over to Rowan, who was smiling too.</p><p>----</p><p>“Can I talk to you, Aelin?” Her mother asked her softly as they all stood up from the table to go to the drawing room for drinks. Aelin nodded, kissing Rowan on the cheek before letting Evalin pull her aside into the hallway.</p><p>She stopped facing her, a small hopeful smile on her face.</p><p>“Are you pregnant, sweetheart?” Evalin asked quietly, glancing down at her still flat stomach, hidden by her corsetless dress. </p><p>Aelin hesitated, chewing on her lip before smiling and nodding smally. </p><p>Her mother made an excited gasp, grabbing her daughter’s hands gently. “I thought so at dinner, but I wanted to make sure.” She furrowed her brows. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>Aelin shrugged noncommittally, looking away. “Not too great,” she said honestly, “the nausea and tiredness is really bad, just like last time if you remember.” Evalin nodded in confirmation. “And it’s getting close to - that time,” she trailed off awkwardly, but from the look in her mother’s eyes, she knew what she was implying. “That’s why we haven’t been telling people yet, we wanted to wait a few more weeks.”</p><p>“And that’s why you’ve been more distant recently,” Evalin realized, and Aelin nodded.</p><p>“I’ve been taking it easy,” she added, shrugging. As if perfect timing, a wave of nausea overtook her and she winced, bracing a hand against the wall. She closed her eyes, breathing through the attack, and her mother’s cool hand landed on her back, comforting her. </p><p>A groan escaped her, and Aelin furrowed her brows, breathing deeply to keep from retching. The heavy food had been a mistake. </p><p>“Gods,” she groaned, screwing her eyes shut, one hand going to her stomach while the other held her against the wall. </p><p>“Should I get Rowan?” Evalin asked, concern clear in her voice. Aelin nodded quickly, making a noise while clenching her mouth shut. Her guts felt like they were leaving her body, the baby inside of her sending her whole insides into a frenzy. </p><p>Her stomach twisted, and a wave of cold came over her. <em> No. Please no. Not again.  </em></p><p>She let out a small cry, dizziness passing over her, and she nearly fell to the ground, her shaky arm the only thing holding her up. She heard her mother run away, her shoes clicking against the floor as she went to go grab Rowan. </p><p><em> Rowan. </em>Yes, she needed Rowan.</p><p>A sharp pain hit her and she gritted her teeth, stopping her scream from coming out. Her skin felt clammy and her vision started blurring.</p><p>“Aelin!” came from a voice she recognized, the voice she longed to hear, and she looked up at him, pure fear sinking in her stomach. Fear that matched the expression on his face.</p><p>“Rowan,” she breathed, clenching her eyes shut as another wave hit her, and she couldn’t help the little whimper that escaped her. </p><p>Her knees started giving out and he darted forward to catch her, hefting her up in his arms and hurrying to the room. </p><p>“Come on,” he was muttering to himself, “come on.” A flash of pain made her clutch her abdomen, and she sobbed when a trickle of wetness trickled down her leg, feeling all too similar to blood. </p><p>“I can’t,” she cried, “Rowan.”</p><p>“You’re okay, you’re okay,” he repeated, as if saying it enough times would make it true. Aelin just clenched her eyes shut as he set her down on the couch, hearing faint voices around her swirling head.</p><p>“...<em> alright </em>?” </p><p>“...<em> pregnant </em>…”</p><p>“... <em> a doctor! Now </em>!”</p><p>The unmistakable sound of a door opening and slamming, the cool touch of a hand against her forehead, Rowan’s presence next to her, holding her hand and whispering comforting words. </p><p>But black was creeping into her vision, and there was only so much she could do before she was falling into the grasp of unconsciousness.</p><p>——</p><p>Aelin was quiet the next day, a haunted look in her eyes that Rowan would do anything to fix. </p><p>Their baby was perfectly fine, nothing wrong with him or her, but it was close. <em> Too </em>close.</p><p><em> A threatened miscarriage, </em>the doctor had explained. It was almost one. It was on its way to being one. But it wasn’t.</p><p>The doctor had said he hadn’t seen one that bad before, usually seeing women experiencing more mild symptoms, and Aelin was ordered on strict bed rest because of it. </p><p>Rowan had rarely left her side. </p><p>A few times to get her food, a few times for business matters, and then once to get a package from Elide. A package that had come at the perfect time.</p><p>She was sitting up in their bed when he came back in, a book open in a show of reading, even though he knew she hadn’t read a single word on the page. Fleetfoot was laying next to her, her head resting on Aelin’s leg. Rowan knocked on the door with a knuckle, smiling at her softly as she looked up, her eyes immediately darting to the gift he had wrapped in his hands. </p><p>“What’s that?” She asked, smiling weakly and adding a hint of snark to her voice, like she was trying hard to push back to her normal self. </p><p>“It’s for you,” Rowan answered, sliding on to the bed next to her. Aelin set down her book and warily grabbed the package, peeling back the paper slowly. He held his breath, hoping with all his heart that she liked it. </p><p>She sighed softly as she pulled out a beautiful cream baby blanket, with a pattern of kings flame flowers embroidered on it. Deep emotion flickered in her eyes as she looked at it. </p><p>“I asked Elide to make it,” he explained, “after I found out you were pregnant. It’s like the good luck charm she made back then, the one you had when you killed Arobynn.” He was rambling now. “It’s meant to bring you luck during the rest of your pregnancy.” </p><p>Her lip trembled as she set down the blanket on her lap, tracing a flower slowly with her finger. The design was very soft and elegant and quite feminine, but it didn’t matter what gender their child was, this blanket was more for her than for them.</p><p>Aelin remained silent, staring at the fabric, and Rowan began to fidget, nerves striking him the longer she didn’t talk. </p><p>“It’s beautiful,” she finally managed to whisper, turning to look at him, endless depth in her blue eyes. “Thank you.” </p><p>“Of course,” was all he said, nodding at her. He didn’t need to say anything else and neither did she. He leaned against the headboard and held out his arm for her, hugging her close as she scooted over into his embrace. </p><p>“Can you read to me?” She asked quietly, and he nodded again.</p><p>Rowan reached over and grabbed her book, flipping to her page, and he began reading the words softly as she clutched the blanket to her chest, leaning her head on his shoulder.</p><p>Fleetfoot huffed and made her way over to them, setting her head more on Aelin’s stomach this time, and they both smiled at the sight. Their family was still safe.</p><p>——————————</p><p>
  <b>March, 1889</b>
</p><p>Five months along and Aelin was finally beginning to relax. She was out of the danger zone, and now she was just counting down the weeks until they got to meet their baby. </p><p>Things had certainly calmed down since the incident back in January, and she was grateful for it. She and Rowan actually got to enjoy her being pregnant instead of stressing that something was going to go wrong. </p><p>They’d visited Eliott the week before, telling her about her new baby brother or sister, and they’d even started decorating a nursery, in the room right next to their bedroom so they could always be close. </p><p>They’d gotten a new rocking chair, and a new crib, and new decorations, and the baby blanket topped it all off by adding that missing touch. That touch of love. </p><p>Aelin smiled softly as she placed her hands on her abdomen, the swell showing now. It wasn’t anywhere near as big as it was going to get, but you could look at her and clearly see that she was pregnant. </p><p>She leaned back in her chair in the drawing room, closing her eyes for a minute as she brushed her thumb over her stomach. She’d been able to start moving around more in the past couple of weeks, taking it easy but not being forced to sit in her bed all day. </p><p>Now she’d been able to leave the house actually, taking a short visit to Elide and Marion, although she’d had to walk instead of riding in the carriage, as the many bumps and the rough road would potentially be more dangerous. </p><p>“Are you sleeping again?” Rowan’s voice sounded as he made his way into the room. Aelin looked up, smiling teasingly at him. </p><p>“I’m just resting,” she chuckled, “I got plenty of sleep already.” She lifted a brow and tilted her head. “I don’t have you keeping me up at night anymore so I’m getting a full eight hours.” She sighed dramatically, shrugging. </p><p>Rowan chuckled, shaking his head as he walked over to the other side of the room, and Aelin bit her lip at the sight. They hadn’t done anything like <em> that </em>since she found out she was pregnant. And she didn’t know if it was because of her hormones or because of that length of time, but every time she saw him she was ready to jump him. </p><p>“Don’t look at me like that,” he said, looking at her with a smile over his shoulder as he fiddled with the gramophone. </p><p>“Like what?” She feigned ignorance, sinking back and trying to look innocent. Rowan just snorted, and then the soft classical music started playing as he successfully turned it on. Aelin rose a brow as he made his way back over to her, holding out his hand. She accepted it dramatically, and he pulled her gently to a stand, guiding her into a soft dance, her head resting on his chest with their hands clutched together with her other on his shoulder and his on her waist, coming to brush over her bump every once in a while.</p><p>He hummed to the music and she sighed, nestling into him. This was such a different position than she was in three years ago, she couldn’t ever imagine how they got to this point. </p><p>“Do you ever think about how different our lives would be if we never met?” Aelin murmured into his shirt, and he hesitated before answering, like he was considering his answer.</p><p>“Mine would certainly be way more boring,” he joked, making it a little more lighthearted. Aelin chuckled, but then sighed as they danced, trying to keep herself from slipping into the darkness still in the back of her mind.</p><p>“I would probably still be married to him,” she said quietly, “I doubt that would’ve changed and I don’t know if I would’ve had the courage by myself to do something about it, although I don’t know how long I could’ve survived that life for.” </p><p>Rowan pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Well then we’re both lucky we met each other, right?”</p><p>“Right,” she smiled at him, “and I wouldn’t change anything for the world.” </p><p>A flutter went through her stomach, a slight sharp pain, and she winced, brows furrowing. Her heart almost stopped, her brain turning toward the worst possibilities, the worst case scenario, but she quickly realized what it was as another dart of discomfort hit near her ribs. Rowan furrowed his brows too, immediately noting her expression with concern. </p><p>But then she beamed, a brighter smile than she’d given in a long time. She moved his hand to rest on her bump, holding it against the spot that had just been hit. It happened again, and then he smiled too, a sound of joy escaping him. </p><p>“Is that -” he asked, and she nodded, tears of happiness forming.</p><p>“That’s our baby,” she managed to say through her blinding smile, and he laughed incredulously, keeping that hand there while the other cupped her cheek. He leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together, and a tear slipped out.</p><p>“I love you,” he murmured, tears of his own in his eyes. “I love you so much.” </p><p>“I love you too,” she couldn’t fight the bubbling in her heart.</p><p>The music was still playing, the dance waiting for them, but they just stood there, reveling in the joy that was forming, and their family that was finally growing.</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------</p><p>
  <b>August, 1889</b>
</p><p><em> Pain. </em>That’s all she could focus on. Pain, and the searing grip she had on Rowan’s hand, so tight she was sure she was breaking a few fingers.</p><p>Aelin panted, trying to breath through the intense pressure, white creeping into her vision as Rowan murmured “almost there, you’re almost done, you’re doing so well”. </p><p>She tried to shoot him a smile but a contraction hit her and she gritted her teeth to hold back a yell, listening as the healer told her to <em> push </em>. She squeezed Rowan’s hand even harder as she put all her energy into pushing, breathing heavily as her body threatened to burst. A tear pricked her gaze as she squeezed her eyes shut, squeezing the rest of her body too, until a bit of a reprieve came, and she panted to get in as much air as she could.</p><p>“Just one more push, Aelin,” Marion said, from where she stood by the healer, helping her out the best she could. Aelin nodded quickly, leaning her head into Rowan’s hand as he pushed her sweaty hair back from her face, bracing herself as another wave came, and this time she couldn’t hold back her scream as she pushed with everything she had in her. </p><p>She felt like she was close to passing out, the pain almost taking her, but then… relief. And a baby’s cry. <em> Her </em>baby’s cry. </p><p>She opened her eyes, slowly cracking them open and looking to her side. Rowan’s hand was on her face, a soft smile full of disbelief as he looked away from her. Her nightgown was plastered to her skin with sweat, and she was emotionally and physically drained, but she gathered enough energy to look to the front, where the healer was turned away, Marion over by the chair, grabbing the kingsflame baby blanket. </p><p>“Where’s…” she trailed off, furrowing her brows. </p><p>“He’s being cleaned up right now,” Evalin’s soft voice came from her other side, and Aelin turned her head, unaware that she was even in there.</p><p>“He?” Aelin asked, a little dazed. Her mother smiled at her, nodding and tilting her head to where the healer was turning back around, a baby now wrapped in the blanket in her arms. </p><p>“He’s beautiful,” she said as she passed the child into Aelin’s arms, backing away to give her a moment. Evalin placed a kiss on her forehead before heading toward the door, Marion giving her a smile before following, the healer leaving after, leaving her and Rowan alone.</p><p>Aelin smiled down at the little baby in her arms, laughing softly as he waved his little arms around, his little face squinting. Rowan huffed a sound of surprise, leaning toward her and placing a kiss on her temple before tapping their baby lightly on the nose.</p><p>“You did it, Aelin,” he breathed, “We have a baby. A baby boy.” He smiled brightly, and Aelin gestured for him to climb up next to her, not taking her gaze away from their son. Rowan sat up next to her, and she leaned against him, letting out a breath. Their son’s eyes flicked open, squinting, and both her and Rowan made little coos as they saw that his eyes were the same as Aelin’s. They were still hazy, but the flicker of gold was unmistakable, just like the little sprinkling of silver hair was unmistakable. </p><p>He was the perfect mix of the two of them, and she felt a tear of happiness slip down her flushed face. </p><p>“He really is beautiful,” Rowan said quietly through his soft smile, and Aelin made a small noise of agreement. He was <em> perfect. </em>And he felt perfect in her arms. </p><p>“Eden Whitethorn,” she whispered, and her husband, the love of her life, and the father of her child pressed another kiss to her cheek. <em> Eden </em>, the name they’d decided on weeks ago, during a quiet moment in bed. He stretched, moving his tiny little body, and Aelin held him tighter to her, love radiating from both her and Rowan as he made a small little noise, almost like a tiny yawn. </p><p>“You’re so amazing,” Rowan whispered to her, “so unbelievably amazing,” he pressed another kiss to her face, “I love you both so much.” </p><p>“I love you too,” she murmured back, too enraptured by Eden’s beautiful eyes, smiling as he focused them on her, like he recognized that she was his mother. “Hi,” she said lightly to him, “I’m your mother, and this is your father.” She rested her head on Rowan’s shoulder. “We both love you so much already, and we’re so happy to have the honor to be your parents. So so happy.” Her voice trailed off, her throat tight from unshed tears.</p><p>Rowan moved his arm, holding her around the shoulders as they basked in the moment. Eden gurgled and they both chuckled quietly.</p><p>It had taken her years, taken <em> them </em>years, to work from a secret relationship, lighthearted but still forced into the shadows, to two broken hearts, forced apart by circumstance and a dark figure only motivated by selfishness, to now, married and in love, growing their family. She’d been forced to work through struggles and grief that most people never had to experience, but if anything, it just made this peace all the more worth it. And she was ready for the rest of her life.</p>
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